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ghettosikh

Need Help Regarding Family Member

By ghettosikh, in WHAT'S HAPPENING?

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ghettosikh    221

ghettosikh
Posted

I really need help right now. A cousin of mine who is older than me is planning on marrying a hindu guy in a mandir this year. This really angers me because I've grown up with her and she has been like an older sister to me. She used to be very far from Sikhi and I thought I was bringing her closer to it but I guess I was wrong. What makes me even more sad is that her mother n father support this marriage and are baisicaly throwing their roots out the window for worldly gains. I have told my parents straight up I refuse to attend the wedding and I know this will hurt her but I really don't care. (Her sisters also are refusing to go aswell)

Should I cut off ties with her and convince my parents also not to attend as a sign of protest or what. Normally I wouldn't care but the fact that she used to look after me when we were kids and were REALLY close saddens me.

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Balkaar    1,334

Balkaar
Posted

Should I cut off ties with her and convince my parents also not to attend as a sign of protest or what. Normally I wouldn't care but the fact that she used to look after me when we were kids and were REALLY close saddens me.

Not attend as a sign of protest? Protest against what veerji? She's not marrying this Hindu in a Gurdwara, there is no beadbi here. Be thankful that she hasn't gone all bridezilla like some other Sikh girls who impose their egos and their manmat on our Guru Ghars. She, a non-Sikh (by virtue of her actions), is marrying a non-Sikh in a non-Sikh place of worship. There is nothing there which should offend the sensibilities of any Gursikh. Have you never attended the wedding of a Hindu/Muslim/Christian intimate of yours? This is no different from that.

Go to her wedding, enjoy yourself. Don't let this nonissue ruin such a close relationship brother.

All the best, I hope your good sense prevails .

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InderjitS    1,243

InderjitS
Posted

I really need help right now. A cousin of mine who is older than me is planning on marrying a hindu guy in a mandir this year. This really angers me because I've grown up with her and she has been like an older sister to me. She used to be very far from Sikhi and I thought I was bringing her closer to it but I guess I was wrong. What makes me even more sad is that her mother n father support this marriage and are baisicaly throwing their roots out the window for worldly gains. I have told my parents straight up I refuse to attend the wedding and I know this will hurt her but I really don't care. (Her sisters also are refusing to go aswell)

Should I cut off ties with her and convince my parents also not to attend as a sign of protest or what. Normally I wouldn't care but the fact that she used to look after me when we were kids and were REALLY close saddens me.

Its a sad state of affairs when we are forced to make choices like these in the first place and advice on these matters is tricky because you can never please every camp. As long as she is not getting married at the Gurdwara that is at least one positive but for sure I would find something like this very hard to swallow. I've broken ties with one guy who got married to a Muslim lady at Sheperd's Bush Gurdwara and do not attend any of his daughter's parties, functions. His parents are perfectly fine with me as they themselves are dukhi but are fulfilling their duty as parents. As a matter of principle I would not attend interfaith weddings at the Gurdwara, but with this type of situation its a different ball game altogether and not something I've given much thought tbh.

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sikhni777    838

sikhni777
Posted

All you can do is accept this as the hukam of Waheguru. Marriages are made in heaven and carried out on earth. If her heart is not in sikhi then you can't blame yourself All you can do is be a good sikh yourself and see all in one light. Sikhs do not look down upon any ond else. Its not the best of situations to be in in. If she looked after you when you were young this is the least you can do for her as a payback. Do attend her wedding and wish her best of luck. Remember always its Waheguru's will which always happens not ours. Its not for us to choose who will marry who and which religion they will choose to follow.

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ghettosikh    221

ghettosikh
Posted

Thank you guys for the advice. I am still firm on my stance on not attending and I also forgot to mention that the wedding will be taking place in India. The reason I'm so bothered was as I said I was really close to her. Due to her marrying out like this a whole generation of potential Sikhs from my family is gone as I imagine that the kids will be raised as Hindus rather than Sikhs but I guess at the end of the day the choice has been made and there really isn't anything I can do at this point.

