Jump to content

good upbringing of my child


Guest guest
 Share

Recommended Posts

WJKKWJKF,

Sadh sangat ji I need a genuine advice on my personal matter.I have been blessed with a baby boy two months back.My husband has been raised by his mother alone as his parents got seperated during his childhood.Since the first day of my marriage I have observed that my husband due to his parents seperation is not a balanced person.I mean he always favors his mother due to which I have suffered a lot.He never shares any important thing of his life with me,it s always his mum who he confides in which upsets me because I have never seen so much secrets between spouses..anyways I tried to change my husband but I couldnt and now I dont even want to .But now my concern is my child..my husband wants to please his mum by letting my baby stay with her most of the time.Initially he wanted to send my son alongwith his grandmother to India for early years for which I revolted but now he wants his mother to spend more time with my son.he wants me to join my job soon and leave my baby to his mother..I am not very strong person so I cannot revolt and argue everyday.Doing path from Gurbaani is my solution to all the problems.I just want Maharaj ji's kirpa on my son ,I want Maharaj ji to be with my son all the time ,to nurture his mind with good thoughts.

Can anyone tell me any shabads or paths from Gurbani which I should do when my baby is with me so that I dont have to worry for anything in the time when he is not with me.I love my child a lot and I want him to be raised as a gentleman.I dont want him to learn anything which is not rational like his father has learned.and above all I want him to love me also,I have been gripped with this sense of insecurity that he will not love me as he will stay with his grandmother for most of the time because his father never loved me in all these years of marriage due to his mother's influence..My husband's only motive remains his mother's importance in the house.I understand the reason behind this but these things have always effected me and my relation with my husband.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, silverSingh said:

 

She needs to stop buying into the adversarial "Saas vs Nau" culture that's a staple of Punjabi life. As someone on the path of Gursikhi, surely she should be above such nonsense? God forbid a guy is close to his mother after having being deserted by his father when he was a child.

There is a case to be made of guys who are manipulated and controlled by an overbearing female presence (there are some truly horrific accounts of couples ripped apart by such women), but in this case the wife seems to be threatened by the mere fact that the husband isn't immediately bowing and scraping at her feet.

No wonder so many Singhs are turning their back on grishti, when this is the level of maturity out there when it comes to potential partners. If the mother is making life difficult for them both, then she needs a stern talking to. But if there's none of that, and the wife simply resents the closeness between mother and son, then that's just twisted.

I also find it quite ironic how she expressed her devotion for her baby, but resents that same level of intimacy between her husband and his mother. Very amusing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Guest guest said:

WJKKWJKF,

Sadh sangat ji I need a genuine advice on my personal matter.I have been blessed with a baby boy two months back.My husband has been raised by his mother alone as his parents got seperated during his childhood.Since the first day of my marriage I have observed that my husband due to his parents seperation is not a balanced person.I mean he always favors his mother due to which I have suffered a lot.He never shares any important thing of his life with me,it s always his mum who he confides in which upsets me because I have never seen so much secrets between spouses..anyways I tried to change my husband but I couldnt and now I dont even want to .But now my concern is my child..my husband wants to please his mum by letting my baby stay with her most of the time.Initially he wanted to send my son alongwith his grandmother to India for early years for which I revolted but now he wants his mother to spend more time with my son.he wants me to join my job soon and leave my baby to his mother..I am not very strong person so I cannot revolt and argue everyday.Doing path from Gurbaani is my solution to all the problems.I just want Maharaj ji's kirpa on my son ,I want Maharaj ji to be with my son all the time ,to nurture his mind with good thoughts.

Can anyone tell me any shabads or paths from Gurbani which I should do when my baby is with me so that I dont have to worry for anything in the time when he is not with me.I love my child a lot and I want him to be raised as a gentleman.I dont want him to learn anything which is not rational like his father has learned.and above all I want him to love me also,I have been gripped with this sense of insecurity that he will not love me as he will stay with his grandmother for most of the time because his father never loved me in all these years of marriage due to his mother's influence..My husband's only motive remains his mother's importance in the house.I understand the reason behind this but these things have always effected me and my relation with my husband.

have you ever stepped into her shoes once ? imagine bringing up your only son by yourself , then seen him safely through the teen years to adulthood when he marries and has a family of his own . I'm guessing you are not living with her due to the horror you express (WHY? ) so she gets to see her son sometimes and now she has a grandchild the reward of the years of faith and work, a person to invest her love without the real heavylifting of her youth.  Would you be happy if someone told you that you are not fit to look after your grandchild ? that you should not have a close relationship with your only child anymore ? granted Your Husband was being unrealistic about sending his child to India but it didn't happen did it? HE LISTENED TO YOUR CONCERN.

