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Marrying A Girl From India .... Oops?


Guest The Super VanVander

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Guest The Super VanVander

OK - i married a girl from india, I am from the UK, about 2 months ago and she is still over in india. However, I've heard lots and lots of stories about girls from india comming over to the UK / CANADA / USA whatever and causing problems and in many cases divorcing their partner.

for example, i just learnt that somone i know married a girl from india. She came and lived here for 6 months before telling her husband that she wanted to return home and she demanded that he take her back to india himself. Once they reached india she phoned the punjabi police, made an allegation of mistreat and abuse, and had her husband arrested, she also had his relatives in india also arrested after claiming they had also abused her.

this story is on top of the dozens of other ones i have heard in recent weeks. i don't know, maybe people are just trying to scare me but I am worried. I believe that i have found a nice girl, but all those who have been played probably thought the same thing.

so does anyone have any advice, any suggestions about how to play this.... should i start being strict with her (not sure how i can do this over the phone) and give the impression i will take no crap from anyone or what....

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do ardas and take a hukamnama before you do anything, act according to how Guru Sahib says.

Also, how do you know that that guy didn't mistreat her? Acting strict is hardly going to help. Show such pyar and gursikhi qualities that she would not want to leave you. If you keep Gursikhi as the focal point of your relationship it should HOPEFULLY help to prevent any problems.

You have gone infront of maharaj and made your promises together to remain with each other for as long as the other lives, remember maharaj is more powerful than anyone, keep doing your ardasa to him. read lots of bani etc. read bani and do simran with your wife, do ardas together for success in your marriage.

Also, always remember, if you two are amritdhari then you can always go to the panj pyare together in the case of any relationship problems.

Sant Jarnail Singh Ji said: "If we speak to someone with hatred and try to assert our superiority, it will create hatred in the minds of everyone. So long as we have the spirit of love, so long as we have the support of Satguru Hargobind Sahib, the Master of Miri and Piri, is there any power on earth that can subdue us?"

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Koi gal nahee. just cos a few Indian nutcases divorced their husbands soon after marriage it doesn't necessarily mean she's one of them just cos she's from India. Relax bhai, drink some nice indian cha, put your feet up, watch india destroy England in the cricket test match that started today. :)

Good luck on your marriage goals in 2011 OP

:)

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Guest Guest

Be respectful and loving but firm and in control. Obviously raising your voice, being unreasonable or OTT strict is no good, but your wife needs to be able to respect you as the head of the relationship . Relationships often fail either because the husband is insecure and overbearing on his wife, leading to abuse etc, but more commonly because he is a pushover who the wife can boss around, which means internally she will never respect him. Strike a balance

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Take count to the stories, but not all (probably most) don't happen like that.

Try to stay in chardi kalaa and look for Guru Ji for guidance. Hope all is well and turns well.

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OK - i married a girl from india, I am from the UK, about 2 months ago and she is still over in india. However, I've heard lots and lots of stories about girls from india comming over to the UK / CANADA / USA whatever and causing problems and in many cases divorcing their partner.

for example, i just learnt that somone i know married a girl from india. She came and lived here for 6 months before telling her husband that she wanted to return home and she demanded that he take her back to india himself. Once they reached india she phoned the punjabi police, made an allegation of mistreat and abuse, and had her husband arrested, she also had his relatives in india also arrested after claiming they had also abused her.

this story is on top of the dozens of other ones i have heard in recent weeks. i don't know, maybe people are just trying to scare me but I am worried. I believe that i have found a nice girl, but all those who have been played probably thought the same thing.

so does anyone have any advice, any suggestions about how to play this.... should i start being strict with her (not sure how i can do this over the phone) and give the impression i will take no crap from anyone or what....

Wow, the quote in bold is funny.

No you should not be strict with her, humans are equal. Men have no rights over women, but she should probably be Strict with you and maybe kick some sense into your sexist self.

Husbands who treat their wives as unequals dont get a pat on the back by god we can all be sure of that.

I've heard alot of stories about guys from England, how they go clubbing and touch up and sleep with girls (Singhs very much included), and stories of amritdharis who drink and also go to clubs.

