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Self Control


HardKaur
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My problem is SELF CONTROL.

Lately, for some unknown reason... I have been lacking my self control and my perseverance that I once strongly had in my character. I was someone who had her head in the books, concentrated on the goal and achieved it. Lately, I have been doing stupidness totally out of character. I feel really ashamed. The only thing i can think of is turning 19, being in university away from home, stress from university, and changing friends has caused my character to go out of balance. I am still that middle person who friends always go to for help, and almost everyone around me comes to me when the issue rises. I have been known to be a little too friendly and willing to help and sometimes called naive.

However, I feel that sometimes i do stuff for the fact of trying to fit in, but really what I am trying to do is so confusing. I am into Sikhi, but I’m not a gursikh. I love reading sikhi, doing paat, understanding sikhi, I am a leader in two youth groups in two different communities. Yet i still fall under the trap of falling under the 5 vices. I do a lot of bad things that i know at the time i shouldn't do and act on impulse. I love dancing.... and i used to be so against going to clubs, i would dance in a group. But now i find myself not dancing in a group as i did back home and instead going to these clubs. I started drinking this year... which honestly i never thought i would ever do. I grinded with someone while i was drunk which i honestly never thought i would EVER EVER do (it was one person, and never again… I hope).

NOW, I’m sitting here thinking what is wrong with me....My grades have been falling, i hardly study (even though I’m still the biggest nerd at heart), i hardly work out (although i make myself sometimes), i still do paat (but not as often as i would like b/c of work). I want to go back to my old self. The girl who had goals, good intentions and doesn't act on impulse. I want to make that change, and at the very least stay that way and go towards sikhi. It seems every time i put my foot down. Somehow by peer pressure, by past experiences that are like quick relievers, or even just for being “cool”, i would do stupidness.

I know certain people who know me on this site and know i have changed. I know it’s hurting them that i have, but it hurts me even more that i have lost my own faith. The fact that my friends who I thought were my friends are talking about me behind my back and can’t even say to my face what I am doing is WRONG, hurts me too. Can someone help me in controlling these issues. I made a promise to myself, but i always tend to do something stupid, and break that promise. I haven’t given up and I am NOT depressed… I am someone who you will never see be mad, angry or upset. I am very to my self, overly friendly, always willing to help and I have a serious laughing problem. But I just want to use more self-control. I know this isn’t really a sikhi related issue, but I know I’m not the only one out there.

--------thanks--------

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I think you know that there is a problem and you want a change. If you didn't you wouldn't have posted anything.

You said, "My problem is SELF CONTROL. ". I think I have a different analysis of your problem. I think your problem is sangat. Sangat doesn't mean those people sitting in the Gurdwara listening to kirtan. It means the people you're spending your time with. The people you eat with, talk with, have fun with are your sangat. Who are those people? Do you think they are people you want to be like? Our sangat forms who we are. If you do sangat and spend time with spiritual Gursikhs guaranteed you'll feel some effect. When you hang out with morally and spiritually bankrupt people, your good qualities are going to go as well.

Who are you? Are you what you have become? If you had a daughter, would you want her to do the things you are doing right now? Would you want her to have your friends?

You aren't a drinker. You aren't a morally corrupt person. You aren't a grinder. So how did this happen?

It's your sangat I think.

The question is what are you going to do now? When these changes start to happen, our old self screams out for help. Then the voice starts to get more and more faint. Your qualities are draining away. You're at the stage now where you are going to choose who you want to be. Do you want to keep going on the path you're on?

Do this. Humor me and make a chart. Make a column for who you were, who you're becoming and who you would like to be. What are the benefits and negatives of each column?

I can't see any benefits for who you are becoming: disappoint self, disappoing parents, disappoint Guru. Who are you impressing: some first year teenagers at university. Your school is falling, Sikhi is falling, self-respect is falling. What are you gaining?

You are a role model for those little kids that look up to you. Be an example for them. What are they going to learn if their teacher is doing this?

Be someone that is centred and dignified. Be a spiritual person.

So to close a long rambling post (btw. if you're wondering I don't know you), you have a choice in front of you. Make the choice that you will be proud of yourself of making. Vow never to drink again. Stop with the clubs. If you want to be a Sikh, take a step towards Guru Sahib. He'll take a million towards you.

You know what's right, what will really make you happy. Now have the courage to do it.

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wow .. advice1 .. veerji/bhenji .. speechless.. that was one great advice you gave .. i couldnt have said it better !

And bhenji .. the main thing is SANGAT .. the people who we hang around wit .. bhenji most of us have been wher eyou r .. i have been there .. done that .. but its what we take away from that and if we actually stay smart and learn from our mistakes !

..ji find the right sangat.. which area you from ji .. PM me .. maybe i can help ..

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I think you know that there is a problem and you want a change.  If you didn't you wouldn't have posted anything.

You said, "My problem is SELF CONTROL. ".  I think I have a different analysis of your problem.  I think your problem is sangat.  Sangat doesn't mean those people sitting in the Gurdwara listening to kirtan.  It means the people you're spending your time with.  The people you eat with, talk with, have fun with are your sangat.  Who are those people?  Do you think they are people you want to be like?  Our sangat forms who we are.  If you do sangat and spend time with spiritual Gursikhs guaranteed you'll feel some effect.  When you hang out with morally and spiritually bankrupt people, your good qualities are going to go as well.

