Is It The End Of The World ?

[MaiVelleeHaan]

Ok so where do I begin? Umm, well I have many problems but I think the biggest one for me, the one that makes me cry to sleep would be school. I used to be a munmukh back like 4 years ago and I always had good marks I was a role model everyone in my family including relatives loved me. I eventually took Amrit and started facing some problems with guru Ji's Kirpa I stood tall and ignored everything. I went to India 2 years later and I got very sick there my body started shaking a lot, especially my head and I cried a lot. I went to many different hospitals and when I finally came back home to Canada we found out that i was dealing with depression. I got hooked up on medication and I started my grade 11 year. I never went to class I just went to the bathroom stall and locked myself up and cried this happened for a few months and then guru ji did Kirpa and I started focusing on him. I eventually let go of my medications on my own cuz I hated my psychiatrist. I basically missed my grade 11 year and pretty much didn't go to school. I started grade 12 and I was a happy kid. Couple months later I got really upset and cried everyday all night and I stopped going to school I just stayed in my room with lights off blinds closed and just hid under my blanket all day and didn't eat didn't do anything just cried. I wanted to kill myself and I was close every time but I never ended up hurting myself. My mom told me to stop being lazy and i just couldnt beleive her. Happened for awhile and then I tried to get myself together. Later on we found out that I had bad atmas inside me and so I had a interesting well actually horrible experience with them and then yeah I did a shabad on jan 31 at 11:30pm all the way to midnight and I did a shabad called main moorakh kee ghat keejah mere raam. I am foolish - save me, O my Lord! And guru ji listened to that and saved me else I was supposed to die that day but because I did that shabad guru jee saved me and I took Amrit the next day and let me tell u, after Amrit sanchar I felt so good I was conpletely normal and yeah it was awesome. Time went by and I started doing well in school but by the time the report cards came out my marks dropped really low so my parents never got to see my good marks. Now I'm falling behind and I just want to graduate on time but from the looks of it, it might not be possible, my parents won't be proud and I don't want to grad with my bro that's just weird and baisti. I basically never went to school for a year if u think about it cuz I wasn't doing well in grade 11. Maybe if I had some other illness maybe say cancer then my parents and everyone else would understand. They would be proud if I were to grad with my bro but something like depression, in everyone's eyes it's just being lazy and being dumb. I think it's impossible to do English 11 and English 12 and punjabi 11 and 30 hours of work experience all by mid August. If I don't then ill have to come back to high school maybe even for just one semester but still everyone's gonna be graduated and ill be left known as the dumb kid. I've been through a lot too I guess it would make sense if I graduated late but still everyone's going to be judging , my own family will be. My psychiatric nursing program starts in may at kwatlen university so even if I did come back to high school for one semester and finish in the end of January I'd still be good cuz I'm going to have to wait anyway. But yeah it's hard I'm one a half time schedule again now and still I'm struggling to get the marks I need. I don't do my hw at home it's hard to manage time. I'm stressed about other things in life to so it makes it harder. I don't know what to do. I can't go to sleep without crying at night I'm so upset right now I'm skipping class and I'm in the bathroom in a stall locked up

[luckysingh99]

You sound to torn in between your mind. !!

First you need to decide exactly 'What you want' and then ''What you want to do to get it'

In terms of volume of work you missed, it may be very difficult now to catch up, However, if you set your focus on it then you can still do it by slogging it out. There are many resources available on the net that can help guide you but you need to find the subjects and topics that are your weak points first and focus on them.

[VanHelsingh]

First of all, judging by a few of your posts I've read in the past, you need to stop labelling yourself and others or what you perceive yourself or other people to be. Phrases like "manmukh", "Gurmukh", just leave them alone as you sound very immature when on one hand you seem to be in quite a few serious pickles yourself, yet you consider yourself superior to others on account of what exactly? You've taken Amrit? Good for you, but that doesn't mean the job is done. I'm guessing you're young hence the lack of maturity on your part regarding these matters so just some friendly advice: Until you reach brahmgian status you (and all of us) are manmukhs. There are very few Gurmukhs around. Giving up television, music, etc., doesn't make one a Gurmukh.

Also, again going by a few of your previous posts, I think you've mentally convinced yourself you have issues because you've taken Amrit and you've relinquished your past lifestyle whatever that use to be. There's no need to punish yourself. You don't need to suffer in order for your status as an Amritdhari to be valid in the eyes of... whoever you're trying to prove these things to.

Secondly you need to take responsibility for your own actions as there seems to be quite a large disconnect between reality and your own outlook on life, and a balance needs to achieved. It's great you've given your head to Guru Sahib, but by doing so you must also understand YOU need to do a lot of the heavy lifting; He shows us the way, yet with his kirpa we need to take those steps. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Thirdly, the fact that this difficult period for you (I won't call it 'mental illness' as that may be over-egging your problem but it sounds pretty darn close) is considered to be "behzti and dumb" is probably one of the reasons you aren't getting the requisite support to help deal with your problems. I suggest your parents stop worrying about what people will think if they discover their daughter is suffering for whatever reason, and instead do something to help their child. Burying their head in the sand won't make this problem go away.

