Keeping Your Kesh Earlier Vs. Later In Life (Want Some Input)

[Sherdil]

I think raising children without their kesh and hoping that they will adopt a dastaar and keep their kesh when they mature is foolish. It's unlikely that they will want to keep their kesh once they get to secondary school etc. Having the Gurus roop is what makes us think and prevents us from doing things like clubbing, drinking etc. Those who don't keep their kesh will know that they can get away with it because they don't look the part.

I know that in the UK, there is a fair amount of racism. People are ignorant and insult dastaar wearing Sikhs to their faces. Either that, or there is a passive aggressive attitude, which I have experienced on too many occasions.

The way I see it, is WE are doing what is natural. We are just maintaining our sareer the way it was given to us by Satguru. The rest of the world is hacking their kesh off and mutilating their bodies. And yet..we find ourselves questioning our actions.

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Very well said.

[MokhamSingh]

KhalsaJi

When I decided to take Amrit I was amazed at the resistance from the sehajdhari Sikhs in the community. The monas congratulated me on taking this step. The white English showed great respect , with the exception of a few racist chavs.

I didn't realise the amount of taunting that was in store from the sehajdharis.

In the end I just put it down to sour grapes in the sense that these people think they are better than others and the only way for them to prove it is by taunting.

It's a sad world at times but a Gurmukh once said that Gold has to bear the heat of the furnace in order to become pure , so maybe these taunts and resistance can help.

[Sherdil]

KhalsaJi

When I decided to take Amrit I was amazed at the resistance from the sehajdhari Sikhs in the community. The monas congratulated me on taking this step. The white English showed great respect , with the exception of a few racist chavs.

I didn't realise the amount of taunting that was in store from the sehajdharis.

In the end I just put it down to sour grapes in the sense that these people think they are better than others and the only way for them to prove it is by taunting.

It's a sad world at times but a Gurmukh once said that Gold has to bear the heat of the furnace in order to become pure , so maybe these taunts and resistance can help.

I think sehajdharis, or "monas", harbor a lot of guilt for cutting their hair. A lot of posts on here making excuses for why keeping hair is not necessary are just excuses or rationalizations to make themselves feel better about not following Guru ji's command. I know because I used to be a mona myself.

To be fair, there are amritdharis that look down on Sikhs who cut their hair. They ridicule them in gurdwara camps and schools. Hostile attitudes usually push people away, rather than bring them back into the fold.

[Kaal]

A lot of you have correctly pointed out that racism happens everywhere and is always in issue.

However, what I think is far more difficult to deal with than racism from Americans (or Canadians or Brits or whoever), is prejudice from our own people. People who are Sikhs (in name at least) who are less than respectful towards people who keep their kesh. Most other groups of people who deal with racism can at least get support from their own community. But that's not really the case with our community, and it's probably going to get much worse in the future. I'm talking here about keshdari Sikhs being accepted and supported by monas.

I think it's the discrimination from our own that is most painful and difficult to deal with, and is often the breaking point for young Sikhs who are trying to keep their kesh. When you feel like you can't get support and acceptance anywhere, it's very tough.

I have experienced such people but when you accept it and show compassion they come to show it back. If a person from a Sikh background verbally shows rudeness and disrespect, you should just kindly educate him/her about Sikhi/Gurmat. Otherwise, if you notice that they talk about you with others (that is fine, because gurbani says the slanderer is my friend). They may stay away from you or give you cold looks but still be happy with yourself because you are bravely and proudly keeping Guru Sahib's image, which is the image of a True King but still remain humble and kind.

You probably feel more insecure due to lack of Naam and Gurbani. The outer form is only justified by keeping the inner self pure. Gurmat/Sikhi was created from the essence of Truth/Naam. So, without naam the outer self becomes meaningless.

To be fair, there are amritdharis that look down on Sikhs who cut their hair. They ridicule them in gurdwara camps and schools. Hostile attitudes usually push people away, rather than bring them back into the fold.

If amritdhari are doing this, then they are in the wrong because they should be giving a good image in the roop they are keeping as we represent Guru Sahib. So, we should show kindness and respect to others.

[californiasardar1]

This is an issue I've touched on before and is something that also surprises and saddens me quite a bit.

What's changed in the past 20 years or so whereby some cut-hair kids from Sikh background consider Sikh kids with kesh to be an oddity? Lack of education from their parents? It has to be because in the past even those Sikh kids with cut-hair use to defend their brethren with jooreh if the need arose. Now, they're more likely to look on with indifference and even, sometimes, join-in with the taunts.

When this kind of behaviour occurs between children you can put it down to kids being kids. But when adults within the Sikh community do it then what on earth is a person meant to think?

What's changed in the last 20 years is the proportion of Sikhs with cut hair has shot up dramatically. When you have cut hair but your father, or grandfather, or brother, or cousin, or someone else is a sardar, you are going to view keshdari Sikhs as your brothers.

But when you grow up not being related to anyone with uncut hair, you are probably not going to look at keshdari Sikhs as people like you. Instead, you might view them as some strange, fundamentalist "others".

This is one of the major reasons why the disappearance of keshdari Sikhs is so troubling. The more monas, the less support keshdari Sikhs get. If all the mona still viewed us as their brothers and sisters, we could reach some sort of equilibrium point where people could make their own choices but still stand together when it comes down to it.

This problem is going to reach crisis proportions within the next 20-30 years. At that time, 95% of Sikhs will have not only have cut hair, but they will have grown up being unrelated to anyone with uncut hair. We won't be one community anymore.

KhalsaJi

When I decided to take Amrit I was amazed at the resistance from the sehajdhari Sikhs in the community. The monas congratulated me on taking this step. The white English showed great respect , with the exception of a few racist chavs.

