Breaking An Engagement

[Guest I dunNo]

Gurfateh...

I got engaged and it seems like I was outta my mind and still cant believe I did. I HAD NOOO Say and was basically blackmailed into it. The guy and his family are nice but My Sikhi is deeply hurt. I saw this Bindi stuff coming on my forehead and bangles that I have never worn!! wHen they brought it, I felt like swearing but I just sat there crying inside. This family is Amritdhari but ALSO punjabi! the 2 dont go together and I dunno what i got myself into.

They didnt take any Hukum and the ardaas was done in my absence. All was a social gathering at a house and they gave me this BIG huge dipped out golden ring that covers the whole of my finger... haha I laugh at that stuff. I dont think im even engaged coz I didnt commit myself infront of MY GURU JI.

It seems like Guru Ji's will but ... I dont know, my heart isnt in it. I feel like im betraying the one I already Love so much. It makes me Puke to think of wearing those reddy weddy jewellery bull.

my parents arent into punjabi stuff but my relatives are like dipped in hinduism inside, even their outside. Not like im against hindus but Sikhs gotta be Sikhs.

if its Hukum I have to settle some accounts with these people interms of Sikhi... might be something they need or I need. I DUNNO My Head hurts!

[S1ngh]

Talk to the singh. Tell how you feels and how he felt.

[chandanjit kaur]

Gurfateh

i agree...talk with the singh....tell him how you feel....and do an ardas yourself aswell...ask guru sahib wha u should do.....HE'll help bhul chuk muaf ji

Gurfateh

[Guest Guest]

trust tou need to say somthing before its to late..........to many people get stuck in a wrong marriage and then suffer for it.

[Heera Singh]

also tell your parents how you feel... IMHO its not TRU if it isn't done in front of Guru Jee.... maybe it might be hukam for you to break this "engagement" off since it wasn't done with Permission from you Guru...

don't sell urself short... your Sikhi comes first, before anything, family, friends, husband etc... you should never compromise your beliefs for anything, especially things that are strictly against what you as a Sikh belief... have faith, and have strength... put your foot down, and tell them how its gonna be!!

Chardi Kalaa!!

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee KEe Fateh!!

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

I agree with everyone else. Talk to your veerjee, and see what he says. Make it clear that all this "hindu" stuff isn't for you and that you won't be a willing participant.

Chances are, if he is a true gursikh, he will side with you and support you. After all, its your marriage, not his relatives. If not, then you may have uncovered a deeper problem, and to be honest, you should marry someone who supports your beliefs.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[Guest Guest]

kaedhaaraa mehalaa 5 ||

Kaydaaraa, Fifth Mehla:

har kae dharasan ko man chaao ||

My mind yearns for the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan.

kar kirapaa sathasa(n)g milaavahu thum dhaevahu apano naao || rehaao ||

Please grant Your Grace, and unite me with the Society of the Saints; please bless me with Your Name. ||Pause||

karo saevaa sath purakh piaarae jath suneeai thath man rehasaao ||

I serve my True Beloved Lord. Wherever I hear His Praise, there my mind is in ecstasy.

vaaree faeree sadhaa ghumaaee kavan anoop thaero t(h)aao ||1||

I am a sacrifice, a sacrifice, forever devoted to You. Your place is incomparably beautiful! ||1||

sarab prathipaalehi sagal samaalehi sagaliaa thaeree shhaao ||

You cherish and nurture all; You take care of all, and Your shade covers all.

naanak kae prabh purakh bidhhaathae ghatt ghatt thujhehi dhikhaao ||2||2||4||

You are the Primal Creator, the God of Nanak; I behold You in each and every heart. ||2||2||4||[/font]

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[heart]

Gurfateh

Bhainjee my personal opinion is that in a marriage everyone has to agree, including the in laws, parents, etc. Why? Essentially you are also getting married to his family ( you have to spend time with them, etc ). So if even before the marriage has taken place and both famlies are not cooperating than who knows what will happen after the marriage takes place.

If you feel that breaking the Engagement is the right thing to do at this time; then do it. Like Heera Veerjee said, maybe its hukham that you break of this Engagement.

Gurfateh

[Manchester_Sikhi]

Even on a simpler level...if you have doubts about the marrage...why bother?

If you have nagging doubts and you don't feel comfortable...your prospective partner isnt right for you.

You CAN find you partner through the traditional way (aka via your folks and being introduced) just as you can find your partner yourself...but in both cases, if you don't feel at ease with your partner....then is it worth taking it any further. Sure enough his family will play a great role...but if he knows how you feel and still plays ignorant and doesnt heed to your worries, he simply isnt worth it.

Change works both ways, you change a little for him and he changes a little for you.

If he isnt willing to make this effort to acknoledge your worries or try to fix them through talking to his parents, then there is not bond between you guys and its not gonna work.

I think those old days are gone. We can still have arranged weddings, but nowadays the partners ALSO have to get along and feel a bond.

Our parents may have been able to develop that bond AFTER getting married, but in this day and age it simply doesnt work like that anymore.

Either way, you do what you feel you must with a view to Sikhi....your partner or his family (or even your family) must never get in the way of your devotion to GuruJi...