Waheguru ji sent your child in this world for a reason and it was NOT to be a tool for emotional tug of war /blackmail , your SEWA is to show him the world through the eyes of gurbani and through good ations and thoughts which he will pick up from you . Do you think he will not understand the hate/dislike you show towards your suss and that in turn wont colour his mind? If you want a good relationship with your child DO NOT interfere with any blossoming relationship with his family members because in the end you will be paid in your own coin.  Your insecurity speaks volumes , you are just envious of the possibility of another being loved as much as you . But Bhenji when you loved your own Dadi ji and Nani ji was it exactly the same as your Mum or different ? Think about how irrational your fears are, you are his mother and therefore the one who should be able to see that the Child is not yours but Akal Purakh's , he has blessed you with the sewa of bringing up and protecting this child's sikhi. He already has Guru ji's protection and companionship as long as you teach him to do naam jap and be a good human . We are not superstitious that any one shabad is a magic spell to create a 'gentleman'  it is the collective accumulation of naam and rehit that does that.

When you got married the sikhiya may not have been given so as an older sister I will tell you , your suss is the same for you as your birth mother and the family members in your new home the same status as those in your birth home . Whereever Guru ji sends you in life you are to take naam da aasara always, and speak and act as a daughter of Guru Pita ji : where there is ashanti, irka, krodh, te kalesh  you will spread Gurbani di roshni and tandak, in your darkest moments remember Guru ji's charan and do your ardas for help Guru ji is always angsang.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, Guest guest said:

WJKKWJKF,

Sadh sangat ji I need a genuine advice on my personal matter.I have been blessed with a baby boy two months back.My husband has been raised by his mother alone as his parents got seperated during his childhood.Since the first day of my marriage I have observed that my husband due to his parents seperation is not a balanced person.I mean he always favors his mother due to which I have suffered a lot.He never shares any important thing of his life with me,it s always his mum who he confides in which upsets me because I have never seen so much secrets between spouses..anyways I tried to change my husband but I couldnt and now I dont even want to .But now my concern is my child..my husband wants to please his mum by letting my baby stay with her most of the time.Initially he wanted to send my son alongwith his grandmother to India for early years for which I revolted but now he wants his mother to spend more time with my son.he wants me to join my job soon and leave my baby to his mother..I am not very strong person so I cannot revolt and argue everyday.Doing path from Gurbaani is my solution to all the problems.I just want Maharaj ji's kirpa on my son ,I want Maharaj ji to be with my son all the time ,to nurture his mind with good thoughts.

Can anyone tell me any shabads or paths from Gurbani which I should do when my baby is with me so that I dont have to worry for anything in the time when he is not with me.I love my child a lot and I want him to be raised as a gentleman.I dont want him to learn anything which is not rational like his father has learned.and above all I want him to love me also,I have been gripped with this sense of insecurity that he will not love me as he will stay with his grandmother for most of the time because his father never loved me in all these years of marriage due to his mother's influence..My husband's only motive remains his mother's importance in the house.I understand the reason behind this but these things have always effected me and my relation with my husband.

I hear the other side of the coin frequently. Young mothers who have been estranged from their own mothers and now lament the fact that they have to pay big bucks to get their child a baby sitter so they can go back to work. 

If the mother in law is not abusive, you should see it as cheap/free baby sitting. And your child having a strong bond with his grandma doesn't mean that he can't have a strong bond with you too. Be careful you don't let petty jealousy ruin your family situation. You talk about the kid's father (who is your husband btw!) being irrational and then go on in the next sentence to talk about your own irrational insecurities. 

I've noticed a lot of apneean start playing this strange game of: "Who does he love more, me or his momma?" when they get married. That's silly. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, silverSingh said:

It is all to do with mega brainwashing one receives when young MS G! We have to be thankful for having parents on both sides!  It is because of them that we are here!  She should feel the same affection for his mother as she does for hers. I still can't believe you are only 74 MS G! Are you really?

