Grievance

[shergik]

Hi All

This is my first posting on Sikh Sangat, although i've visited a few times.

I'm going through a very difficult time and can't seem to come to terms with the loss of my older brother who was only 32. I'm 31 and as you can imagine we were very close, we did everything together. He was always there at the other end of the phone when i needed him, i spoke to him every day and now i feel lost. i do have a younger brother whose 21, but he's more like my son as my older brother and i raised him. My brother had a road traffic accident on 02.02.06 and suffered severe head injuries. He never regained consciouness and sadly we had to let him go on 14.02.06. When he had his accident the local community at our local temple did ardas 3 times a day every day and everyone kept saying waheguru will make him better, he'll listen to somebodies ardas, but why did waheguru make him better, why did he have to go. I work at the hospital he passed away in, took me a long time to come back to work and it is so hard to work here. My kids are always asking for their Mama. All i seem to do is cry, i can't seem to accept this at all and the questioni "Why" is always on my lips, Why did waheguru do this, why did it have to happen at all, why couldn't he just wake up once, why why why :-(

[buddasingh]

Shergik bro thanks for posting. So close in age, it sounds as if he was almost like a part of you. If you're up to it, please tell us more about your brother.

[Jaspaul Singh]

Veer,

Vaaheguroooooo ..

I do not know the pain you are suffering since i have no lost anyone that close to me as i am still very young at 22 and havnt seen much of the world, but we are all here for you brother.. please stay strong..

Whenever we are down, whenever we need answers, sangat always refers to guru ji. And guru ji ALWAYS have the answers we are looking for ..

This is a shabad that i always remind myself that when that time comes that someone close to be passes away i can refer to .. or when i pass away ..

mÚ 3 ]

mu 3

Third Mehl:

ikAw jwxw ikv mrhgy kYsw mrxw hoie ]

kiaa jaanaa kiv murehugae kaisaa murunaa hoe

What do I know? How will I die? What sort of death will it be?

jy kir swihbu mnhu n vIsrY qw sihlw mrxw hoie ]

jae kar saahib munuhu n veesurai thaa sehilaa murunaa hoe

If I do not forget the Lord Master from my mind, then my death will be easy.

mrxY qy jgqu frY jIivAw loVY sBu koie ]

murunai thae juguth ddurai jeeviaa lorrai subh koe

The world is terrified of death; everyone longs to live.

gur prswdI jIvqu mrY hukmY bUJY soie ]

gur purusaadhee jeevuth murai hukumai boojhai soe

By Guru's Grace, one who dies while yet alive, understands the Lord's Will.

nwnk AYsI mrnI jo mrY qw sd jIvxu hoie ]2]

naanuk aisee murunee jo murai thaa sudh jeevun hoe

O Nanak, one who dies such a death, lives forever. ||2||

vaaheguroooo ..

please forgive me for my mistakes brother .. look at all as your brothers/sisters .. we are here for you ..

[shergik]

My brother was a jolly person, always smiling, always playing around. His birthday was on 23rd May and mine falls on 7th May, most of the time we'd celebrate our birthdays together, just like we were planning to do this year. I am the only girl in the family so you can imagine just how much he spoilt his little sister. he loved spending time with my husband and espcially with my kids, he loved my kids as though they were his own. 5 days before the accident my daughter turned 3 and we all went out together and had such a laugh and were planning to do the same thing 2 weeks later as my son's birthday falls exactly 2 weeks after my daughters birthday, but because of the events my son didn't know he turned 7 until 2 weeks ago.

My brother was so friendly, he'd make friends so easily, everytime i'd see him he'd tell me about a new friend.

I'm really dreading our birthdays in may, not sure how i'm gonna cope. the one day that really upsets me the most when i think about it is Rakhri. I know from prevoius postings from others that Sikhs don't do this, but we always did, it meant so much to us and i just don't know what i'm gonna do. Christmas is also gonna be hard because even after i got married we were always together at Christmas.

To be honest - i feel like i've lost everything, my brother, my best friend - Everything.

[Degha Singh]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

BhainJi.....Guru Ji will give you strength......it is very difficult to lose our close ones.....but turn to Guru Ji.....He will protect you......remember this shabad that Sri Guru Arjan Dev Ji recited as burning hot sand was poured down His back while He sat on a hot plate

please forgive my mistakes BhainJi

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

This Shabad is by Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Raag Aasaa on Pannaa 394

aasaa ghar 7 mehalaa 5 ||

Aasaa, Seventh House, Fifth Mehl:

har kaa naam ridhai nith dhhiaaee ||

Meditate continually on the Name of the Lord within your heart.

sa(n)gee saathhee sagal tharaa(n)ee ||1||

Thus you shall save all your companions and associates. ||1||

gur maerai sa(n)g sadhaa hai naalae ||

My Guru is always with me, near at hand.

