Advice,Guidance...Marriage

[Mehtab Singh]

Singh, keep the faith you have just come a across a timewaster...you will meet many of them on the journey. Keep your head up and keep movng forward. The right person is out there someewhere the time wasnt right.

Agreed

[Guest Cisco_Singh]

Singh, keep the faith you have just come a across a timewaster...you will meet many of them on the journey. Keep your head up and keep movng forward. The right person is out there someewhere the time wasnt right.

I've been in the same situation...probably a lot of other people have as well....it's worse if it's been going on for a while...and things are going well..then all of a sudden...falls apart...yeh you might feel cut-up and a bit p'd off at the minute....But's it's all part of lifes lesson...hardens you up for next time...

[Guest Guest123]

I feel for you, I am in sort of worse situation to be honest, my wife cheated on with with someone who had a 3 year old child. I been through alot of emotions, pushed away friends etc. So I eventually got divorced, but our community are very narrow minded about people who are divorced especially through innocense, now its very hard for me to find a girl because of my status being looked upon as a bad thing! It does hurt, but been through counscelling, time off work to cope, paat and everything but nothing seems to have worked. On top of that in the marriage arena, what ticks me off is caste, there is no such thing as sikh-jatt or sikh-ramgharia, I simply refuse this because Sri Guru Gobind Singh ji abolished this and we are discriminating against each other.

So I am taking everyday as it comes, and going with the flow, thinking positive, at least I am alive and seeing gods creation and living yet another day! It all happens for a reason, and that reason is true.

If anyone else with this experience has any suggestions on how to build self-esteem up again and how to cope, please let me know.

[AmarjitKaur]

I had not seen this thread till now somehow, otherwise could have commented on the first day.

Well to comment in general.

At times, we start to see our life tied to one thing and we keep hoping what we want, and when things don't happen in our way, we suffer. We cry, we feel depressed etc. etc. Many times I have commented before too that we are like horses having those pads in front of our eyes. All we see is what is infront of us and within short distance only. We don't see the bigger plan, we don't imagine ourselves in few years, all we see is imagined happiness we would get after we have a partner or kids or whatever else we want in life. we don't see the other things attached with it. The grass always looks greener on the other side.

And we forget that we came to this earth as human and there is reason for human life. We could have been ground worms and could have got trampled by some human or some vehicle or so. the breaths we got as human we are wasting them worrying about things which are not under our control and we are not doing which is under our control (NAAm japna).

And let me tell you my secret. I don't ask GOD to give me what I want. I usually beg to GOD saying that I feel for this or that, but GOD as i am only a blind child of yours who don't have a big sight to see everything, please make it happen only if you think its right for me. And actually you being my parent, already know whats good or bad for me and you will do only good for me anyways without even me asking for it, could you please give me the wisdom to just accept what you send in my way and give that eye to see that there must be something good in what you sent for me (even if it is me being sick or my kid gets sick) and even if it does not seem right to me at the moment.

And from experience I can comment, that before I met my husband, 12 years ago, I have met many guys before him. As others said, I went through my share of ups and downs accepting the denials of others or me not being able to say yes as not getting good enough match. but today, I DONOT regret not marrying even one of those guys. I am happy the way things eventually turned out. I am better sikh today because of whom I married. I could have been more rich, more glamouros type or whatever other things but I would have moved away from sikhi because of whom I married and in result could have forgotten why I came on this earth as a human. To me, none of those zindgee de ras matter to me now which I could have got marrying those people. And the way things kept turning towards the way I am now, I see GOD's plan now, which I was not aware of at that time.

I am still not aware of GOD's game for me for my future, for my kids, for my finances. But I have a faith. I trust waheguru to take care of me well as long as I don't forget waheguru.

A man is dead everysecond when he/she has forgotten the waheguru. and we go through these deaths every day.

Why make this death long lasting by keeping our mind occupied with worrying thoughts or depressing thoughts. But instead why not invest this time in reciting waheguru waheguru waheguru dhan waheguru.

and Gurbani ta kahindee sikh nu, ke tu mera ho jaa, tere saare dhande waheguru jee aap hee sort out kar deNge.

so chinta kiyon??

depression kiyon??

sikh dee hamesha chardi kala hoNee chahidee aa

dhaindee kala hundi hee odon aa, jadon sikh nu naam visar jaave.

[kds1980]

I feel for you, I am in sort of worse situation to be honest, my wife cheated on with with someone who had a 3 year old child. I been through alot of emotions, pushed away friends etc. So I eventually got divorced, but our community are very narrow minded about people who are divorced especially through innocense, now its very hard for me to find a girl because of my status being looked upon as a bad thing! It does hurt, but been through counscelling, time off work to cope, paat and everything but nothing seems to have worked. On top of that in the marriage arena, what ticks me off is caste, there is no such thing as sikh-jatt or sikh-ramgharia, I simply refuse this because Sri Guru Gobind Singh ji abolished this and we are discriminating against each other.

So I am taking everyday as it comes, and going with the flow, thinking positive, at least I am alive and seeing gods creation and living yet another day! It all happens for a reason, and that reason is true.

If anyone else with this experience has any suggestions on how to build self-esteem up again and how to cope, please let me know.

Well You can easily marry a divorced woman who was also cheated by her husband.They too have diifficulty in finding partners

[Kamaljit_Kaur]

Im sorry i should have said I did re-contact her again, but she said it still doesn't feel right, so Im trying to accept the fact that it was probably not meant to be. But I just dont understand why God would bring me so close to getting what I want and then take it away from me. Its probably futile to even try to understand but Im hating this feeling of not knowing why its happened like this

Aah man, I feel for you ... It's so wack but trust me you'll get through it coz Guru Jee is with you and it's during these low times you feel Guru Jee's Piaar the most!