As far as the wedding goes I'm pretty sure it's just going to be what Hindus typicaly do (of which I have no knowledge of) and the guy is not from Punjab but from Bengal and it will be held in his state. The reason I don't want my parents to attend is also due to this fact I'm worried that they will participate in rituals like bowing down to idols which is a big no no. I really don't like to cause drama but I will always chose my Sikhi before anything else in the world

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InderjitS    1,243

InderjitS
Posted

All you can do is accept this as the hukam of Waheguru. Marriages are made in heaven and carried out on earth. If her heart is not in sikhi then you can't blame yourself All you can do is be a good sikh yourself and see all in one light. Sikhs do not look down upon any ond else. Its not the best of situations to be in in. If she looked after you when you were young this is the least you can do for her as a payback. Do attend her wedding and wish her best of luck. Remember always its Waheguru's will which always happens not ours. Its not for us to choose who will marry who and which religion they will choose to follow.

Interfaith marriages held at the Gurdwara are also in the will of Vaheguru, does not make them right though. It's not upon looking down on anyone but sticking to Sikhi asools.

Even if we take Sikhi out of the picture for a sec, it is a kick in the teeth for any parent when children blatantly go against their wishes and leave them between a rock and a hard place for life.

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StarStriker    1,062

StarStriker
Posted

Its deffo a hard choice 'ghettosikh', i recently last yr had a similar situation to contend with. My cousin, who is same age as me, n very close to me since birth, married a hindu panjabi kanjar, in an illegal anand karaj, which i refused to attend. Primary reason was coz it was a beadbi wedding, which was followed by a hindu fire wedding and then also coz the guy was an A grade pr!ck. She no longer talks to me, n i suppose likewise. Only thing is, as mentioned, with u, atleast its not happening in a gurdwara on the sly, conducted by corrupt money hungry gianis.

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sikhni777    838

sikhni777
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Interfaith marriages held at the Gurdwara are also in the will of Vaheguru, does not make them right though. It's not upon looking down on anyone but sticking to Sikhi asools.

Even if we take Sikhi out of the picture for a sec, it is a kick in the teeth for any parent when children blatantly go against their wishes and leave them between a rock and a hard place for life.

A true sikh child would attend such a wedding and see for their own so that it sticks in their heads. The pain and dissappointment and shame on the parents' face still shows even if they look happy. When you don't go to close weddings then the blame later on can easily shift on you as being the person who jinxed it if it doesn't work. Factors which are beyond your control need to be taken as the will of God to pacify the mind. This is of course not in the support of interfaith marriage as somewhere in the rehatnama it clearly states that a sikh should marry a sikh. Non sikhs can marry who ever they want. If her parents are happy then it's the maya reason not the marrying a hindu reason. My mum always came back from such a wedding and told us if would have been better if xyz did marry an xyz person. This example however was however from a muslim getting married to a hindu.

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jkvlondon    5,397

jkvlondon
Posted

A true sikh child would attend such a wedding and see for their own so that it sticks in their heads. The pain and dissappointment and shame on the parents' face still shows even if they look happy. When you don't go to close weddings then the blame later on can easily shift on you as being the person who jinxed it if it doesn't work. Factors which are beyond your control need to be taken as the will of God to pacify the mind. This is of course not in the support of interfaith marriage as somewhere in the rehatnama it clearly states that a sikh should marry a sikh. Non sikhs can marry who ever they want. If her parents are happy then it's the maya reason not the marrying a hindu reason. My mum always came back from such a wedding and told us if would have been better if xyz did marry an xyz person. This example however was however from a muslim getting married to a hindu.

sometimes though the parents act OTT happy , because they haven't a clue about what they are doing ,surely making the waters muddy?

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harsharan000    3,820

harsharan000
Posted

Brorher,
I can very well understand your feelings , but you must bear in mind that many a times, more than one's wishes, likes or dislikes, what prevails is one's adjustments of karmas in the form of destiny with certain people, in certain envoirements...and against this settlement nothing can be done.

Just as you for example, you were born in your actual family and nowhere else.

Also we should remember we are all independent individuals, mostly interelated by karmas.

Our true permanent relation is with Wahiguru alone, no matter in what joonee, in what dharam, or mazab we are born.

So brother cheer up and bless your sister with happiness wherever she maybe.

More than that, we humans can hardly do much more.

Sat Sree Akal

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