simar simar this sadhaa samhaalae ||1|| rehaao ||

Meditating, meditating in remembrance on Him, I cherish Him forever. ||1||Pause||

thaeraa keeaa meet(h)aa laagai ||

Your actions seem so sweet to me.

har naam padhaarathh naanak maa(n)gai ||2||42||93||

Nanak begs for the treasure of the Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||2||42||93||

[_K_]

:-( i kinda know how u are feeling, i felt the same when my nana passed away..at the time i thought i had lost everything and would never get through it...but slowly & gradually u will, like i did... u begin 2 accept ur loss as vaheguru Ji's hukum, unfortunately all must suffer the pain of seperation, everybody must leave this world at some point... take comfort from the fact that ur brother is a step closer 2 Vaheguru Ji now, if not in the Almightys grace already...

keep Vaheguru in ur heart at all times and u will get through this.

plz 4giv my mistakes.

[simmal tree]

dear bhainjee,

vaaheguroo jee kaa khaalsaa

vaaheguroo jee kee fatheh !!!

i understand the experience you are going through. my mom has gone through the same experience. my mom and her brother grew up together. they moved from india to canada at a very young age. my mom was 9 years old and my mama ji was a few years older. they would deliver papers together, go to school together, play on the same hockey team. my mama ji always protected my mom as a child, and as they grew up they were very close.

my mom had i think 7 brothers and 2 sisters. one sister and three brothers have passed away. but of those four the most traumatic was this mamaji that i've mentioned above. because they were so close in age, they had spent to much of their youth together, my mom couldn't understand how somebody could be there one day, and not be there the next day.

the same thing happened to him. he was taking a left turn and the oncoming car hit his car, and he hit his head on the steering wheel. he told the ambulance that he was alright, and he took a tylenol and came home. later on he told his wife he was having a very bad headache. the next morning he woke up to go to washroom and he collapsed on the floor. he had a brain hemmorage and went into a coma. while in the coma he had a heart attack.

nobody in the family could believe it. it was an absolute shock. and he was like the glue of our family. since he passed away many of my cousins don't communicate with each other because everybody used to gather at his house. he left behind a wife and two young kids. when their dad passed away they were i think 6 years old and 8 years old.

we also were confused about why this happened. what was the reason. but actually through more births and more deaths in our family i came to understand that this is a fact of life. guru ji says that person who comes to this world, also must leave this world. everybody gets their turn to leave this world. however we cannot command God about when that turn will come.

we are humans so we fail to understand that this is just one level of our existence. it is as if we move from one level of a building to the other level. we are still in the building, but we have just moved. in the same way our soul doesn't die, we just move to a different place in the universe. depending on our actions we can be sent to other lands, other earths, other realms of creation. we can undergo intense punishment or blissful peace. we can be seperated from our family or reunited with them. we can be seperated from God or reunited with God.

guru ji says that we cannot command the creator but we can do ardas to the creator, and the creator can bless us. you all did ardas, three times a day, at the gurdwara, do you remember for what purpose? it must have been a good purpose and not a selfish purpose. you must have asked, please bless our brother with your protection, save him from suffering, make his soul be in peace, save him from death.

ijsu rwKY iqsu koie n mwrY ]

jis raakhai this koe n maarai ||

No one can kill those who are protected by Him.

so mUAw ijsu mnhu ibswrY ]

so mooaa jis manahu bisaarai ||

One who is forgotten by God, is already dead.

how do we save ourself or anybody else from death? the only real death is if we forget waheguru. i know you must feel confused about why Waheguru did not save your brother from leaving from his earth, but that was not death. that was part of his karma, and part of the karma of all those people who felt a seperation from him. Waheguru does not take any type of revenge with any of his children. He loves us, and he becomes our slave when we remember Him. However Waheguru's hukam cannot be reversed. The actions that we commit become our karma, and according to our karma we experience events in our life - such as sickness, sad times, and death of the body. Death of the body is not death of the soul. Your brother is still alive, but not in the way that you know him. His light, his soul, has moved to another place and now it may be in another body, or he may be with Guru ji. However you should never feel like you "lost him."

If something is our own, we can lose it, but if something is not ours, we can't lose it. I understand the pain. After my mama ji passed away, the next year my nani ji passed away, and two years later three close role models, friends, and chardee kalaa gursikhs in my sangat passed away. their picture is in my signature. i felt like i lost those gursikhs too, but then i realized they weren't mine to lose. guru ji says, jis kee vasth soee lai jaaegaa ros kisai sio keejai - whomever owns the item, that person will take it back someday, so why should we be angry with the owner? we cannot be angry with Waheguru for taking back what was already his.

mÚ 3 ]

ma 3 ||

Third Mehl:

nWgy Awvxw nWgy jwxw hir hukmu pwieAw ikAw kIjY ]

naa(n)gae aavanaa naa(n)gae jaanaa har hukam paaeiaa kiaa keejai ||

Naked we come, and naked we go. This is by the Lord's Command; what else can we do?

