Bhatri Sikh

[Guest Bhatri Sikh]

Thanks for all of your suggestions but im afraid to say that I have no way out, I cant take those options because I know the consequences my parents probably force me into the engagement and marriage anyway. I cant tell a teacher either because my parents will again probably end up taking me abroad to get me married. This boy that they found is from India, my paretns hardly seen him themselves only my pupee (buwa) has and she said to my mum and dad that the family is great and it's best if they do my alliance in that house.

As for my sisters, I dont think they'll be able to help me. they were in the same situation as me when they were my age and now the circumstances of their in laws is really bad. Their mother in laws treat them real bad like they a piece of dirt. My 19 year old sisters mother in law doesnt even let her go college or univerisity, before my sister got married my sister asked her mother in law if its okay for her to go college when shes married and at the time her mother in law sed it was all fine but now she restricts her.

My sisters were forced by their mother in laws to have kids especially the 19 year old one. Just because she had a baby girls first she treated her very bad. Her mother in law made her have kids firstly when she just turned 17 then second one 18 (just a year ago), now my sisters pregnant again and her mother in law told her that it better be a boy. I dont want to go through this yet. Its 99.8% posstive that I'll have to go through the same.

My parents are aware of what happend to my sisters but yet they deny it. they cant see the fact that I'll be ruined too, they think a boy for from india is the best optin and I'll stay happy.

How can I stay happy???

[Guest Guest]

Can I ask where you live?

[Guest Guest]

Yeh, I kno dis gurl hu use 2 b in ma year @ skool, n she was engaged @ the age of 12 :wub: @ and then was married after she left secondary, but the only thing was she was quite happy with it and actually couldnt wait to get married. I was wel shoked, but yea it is comon.

[Sikh_Kuri]

I'm a bhatri sikh, and only the age of 15 but my mum and dad are going to get me engaged by the end of next month. and I dont think I'm ready I dont know what shall I do.

As I am bhatri sikh, Im not allowed to say no to this alliance and cant even see the boy. I really want to study and go on fuirther education but obviously my parent will not agree to thsi npr would the bhatra society so me going to college or university is a big NO. As the bhatra society thinks that the boys can get educatedb ut the girls will have to get married early and go cook and clean for the house.

My paretns belive that a girl shouldnt get educated much and secondary school is enough and there is no point ofa career because we bhatri girls will get back to step 1 again whioch is to cook, clean and produce kids.

I really dont want to go ahead with the alliance.

U have two older sisters ones 21 and the other 19 and both were married at 16.But i dont want to go in their steps.

Please help me find a solution, because its literally impossible for me to say no as my parents wont agree and take into account whay my say is.

oh gosh, Vaheguru

I'd be 22 soon, at the fact of marriage just scares me still. I mean your only 15. I would say you need to actually speak out the truth to your parents, I know you respect your parents but in some cases you do need to tell your parents whats right and what is actually wrong. And dont worry, you know guru ji is on your side, if you dont think you are ready for the marriage then say it straight.

Ask your parents whether they love you? And if they want to see you happy? I'm sure that a childs hapiness means alot to a parent. Just that once ask your parents to make them realise, if you love me and want to see my happy then the only way is that I want to study get a career get an education, then decide on engagement and marriage.

As for the society who cares ??? as mentioned before by sarpanchni_007

allow society, that really makes me angry when people try to impress society especially sikhs, u dont impress no one apart from Guru Ji

I agree with that totally, you need to impress guru ji not the society. It's your life ahead, not the societys, its you who will be marrying not the society. so called society just has a habit of doing Chuglya, then thats their own problem, guru ji will sort them out.

Penji make your parents aware NOW & Good Luck :TH: remember one thing Guru Ji Are on your side, so no worries

Hope you sort this situation out

Vaheguru

[Anand]

Deares Bhenji

There will always be hardships in your life. This one of many tests ahead of your life. I know that we can all say that Guru Ji is with you and you should do this that and the other, however it is your life.

