Marrying A Non Virgin

[Guest Confused singh]

I am going to marry a girl having got to know her via the telephone,text, msn etc she told me she had a boyfriend in the past who obviously shes not with anymore, she had sex with him.she said she wanted to tell me months into our engagement about her past becuase she wanted to be honest with me. I dont think i will ever be able to forget this and i cant stop thinking about this, for the record i am a virgin and wish to remain so until my wedding night BUT i havent ended the engagememt yet im in shock at the moment because of this revelation.

I feel really guilty if i were to end the engagement becuase families would be very hurt esp. hers if they found out the truth about her but i dont think i could live with a girl who i believed was a virgin when she clearly isnt!

I really would like as much advice as possible as i am going crazy and she said that now she is really upset about how her past is going to destroy her future with me because she has told me she is in love with me. I too was falling in love with her BUT this has shaken me to my core and i dont know what to do. families seem very happy with us two together BUT no one knows about her past as she has kept it hidden from everyone except me of course. i dont know what to do...........i feel angry because i waited WHY couldnt she do the same!!!!!

please help me.......

[Guest anonymous kaur]

hey!......

if u still luv the gurl thn u shud continue with marrying her bcus she wz honst enough to tell u da truth nd clearly didnt wnt tuu hurt u... ppl mke mistakes its all bout forgeting and forgiving... at the end of the day she luvs u very much and u clearly luv hr tuu...wa has hppnd has hppnd...jsu marry the gurl!!! =>

[Guest peacemaker]

It's your call, really. You know her best. By the way, based on your first sentence, it seems like you never even have met her face to face. Is this true?

[Guest Bhajan Singh]

It's only fair that a virgin should marry a virgin. If I was you I'd call it off and tell your parents the truth. Whatever you decide, be resolute.

[Guest original poster]

i have met her (its an arranged marriage etc) but have gotten to know her properly over the phone, msn, text etc and have met up in person..........BUT this thing is affecting me the idea of her being with another man before me is seriously off putting, maybe some people will be able to understand that........im confused atm duno what to do............and to the 2nd response by anonymous kaur i dont understand why ur laughin as this is a serious topic i dont want childish responses its not easy to get over this cos if it affects me now it will certainly effect me in my marriage thats why i need to sort this out now.......

[sikhlionz]

we're not Sannyasis or Brahmcharis that need to have kept a vow of celibacy our entire lives. in itself this is not purity.

if you think she has been honest with you then accept that otherwise if you cannot trust her at all then what future is there?

if she has learnt from past mistakes and is now following path of Sikhi Dharam particularly if she is now Amritdhari then Guru Ji is Himself saying take my word for it she is honourable. I am protecting her honour same way He protects all our honours.

treat her same way you would have your own sister be treated.

So it depends on whether she is now since following Dharam and whether you accept Dharam as a final answer. decision is yours.

Guru Ang Sang

[Guest original poster]

ideally i would like responses from mature people and not 14 year olds please.....

[Guest Senghhhhhhhh]

singh in my opinion, u should end it, i belive only a virgin should marry a virgin, i wouldent be able to live my life with some one whom i know has slept with another guy. thats just wrong. its disgusting.

do be honest she in the wrong, why she ashamed of it know, couldent she control it. tell your parents first of all and see what they think of it.

she's gunna play innocent, think about the future. when ever you two may argue such things like these can be brought up and hurt u even more.

im in the same situation, its hard to find virgins out there

[JarnailS]

wjkk wjkf

before i share my view... lemme tell one real story.

after 10-11 months of wedding, my friend found his wife is in relation with someone else. he had true love for her and he said i will only accept you if you come with me to gurughar and ask for your forgiveness in front of shri guru granth sahib. he said i am no one to forgive. if you really feel that you have done something that you shoulnt have done, then ask guru ji for forgiveness.

he even said, i will also do ardass to guru ji that please help me so that in future i never have this thoughts in my mind that my wife was with someone else.

its the true love that counts.... if you have a true love and honesty for each other... please go to guru ghar and tell her to ask for forgiveness, now if guru ji can forgive, then why cant we???

but you two really need to sit down and think as this the matter for the rest of your life. dont think about families at the moment, trust me none of yours family will be happy if you two are not happy.

bhul chuk maaf karni.

wjkk wjkf

[ugurpals93]

why have my posts been deleted this is just wrong im only voicing my opioin this is what is wrong with you guys today.

Mod note: Stop posting offensive content. You've been warned.