Waheguru ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru ji ki Fateh ,
firstly what you are doing is throwing out sikh culture and gurmat for some supposed 'modern' and WISER ???? way , in some mistaken impression you know what Guru ji meant better than he did.
If you are happy and grateful for being a sikh on the long line of sacrificing sikhs upon whose bodies you stand then it should not be US the descendents, telling the GURU that 'we know better than you' and altering his given ways to bless you both as a Couple.
If you look at the history of the Lavaan it has ZERO to do with Vedic resams as we are dedicating ourselves to Guru ji and making Guru ji our support and centre of our lives (that is why we travel around giving respect, equidistant to the Guru , neither partner becoming a blockage to personal relationship to Guru ji) .
If your guy is walking ahead of you it is showing that he will protect and shield you from the unknown harms that could come your way in life as Guru ji has told him to do, so actually it is giving him space to show how much he cares and honours you in sharing your life with him . It is not saying you are lesser in any way so please stop listening to frankly uneducated 'modern' sikhs , as Kaurs are supposed to be supportive and ready step into the breach if life takes out the Singh and protect the future of the panth.
The First Anand Karaj was when Guru Amar Das ji Married his own Daughter Bibi Bhani ji to Guru Ram Das ji , did he insist that his daughter walk in front or side by side to Guru Ram Das Ji ? No , he could have done knowing just how blessed and holy she was , daughter to a Guru, Wife of a Guru, Mother of a Guru and GRandmother of the Next Guru also . Was she treated as lesser by anyone ? No , so please leave western ideas of 'equality' and understand Sikh ideas of equality they are much deeper and more expressive then simple minded kneejerk swaps as in western thinking. Yes you are right societal thinking has got you in a tizz but it is not Sikhi but your interpretations of it via the messed up western model which fails to see beauty in the chivalry of promising to protect but sees it as a belittling of the female (how messed up is that? so daughters shouldn't look up to their dads and brothers if they look after them but should be angry) .
Guru ji commanded that his sikhs should never ask for daaj or harass the girl's family with demands if they did they are not his sikhs. The bharat was only supposed to be as big as the female's family could host without stressing them . A Sikh was never allowed to cuss out or strike women did this mean Guru ji thought of women as weak flower or was it he wanted society to change their attitude and show just as much love and respect to the girl's family as the boy's family got ? This is the equality he wanted that daughters were married into homes with these attitudes intact not the transactional attitudes that existed in societies dominated by the other faiths. Unfortunately, in your speech I have seen that crass transactional attitude with regards to the raagis , if you are serious about sikhi and doing your life the sikh way , cultivate humbleness because you are begging Guru ji to bless your future together and his Granthi and sewaks will follow Him not you . If you don't want to pay for a particular jathebandi then just get the gurdwara sewak team to do it and donate the difference to the homeless or poor.
Raagi jathe following Akal Takht maryada and Guru ji's hukham so do not expect them to answer yes to your folks strange ideas because those ideas are insulting the maryada of Anand Karaj and Guru ji Themself. They know the sikh follows the Guru not the other way around .