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Domestic Violence Against Sikh Women


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I would like to bring up an important and very relevant topic, domestic violence against Sikh women.

My story- I am a Sikh woman and was beaten up really badly by a relative. I have since cut this relative out of my life completely, I have finished with them. My only regret is that I didn't send this monster to jail and believe that my weakness was shown in how i reacted to the situation, the loser walked free and I was the one who suffered and I moved out of the house without a degree or good job.

To top it off, I am now being told by women of my generation (30 and younger) and also older women that I should associate with the loser, as its okay for relatives to do this and that they have all been beaten up by a male relative or spouse, and how will I get married, I need that relative and that my inlaws wont want a girl who doesn't associate with that relative blah blah blah lol!

I am actually finding this all very weird as we are taught to be strong Sikh women like my hero Mai Bhago, who I believe would have beaten the crap out of any man who hit her in self defence or at the very least had them locked up, and yet Sikh women, even of my generation are being beaten by male relatives and alot are been beaten by their husbands at a young age. These are girls and women who are born and bought up in the UK.

I am of the belief that Indian culture has eclipsed Sikhism so much that women now act like Muslims, living in the fear of men, of what men think of them and judge them to be, feeling that domestic violence is okay, that a slap or punch now and again is fine, and that equality for the most part is non existant.

It may sound like feminist rubbish to some, but in reality, it is simply the Truth. I think that joining sikh womens organisations may help spread awareness that this isn't okay as alot of our mothers, grandmothers and sisters try and make us believe, but is completely unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly.

This would help safeguard the next generation of girls and women and teach them how to react in such situations. I was nowhere near ready when it happened to me and would have appreciated some sikh help.

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Truth is it is against sikh rehit to beat or even curse out a bibi .... I remember the rehitname states that a singh should never have such low conduct . It makes sense as Guru Pita ji wanted to honour parents who had never spoke harshly or beaten their child ...so why would he accept a singh or Kaur who treats their life partner in such a way.

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I would like to bring up an important and very relevant topic, domestic violence against Sikh women.

My story- I am a Sikh woman and was beaten up really badly by a relative. I have since cut this relative out of my life completely, I have finished with them. My only regret is that I didn't send this monster to jail and believe that my weakness was shown in how i reacted to the situation, the loser walked free and I was the one who suffered and I moved out of the house without a degree or good job.

To top it off, I am now being told by women of my generation (30 and younger) and also older women that I should associate with the loser, as its okay for relatives to do this and that they have all been beaten up by a male relative or spouse, and how will I get married, I need that relative and that my inlaws wont want a girl who doesn't associate with that relative blah blah blah lol!

I am actually finding this all very weird as we are taught to be strong Sikh women like my hero Mai Bhago, who I believe would have beaten the crap out of any man who hit her in self defence or at the very least had them locked up, and yet Sikh women, even of my generation are being beaten by male relatives and alot are been beaten by their husbands at a young age. These are girls and women who are born and bought up in the UK.

I am of the belief that Indian culture has eclipsed Sikhism so much that women now act like Muslims, living in the fear of men, of what men think of them and judge them to be, feeling that domestic violence is okay, that a slap or punch now and again is fine, and that equality for the most part is non existant.

It may sound like feminist rubbish to some, but in reality, it is simply the Truth. I think that joining sikh womens organisations may help spread awareness that this isn't okay as alot of our mothers, grandmothers and sisters try and make us believe, but is completely unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly.

This would help safeguard the next generation of girls and women and teach them how to react in such situations. I was nowhere near ready when it happened to me and would have appreciated some sikh help.

it's not just apnay but even the younger generation of europeans and americans are saying that girls are accepting of the fact that their boyfriends can hit them or rape them that it is normal when it is never normal behaviour ... once a beater, always a beater (without education and intervention)

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My advice to you. Completely cut yourself off from the Community. You don't need to hear these things from anyone. Stop going to the Gurdwara. Stop going to places where you might meet people that will bring up the subject. Sikhi is great at home. For 6 years people just hounded me everywhere I went so I cut my self off from these public places. What happened I divorced and my family including children do not speak to me. People in the circle it does not matter who but they are all against me. I know living alone is not fun. I finally brought myself into Happiness but yesterday I failed because I had someone trying to convince me to go back home. I did not take that well. I almost tried to hurt myself. So I ended up calling the Police so they took me to the Hospital. As Strong as I can be it just tells me I need to be stronger. It does not matter how much Naam Jap I do. I don't force myself to do Paath. If I do I will ruin my life. Just relax and do as much as you wish and you are not going to go to Hell. Hell and Haven is a made up BS from the people. You can make yourself hell and haven here on this earth. Just don't leave Sikhi. Sikhi is not a religion that forces people to do this or that. It is the conversion of Guru Jee's Shabad that people have wrong fully translated in their wishes.

