Jokes Anyone?

[HSD*^]

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."

"Ya, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."

The German replies, " ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."

[Ray_Of_Light]

Ok, i dnt want to sound rude...but here goes...

A British man who was kidnapped in India was found by police today. He had suffered some of the worst beatings they had ever seen. He was asked why he was beaten so much and so bad.

He said "They wanted to know my name, so i told them. Then they just started to beat me. The more i said my name, the harder they beat me. I dont understand. I told them the truth. I told them that my name is "TERRY MARDY" "

[Singhballer]

:gg:

[Nehmat]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A little girl was trying to raise $100 for her softball team. She prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then she decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the President of the United States. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little girl a $5 bill.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little girl. The little girl was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Love, Sara

A nun asked her class to write notes to God. Here are some of the notes the children handed in:

Dear God: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool.

Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have?

Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other so much if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.

Dear God: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

Dear God: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.

Dear God: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You're on vacation?

Dear God: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

Dear God: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

Dear God: Did You mean for the Giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

Dear God: Who draws the lines around the countries?

Dear God: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that okay?

Dear God: Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.

Dear God: Thank You for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.

Dear God: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Dear God: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. Dear God: You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

[Nehmat]

Good Advice From Kids

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."

-Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer."

-Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."

-Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."

-Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."

-Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."

-Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."

-Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."

- Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."

- Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."

-Amir, age 9

"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."

-Kellie, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."

-Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."

-Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."

-Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."

-Alyesha, age 13 "Never try to baptize a cat."

-Eileen, age 8

These, are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

********

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

********

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

********

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

********

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

********

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

********

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

********

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

********

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

********

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

********

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

********

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

******** Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

[Ray_Of_Light]

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

[HSD*^]

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion. But the Hindustani Embassy in London has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, her husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a corner shop, a petrol station, a ladoo shop, a taxi cab or a B&B in Britain. If nothing is there, he must remain in Hindustan to answer telephones and provide us with technical pain-in-the-assistance.

[Nehmat]

Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up,= "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!"

Cute

[Harsimrat Singh]

lol, you have nehmat coming up with these kiddy friendly jokes, then on the other hand you have hsd, where every joke must contain a caste or race or religion haha

[AvnitK]

i knoe right wonder if my bandar jokes will work their quite lame tho