Who are you?  Are you what you have become?  If you had a daughter, would you want her to do the things you are doing right now?  Would you want her to have your friends?

You aren't a drinker.  You aren't a morally corrupt person.  You aren't a grinder.  So how did this happen? 

It's your sangat I think.

The question is what are you going to do now?  When these changes start to happen, our old self screams out for help.  Then the voice starts to get more and more faint.  Your qualities are draining away.  You're at the stage now where you are going to choose who you want to be.  Do you want to keep going on the path you're on? 

Do this.  Humor me and make a chart.  Make a column for who you were, who you're becoming and who you would like to be.  What are the benefits and negatives of each column? 

I can't see any benefits for who you are becoming: disappoint self, disappoing parents, disappoint Guru.  Who are you impressing:  some first year teenagers at university.  Your school is falling, Sikhi is falling, self-respect is falling.  What are you gaining?

You are a role model for those little kids that look up to you.  Be an example for them.  What are they going to learn if their teacher is doing this? 

Be someone that is centred and dignified.  Be a spiritual person.

So to close a long rambling post (btw. if you're wondering I don't know you), you have a choice in front of you.  Make the choice that you will be proud of yourself of making.  Vow never to drink again.  Stop with the clubs.  If you want to be a Sikh, take a step towards Guru Sahib.  He'll take a million towards you.

You know what's right, what will really make you happy.  Now have the courage to do it.

136567[/snapback]

my cheeks hurt...i feel i have been slapped

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pray.gif nice reply advice1 !!

wow .. advice1 .. veerji/bhenji .. speechless.. that was one great advice you gave .. i couldnt have said it better !

And bhenji .. the main thing is SANGAT .. the people who we hang around wit .. bhenji most of us have been wher eyou r .. i have been there .. done that .. but its what we take away from that and if we actually stay smart and learn from our mistakes !

..ji find the right sangat.. which area you from ji .. PM me .. maybe i can help ..

u r right jas... sangat does matter a lot... i m alone in nfld... i dont wanna go back to nfld cry_smile.gif

i felt so happy to be in ure company..like a lost traveller has found his destination...!! d_oh.gif

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in terms of organisation start working out again. you may not feel like doing so but push yourself. as in my experience it will have a positive effect on your everyday activities and definately stop the drinking before it becomes a regular thing because it won't help your spirituality one bit..

peace

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You are meant to be a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh Ji. You wear a Kara on your arm which is a handcuff from you doing any wrong. This may sound harsh but do not act like a Kanjari by using alcohol, defiling the body Guru Ji has given you by dancing in clubs, etc. Be proud and have some self respect.

Guru Sahib is with us all the time he sees our innermost thoughts and we can't hide from him. What do you think Guru Sahib thought when he saw his priceless daughter drinking alcohol and rubbing her body against boys, when he had sacrified the lives of all his four sons and mother against these types of Manmukh principles?

Guru Sahib has blessed you with a human life in which we have a chance to meet Vaheguru through Amrit, Naam Kamai, Seva and hard work. The point you are at now in your life is where you will decide whether you will try to follow the Gurmukh Path and do this, or you will follow the masses in a fruitless Manmukh lifestyle.

Do Ardas to Guru Sahib in his Hazoori for him to do his Kirpa and in the mean time stop associating with these types of people and become serious in your Sikhi. I am sure there is at least some Gursikh Sangat, or at least Gurdwara, Keertan programs that you could attend on at least a weekly or monthly basis.

Apologies if I have offended you.

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You are meant to be a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh Ji. You wear a Kara on your arm which is a handcuff from you doing any wrong. This may sound harsh but do not act like a Kanjari by using alcohol, defiling the body Guru Ji has given you by dancing in clubs, etc. Be proud and have some self respect.

Guru Sahib is with us all the time he sees our innermost thoughts and we can't hide from him. What do you think Guru Sahib thought when he saw his priceless daughter drinking alcohol and rubbing her body against boys, when he had sacrified the lives of all his four sons and mother against these types of Manmukh principles?

Guru Sahib has blessed you with a human life in which we have a chance to meet Vaheguru through Amrit, Naam Kamai, Seva and hard work. The point you are at now in your life is where you will decide whether you will try to follow the Gurmukh Path and do this, or you will follow the masses in a fruitless Manmukh lifestyle.

Do Ardas to Guru Sahib in his Hazoori for him to do his Kirpa and in the mean time stop associating with these types of people and become serious in your Sikhi. I am sure there is at least some Gursikh Sangat, or at least Gurdwara, Keertan programs that you could attend on at least a weekly or monthly basis.

Apologies if I have offended you.

136863[/snapback]

Penji keep strong....Guru ji is right there beside you, whenever your soul cries out cry out for Maharaj t ji to help you not....No one else, keep in gurmukh sangat, and try to lessen manmukh sangat.

I know its easier said than done, im at uni myself and it gets tough when your obviously having to do group work together meet up socialse with your friends, but no where to draw the line.

Be a Leader not a a Follower. Follow only Guru ji's teachings and try to get others on the same path by first linking yourself with the right sangat.

Im sure panji you will be alright....you seem like a singhnee with a strong mind...

vaheguru....Chardikala penjee..

deep kaur khalsa x

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