If your parents wont listen then some how you will have to make them listen. Any action you take now will have repercussions throughout your whole life. If you marry now it is very certain that in the future you will be kicking yourself you didnt do something but it will be too late.

Do Simran and listen to what Maharaaj is saying and he will give you strength to take what action is necessary.

Remember though you should still talk to your parents respectfully but you need to show them that you are strong and that God is always on your side.

Be strong and be positive.

May Waheguru bless you with peace and the strength to face all the challenges that are thrown in your way.

[heart]

Vahegurujeekakhalsa Vahegurujeekeefateh

To me, this is just sad. I am only 15 and i cant even imagine being asked for marriage. However ive gone through several things with parents forcing me to do things. They were not as bad as marriage but through talking to other adult-parents, and other youth ive began to understand how parents think.

When parents tell you do something, they tend to think they are doing the best thing for you. They are doing something that will benefit you in your life ahead. But, also depending on the situation they are not always right. Think about this on a more parent-y level.

Why do you think they are doing this? Have you sat down and talked to them with love and ask them why they are doing this? Recently i talked to someone who is on a much higher spirtual level and he said love is one of the most imporant things in sikhi, if not the more imporant. When you talk to someone in anger and frustration most of the time people notice and then they become angry. Obviously, this does not help the situation. Yet, if you sit down with a calm and collected attitude trying to ask them questions and explain to yourself that you do not feel ready and that you feel in this day and age education is very imporant. What about if your Husband dies and your children are still very young. As time progress's the need for many specific skills and knowledge in the world of work is imporant, without those finding any kind of work will be difficult. If not university, how about small night courses at a college, etc.

Also trying to find a common ground or a comprimisation with them is imporant. Dont be full on angry like, "IM NOT GETTING MARRIED, OR DOING ANY OF THIS CRAP YOU WANT ME TO DO".. - that would be the wrong approach. Like i said, try to be calm..

A lot of people will tell you to do ardaas and to have faith in God. You know, i even know that through hard and tough times its not the easiest thing to do but it is the essential. Taking that first step is always hard but it needs to be done to keep climbing that staircase. Guru Sahib, must be testing you Bhainjee, testing your faith in him. He will not let his daughter suffer, he will not let his daughter live every day in sorrow. Even through this rough time your going through and your sisters are going through the need for love and faith is very imporant. Simran is also very imporant. Without remembrance of the lord, without devotional service the state of sehej will never come.

Sukh Nahee Ray Har Bhagat Bina.

My love is always with you Bhainjee, Do ardaas.. he IS listening always.

Bull chaak maaph karnee.

Vahegurujeekakhalsa Vahegurujeekeefateh

[PuNjaBan]

Ask your parents whether they love you? And if they want to see you happy? I'm sure that a childs hapiness means alot to a parent. Just that once ask your parents to make them realise, if you love me and want to see my happy then the only way is that I want to study get a career get an education, then decide on engagement and marriage.

Non of this applies to a 'desi' family. Sorry. Parents answer is always they know more about their child's happiness than the child itself . So I don't necessarily agree w/your technique.

As for the friend in question, I have suggestions but they're all terrible so I'd rather not discuss. But I hope you find comfort soon.

[heart]

Not all indian parents are the same you know. Its really up to gurujee, everything is. You NEVER know until you TRY! SO TRY! :wub:

[PuNjaBan]

Not all indian parents are the same you know.

Really? You will be amazed .. I used to have the same thoughts as you. Maybe you're right.

[Jaspaul Singh]

Singhs need to get together and just beat the crap out of these type of so called 'parents' that would actually put their own kids through all this !!!

WHOS WITH ME !?!?

I am totally serious.. i dun know anyone personally in this situation but if i did i would love to give a good beating or two to the parents ..

such anger i have just by reading that last post by bhenji.. just angers that our own parents can be like this.. bloodyy craap!

If my own sisters were to go through this i would say now and stick by my word that i would straight out punk my own parents for putting my sisters through that ..

stupid messed up world out there!