[Guest someone who cares]

For Whaeguru sake please stop listening to your mind. Know that you are part of GOD(Whaeguru) and it loves you just as you are . No need for comdemn, punish yourself by all the self talk. You are too young to be caught up in labelling things and issues. Please live life, you seem like have a good future lined up in the nursing program. I was 35 yr old before I figured out I am not the mind and I am not whatever comes to my mind. So are you also part of the same GOD as everyone else. Please sit in a quiet place do simran, dukh bhanjani sahib, sukmani sahib etc when you have time. Please know I will say a prayer for you. Don't be too critical of yourself .Love yourself just as you are.

[MKaur89]

Regarding your school work, I think it's best to speak to somebody at school (like your teachers) and share your concerns with them regarding graduating late and getting good marks. They know your previous marks, they know what ability you have and they have probably guided students through similar problems (missing classes, falling behind, graduating late etc) and they can give you the best academic advice. Now, even if you do graduate late, or have to spend an extra semester at school, it doesn't seem too bad as after all you hope to start university in May and will be done with the extra semester by January.

Now the other issue is your state of mind and honestly, this seems like your biggest problem at the moment. Until you sort this out, you will keep struggling at school no matter how hard you try. I have read through some of your previous posts and it seems like a lot of issues you go through seem to be because you are mentally imbalanced. Mental health is such a taboo topic in Panjabi culture and it's a real shame because of course mental illnesses are just like other physical illnesses and just because you cannot see it, it doesn't mean that it does not exist. It's sad that you are battling depression or some sort of mental imbalance as you are still young and have so much to experience and so many more highs and lows to go through in your life but it seems like you are battling it alone. You talk about 'baisti' and your parents not being 'proud' if you graduate late. But they should be more worried about your health, and your mental health. I would hate for my sisters to be going through what you are, and not being able to openly discuss it with me or our parents. Your parents made the choice to bring you into this world, and they need to help you get the best possible support to overcome the problems you are facing and this 'depression'. Your parents' responsibility is not just raising you and putting you through school so that you get a good job and then get married and live happily ever after, they need to fully understand what you are going through. But you have a responsibility too. Parents are not mind-readers (despite sometimes claiming to be) so you need to summon the courage to tell your mum and dad everything you wrote in your original post. They are the real people who need to read what you wrote above. We can only give you so much advice, but whether you listen to it or not is up to you. And I understand that even by just writing that post, you may feel like a small weight has lifted off your shoulders as you have poured out your emotions but your parents and family are the ones close by you who can get you the help you really need. All we can do here is talk, but they can act. No amount of talking is going to rid you of your problems, no matter how wise the person is. You need to get some sort of professional help as soon as possible. No matter how hard it is, you have to be open and honest with your parents so you can get the right medical and academic help that you so desperately need.

Also, choosing to quit your medication on your own is quite a naive thing to do and means you are taking two steps back on the road to recovery. People who take medication for mental illnesses often feel that they are getting much better now that they are taking their tablets and they start to think that they can manage without the medication so they prematurely make the decision to stop taking it- which in hindsight is a foolish thing to do as more often than not the same mental symptoms start coming back and are usually much worse. You should always follow the correct medical advice, it's for your own benefit. If you are having issues with certain medical professionals, then tell someone or make a complaint or ask to be referred to an alternative instead. Don't suffer in silence or quit your treatment. Or you'll spend your whole life in and out of doctors' offices and hospitals and on and off anti-depressants.

Your problems are nothing to do with being amritdhari or manmukh or gurmukh. Your problem is your mind and the attitude that your parents have. You need to tell them how you feel before it's too late. If you get the right help then you can still do well in your studies, August is still quite some time away. Maybe sit with your brother, a friend or cousin or aunty or somebody you trust and ask them to help you talk to your parents about how you feel. You just need the right support from your family and doctors and a push in the right direction and some more encouragement from school. Do ardas to Maharaj to help you overcome your problems whilst still staying strong in your Sikhi. Don't give up. Sewa, simran, bani and sangat are the best remedies for any problem, big or small. Don't let go of your nitnem. People say, those who never let go of their nitnem, Guru Nanak Dev Ji never lets go of their arm. Those people who do give up their nitnem, it's not that Guru Ji has let go of their arm, but that person has forcefully pulled their arm back from Guru Ji.

