Marrying A Non Virgin

[Guest Guest]

really though

how long are you going to hold onto previous mistakes. What purpose does it hold? Sure, you decided not to act on any sexual desires, but have you been honest with her about all the girls you *may* have looked at since your teens and thought "wow, she's FLIPPIN HOT, wowwwww i'd totally hit that"

If she's like 24 now, and she made her mistake when she was like...17.. how much longershould she have to deal with people putting her down?

p.s, for the sake of a quick biology lesson, there HAVE been reported cases that the piece of skin CAN in fact grow back. That's just to debunk your point about "well if she cut her hair, it grows back".... now imagine how dumb it'd sound if in your next phone conversation with her you asked her "ok so did the skin grow back?"

No one here can tell you what to do. You're going to have to find a way to deal with this. Most people here think you are overreacting. But that's just our view on it. If you think this is worth cancelling the marriage on, then power to you my dear brother, because only you can make that decision. If you are not able to forgive, forget, and trust her (years after she made her mistake), then for both her sake and yours, it needs to stop.

I'm still not marriageable age, but i'm a guy... a few years ago, i personally made the decision that it won't bother me if i found out my wife-to-be had sex before marriage. I know my personality, i know the type of people i want to attract (whether it be as friendship/sangat or whatever)... and that'll be the deciding factor. If i'm convinced she's gonna be a solid mother, a faithful wife, and commit to growing spiritually with me, then what more can i really ask for? I mean i hope i live up to that if i'm ever in your situation. But that's just MY mindset. i'm NOT trying to insinuate that it's better than yours.

just don't automatically make the assumption that her not being a virgin makes her more likely to cheat on you later.... by everything you told us, she slept with one guy before... it's not like she was a loose canon.... and she clearly seems to be paying for her mistake to this day, and trying to come to terms with it and move on and grow from it. YOu need to decide for HER SAKE if you're not going to be the guy she can grow with. In my mind, I hope you don't throw away a seemingly good relationship just based on that.

But like i said, it's your call. You don't find a winner everyday haha

[Guest peacemaker]

<<<Guru Mata!! Again you've shown us the light fo Gurmat!

<<<and i assumed you would be busy in wedded life.. surprised ur stil on the forum when you got lots of Naam Japping to do >>>>

Damn!! I don't know who said that to you, but that's taking it too far!

[Guest Guest]

Life is about lessons and not only that every one has to live their own life, make their own mistakes. Just think that if you get married to whoever and the girl then has an accident which is her fault and she looses a leg or an arm. Will you leave her because she does not have all the body parts in tact.

Too much emphasis has been put on virginity, if a girl is raped then its the girl who is victimised. If a girl has sex outside the marriage and again its the girl who has to face problems.

You have heard a large number of opinions so far. Now its your time to make a decision. Take your time and think about this that she didn't have to tell you this but she did. Again a lot of good advice has been given, i hope you really consider the suggestions.

[Guest Senghhhhhh]

I Assume 90% of the posters here aint virgins. and have had sex before marriage.

singh in the long term this will cause you alot of problems, say no to the wedding, and tell her how you feel about it.

come on to think about it, can you relly live with a girl who you know has been in bed with another guy.

being a virgin is tooo superior, and way out of these kind of peoples leagueeeeeeeee

[Guest _hmmm_]

I Assume 90% of the posters here aint virgins. and have had sex before marriage.

singh in the long term this will cause you alot of problems

tenu kidda pata? tu rab aa? (how do you know? are you god?) or have you gone through something like this?

come on to think about it, can you relly live with a girl who you know has been in bed with another guy.

I suppose this wouldn't be an issue, if she hadn't CONFIDED in him and told him BEFORE marriage. To me, this bibi respects herself now, and she respects the guy she's engaged to, because she took a absolutely HUGE risk by telling him. If she had not told him, would he ever know, probably not.

Answer me this, it would be ok for you to marry someone who has been checking guys out for years and fantasizing about them, as long as she's virgin It certainly seems like thats the road you are going

being a virgin is tooo superior, and way out of these kind of peoples leagueeeeeeeee

[lowest of the low singhni]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

To the original poster, the answer to this question lies in your own opinions and your own feelings. But having seen the replies in this thread I'll type some thoughts.

Sikhi is all about love and forgiveness. It's sad to see that so many of us don't seem to be able to forgive someone for a mistake that happened in the past. You know a lot of the time the people who come into Sikhi after having made big mistakes are the ones with the most love for Guru Saheb.

Having said this, 1) I don't know much about the girl involved and 2) please don't attack me for the generalisation I just made about people coming into Sikhi.

You need to evaluate where she is in terms of Sikhi. You need to decide if this is going to be an issue, if she regrets it and if it could cause problems.

People like one of the posters above have made mistakes in the past and regret them and are now so inspiring to the rest of us. Their stories and experiences have made them stronger and want to meet their Guru more and more. It doesn't feel right to write someone off just because of a mistake in the past. We all make mistakes, and we wouldn't like it if other people did that to us. Our mistakes are there to help us learn. In the bigger picture maybe we were meant to make them.

Anyway it also depends on how you feel about it. I don't think it's really something that can be answered here, as the 6 pages seem to have shown. The answer is in you. You need to sit down with her and talk.

I'm sorry for rambling but I'd request people not to judge a peron based on one mistake, and not to give marital advice so casually as this could be a life-changing situation.

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

[guptsinghni]

in all honesty i think if mods agree this topic has gone to far to some extent and should be closed..

sorry but its just my opinion....

[Balait_da_Sher]

I also think the topic has served its purpose, the topic starter has many different opinions to look at. Going further we are not going to get anywhere with this apart from members bad mouthing each other. So i am closing this topic.

Please note that although posts here are gupt, we can still find out who posted which replies etc, so if you post inappropriate replies in topics then you will get found out and put under moderation or even banned. So behave as you would if you were using your normal account.