Marrying A Non Virgin

[Tarrandeep Kaur]

<<<Guru Mata!! Again you've shown us the light fo Gurmat!

O wait.. you're not the Guru >>>>

never said anything about me being right, or suggesting i know best

<<<Guru Sahib didn't talk about 1 lined-translations.. care to do vichaar on that ji? How about taking Gurbani out of context.. i'm sure that's naughty right?>>>

also i havent said anything about translations or taking gurbani out of context, in fact i didnt even qoute gurbani in my post.

<<<and i assumed you would be busy in wedded life.. surprised ur stil on the forum when you got lots of Naam Japping to do >>>>

im sorry if me being on the forum irritates you or whatever. but everyone else posts, why have you got such a problem with me?

actually dont reply to them questions,im way off topic. sorry.

gurfateh jee

[Mahakaal]

No big deal virgin or not... guess it depends on whether you can cope with such things personally i wouldnt ask anyone about their past or who they were in the past. Rather prefer to know who they are now!

[Bored]

A person who bows before Guruji, calls themselves a Sikh and trims their hair, and repeats this on a regular basis is one who is losing their virginity over and over again.

A person who bows before Guruji, has made a mistake once, asks for forgiveness, and commits to be a better person is forever a virgin.

The first step to getting your answer is asking the right question.

Don’t ask “Who was she?” Ask, “Who am I?”

yeye

[Guest same old]

"same old" u gave a great advice like othrs but one thing which made me bit uneasy was what i am quoting above, case 2.

make any excuse? have u ever had someone lie to u? or gave u an excuse which u knew was just a big fat lie...and that person didnt have the gut to tell the truth or what was on their mind? how many times did u knw it was just a lame excuse or a lie?

when it comes to relationships, those kind of things should be avoided. all they do is create this ugly negative feelings inside of us, because its easy to figure it out when a person is just making an excuse. our consciousness(inside) know. if u deceiving someone, just know u are doing that to urself more thn the other person(might sound naive but inside feelings of ours are that way).it happns because we fail to see the same light in thm and think we cleaver!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Apologies if I wasn't clear. When I said "Make an excuse and get yourself out of it", I meant that he should find a reason (excuse) and get the engagement canceled, of course without exposing the real reason to his or her parents. Yes this may sound harsh, but I am not going to advice someone to go ahead and marry a person who wants to cry over her past for the rest of her life and make his live a living hell every single day. Maybe you didn't read my entire case 2 scenario. It applies only to girls who are the "Bollywood" type and cry over their "ex", their "broken heart" etc. blah blah. These happen to almost everyone today, but the real "warrior" is the one who snaps out of them, takes charge of his/her life and fights on in life. Women who are strong and can move on fall under case 1 where I asked him to go for it and marry her. I did however mention throughout my post that I really respect and appreciate the fact that she was honest with him and told him the truth.

have u ever had someone lie to u? or gave u an excuse which u knew was just a big fat lie...and that person didnt have the gut to tell the truth or what was on their mind? how many times did u knw it was just a lame excuse or a lie?

"kaur khalistani lioness" has opened up a new question for the original poster and all of you who have posted so far. What if the girl wants to break the engagement and is provoking him to get upset and do it, rather than she do it herself and look bad? What if she IS a virgin but loves someone else and wants to marry him, and doesn't have the guts to speak up, and so is creating a situation so that the original poster gets hurt and calls it off? Have you guys thought about that? Yes he says she doesn't want to lose him and all, sounds so sweet when they say that whether they mean it or not, but what if she is saying it just to say it, and has other intentions? No I am not pointing fingers at the girl, I am just trying to look at things from another direction which most of you may have overlooked. Someone who discloses such a big thing about herself can have only 2 intentions: (a.) She really wants to be honest to him, which is what we all including myself have appreciated again and again, and (b.) She really wants to get rid of the original poster, and so is ready to make up any story portraying herself as really bad so that he rejects her.

What do you guys say now? This situation isn't as straightforward as you all perceive it to be.

Forgive any mistakes

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

[UKGupt Kaur]

I am going to marry a girl having got to know her via the telephone,text, msn etc she told me she had a boyfriend in the past who obviously shes not with anymore, she had sex with him.she said she wanted to tell me months into our engagement about her past becuase she wanted to be honest with me. I dont think i will ever be able to forget this and i cant stop thinking about this, for the record i am a virgin and wish to remain so until my wedding night BUT i havent ended the engagememt yet im in shock at the moment because of this revelation.