74 going on 34, lol!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It s not jealous or weong feelings before being judgemental one should try to atleast think of all possibilities.I have respect for my family members that is why I have become mother of my husband's child and my mother in laws grandchild but sometimes there are so many things going around that u become insecure..I wish to have an answer from someone who has experienced motherhood..how your mind is gripped with fears and insecurities once you have to leave your bundle of joy nd get back to work.anyways those who used harsh words should atleast think about it that I just asked for Gurbaani's help to get me out of insecurities so that I can give a positive environment to my child..i have been true to what I am feeling and the elders on this forum should make others understand things with love..one who is already undergoing tough time doesnt need such harsh words..I might be wrong and even if I am wrong I need someone to listen woth love and show me right path with love...Had this love and affection already at my home I wouldnt have to come to this forum...so people out there pl dont be judgemental about someone..those who come to this forum for seeking personal advice have probably tried every other solution to their problems...I am a very peace loving person and to avoid arguments and disputes I have never got courage to discuss my feelings wth my husband .but ai never knew that I am trying to avoid I will face here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

She needs to stop buying into the adversarial "Saas vs Nau" culture that's a staple of Punjabi life. As someone on the path of Gursikhi, surely she should be above such nonsense? God forbid a guy is close to his mother after having being deserted by his father when he was a child.

There is a case to be made of guys who are manipulated and controlled by an overbearing female presence (there are some truly horrific accounts of couples ripped apart by such women), but in this case the wife seems to be threatened by the mere fact that the husband isn't immediately bowing and scraping at her feet.

No wonder so many Singhs are turning their back on grishti, when this is the level of maturity out there when it comes to potential partners. If the mother is making life difficult for them both, then she needs a stern talking to. But if there's none of that, and the wife simply resents the closeness between mother and son, then that's just twisted.

I also find it quite ironic how she expressed her devotion for her baby, but resents that same level of intimacy between her husband and his mother. Very amusing.

