I Keep Screwing Up

[Guest]

I keep finding myself going back to my old ways no matter how hard I try and find myself back in that situation again today. I'm going to be totally honest because I want people to understand how bad I actually get and hopefully get some advice/help

All my extended family and friends drink a lot and use cocaine a lot. Anytime time they meet up in a pub or just socially they will end up getting a gram in and sniffing coke. For the past few months, I have been battling with myself to stay away from this crowd and started attending the Gurdwara more. I hadnt been able to distance myself fully from them but it was definitley an improvement from where I was and how I used to be. I got myself into quiete a bit of debt due to drinking and sniffing all the time which i finally started to recover from this last payday

This week I have gone back to square one. I went out on tuesday to meet a couple cousins and ended up doing the same things again and then last night, again, we were doing cocaine and I have full on maxed out my account because of this. Before when I used to do this i would be angry with myself and go into a depressive state but for some reason, I don't feel like that today. I just feel as if i need to find a solution to this which I personally think is surrounding myself around good Sangat.

I am from Nottingham and am reaching out to anyone around the east midlands area who could just be a friend and get me away from this crowd? Please don't judge me for my actions as I am trying to do better, I just need better company. i thought i would meet more people at the gurdwara but attendance is so low there are hardly any people my age that go (I'm 26)

The funny thing is my mum made so much of an effort when i was younger to get me into a good crowd by taking me to gurdwara every week and attending gurmat camps etc. Its just sad to look back and think how I could of turned out

Also, I want to do rehraas sahib paath later but I feel as if i shouldn't because i still have coke and alcohol in my system. Although I don't feel drunk or high, is this right to do? Could anyone advise?

Any help or advise is much appreciated. Any abuse anyone wants to throw at me is also welcome, it might make me sort myself out! lol

[simran345]

Noji @ Sikhimaking paji. I won't give no abuse, as when I did to my beloved ones, I ended up pushing them away . And who Am I to judge you when I have many weaknesses of my own. It's easy to judge somebody when they are not going through their situation.

If I may just give my opinions, I would say your contentment in love for Waheguru is decreasing, (note, not the love you have for them, but the contentment), therefore you are slipping back and are not being strong enough to say NO. NO to your Mann (mind), your soul is diverting to negativity as it has been missing that side, but that side is as you know yourself not good for your soul.

Thus, you are letting negative actions of others take over your thinking and letting that take the lead.

You need to build your inner courage to say NO. You need to stay focuses on Gods name and ask them to look after you within their will and to help you out of this.

The only one that can really find a solution to this is yourself and God is the one that will help you, as long as you do not let go of the faith and trust you have in them.

You are right you are with the wrong sangat, change your sangat, but also you need to change yourself from within, so you can go by righteousness and stand up and be able to say NO.

Are you worried or depressed about anything?Another idea would be to get counselling to get guidance on learning tools to self manage your weaknesses.

Nottingham has Guru Nanaks Mission, they do seva for homeless people. Get yourself involved in these type of activities, where you will meet people your age.

https://m.facebook.com/Guru-Nanaks-Mission-Nottm-543300062447675/

Also Baba Buddha Ji gurdwara, the new one, may have people your age that have Sikhi sessions.

https://m.facebook.com/gbbji.nottingham?tsid=0.3940869979560375&fref=search

Added this one too, if it helps, Sikh youth services.

https://m.facebook.com/SCYSnottingham/?tsid=0.7079196574632078&slog=1&seq=1466037735&rk=0&fbtype=274

Sorryji to sound over asking, but have you considered getting help from your doctor with this? We sometimes think they can't help, but they have good resources for different problems and can lead you in the right direction from a referral which one may not be able to do on their own.

Basics of Sikhi attended Nottingham university a few days ago. Whenever there is an event like this, put it in your diary/phone and make an effort to attend.