I feel really guilty if i were to end the engagement becuase families would be very hurt esp. hers if they found out the truth about her but i dont think i could live with a girl who i believed was a virgin when she clearly isnt!

I really would like as much advice as possible as i am going crazy and she said that now she is really upset about how her past is going to destroy her future with me because she has told me she is in love with me. I too was falling in love with her BUT this has shaken me to my core and i dont know what to do. families seem very happy with us two together BUT no one knows about her past as she has kept it hidden from everyone except me of course. i dont know what to do...........i feel angry because i waited WHY couldnt she do the same!!!!!

please help me.......

You have doubt now so do not marry. It will only effect the way you think of your potential partner in the future.

You WILL bring this stupid matter up during one of your future fights hypocritically thinking that you are superior being for being a virgin.

Unfortunately this is "punjabi" way of thinking. Girl has to be fair, not a spec's wearer, slim, tall, potential house cleaner/slave (even though she has a degree or higher education demanded during the initial parner search, has to be this has to be that..... blah blah blah and more blah)

The boy could be a total numbskull but its ok..

hypocritical lot mostly

[Guest _hmmm_]

Unfortunately this is "punjabi" way of thinking. Girl has to be fair, not a spec's wearer, slim, tall, potential house cleaner/slave (even though she has a degree or higher education demanded during the initial parner search, has to be this has to be that..... blah blah blah and more blah)

The boy could be a total numbskull but its ok

Bitter are we?

Guy's have to be fair, tall, well built, make good money, etc..... double standard di bachi

[Guest original poster]

I am going to marry a girl having got to know her via the telephone,text, msn etc she told me she had a boyfriend in the past who obviously shes not with anymore, she had sex with him.she said she wanted to tell me months into our engagement about her past becuase she wanted to be honest with me. I dont think i will ever be able to forget this and i cant stop thinking about this, for the record i am a virgin and wish to remain so until my wedding night BUT i havent ended the engagememt yet im in shock at the moment because of this revelation.

I feel really guilty if i were to end the engagement becuase families would be very hurt esp. hers if they found out the truth about her but i dont think i could live with a girl who i believed was a virgin when she clearly isnt!

I really would like as much advice as possible as i am going crazy and she said that now she is really upset about how her past is going to destroy her future with me because she has told me she is in love with me. I too was falling in love with her BUT this has shaken me to my core and i dont know what to do. families seem very happy with us two together BUT no one knows about her past as she has kept it hidden from everyone except me of course. i dont know what to do...........i feel angry because i waited WHY couldnt she do the same!!!!!

please help me.......

You have doubt now so do not marry. It will only effect the way you think of your potential partner in the future.

You WILL bring this stupid matter up during one of your future fights hypocritically thinking that you are superior being for being a virgin.

Unfortunately this is "punjabi" way of thinking. Girl has to be fair, not a spec's wearer, slim, tall, potential house cleaner/slave (even though she has a degree or higher education demanded during the initial parner search, has to be this has to be that..... blah blah blah and more blah)

The boy could be a total numbskull but its ok..

hypocritical lot mostly

we are both highly educated but everything else is fine BUT this one thing has just messed me up! i love everything her about its just one aspect of her is just shocking.........i feel lost...and its something not very easy to get over or to easily accept..........

[Mehtab Singh]

You WILL bring this stupid matter up during one of your future fights hypocritically thinking that you are superior being for being a virgin.

That is the most bitter truth and I am glad you brought it up.

[sitargirl]

In our past lives god knows who we slept with....in this life skin is constantly being shed and regrown. We are only limited by our perspective...I therefore diagree with the notion she is unclean as some members have said.

As far as the situation goes it depends on ure perspective, which u have already told us is not a positive one. At the end of the day only you know if you can live with it. Some people can, others cannot.

As a sikh you should marry someone who brings you closer to the Guru, someone who u can grow your sikhi with....If you will grow into sikhi with her then marry each other. If not then don't marry.

[Mehtab Singh]

As a sikh you should marry someone who brings you closer to the Guru, someone who u can grow your sikhi with....If you will grow into sikhi with her then marry each other. If not then don't marry.

She has spoken! End of story!