Ugh Need Some Help: Battling With My Identity

[Guest]

@hsing - Thats hard as hell to hear what you did.I feel like crying.What you did is painful to even hear.I cant beleive someone would do suh a thing.Go through panj pyarie seva and in the end it was all meaning less.You were on a such good path.Now what happened?Are you happy with yourself.You happy that you pleased the world but not the guru.You put your mind in from so your are a manmukh.A gurmukh puts the guru in front.I still cannot beleive things like this happen.

Truthfully tell me are you happy?

Sorry for saying all those things but that really hurt me.

[hsingh68]

@hsing - Thats hard as hell to hear what you did.I feel like crying.What you did is painful to even hear.I cant beleive someone would do suh a thing.Go through panj pyarie seva and in the end it was all meaning less.You were on a such good path.Now what happened?Are you happy with yourself.You happy that you pleased the world but not the guru.You put your mind in from so your are a manmukh.A gurmukh puts the guru in front.I still cannot beleive things like this happen.

Truthfully tell me are you happy?

Sorry for saying all those things but that really hurt me.

Yes really happy before my life was really depressing and sad. But now I couldn't be happier each moment feels like a gift and everyday I am always grateful to God. Before I just wanted to die, everything felt tedious and dull.

The lifestyle didn't suit me at all but maybe for you it might be great but not me.

[Guest]

Wow you are something.I would die without guru.I would die if someone cut my hair.I would want to destroy the whole world is that happend to me.

How can you follow the guru when you dont want to follow the amrit?

You never took amrit seriously and only did it because of your parents.You should try doing it for yourself and for the guru.But i doubt you will try.

ਭੁਲਿਆਂ ਆਪਿ ਸਮਝਾਇਸੀ ਜਾ ਕਉ ਨਦਰਿ ਕਰੇ ॥

भुलिआं आपि समझाइसी जा कउ नदरि करे ॥

Bẖuli▫āʼn āp samjẖā▫isī jā ka▫o naḏar kare.

The Lord Himself instructs those who are misguided, when He casts His Glance of Grace.

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਦਰੀ ਬਾਹਰੀ ਕਰਣ ਪਲਾਹ ਕਰੇ ॥੬੭॥

नानक नदरी बाहरी करण पलाह करे ॥६७॥

Nānak naḏrī bāhrī karaṇ palāh kare. ||67||

O Nanak, those who are not blessed by His Glance of Grace, cry and weep and wail. ||67|

[hsingh68]

Wow you are something.I would die without guru.I would die if someone cut my hair.I would want to destroy the whole world is that happend to me.

How can you follow the guru when you dont want to follow the amrit?

You never took amrit seriously and only did it because of your parents.You should try doing it for yourself and for the guru.But i doubt you will try.

ਭੁਲਿਆਂ ਆਪਿ ਸਮਝਾਇਸੀ ਜਾ ਕਉ ਨਦਰਿ ਕਰੇ ॥

भुलिआं आपि समझाइसी जा कउ नदरि करे ॥

Bẖuli▫āʼn āp samjẖā▫isī jā ka▫o naḏar kare.

The Lord Himself instructs those who are misguided, when He casts His Glance of Grace.

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਦਰੀ ਬਾਹਰੀ ਕਰਣ ਪਲਾਹ ਕਰੇ ॥੬੭॥

नानक नदरी बाहरी करण पलाह करे ॥६७॥

Nānak naḏrī bāhrī karaṇ palāh kare. ||67||

O Nanak, those who are not blessed by His Glance of Grace, cry and weep and wail. ||67|

In the tuks you provided I don't think God cares if I cut my hair or not. Why was I more sad when I was amritdhari for 15 years than compared to now? If God cared he would of punished me for cutting my hair but he has made my life so much better.

I did take amrit seriously for 15 years I put my heart into it and not for a moment can I say i never took it seriously. I respect your decision for taking amrit and I'm glad that you are enjoying the lifestyle but its just not for me.

[Guest]

Because you want to enjoy life with alcohol,drugs,sex etc.Thats what makes you happy.

dukh daru sukh rog bhaiya

This tuk has several different meanings.One meaning is that the dukh is the medicine and the sukh is the diesese.The second one is is the medicine looks like dukh and the diesese is the sukh.You are thinking that the amrit was living hell and the mona lifestyle was heaven for you.In the end you will have to pay for what you did.The guru says rehit pyari mujh ko sikh pyara nahi.

