Is it me, my karma, or how it was supposed to be?

[Singh23]

WJKK WJKF

Das needs some help straightening out his thoughts and thought he would ask for the advice of sangat.

This is a bit of a spiel, I apologize in advance.

I'm 21 years old and have no discipline what so ever. It's changing now mostly because of Guru Kirpa, I always do ardaas before doing anything and have been getting up for amritvela regularly now. It's even changed my studies as I tend to procrastinate less and actually do work ahead of time.

I'm so happy that Guru sahib has taken mercy on me, but I feel very depressed it has taken so long for me to grow up. I'm in my fourth year of uni and even though my grades are not bad, they are not top notch either. I'm not stupid, I can be quite smart when I'm focused (guru kirpa).

But why did it take so long? I took amrit 3 years ago, with grace of Guru ji, I have had the kirpa of doing sangat of many of the greatest gursikhs and only now am I finally stable.

My studies, gurbani studies, music, physical activity all have been in limbo. I feel like I've wasted my life. Realistically I have a few years of education left and then work and quickly after marriage. What do I have to offer to a wife and children. I feel like I'm worthless.

I've loved music as a child and got the best marks in the school and awards for music. But after grade 10ish when teachers stop pushing you and expect you to grow up, my life fell apart. People tried to push me to work hard but I could never do it. It was always "Ok I will", I got motivated, and hen fell apart again.

So now, Im about to finish education, ok to good grades (only with kirpa), if I land a good job it will only be through immense kirpa, and I have no kirtan/music/limited gurbani skills.

I feel so devastated that I ruined my life because I was lazy and undisciplined. How pathetic is that?

I go to the sangat and see gursikhs who have so much kirpa on them, and understand guru sahib does everything for a reason, and that I did come into sikhi later in life and don't have the best environment (not very sikhi based family), but...

and here's the problem. Is it me? Is it that my karma have pushed me in this direction? Is this what god has written for me? Or is this my fault for not taking advantage of the chances and resources given to me. Is this just a hindsight is 20/20 deal or is this how my life was supposed to play out? I feel very...crushed right now. Not hopeless because I know Guru ji will always help, but I feel like such a disappointment. Is this tere bane Sarbat ka Bhala? Is this what was best for me for this life?

I feel like I'm attributing blame to guru ji which is the last thing I should be, but I need to make sense of these things so I can move on from here.

My life will get better, With guru kirpa i think I am at a point where i wont fall to far again, but in order to grow I need to sort this out.

I don't have anyone I feel I can ask this except the SS forum which has helped me in the past.

So daas begs for a little budhi, some kind words, and harsh words are welcomed as well as I probably deserve them.

[Dhan Guru Nanak]

Why are you feeling so down? With Guru Ji's Kirpa you seem to be on the right track. Doing path, access to sangat, good education and you are only 21. With kirpa there is still a lot of life ahead to do more Path, sewa and learnGurbani. You have not ruined your life and if you continue along the right track and remain humble everything will work out. Remember it is not necessarily the amount of time that you have been a Sikh or been following Gurbani that is the main factor (although the more you do the better) but how much love and faith you put into following the words of Guru Ji and putting them into practice in real life.

Sach Kahon Sun Leho Sabhai Jin Prem Kio Tin Hi Prabh Paio.

Always have faith, do ardas and things will work out. Some verses from Sukhmani Sahib (Astpadi 11):

Parabh bhaavai maanukh gat paavai.

Parabh bhaavai taa paathar taraavai.

Parabh bhaavai bin saas tay raakhai.

Parabh bhaavai taa har gun bhaakhai.

Parabh bhaavai taa patit uDhaarai.

Aap karai aapan beechaarai.

Duhaa siri-aa kaa aap su-aamee.

Khaylai bigsai antarjaamee.

Jo bhaavai so kaar karaavai.

Naanak daristee avar na aavai. ||2||

Repeating God's name even Ajaamal and Ganika were liberated within minutes. It is all God's will.

[Guest]

I find that leaving the world is the best idea but you have to stay in the world to accomplish wahegurus goals.

To tell you the truth i could care less if you were a phd or some heart surgeon.What i am looking from you is how much bani you have or knowledge of waheguru.Schools are traps and take you away from waheguru.

suix pwfy ikAw ilKhu jMjwlw ]

Listen, O Pandit, O religious scholar, why are you writing about worldly debates?

sun paaday ki-aa likhahu janjaalaa.

ilKu rwm nwm gurmuiK gopwlw ]1] rhwau ]

As Gurmukh, write only the Name of the Lord, the Lord of the World. ||1||Pause||

likh raam naam gurmukh gopaalaa. ||1|| raha

[VanHelsingh]

Onwards and upwards. You can't change the past. Beating yourself up about if's and maybe's only leads to a sinking heart and sadness.

[Guest dasguruka]

You're set man. Focus on what you do have. Stop worrying about the future. Consider yourself a puppet and stop expecting anything. You're set bro. Just take 5-10 minutes and appreciate everything you do have.

[S1ngh]

Throw everything on waheugru jee.. Seriously, you need to keep that much trust that whenever you worry about something just think that waheguru jee is there to worry about it and will take care of it.. The only stuff we need to do is to follow his path and try to improve our self everyday.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

Put a positive spin on it: I wasted all these years, but no longer. From now on I will do my best. Whatever happened in the past is done ( and was ur fault, In my opinion if we do anything bad or worthless, then it was cause of free will and is our fault, but is we do something good, like seva, it was a blessing). Now you have to make sure, how many years of life are left, you do not waste.

P.S. Thanks for the post, it was a wake up call, i have the procrastinating problem as well, n thought, i'll become disciplined in the future, but i didn't reckon on the regret/guilt..........Thanks again.

[luckysingh99]

Nothing is wasted ever. If you think you have wasted your life chasing some false rainbows then you have in fact been learning all along.

We move with the factor of time across this world ocean and we can ONLY GAIN as we porgress along.

Even if we swim in the wrong direction, we are still gainiing and not losing.

The lord does not punish or judge you differently in the way you experience your swim across.

[SunSingh]

karma is not given to you by the guru, it is something that you create for your self through repeated actions in this life and from past lives. you can improve your karma through seva, simran, and sadhsangat. a good organisation system helps a lot. i find that if the first thing i do in the day is good productive work, it sets the tone for the day to be productive. but if i check email first, or facebook etc, then its an uphill battle. there are also shabads that you can recite that will help get rid of laziness.

[N30S1NGH]

great post sunsingh veer..!! :D