We meet so many people in this lifetime that we've been associated with in our past lives, the time we have with these people are also dependant on our Karam ... People will come and go no doubt about it but it's the people that will help shape your present and future that will stay till the end or up to a significant point in our life ... Also, Guru Jee works through His Piaareh, so try to realise what you've learnt from this experience, what has she taught you, take note then move on ...

VaheGuru Jee's Game is beyond imagination ... But remember it's all but an illusion ... Keep that focus on Him and don't get too caught up in the game ... Eventually we realise it's Him who we want ...

[REDRUM]

I been contemplating whether or not to write a thread for a couple of weeks, I will keep it as brief a possible.

I was introduced to a girl, I thought she was perfect the person for me I had my doubts, but I asked Guruji to settle them for me and he did, I would have said yes to her, it was all going well but she has ended it now her family said she had met me three times and she had to make a decision, in the end she said given how she felt having doubts she was going to say no.

I just feel gutted I was so fed up before I was introduced to her I was adamant I wouldn't talk to any more people but everyone said I had too otherwise it looked bad that my pooaji had made the effort to introduce me to someone. I cant believe this has happened again, I have seen over 12 girls now and this was the only I would have said yes too.

I keep thinking to myself that my worse fears are coming true Im going to end up dieing alone. I've felt so alone these last 3 years the only thing that seems I have learned from all this is im just alone in this world. Every time I think about how I feel and if I end up alone jus break down in tears.

Im sorry to burden everyone with this im sure your fed up reading the same thing over and over again by people, but i honestly dont have anyone else to talk to right now.

Im trying to hide from my parents how depressed I feel

See this as waheguru's full kirpa.. I know it's hard to believe but marriage isn't the answer to your loneliness. Consider yourself lucky trust me MARRIAGE IS DUKH (Pain)!! (If you play with fire - Expect to get burned lol) Seriously your never alone waheguru is always with you, if you feel lonely go to the gurdwara and sit in the sadh sangat.. It will help and your loneliness will go and FORGET all about marriage and looking for the right spouse.. by doing this your worries will disappear instantly..

So to make it simpler:

When your Lonely= Go to gurdwara and join together with the sadh sangat and when your by yourself talk to waheguru (I mean literally)

When your feeling negative and in fear= Block all your negative thoughts and fears by doing simran over them.

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

Everything everyone says is true, I just keep thinking to myself Im not going to meet someone as good as that again, I dont feel at the moment that everything has happened for the best but that Im being punished. I dont know if I have got the energy to start again to look for someone. I've gone to the Gurudwara every day for three years to pull my life together I really thought this time God had heard me. Its the starting over again looking for someone that im not keen at all. It took over a dozen people just to get to one girl I could have seen myself marry. I know this is negative and thats not going to help my mind frame, I dont know I've never felt this mentally worn out before.

[AmarjitKaur]

all you need to do is my friend is to take your mind off of this subject now.

Pick some favorite book and start reading or make commitment that you are going to learn the meaning of what is Ardas. Listen to 5 different people about ardas. There are many many more kathakars talking about it. I have heard atleast 2.

And then next move on to what is the Chaupai sahib about. and again same thing, listen to few kathakars on Chaupai sahib.

And twe parsad sweiye

and then Sohila sahib

and then anand sahib

and then Japuji sahib

and then rehraas sahib

and then jaap sahib

in about a week or so you will know what are you reading when you do ur nitnem. Isn't that some achievement?

Instead of sitting feeling bad about something you can't do much about anyways, you will make your time worthwhile.

Give it a shot. I went in a particular order as how easy banis are easy to grasp, according to what I think.

[Guest sikh]

Okay from a girls point of view,

If she had doubts, she is not the girl for you.

We've been put on this earth to find god, to become one with our master, father and best friend.

If this wasn't meant to be accept it and move on. Ur saying you have no love for god will, well you have been saved from hell, from being torn apart by demons so terrifying- they are real, have no doubt about that, so if you don't love your father for that you are truly insane.

There are people out there without food, dying of hunger, dying in war, in indescribable pain, being tortured at this very moment, this very second, somewhere in the world and down below in hell aswell. We are living amongst demons who have taken over earth at this moment but you have been saved from them, god has saved you.

You can complain about not having a girl, so what, some go through life without a bed to sleep on or shoes to walk in.

Stop being greedy and be thankful for the gifts you've been given and find your lord and master.

p.s babaji loves you and because you embraced sikhi you will find a wife, do naam jaap with love and sincerity focusing on his true name and you will find a wife when He wills it.

Ŧaj mān abẖimān parīṯ suṯ ḏārā ṯaj pi▫ās ās rām liv lāvai.

Emotional attachment to children and spouse is poison; in the end, no one will go along with you as your helper. ||1||Pause||

Janan piṯā lok suṯ baniṯā ko▫e na kis kī ḏẖari▫ā.

Mothers, fathers, friends, children and spouses-no one is the support of anyone else.

Piṯ suṯo sagal kālṯar māṯā ṯere hohi na anṯ sakẖā▫i▫ā. Rahā▫o.

Father, children, spouse, mother and all relatives-they shall not be your helpers in the end. ||Pause||

Renounce selfishness, conceit and arrogant pride, and your love for your children and spouse. Abandon your thirsty hopes and desires, and embrace love for the Lord.