Rehni Rahe Soi Sikh Mera, Oh Sahib Mein Us Ka Chehra.
Rehat Bina Nahie Singh Kahave, Rehat Bina Darh Chota Khahve
Rehni Rahe Soi Sikh Mera, Oh Sahiba Mein Us Ka Chehra.
Rehat Bin Sukh Kabho Nah Lahe, Ta Te Rehat So Drir Khar Gaye
Rehni Rahe Soi Sikh Mera, Oh Sahiba Mein Us Ka Chehra.
Khalsa Khas Kahave Soi, Ja Ke Hirde Bharam Na Hoe.
Bharam Bhek Te Rahe Niryara, So Khalis Sat Guru Hamara. ♥♥

Khalsa mero roop hai khaas, Khaalse meh hau karau nivaas
Khalsa is my form special, In Khalsa I live

Khalsa mero mukh hai angaa, Khaalse ke haun sad sad sangaa
Khalsa is my body, With Khalsa Im ever ever present

Khalsa mero mitar sakhaaee, Khalsa maat pita sukhdaaee
Khalsa my friend companion, khalsa mother father peacegiver

Khalsa mero dharam our karam, khalsa mero bhed nij maram”
Khalsa my faith and actions, Khalsa my distinct personal mystique

Khalsa mero bhavan bhandaara, Khaalse kar mero satkaara
khalsa my treasure vast, Khalsa keeps my honour

Khalsa mero satgur poora, Khalsa mero sajjan soora
Khalsa my satguru complete, Khalsa my virtous noble friend, brave dauntless warrior

Khalsa akal purakh ki fauj, pragteo khalsa paramatam ki mauj.
Khalsa army of God, the Akal Purakh, Khalsa joy of the Supreme Being."

Pure Being is my body and life force, Pure Being is my life of Life force;
(“Khalsa Mero Pind Pran, Khalsa Meri Jaan Ki Jaan”)
Due to Pure being, My Importance and Respect; Pure Being is my Selfishness.
(“Maan Mehat Meri Khalsa Sahi, Khalsa Mero swarath Sahi”)

Pure Being is my survival; Pure Being is my mind & Breath.
(“Khalsa Mero Kare Nirbaha, Khalsa Mero Deh Or Saha”) - See more at: http://www.satnaam.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=19&Itemid=0#sthash.GS44Npkj.dpuf

listen to this shabad

Pure Being is my body and life force, Pure Being is my life of Life force;
(“Khalsa Mero Pind Pran, Khalsa Meri Jaan Ki Jaan”)
Due to Pure being, My Importance and Respect; Pure Being is my Selfishness.
(“Maan Mehat Meri Khalsa Sahi, Khalsa Mero swarath Sahi”)

Pure Being is my survival; Pure Being is my mind & Breath.
(“Khalsa Mero Kare Nirbaha, Khalsa Mero Deh Or Saha”) - See more at: http://www.satnaam.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=19&Itemid=0#sthash.GS44Npkj.dpuf

[hsingh68]

Because you want to enjoy life with alcohol,drugs,sex etc.Thats what makes you happy.

What a poor judgement!! I have never ever drunk in my life, ate meat or done drugs and I don't ever intend to. Stop stereotyping people who cut their hair.

[Guest]

Well you cut your hair for fashion.Fashion is a manifestation of kaam.I was right in one point though.

[hsingh68]

Well you cut your hair for fashion.Fashion is a manifestation of kaam.I was right in one point though.

Not for fashion either, stop judging me without knowing the facts :nono:

[Guest]

Then why did you do?

[hsingh68]

Then why did you do?

Because I didn't like keeping the physical identity, rehats and eating out of sarbloh, only eating from amritdharis (just made my life hard and sad). I just didn't like the lifestyle mainly i felt like I was being suffocated all the time by it. Tying pagh and combing my hair twice a day and burning your hair once it falls out was too too tedious.

Cutting your hair so simple to take care of it, i cut it once a month and thats it! Don't need to spend ages tying a dastaar, tucking my hair in with a salaee and the best thing is when you wash short hair it dries so quickly. Long hair takes so long! Another factor is that I can get some extra sleep as getting ready took longer when I had long hair.