[skaur8888]

You're brave to admit your problems and penji has given excellent advice. I have been going through a bad time myself over the last few months which got worse over the last month. Praying to Waheguru for love and protection has kept me going even when at times I've felt hopeless. My situation is starting to change, and I know its through Waheguru's power working to change the situation and give me direction and guidance. Suddenly you find other people helping or providing the information/idea you need. never forget that Waheguru cares about you most and is always there, never too busy and will always listen - be honest and ask for help from your heart and it will come.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

Also watch this video on how to change habits:

Watch "Change anything! Use skillpower over willpower: Al Switzler at TEDxFremont" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/3TX-Nu5wTS8

Also watch this video on how to change habits:

Watch "Change anything! Use skillpower over willpower: Al Switzler at TEDxFremont" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/3TX-Nu5wTS8

[singhbj singh]

Some useful links

http://www.sikhyouthbirmingham.com/support-2/

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/73915-sober-services-helps-and-provides-addiction-services-for-drug-and-alcohol-addicts/

http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=6055

http://www.sikhhelpline.com

[Guest Friends]

Better friends will definitely help, I'm looking for the same at the moment (but I'm in west london). For the meantime until u can find better company, maybe join some clubs or find more family who aren't so messed up, maybe start spending time with your sister, brother mum or dad.

I would say that its important to have at least a few friends/ company, but if they're this messed up, they're not worth it. With them being cousins may feel as if u can't get away from them, but back off for a while or just tell them u don't want to do that stuff anymore and they'll get the message. When I stopped drinking my family literally used to try and hold me down and make me drink and smoke shisha but I stood my ground and eventually they got the message.

[skaur8888]

Everything that I tried so far hasn't worked but I have never sat down and done paath or made an effort to pray. I will watch videos on the basicsofsikhi youtube channel but never woke up to do jap ji sahib. Maybe this would be a good start for me, thanks for the advise

Gurbani will help you connect with Waheguru on so many levels even if don't understand the meanings. You can just start with listening to a recording but with time you will start memorising.

When praying i tell Waheguru my worries, just like to a best friend even if I can't see a way out. I used think I shouldn't do this as my problems were small but Waheguru is not distant and too busy for us - Waheguru is our mother, father, brother, sister & best friend who loves us and praying & talking helps builds a relationship. How can Waheguru help us if we don't ask for help.

[simran345]

Skaur8888 penji I really like what you have written here:

" Waheguru is our mother, father, brother, sister & best friend who loves us and praying & talking helps builds a relationship. How can Waheguru help us if we don't ask for help. "

[Sa1nam]

Singh lol how are your mates getting hold of coke so easy, thats a bad crowd indeed who can get coke on call

I remember my high school days where most of my mates used to smoke skunk, they knew i was a singh so never asked or ever smoked around me, i had a set of good friends in-between the smokers who were Sikh but were the typical cut hair drinker/partiers types, but always looked at me and were like Jas dont you ever do this you're a pug wala it will look bad. Guru kirpa i never felt tempted to try a spliff or a drink, but if i didnt have any other sangat outside this group im sure over time the thoughts would have started creeping in.

I think my best advice is to slowly distance your self from bad sangat, and if you can just tell them black and white you are in mad dept coz of this and feel depressed coz of the drug use. The issue here is addiction and you need control of mind to do so.

If your punjabi is good listen to this, when i was watching reminded me to send you this. Sikhi is very easy to kaama its all about discipline, is all about Agaarta (control of mind) with this control of thought we are freed from Maya, but can only do so threw teachings of Bani and Meditation (simran) which is the tool to control thoughts, the more simran the easier to control your actions become.

[dallysingh101]

Singh lol how are your mates getting hold of coke so easy, thats a bad crowd indeed who can get coke on call

I've seen the availability of class A boom in London to levels I would not have believed possible in the 80s/90s. So, it's no surprise.

You see people driving around doing 'drop offs' to customers all over the place these days. Weed, brown, chitta it's all over the place.

Then asides from the street, I was talking to a cuz who works in the banking sector in the city and he told me that traders regularly snort, it's like part of the 'culture' in that industry for many.

Once, when I was doing my teacher training, I got invited to a party where most of the people were goray primary school teachers, a good few of them was snorting like no one's business.

Let's not live in a bubble people. You don't necessarily have to be around typically 'bad company' to see this. In fact middle-class professionals with money are often the main customers over working class 'street' guys with limited incomes (who seem to prefer weed anyway?)