So maybe when I marry one from here I should be strict with him and make sure he knows whos boss.

See how this works?

Now understand gurbani and how it says we should All be the lowest of the low (most humble). How is being strict with someone being lowest of the low, you are merely trying to show your manmat authority, and who gives you this supposed authority? The black demon of Ego.

So when your wife comes, touch her feet and treat her like royalty (higher than yourself|) becuase god resides in her. If she treats you badly, respond to her with kindness and according to gurmat as gurbani tells us to becuase she is god teaching you a lesson.

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If she's a bad apple from before your marriage, no strictness on your part will make a jot of difference. They do whatever they want to.

You just have to hope that the girl your parents have found you is one of the good ones.

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Guest Guest

Bhai ji,

Tension mat lo !

Once i met a jolly good chap from London at a wedding.

He was brought up in England and married a girl from Amritsar.

It made me wonder so i asked him frankly WHY, as i thought they were not compatible.

Guy honestly said that you can never really Trust a British born or brought up girl.

Even after getting married they would still meet up with other guys.

I said nowdays even Indian girls have boy friends so what you gonna do about it ?

He replied once you get married and bring her to U.K all she can do is call her old boy friend at the Most !

Mean while Do Your Thing and get a baby out of her within 9 months.

After that she won't get time i.e would be busy taking care of the baby no time to FOOL AROUND.

Hope this gives you something to think about.

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unfortunately i personally know of 2 people whom have had marriages to people in india and it didnt work out. This one person is a doctor, he has been married 3 times. His first 2 wives were from india. The first was a dentist, once she did her dentistry equivalent exams here she left him. The second left him to go back to india. The 3rd marriage is with someone from england and touchwood things are going ok so far. They make a good couple.

The 2nd person i know married somebody about half his age from india. They even have 2 kids. A few days after she got her permanent residency, she left him. She also made claims of abuse at one point. She doesnt even care about her own kids and only see's them once a week.

You've got married, and there are plenty of marriages from india that do work out. You have made the commitment so stick with it! theres no reason to think she isnt a nice girl. Ask maharaj for guidance and help and im sure ther marriage will be fine. All the best!

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Guest KharkooKaur

Be respectful and loving but firm and in control. Obviously raising your voice, being unreasonable or OTT strict is no good, but your wife needs to be able to respect you as the head of the relationship . Relationships often fail either because the husband is insecure and overbearing on his wife, leading to abuse etc, but more commonly because he is a pushover who the wife can boss around, which means internally she will never respect him. Strike a balance

Ji wife doesnt need to be able to respect him as the head of the relationship!!!!!! because in a relationship two people work together IF THE MALE IS DOMINATING and acts like head of the relationship then its not really a healthy relationship is it???

Show her love, care do paath together try to get to know her better... ask her lot of questions about her life so you know her better... show respect to her and STOP what you are feeling right now if you start your relationship with these feelings it will probably fail and that you dont want....

if you keep thinking shes gona leave you or whatever and start your relationship that way how are you going to be able to live with her for your whole life??? You should get to know her better have that connection there that would keep you two together

that connection of love trust patience be a caring husband and prove to people that Marriages can Work!!! :) i have seen so many couples get divorced recently..... they always blame it on the girl but its not usually 2-sided.. there is more to the story.... its usually because couples have this attitude that they analyze every little thing example: the guy is like o she never goes out to the restaraunt i want to go to why does she get to pick?? LALALALALALAA.... couples fight over little stuff like this... their ego gets in the way..!!!!!

the ego is like :O What...???? It should be the way i want it to be... LALALALALAAAA....but anways....Little things shouldnt matter!! if your partner likes you in suit or kurta pajama WEAR THAT!!! stop complaining!!!

if you analyze little things you will have your relationship fall apart... so... gursikhi should be center of your relationship......... there should be pyar and respect for the person if you have that then you will not have ego!!!

if you really start to like the person you will never be angry because of little things...

When she gets there.....make sure you treat her well!!!! make her feel like Home!! its going to be hard for her to come to a country so different......make sure you help her get used to the change... Work With her NOT AGAINST HER!!!!!!!!!! not under her!! :\

By not under her- i mean dont be a guy who is way to attatched and way to sweet that it doesnt even look real!!!!! i dont know about her but i cant stand people that are like that.. so make sure you try to get to know her ask her questions like what do you like to eat? take her out more often!!!!!!!!

