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I Just Dont Know Myself


sherlsurj
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Bharji

I use to cut myself too last year, I was in a right state. I had been in a long-term relationship n found it impossible to cope. Like you said it was the fact that you have no one to talk to anymore. I havent heard from that other person since the relationship ended a year ago.

It's hard when you're upset and you really want someone to talk to because you feel desperately lonely. I've gone on the net and tried to get to know people that way, but whereever you go that emptiness still remains... and i think thats because I dont look for guru ji at that moment when I'm upset, I look else where. When you find nothing, it makes things even worse. I saw a councillor for 6 months and I didnt get better, I got worse. I came to the realisation that only guru ji could help me. I used to go to the gurdwara every evening after work and clean (washing, sweeping the stairs, cleaning the sinks/tiolets, tidying the shoes) and that helped me so much because my mind became occupied. Yes I cried too but I was away from the rest of the sangat, no one saw me. I think the best thing to do is keep your mind occupied do seva, meet up with sangat, do some sports. I think exercise helps but also try and build your relationship with your sister again. Your story reminds me so much of mine. My relationship with my sister has become so much better, over the past few months. I really hope things get better for you.

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thanks for the replies. i reli mean that. its nice u guys taking the time out to listen. and plz continue to be honest and expresive i cud do with all teh help i can get. whether its constructive/positive. i saw a councillor for a few times. it helped. i talked alot of my ex and my sis. i love my ex as a mate and want to be there 4 u as 1 i also love my sis but shes hurt me so much. i just dont know what to do. i havent hurt myself in a year but im thinking about it now. going gudwara does help me so much i just want to stay there all the time. i was over this depression/anger but recently its coming back. im not sure why. i reli think there are some screws loose in my head. i was always so happy and this may sound stupid but i reli miss being me!its like im sum1 else. a quiet moody angry depressed person. i dont know how 2 talk to girls anymore. i mean like my sis.....i dont know what to say. shes made mistake after mistake which is fair enough but each time its hurt me so much its like she doesnt care. i think im turning reli insecure and im reli worried. nothing makes me happy anymore. ive just got a brand new job its good money and that. but whats work/money without happiness?

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Guest peacemaker
PURE JOKES!! (in reference to the Guru Rakha comment)....loool...classic it made me laugh so hard that people giving me weird looks in the library.

:H:

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thanks for the replies. i reli mean that. its nice u guys taking the time out to listen. and plz continue to be honest and expresive i cud do with all teh help i can get. whether its constructive/positive. i saw a councillor for a few times. it helped. i talked alot of my ex and my sis. i love my ex as a mate and want to be there 4 u as 1 i also love my sis but shes hurt me so much. i just dont know what to do. i havent hurt myself in a year but im thinking about it now. going gudwara does help me so much i just want to stay there all the time. i was over this depression/anger but recently its coming back. im not sure why. i reli think there are some screws loose in my head. i was always so happy and this may sound stupid but i reli miss being me!its like im sum1 else. a quiet moody angry depressed person. i dont know how 2 talk to girls anymore. i mean like my sis.....i dont know what to say. shes made mistake after mistake which is fair enough but each time its hurt me so much its like she doesnt care. i think im turning reli insecure and im reli worried. nothing makes me happy anymore. ive just got a brand new job its good money and that. but whats work/money without happiness?

itl give you something to focus on and occupy your time with, happiness will come along no doubt just try not to think negatively about things. spend time with your family and with people who love you because there the only ones who are going to be able to help you where as on a forum its different because were not going to be physically be able to be there for you and listen.

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Bharji

If you're thinking about hurting yourself again, make sure you get rid of whatever you used to do it, aviod going near them. If councilling has helped you, book another appointment. Building a relationship with ur sis will take time. You dont have to go into a deep conversation with her or anything, just talk about anything at all. If going to the gurdwara helps then go. I dont think you can ever be a friend with an ex. I think you need to let go, even though you wont want to. All we can do is offer advice, whether things get better depends on how much you want it to be better.

Me right now, I'm not having a good time, even though I am not cutting myself, I am still hurting myself. It's a viscious cycle once it starts its so hard to snap out of it. The best thing to do is make sure you stop it from happening in the first place. Sorry I'm probably not helping much. I think that knowing how to talk to girls shouldnt be a concern right now, just focus on doing things that you know help you feel better.

Take care

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i dont know how 2 talk to girls anymore. i mean like my sis.....i dont know what to say. shes made mistake after mistake which is fair enough but each time its hurt me so much its like she doesnt care. i think im turning reli insecure and im reli worried. nothing makes me happy anymore. ive just got a brand new job its good money and that. but whats work/money without happiness?

wjkk wjkf!

why does it (doing of ur sisters) hurt u? try ignoring her behavior and see who she really is (not how she acts but how she truly is)=)

dont concentrate on her wrong/mistakes but the good. im sure there are things u will find which are amazing about her.

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Guest _Random_

I don't intend to undermine or disregard the aforementioned methods of doing seva and paath as they will I'm sure be beneficial but there are other ways too.

I would definitely reinforce the above recommendation of engaging in sporting activities or exercise as a way of relieving tension.

The point about focusing on the good traits in your sister is an excellent one and can be applied to everyone you meet in your day to day life. An example of this is when a boss or leader wishes to motivate his staff or team, it is often more effective to focus on each individuals good points and encourage them rather than linger on bad points.

One thing to note is that you often need to help yourself to help yourself. Seems like irrational logic but I find that it does have some mileage. For example, let me humour you with an analogy related to exercise. There are days on end when I don't do any exercise. I know it helps me feel at ease afterwards, but I just don't take the initial step to do it. It's quite difficult to diagnose why I think like this. It's like for some reason my mind temporarily feels as though it won't help me. When I finally do come round to doing it, as is usual I do feel better afterwards. It's strange. I'm quite sure there will be others that have experienced this odd phenomenon too in one way or another.

This leads to my point that you may find that you need to take the first steps to initiate the process, for you to eventually feel better, for example motivating yourself to do exercise and improving relations with your sister.

Take care, hope this helps

WJKK WJKF

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Have you had cold showers of pain

My friend, you've stood in my rain

Deathly feeling of loneliness

No need to feel shameless

I've been there before

Not wanting to feel any more

Your hearts been broken in half

Mind still living in the past

Cold dark thoughts of suicide

Why don't I do it tonight

Don't worry it will go away

Learn to love another day

Put it in the back of mind

Let it rest and you will find

Dark clouds begin to part

New love will mend the heart

Thoughts will disappear

Self- esteem will reappear

One day you'll be able to say

My friend you've stood in my rain

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