I didn't realise the amount of taunting that was in store from the sehajdharis.

In the end I just put it down to sour grapes in the sense that these people think they are better than others and the only way for them to prove it is by taunting.

It's a sad world at times but a Gurmukh once said that Gold has to bear the heat of the furnace in order to become pure , so maybe these taunts and resistance can help.

Khalsa Ji,

could you clarify how you are differentiating between monas and sehajdharis here? I am a bit confused.

[californiasardar1]

I have experienced such people but when you accept it and show compassion they come to show it back. If a person from a Sikh background verbally shows rudeness and disrespect, you should just kindly educate him/her about Sikhi/Gurmat. Otherwise, if you notice that they talk about you with others (that is fine, because gurbani says the slanderer is my friend). They may stay away from you or give you cold looks but still be happy with yourself because you are bravely and proudly keeping Guru Sahib's image, which is the image of a True King but still remain humble and kind.

You probably feel more insecure due to lack of Naam and Gurbani. The outer form is only justified by keeping the inner self pure. Gurmat/Sikhi was created from the essence of Truth/Naam. So, without naam the outer self becomes meaningless.

I see what you mean, and as an adult I'm more prepared to deal with such disrespect. (Although I still have some work to do when dealing with the disrespect in the context of finding a woman to marry.)

However, when you are a kid growing up surrounded by hostility and unable to turn anywhere for support and acceptance, you are sometimes unprepared to deal with this.

[MokhamSingh]

What's changed in the last 20 years is the proportion of Sikhs with cut hair has shot up dramatically. When you have cut hair but your father, or grandfather, or brother, or cousin, or someone else is a sardar, you are going to view keshdari Sikhs as your brothers.

But when you grow up not being related to anyone with uncut hair, you are probably not going to look at keshdari Sikhs as people like you. Instead, you might view them as some strange, fundamentalist "others".

This is one of the major reasons why the disappearance of keshdari Sikhs is so troubling. The more monas, the less support keshdari Sikhs get. If all the mona still viewed us as their brothers and sisters, we could reach some sort of equilibrium point where people could make their own choices but still stand together when it comes down to it.

This problem is going to reach crisis proportions within the next 20-30 years. At that time, 95% of Sikhs will have not only have cut hair, but they will have grown up being unrelated to anyone with uncut hair. We won't be one community anymore.

Khalsa Ji,

could you clarify how you are differentiating between monas and sehajdharis here? I am a bit confused.

The sehajdharis had turbans and beards but drank alcohol and ate meat , did not do any Nitnem etc...they were not Amritdhari.

We were always brought up to show respect to everyone , I never disrespected anyone but the sehajdharis always tried to agitate things.

[californiasardar1]

I think sehajdharis, or "monas", harbor a lot of guilt for cutting their hair. A lot of posts on here making excuses for why keeping hair is not necessary are just excuses or rationalizations to make themselves feel better about not following Guru ji's command. I know because I used to be a mona myself.

To be fair, there are amritdharis that look down on Sikhs who cut their hair. They ridicule them in gurdwara camps and schools. Hostile attitudes usually push people away, rather than bring them back into the fold.

Could you share a bit about your experiences being a mona and now having your kesh? When did you start to keep your kesh? How did you social interactions with other "Sikhs" change?

[Only five]

I have seen many mona people get mistreated and called racist names than people with Dastar and long hair. Connecting with people has a lot to do with a person's personality. There are sardars with open personalities and they have no problem being accepted by anyone. I have come across racist people, but I don't let their negative attitude get in my way. It's when you respond to them, they have won, unless they are on the ground eating dirt, which was how i handled many racist kids when i went to elementary and high school. Sikhs with hair cuts were getting bullied in elementary schools and they did nothing about it. And a sardar kid had to set the record straight with the racist kids. Again it depends on your personality and if the kid has a strong parents that teach him right and give the kid the tools to build confidence in who he is then the kid can not only have a strong personality, but stomp in couple of bullies so they don't bother other kids.

Kids that are different will face racism in the future, but that is with any kid. A kid that walks different, talks different, is failing grades, is caught picking his nose, has a pink backpak and the list goes on. Kids will always pick on the kid that is fewer in numbers, but doesn't mean we change to what society wants. Many mona who have been mona there whole life are complete rejects. And it has nothing to do with the way they look, but it has everything to do with their personality.

If a kid has strong support from his parents from a young age, even though he is a quiet kid. He will not have trouble socializing. Personally, i have seen kids cut their hair and they think life will get easier, but life has only got more difficult for them and they regret cutting their hair because they left Sikhi for what soceity wanted from them. But even that society doesn't accept them still. Insecurity just doesn't rest in some sardars, but also in monas and it has very little to do with their looks. It has more to do with personality.

[Only five]

Parents and grandparents that came to the western countries faced 100 times worse racism than any kid today would face. And these elders never did away with their uncut hair. Instead they showed the racist people what they are made of by making something of themselves. Take a chance to listen to these elders stories of racism. They seriously laugh when they hear all these youth crying over getting bullied over just having a Dastar. No one is throwing beer bottles at us, no one is taking your work away because you are minority, no one is spitting on you and telling you to leave the west, no one is beating you at work, where you're unable to press charges. They paved the road already for us and we still lose heart because some white girl looks at you different and then giggles in your direction with her friend. My bad now it's a insecure brown girl, who has no self respect and cries herself to sleep because she hates how she looks without make up and doesn't have enough money for plastic surgery to cover her ugly spots up permanently.

Those brothers that are feeling low on cofidence, please read Sri Chandi di Vaar in the language you understand what Guru Sahib is saying. You will gain the strength to face these very small issues.