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My advice to you. Completely cut yourself off from the Community. You don't need to hear these things from anyone. Stop going to the Gurdwara. Stop going to places where you might meet people that will bring up the subject. Sikhi is great at home. For 6 years people just hounded me everywhere I went so I cut my self off from these public places. What happened I divorced and my family including children do not speak to me. People in the circle it does not matter who but they are all against me. I know living alone is not fun. I finally brought myself into Happiness but yesterday I failed because I had someone trying to convince me to go back home. I did not take that well. I almost tried to hurt myself. So I ended up calling the Police so they took me to the Hospital. As Strong as I can be it just tells me I need to be stronger. It does not matter how much Naam Jap I do. I don't force myself to do Paath. If I do I will ruin my life. Just relax and do as much as you wish and you are not going to go to Hell. Hell and Haven is a made up BS from the people. You can make yourself hell and haven here on this earth. Just don't leave Sikhi. Sikhi is not a religion that forces people to do this or that. It is the conversion of Guru Jee's Shabad that people have wrong fully translated in their wishes.

why deny yourself the connection with only One who can help us in our hour of need? I'm sorry you don't have people around you who care enough to support you in your bad times within your family but maybe the kindness of strangers is possible too in sangat . doing paat can never ruin anyone's life ...please don't say that , sure it is your choice to not believe but don't break another from their faith by putting dubida in their minds . Guru PitaMata loves you unconditionally but you have to seek them out with your heart and mind , listen to Guru ji's advice and do vichar on what He has said in Bani.

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I would like to bring up an important and very relevant topic, domestic violence against Sikh women.

My story- I am a Sikh woman and was beaten up really badly by a relative. I have since cut this relative out of my life completely, I have finished with them. My only regret is that I didn't send this monster to jail and believe that my weakness was shown in how i reacted to the situation, the loser walked free and I was the one who suffered and I moved out of the house without a degree or good job.

To top it off, I am now being told by women of my generation (30 and younger) and also older women that I should associate with the loser, as its okay for relatives to do this and that they have all been beaten up by a male relative or spouse, and how will I get married, I need that relative and that my inlaws wont want a girl who doesn't associate with that relative blah blah blah lol!

I am actually finding this all very weird as we are taught to be strong Sikh women like my hero Mai Bhago, who I believe would have beaten the crap out of any man who hit her in self defence or at the very least had them locked up, and yet Sikh women, even of my generation are being beaten by male relatives and alot are been beaten by their husbands at a young age. These are girls and women who are born and bought up in the UK.

I am of the belief that Indian culture has eclipsed Sikhism so much that women now act like Muslims, living in the fear of men, of what men think of them and judge them to be, feeling that domestic violence is okay, that a slap or punch now and again is fine, and that equality for the most part is non existant.

It may sound like feminist rubbish to some, but in reality, it is simply the Truth. I think that joining sikh womens organisations may help spread awareness that this isn't okay as alot of our mothers, grandmothers and sisters try and make us believe, but is completely unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly.

This would help safeguard the next generation of girls and women and teach them how to react in such situations. I was nowhere near ready when it happened to me and would have appreciated some sikh help.

Bibi are you looking for a spouse but don't know how to find one in present circumstances ?

There is an old proverb "where there's will there's way"

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Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies and suggestions. I would rather not share who it was, but it happened in a drunken rage- another problem with Indian men in Indian culture and very often fuel for abuse.

XYZ, I feel compassionate towards you and your situation. I am sorry that your children don't speak to you.

You appear to have learned the same lessons that I have, that love and attachments are temporary and fickle and can be broken in an instant. I feel for you and your living situation, I have had to start over. I now have next to no money or savings to my name and live in a shared flat that is at least a hundred steps down from my family home. No one has helped me, not even my own mother who still feels that me being beaten so badly was still okay. But i'm more at peace in the new place so I am thankful.

I went through a period where I felt as if I could not go on, but God Willing, i've began to gather my strength back and get on with my life. I am determined to do well for myself no matter what and am trying to use my situation as fuel to go above and beyond what i could have achieved if I were at my old home. I am in the process of visiting a counsellor which I believe is very important for women who have been abused.

I understand why you are saying cut off all of these people, rumors and judgements spread like wildfire in indian culture and the abusers can come across with a split personality to the community, can appear extra nice but are really sadistic abusers behind closed doors. So try not to be angry at those who judge as they probably don't know the real story, and may only believe what your family tells them, as your family is the majority. I had the same issue.

I hope that you are able to move forward as well. I will create an account on here so that you can message me or call me any time, you are not alone, so don't hurt yourself, focus on your life and on healing. Be happy, if you can, find someone else, life is too short.

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  • 2 weeks later...

any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

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any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

Raising one's voice is equal to violent oppression, is it? So, for arguments sake, if someone is taking liberties on a daily basis, a person can't voice their displeasure by elevating their voice to communicate their unhappiness about the situation?

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any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

Not all of us perpetually talk like mice mate.

Any man who gets talked to like a chooha by his women (for no reason) and doesn't give her what for, is a he-b1tch of a 'man'.

A lot of women actually appreciate an assertive man that will make vocal objections when required.

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Not all of us perpetually talk like mice mate.

Any man who gets talked to like a chooha by his women (for no reason) and doesn't give her what for, is a he-b1tch of a 'man'.

A lot of women actually appreciate an assertive man that will make vocal objections when required.

well have a discussion with Guru ji since he told us that a singh is not meant to behave in a harassing way to a woman ....and vice versa

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