[MKaur89]

First of all, judging by a few of your posts I've read in the past, you need to stop labelling yourself and others or what you perceive yourself or other people to be. Phrases like "manmukh", "Gurmukh", just leave them alone as you sound very immature when on one hand you seem to be in quite a few serious pickles yourself, yet you consider yourself superior to others on account of what exactly? You've taken Amrit? Good for you, but that doesn't mean the job is done. I'm guessing you're young hence the lack of maturity on your part regarding these matters so just some friendly advice: Until you reach brahmgian status you (and all of us) are manmukhs. There are very few Gurmukhs around. Giving up television, music, etc., doesn't make one a Gurmukh.

Also, again going by a few of your previous posts, I think you've mentally convinced yourself you have issues because you've taken Amrit and you've relinquished your past lifestyle whatever that use to be. There's no need to punish yourself. You don't need to suffer in order for your status as an Amritdhari to be valid in the eyes of... whoever you're trying to prove these things to.

Secondly you need to take responsibility for your own actions as there seems to be quite a large disconnect between reality and your own outlook on life, and a balance needs to achieved. It's great you've given your head to Guru Sahib, but by doing so you must also understand YOU need to do a lot of the heavy lifting; He shows us the way, yet with his kirpa we need to take those steps. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Thirdly, the fact that this difficult period for you (I won't call it 'mental illness' as that may be over-egging your problem but it sounds pretty darn close) is considered to be "behzti and dumb" is probably one of the reasons you aren't getting the requisite support to help deal with your problems. I suggest your parents stop worrying about what people will think if they discover their daughter is suffering for whatever reason, and instead do something to help their child. Burying their head in the sand won't make this problem go away.

Excellent post, you are one of the very few people left on this forum who talks sense and gives frank, non-judgemental advice. If the OP chooses to read and follow the advice of only one post in this thread, it should be this one.

[Guest i exist]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

waheguru give us strengh

in my foolishness i let go of your feet

and now i fall

spinning around in the depths of illusion

time went on

and my memory faded

the decisions made

that let my hands go from your feet

and now your hand reaches out for me

but i hold myself back

just a moment

one moment

i need to reach up

and let you take me

when everything seems dark

just open your eyes

and see whats right infront of you

you have a relationship with guru ji

in my eyes

you are so lucky and beautiful

the guru has given you his hand

he will not let go

just remember that

we only feel pain because we forget

but he will never forget

he will never let go

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[Gurpreet14]

Ur first post regarding a boy... certainly hampers u.........

When a person cant get success in luv.... that person is broken..... from within.....

to live life u need to b strong.... Again n again blaming Amrit for ur miserable life wont help...

After taking amrit if u continuously feel that u r unhappy... n unable to live happy life then probably u r insulting the amrit of God...

Listen ...... No body told u to follow Guruji.. it was u urself who decided what u want to do...........

make Guruji ur strength... the day u will realize that Guruji is with u... that day.. u wont have any complains with life... n u will b capable to deal with everything.....

Taking Amrit does not mean u will not face problems in life... perhaps u will be made to deal with more difficulties to make u strong enough to be called Guru da sikh .....

[VanHelsingh]

Excellent post, you are one of the very few people left on this forum who talks sense and gives frank, non-judgemental advice. If the OP chooses to read and follow the advice of only one post in this thread, it should be this one.

Aside from the histrionics regarding people's love lives, I think as Sikhs we need to support each other whenever issues such as these arise. It's not easy trying follow a righteous path as well as trying to traverse the normal tribulations of life everybody in the world has to face. It's not a good thing to see people suffering, and with the benefit of wisdom due to experience, those of us who've been through similar troubles should help out our youngers brothers and sisters. It's not professional help but it's pretty close.

[SunSingh]

it sounds like you seek the approval and understanding of your parents, and that the lack of approval and understanding is causing a lot of pain. From personal experience I can tell you that despite it being logical and right, the people we care about sometimes will not see/understand or neccessarily have the capability of being compassionate with our issues/challenges. Sometimes you have to just let go of seeking that approval from them and live your own life. this is a source of power in and of itself.

The next thing is are you sure you want to do this course? Doing something we find interesting for its own sake can help motivate us, but doing something that we think we should do b/c parents/society expect it can lead to burn out. If you are sure you are interested perhaps you should brush up on study skills etc. The books sold from the study hacks blog should help, but the time to read up on that would be after august as you are better of studying now.

Also, maybe try looking at your situation from a distance. What is the worst thing that can happen? what will be the consequences of this worst thing happening? Can you be ok with that? Will it prevent you from getting the job that you want, or will it just delay it for a year or so? Will this worst thing ruin your life forever? Or just mean that you'll feel embarassed and have to repeat a year? When we look at things this way we see that we often catastrophize things in our minds, that they really aren't as bad or as final as our minds make them. I know a person who messed around during high school and wasted his time. He had to take a longer route to get into the program that he wanted but now is one of the highest earning people that I know and also loves his job.