Help marriage issue

[simran345]

1 minute ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I just don't see the girl standing-up to the parents; just the guy doing all the standing-up. But saying the whole, "no caste", would only escalate the situation especially if they want to marry into a particular caste.

Yes you are right there, the girl needs to stand up to her parents when it comes to caste. If he has suitable spouse, son in law qualities and is a decent guy, and she wants to marry him, then she should be telling them about his qualities and he needs to tell her the no caste and how it's irrelevant as she will then tell her parents, because he should not be doing that. But making out he's another caste to them is not wise either, as it a bad start and they will not trust them after. She needs to be firm in what she believes in if she wants to marry him. 

[gurvir101]

Just an update for you brothers and sisters

She spoke to her parents and tried to convince them but they said it would bring too much shame to the family because of my caste. They said she should try to find someone like me but in caste so it is obvious that they approve of me as marriage material just not my caste. They said to her if she does try to marry me they will disown her and not speak to her ever again. She even told them that infact my grandfather and great grandfather owned a farm in india and did not do leather work traditionally associated with chamars, which is true. She argued with them for 3 hours before bursting into tears and calling me to tell me about it.

I have left her next decision up to her as i can not tell her to choose me and abandon her family, she must choose me herself else she may begin to resent me for telling her to choose me over her parents.

It is a difficult time for me as i must wait to hear her answer as she has asked for a few days to think about it. I am not hopeful as she has been more distant since her discussion with her parents.

[Guest Her parents not Sikh]

One Dhobi (washerman) from Gujarat

One Jheer (water carrier) from Orissa

One Nai (barber) from Karnataka

One Gujjar (goatherd) from Hastinapur

+ one Labana (salt carrier) from Sialkot.

The Panj Pyare.

Manas ki jaath sabhe ek hi pehchaan bo.

Recognise the human race as one.

Blessings for a meaningful Vaisakhi.

Praying that she marries you Gurvir Singh

[Guest Jacfsing2]

9 hours ago, gurvir101 said:

Just an update for you brothers and sisters

She spoke to her parents and tried to convince them but they said it would bring too much shame to the family because of my caste. They said she should try to find someone like me but in caste so it is obvious that they approve of me as marriage material just not my caste. They said to her if she does try to marry me they will disown her and not speak to her ever again. She even told them that infact my grandfather and great grandfather owned a farm in india and did not do leather work traditionally associated with chamars, which is true. She argued with them for 3 hours before bursting into tears and calling me to tell me about it.

I have left her next decision up to her as i can not tell her to choose me and abandon her family, she must choose me herself else she may begin to resent me for telling her to choose me over her parents.

It is a difficult time for me as i must wait to hear her answer as she has asked for a few days to think about it. I am not hopeful as she has been more distant since her discussion with her parents.

At this poin5 it's either you break-up or if she's truly dedicated marriage with disownmemt. But you have to tell her she only has a limited amount of time. None of this would have happened if you listened to my advice.

[simran345]

15 hours ago, gurvir101 said:

Just an update for you brothers and sisters

She spoke to her parents and tried to convince them but they said it would bring too much shame to the family because of my caste. They said she should try to find someone like me but in caste so it is obvious that they approve of me as marriage material just not my caste. They said to her if she does try to marry me they will disown her and not speak to her ever again. She even told them that infact my grandfather and great grandfather owned a farm in india and did not do leather work traditionally associated with chamars, which is true. She argued with them for 3 hours before bursting into tears and calling me to tell me about it.

I have left her next decision up to her as i can not tell her to choose me and abandon her family, she must choose me herself else she may begin to resent me for telling her to choose me over her parents.

It is a difficult time for me as i must wait to hear her answer as she has asked for a few days to think about it. I am not hopeful as she has been more distant since her discussion with her parents.

Sorry to hear this. Quite surprised by the parents behaviour, especially in the times of now. Thought they would have been a bit more understanding and not given a straight no or they disown her. 

" They said she should try to find someone like me but in caste so it is obvious that they approve of me as marriage material just not my caste."  - This is hypocritical of them to say ??. Like as if it's that easy to find somebody else, yeah right just walk into Morrisons and scan on through the checkout ?. "Eh leo, discount vi milgea" oh dear. 

Seems like you are doubting her already, chalo at least this will show how serious she is about marrying you.  And the parents, I think they are just using the caste as an excuse to show they are in control, they would need more persuading, as on the first announcement there were bound to be some disagreements. 

Hope it works out in the end. 

 

[muscleman]

On 24 March 2017 at 0:36 AM, Jacfsing2 said:

I know this sounds impractical, but either you elope with her and get married anyway without her parents approval; or you completely cut this relationship off

It is not only impractical but absolutely absurd Jacfsing2!! Can you imagine the hurt these options will cause to the concerned parties?  Surely, you can try to be little more humane than this? Sometimes I just give up on people like you honestly. They never change!  It doesn't matter how much Sikhee you feed them with but it is all of little or no avail. It simply doesn't work! 

[Guest Jacfsing2]

2 minutes ago, muscleman said:

It is not only impractical but absolutely absurd Jacfsing2!! Can you imagine the hurt these options will cause to the concerned parties?  Surely, you can try to be little more humane than this? Sometimes I just give up on people like you honestly. They never change!  It doesn't matter how much Sikhee you feed them with but it is all of little or no avail. It simply doesn't work! 

Can you stop trolling me and troll someone else.

[muscleman]

6 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Can you stop trolling me and troll someone else.

By jove, trolling you? Have you gone completely bonkers? All I have said is your choice of options is absolutely absurd! Good heavens!

[Guest Jacfsing2]

Just now, muscleman said:

Trolling you? Have you gone complete bonkers? All I have said is your choice of options are absolutely absurd! Good heavens!

You've been trolling everything I post for a while mate. Look at your post here: 

"...", 

You are clearly here to troll and you have nothing to say to anyone except me.

[muscleman]

I like reading your posts but that doesn't mean I agree with everything you say!  I agree with most of the stuff you say but not everything! Sorry to disappointment you.