:) you should be excited about her coming not nervous or scared MAKE IT WORK and then show those people that tell you their stories that Relationships always work if handled well

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Guest Guest

Ji wife doesnt need to be able to respect him as the head of the relationship!!!!!! because in a relationship two people work together IF THE MALE IS DOMINATING and acts like head of the relationship then its not really a healthy relationship is it???

Your name is KharkooKaur so I guess you have respect for Sant Jarnail Singh and his Jatha, Damdami Taksal, which states in Taksal Rehat Maryada:

"A Singh must look upon his wife as his faithful Singhni and a Singhni should look upon her husband as Parmeshwar(God)."

http://www.damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80:rehat-maryada&catid=26:code-of-conduct&Itemid=68

That obviously doesn't mean that she does pooja to him but it does show that in the relationship there needs to be some one in charge. All teams, businesses or groups of people that have a goal contain people with different skills and abilities working towards a target - they are all equal and have different important roles, but there always needs to be one person in charge to make the final decision.

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Guest riedions

^^

Okay and how about when the wife is a Brahmgyani and the husband is not?

THE DROP IS THE OCEAN AND THE OCEAN IS THE DROP.

Do not tell us the husband should be looked upon as god, NIRVAIR MEANS LOVE ALL EQUALLY WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION AS GOD IS NOT ONLY IN ALL, HE IS ALL.

The Taksal Rehat Maryada is MANMAT If it contains that passage. ANYTHING THAT GOES AGAINST GURBANI AND ITS TEACHINGS IS MANMAT- THIS BULLSH**T SHOWS HOW IMMERSED IN KALYUG WE ALL ARE IF WE CANNOT RECOGNISE THE 2ND AND THIRD LINES OF GURBANI.

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Guest kharkookaur

Your name is KharkooKaur so I guess you have respect for Sant Jarnail Singh and his Jatha, Damdami Taksal, which states in Taksal Rehat Maryada:

"A Singh must look upon his wife as his faithful Singhni and a Singhni should look upon her husband as Parmeshwar(God)."

http://www.damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80:rehat-maryada&catid=26:code-of-conduct&Itemid=68

That obviously doesn't mean that she does pooja to him but it does show that in the relationship there needs to be some one in charge. All teams, businesses or groups of people that have a goal contain people with different skills and abilities working towards a target - they are all equal and have different important roles, but there always needs to be one person in charge to make the final decision.

Oye Hoye!!!!!! Gal Sun araam naal beh k :swing:

respecting loving having faith are three things that you need to get Vaheguroojee... Parmeshar/God...

Rehitnama doesn't say to do everything your husband tells you to do even if its wrong.. it says to see him as you see God because God resides in him. Same goes for singhs... singh must have faith in his wife as he has faith in god!!! IT ISNT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY...that yh does pooja like you stated... but like i said strong faith is needed in relationship...!! or else it falls apart!!!

:chairspin: you need to take a chilll pill!! i am not antimen i just dont think men should think they are above women... puratan times they used to run the garisti... or household, which is why lot of things involve men but i am sure puratan gursikhs werent sexist like a lot of our punjabi men now days!!

what does me respecting taksal and sant ji have to do with all this??? you are picking out little things to prove your point which isnt right.

my sister is amritthari and follows taksal rehitmarayada. she wasnt told to be any lesser than her husband like lot of you make it look like

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Guest kharkookaur

and OYE KID THE OP

if you start the relationship thinking you have all the problems she has NONE!!!! then you willl cause the relationship and the bind to break before you give it a chance to get stronger because you are underestimating and assuming something that is most likely NOT TRUE!!

she is leaving everything behind to come to UK you must respect that and help her get used to a new place.. if you keep thinking you have all the problems she has none then you are basically going to think that she is causing you more problems rather than taking away your problems everytime she bothered you for anything

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE NOW BEFORE YOUR RISHTA falls apart!!! :bouncybouncy:

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