Sir my son is not married to anyone ...who can take care of him...if you are not ready to let your son share his life with someone you should not marry your son then...it s all bcz of the things that I have been deprived of that sich feelings of insecurities came to my mind..and If his mother has the right to look after my son why my parents not have that right..is all the wisdom granted to boy's parents only?i just narrated a part of the story..the crux of my dillema was to ask for some path to become stronger mentally..but you people have assumed so many wrong things for me..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Sir my son is not married to anyone ...who can take care of him...if you are not ready to let your son share his life with someone you should not marry your son then...it s all bcz of the things that I have been deprived of that sich feelings of insecurities came to my mind..and If his mother has the right to look after my son why my parents not have that right..is all the wisdom granted to boy's parents only?i just narrated a part of the story..the crux of my dillema was to ask for some path to become stronger mentally..but you people have assumed so many wrong things for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talk to your husband and discuss these issues with him. It seems you have an irrational dislike for your husband's mother, and wish to sideline her in favour of your own parents. I'm guessing you would like to isolate her from her son rendering her powerless and your husband floundering making him easier to control (moreso considering she doesn't have a husband to physically and emotionally support her) whilst simultaneously "promoting" your parents to the role of primary grandparents, which you seem to think will provide you with an upper hand and greater leverage in family power plays. I think you'd like to enact your own sphere of control and dominance, and your husband's mother is the last obstacle inbetween such a policy coming to fruition. It is unfortunate your mind works in such ways; expending mental energy in worthless and imaginary battles that serve no purpose aside from creating discord and hurt feelings but I cannot say I'm surprised. It hasn't occured to you to show affection and emotional solidarity to your husband in order to convince him that he has a wife with whom he can share his burdens (yes, children are beget between people who can barely tolerate each other). Instead you've passively aggressively shown him that you resent the one person that's been a constant in his life since his childhood. Yet you wonder why this problem exists in the first place. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • There is nothing wrong with starched pagg. The Guru is omniscient (all-knowing). You think he doesn't know our intentions? If somebody wears a starched pagg but still respects it as a crown then whats wrong with that? People think that starch automatically makes people lose their respect for their pagg but thats just false.  And dont make this a caste thing I’m Rajput Jatt sikh (not an ounce of Tarkhan or anything else) and we all starch our INDIAN style punjabi paggs (patiala shahi), but respect them as our crowns and our literal lives. A respected starch pagg is better by far than a freshly tied one which people just disrespect. And people forget that these are not ready made or pre-tied turbans. You still tie them initially but just of course not as frequently. What’s wrong with that?  When your relationship is that strong with the Guru then you know what he means. Speak to him directly, explain why and ask him if it’s okay. Btw I know people who dont starch their turbans (all punjabi/morni style btw) and they just wear it again the next day without tying it if they have toed it really nicely the day before. 😂 You cant really even tell who had tied it and who just wore it again without starch. At least we’re open about it. Bhul chuk maaf    
    • Its called a “fifty” becuase when Singhs were fighting in the British army, they would recieve an 8 metre pagg, with a cour four base, because the base layer was half (50%) of the main turban, it’s called a fifty. The practise of tying a keski under your main one is now seen as pretty weird (except for a patka), but the small coloured strip inder the pagg is still used as a fashion statement since its pretty visually appealing. And so, people now just tie a small little “kung-fu strip” sort of thing under their pagg to imitate that effect.
    • Found how to do it. For anybody else wondering, heres how. No one even helped me btw. So much for Guru Ji’s lhalsa always ready to help (and having their Singhs’ backs smh). (Notes: Aim to do this on a hot summer’s day, and dedicate a full day to this, since you only have to do this once every 4 months at least (normally the turban will stay in shape until you wish to untie it and physically pull it open again). This helps it to dry faster, since you have to starch it, HALF DRY IT, pooni it, tie it and then wear it for around four hours for the rest of it to dry, all in the same day. It’s a one day process but it serves you for months). This works for both the UK/Kenyan style (starch is best for this style) as well as the normal Punjabi paghs (such as Patiala shahi, wattan wali and morni paghs). Not sure about dumallas though. Probably not . Pagg Starch: 1) Boil 6 cups of water in a saucepan on low heat (always low heat) 2) Seperately dissolve 4 tablespoons of maida (all purpose flower) with a little water until it is 100% smooth.  You could also use rice or corn starch. Add more water if it is not a smooth liquid 3) Once completely smooth, pour this mixture through a strainer (to make it even smoother) into the boiling water. 4) Now continuously stir it until it goes completely see through. Keep on stirring it on the low heat until it goes totally transparent (it can take a little while to cook, but the pagg will last you for months!) It will at become a thick paste first, but keep stirring until it becomes see through and thinner.    5) Once it’s transparent, pour the starch (again through a strainer) into a big enough, clean bucket to cool down. 6) Once cool, take a clean, dry turban and completely and mix it in with the starch for around 5 minutes. Make sure that it is all evenly and completely soaked and wet with the starch. (Most people use mal-mal material, but I use full voile and I have used Rubia too. They’re all fine. Maybe use Rubin for smaller turbans and mal mal for larger ones) 7) Leave it out in the sun to HALF DRY ONLY!!!!!!! (Don’t ever let your starched turban fully dry before you tie it. If you do, then you will have to spray/ sprinkle water on it which will weaken the starch and ruin the turban) ONLY HALF DRY THE TURBAN IN THE SUN!!! 😎 Once HALF DRY ONLY take the now semi damp turban, and fold/pooni and then tie it like normal (straight on your head, with no base layer such as a Keski or patka underneath). Leave it on your head for around 4 hours just to fully dry and it will be ready and set for months now. Like I said, do try to tie your dastar every day, but if you can’t or really don’t want to, I hope this helps! Like I said this works on both the traditional Punjabi/Indian style paggs, and the more recent UK/Kenyan style paggs. It does for my morni pagg, but the first larr slips up in to the pagg. This is normal dw. Wjkk, Wjkf
    • I guess easier ways of learning have taken precedence. There are so many Youtube channels and podcasts available that people are more ready to listen for knowledge at their own leisure. There are so many great kathas available online that take months to listen, so that people may not really get the time to come here and write.
    • *Bump The current conflict (w/ Iran getting involved) is being orchestrated by a 3rd party in my opinion. We all are going to blame the Jewish community (how they run the banks, how they are brutal and etc.) but they have a point in this conflict.  As soon as people start finding about the truth that's when the real movement will begin. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use