I am not a Sikh, because i refuse to stay with my “husband” ?

[Guest KaurWaheguru]

14 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

sikhi does not have a concept of divorce that's true ...logically how do you take back a promise to the Almighty?

However sikhi also recognises that a life to be shared together needs two people working together in mutual support . There is no space for abandonment of sikhi there , so the only way is try to bring the errant one back to their senses through patience, love and understanding if that doesn't work then you have to make a JOINT decision how to handle things .

Instead of talking about your cousin how about you stick to your story ... what did you do that you would break another innocent  person's heart and mind over ?  If  as I suspect you had an affair with someone , it's over and you need to make it over in your heart and mind , do not abuse the trust of your husband and his family . Show your loyalty and ability to keep your word. The grass is not always greener , and mistakes remain mistakes do not try to change the past , as Guru ji tells us jo bitta so bitta  and to never do ANYTHING for which you have to show regret after .

You called the past event a mistake ...surely that tells you that it is not a good thing to go and revisit ... get your courage to face up to what you did and own your mistakes that's the only way to get free - not divorce

and what if it was an affair while the marriage happened? and also after marriage? i will go to hell for sure for that. i am really ashamed. i cant live with a lie with him and i also cant tell him. it will destroy everything. so only divorce. or am i wrong? 

[puzzled]

Why no divorce allowed in sikhi ?  what if your partner cheats on you or treats you like crap. What if they convert to another religion?

[RajKaregaKhalsa1]

1 hour ago, puzzled said:

Why no divorce allowed in sikhi ?  what if your partner cheats on you or treats you like crap. What if they convert to another religion?

I'm pretty sure we are allowed to divorce if need be. Why is it that Guru Nanak allowed re marriage and got rid of sati

I think it is fine it is not working out

[GuestKaur2]

19 hours ago, Guest KaurWaheguru said:

Will that make it any better? It will only destroy the family. I am suffering a lot every day. I have panic attacks, where i am not able to breath and someone has to calm me down. 

What should I do? 

At least you don't have to live with a lie with him. You want your relationship to be based on honesty. If you were having a previous affair then just think that now your husband is the most important person in your life and he means everything to you. 

[jkvlondon]

17 hours ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

I'm pretty sure we are allowed to divorce if need be. Why is it that Guru Nanak allowed re marriage and got rid of sati

I think it is fine it is not working out

it was WIDOW remarriage and SATI was a convenient way to get rid of WIDOWS as they would be considered a financial burden to the inlaws family this is Hindu cultural thinking , that if a man dies it's the wife's bad karma that caused it (forget about logic that everyone dies sooner or later) . Even today there is a practice of ostracising and even abandoning widows , there are two huge widow colonies near Benares basically filled with such badly treated females .

Guru Sahiban wanted to stop this mistreatment from the get go : they stopped the murder of newborn girls, ostracised those who would harm a female, warned all sikhs to treat their women respectfully never cursing/beating/threatening , promoted spiritual egalitarianism for females, even had given major territories over to their care for parchaar and organisation of sangat, in aged situation Sons were expected to look after their mothers (not that custom of sending mother away if widowed) .

Honestly this bibi has either duped an innocent guy into marriage to cover her bad behaviour so wasn't honest with neither her own parents and the bridegroom and his family. This is not sikh behaviour and she should feel ashamed for it , but that does not mean she cannot stop the affair and make amends as she should .

Marriage is not a game in Sikhi , it is entered into soul and mind ... divorce is the last route after all others have been exhausted , so far Bibi ji hasn't even scratched the surface of any other way

 

[jkvlondon]

18 hours ago, puzzled said:

Why no divorce allowed in sikhi ?  what if your partner cheats on you or treats you like crap. What if they convert to another religion?

not that it isn't allowed  ... just that it is not the sikh way ...slow to marry , looking at the qualities of the family and other person , entering with a clean heart and open mind  eliminates a lot of the reasons why people do get divorces (incompatibility, religion, aspirations) . But these days every faith has increased incidents of this blight because people get into marriage thinking 'oh well, if it doesn't work out I can just get a divorce'  This is the worst way to approach life

Of course , back in the day bibian would try to keep the family going despite bad behaviour of the guy , nowadays they don't even have the patience to stay if they are expected to do household chores.  Yes if the inlaws cheated the girl by hiding the fact their son was a druggie/alckie having an affair with someone else a girl should be able to extricate herself , and sadly now even guys are being screwed over by their brides for permanent residence visas , education fees etc  and they need to get themselves out of those situations .

In those situations if the other person has opted out , it would be reasonable to get a divorce ...

[Guest You're decisions]

On 2 October 2018 at 11:23 PM, Guest KaurWaheguru said:

I got married a while ago. Since that i have been struggling a lot. 

Is it really true that if you divorce, you are not a sikh? 

I have to say i made a big mistake before the marriage. I cant lie and stay with him. I have a deep depression, cry always, sometimes i struggle to breath, many times I had to go to the hospital. 

If I had to stay with him, i would be really sad and not happy. And I wouldnt be able to give him what he needs. 

 

What do you think?

What does Guru say? 

 

 

You made a commitment in marriage when you shouldn't have. 

 

The he rest is up to you, you are free to do what you choose. Is it right to keep him trapped in a loveless marriage? Does he love you? Do you love him?

If not then why are you married, it's simply an arrangement you have made. 

A prostitute makes an arrangement to sleep with someone in exchange for money. Is this marriage a simple transaction? 

If you are both in love and truly committed to each other, then fine. If not, then how is this a union and how can it be called a marriage?

[Sukhvirk1976]

On 10/5/2018 at 3:11 PM, jkvlondon said:

...logically how do you take back a promise to the Almighty?

What promise?