Jokes Anyone?

[HSD*^]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone Brother.

2. He liked Gospel.

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Fathers business.

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.

2. He had wine with every meal.

3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.

There was a very religious man named Jasbir, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jasbir was forced to climb onto his car roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jasbir to get in the boat with him.

Jasbir said, "No, that's okay. Waheguru will take care of me."

So, the man in the boat went off.

The water rose higher, so Jasbir climbed onto his house roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jasbir to get in.

Jasbir replied, "No, that's okay. Waheguru will take care of me."

The person in the boat then left.

The water rose even more, and Jasbir climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jasbir to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jasbir said, "That's okay."

The woman said, "Are you sure?"

Jasbir replied, "Yeah, I'm sure Waheguru will take care of me."

Finally, the water rose too high and Jasbir drowned. Jasbir's soul was face-to-face with Waheguru.

Jasbir said "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?"

Waheguru replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

[immortalshaheed]

What do you call a singh on one leg??

Balansingh

my bad i made it up on the spot lol

[AvnitK]

lol ahahaah balansingh lol

even tho made on the spot its preety good lol

[HSD*^]

Two Gujaratis, both student of I.T., were talking about the American Astronauts.

First Gujarati: What's big in going to the moon, anybody can go there. We are Gujaratis. We will go direct to the sun.

Second Gujrati: But sun is too hot, it will melt us.

First Gujarati: So what, we will go at night.

[Tony]

WHY THE ENGLISH WORE RED COATS?!

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one

battle, the French captured an English colonel.

They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began

to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you English

officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you

easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the

reason

English officers wear red coats is if they are shot the blood won't show,

and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all Pakistani Army officers wear brown

pants.

[HSD*^]

A professor at Mumbai University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. Getting a feel for his students, he asks “How many of you believe in ghosts?” About 80 of his students raise their hands.

“That’s a good start I suppose. Those of you who believe in ghosts, how many have actually seen a ghost?” About 30 students raise their hands.

“That’s good. I’m really glad you’re taking this seriously. Ok, has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About a dozen students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response. Has anyone ever touched a ghost?” Two students raise their hands. “That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one last question… have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He removes his glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, in all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever actually claimed to have slept with a ghost. Why don’t you come up here and tell us about it.”

The brahmin student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have slept with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost? Oh… I thought you said ‘goats’!”

[Seeking_Sikhi]

WHY THE ENGLISH WORE RED COATS?!

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one

battle, the French captured an English colonel.

They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began

to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you English

officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you

easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the

reason

English officers wear red coats is if they are shot the blood won't show,

and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all Pakistani Army officers wear brown

pants.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Azaad]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit £200 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[AvnitK]

ahahah go woman lol

[Azaad]

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50.

None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.

She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

SO, send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.