ijs kI vsqu soeI lY jwiegw rosu iksY isau kIjY ]

jis kee vasath soee lai jaaeigaa ros kisai sio keejai ||

The object belongs to Him; He shall take it away; with whom should one be angry.

gurmuiK hovY su Bwxw mMny shjy hir rsu pIjY ]

guramukh hovai s bhaanaa ma(n)nae sehajae har ras peejai ||

One who becomes Gurmukh accepts God's Will; he intuitively drinks in the Lord's sublime essence.

nwnk suKdwqw sdw slwihhu rsnw rwmu rvIjY ]2]

naanak sukhadhaathaa sadhaa salaahihu rasanaa raam raveejai ||2||

O Nanak, praise the Giver of peace forever; with your tongue, savor the Lord. ||2||

however we can improve and build from this experience. my sister bibi rena kaur ji, who is the singhni in the middle in the picture below, was one of the three chardee kalaa gursikhs who passed away in 2004. she said that loss hurts, but it can heal. she said when you lose something, it weakens you, but over time you become stronger then you had ever been, and your life can improve because of a loss. sometimes we need to take an initiative to recognize a loss as a wake up call and make improvements in our life based on the teachings and inspirations we got from the person who is no longer with us.

thousands of young sikhs around the world have been trying to do that since these three chardee kalaa gursikhs passed away. the youth are listening to their kathas, their keertan, watching their gatka, and being inspired by their legend.

in the same way, you can learn from the wonderful inspiration that your brother left in your life and in the lives of your family. you can use that inspiration to help others. you can start a foundation in his name, or a scholarship, or a charity walk. you can make a list of the good qualities he had and print it out, enlarge it and frame it and have it placed on the wall in your home, and in the homes of your other family members. you can use inspirational words that he told you, and try to make them a reality, and try to teach those words to your children so they can benefit in their lives. in this way not only can you keep the good memories of your brother alive, but you can keep his inspirational character and personality alive as well. there is no such thing as humans living and dying, we just change our surroundings and our circumstances. however, it is important to remember that everybody gets their turn to leave this earth. you will some day, your kids will some day, their kids will some day. it is a fact of life and we should aim to attach ourselves to the light of God, the light of Truth, the teachings of Gurbani, the teachings of Guru ji, rather than attach ourselves to the sadness of loss. death is a lesson in life, it is nothing more than a transition for the person who goes, and a lesson for the people left behind on earth. we need to learn from experiences like this that our life can be used for the best purposes, for the most righteous purposes, and that will be the best tribute to all of our brothers and sisters who have passed away and left us amazing legacies. most importantly it will be a tribute to Waheguru, who is the creator of all these souls, and the string that holds them all together.

pauVI ]

pourree ||

Pauree:

Awpy hI krxw kIE kl Awpy hI qY DwrIAY ]

aapae hee karanaa keeou kal aapae hee thai dhhaareeai ||

You Yourself created the creation; You Yourself infused Your power into it.

dyKih kIqw Awpxw Dir kcI pkI swrIAY ]

dhaekhehi keethaa aapanaa dhhar kachee pakee saareeai ||

You behold Your creation, like the losing and winning dice of the earth.

jo AwieAw so clsI sBu koeI AweI vwrIAY ]

jo aaeiaa so chalasee sabh koee aaee vaareeai ||

Whoever has come, shall depart; all shall have their turn.

ijs ky jIA prwx hih ikau swihbu mnhu ivswrIAY ]

jis kae jeea paraan hehi kio saahib manahu visaareeai ||

He who owns our soul, and our very breath of life - why should we forget that Lord and Master from our minds?

Awpx hQI Awpxw Awpy hI kwju svwrIAY ]20]

aapan hathhee aapanaa aapae hee kaaj savaareeai ||20||

With our own hands, let us resolve our own affairs. ||20||

i pray to guru ram das ji that you can feel peace and happiness in your family and you can be a role model gursikh to your children and give them good gursikh values so that they can pass the test of life. please forgive me for any mistakes and please stay in high spirits

vaaheguroojeekaakhaalsaa

vaaaheguroojeekeefatheh !!!!!!

[deepinder singh khalsa]

We have to accept Guru Ji's Bhana and so the life does not end here.... it moves on... Everyone has to go one day or the other... That is how it is meant to be... Whatever pleases Him comes to pass; nothing else can be done. || 3 ||

[SSM]

There is bhana but I believe in ardas. Guru Ji may not accept the specific ardas one does but Guru Ji will reward you for your ardas. Maybe it means your brother is in a much better place. I once did ardas from the bottom of my heart but I didn't get exactly what I asked for. But I got rewarded for my ardas. And maybe you have too but you don't know how.Yes you feel extremely upset but your brother has his own life and only Guru Ji know what better place they had in mind for him.

Please always stay strong and have faith in the greatest being, the creator, Waheguru.

[Jaspaul Singh]

oops sorry bhenji .. i didnt know u were a bhenji.. my bad ..