HUSBAND AMRITDHAARI DIVORCE ABUSE

[HBSingh 0]

 

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

[HBSingh 0]

please advice

 

[jkvlondon 5,287]

1 hour ago, HBSingh said:

 

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

who arranged the rista ? can they be reached and help in this situation? 

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

[sikhni777 838]

Too little is being told about this case to give any advice.  Mostly it is relatives who encourage divorce. However to me it looks like a case of what some people did in the past... marriage to girls from india for dowry. They then throw the poor helpless girl out to survive on her own.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

There's no solution while you still have that Moh, so before anyone can give advice you've got to get counseling on that first and then move on.

2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

who arranged the rista ?

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

What if it's one of those spouse visas? (Don't know if you guys have those in England). But we all know if we believe in Sikhi who made the Rishta in the first place and that's Vaheguru. If your Karma matches then you get Rishta with an equal. I don't want to say these types of things, but this was a question you can get random believer of Vaheguru, (even Non-Sikhs), can answer.

4 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Too little is being told about this case to give any advice.  Mostly it is relatives who encourage divorce. However to me it looks like a case of what some people did in the past... marriage to girls from india for dowry. They then throw the poor helpless girl out to survive on her own.

Isn't Dowry the parents selling the son?

[jkvlondon 5,287]

1 minute ago, Jacfsing2 said:

There's no solution while you still have that Moh, so before anyone can give advice you've got to get counseling on that first and then move on.

What if it's one of those spouse visas? (Don't know if you guys have those in England). But we all know if we believe in Sikhi who made the Rishta in the first place and that's Vaheguru. If your Karma matches then you get Rishta with an equal. I don't want to say these types of things, but this was a question you can get random believer of Vaheguru, (even Non-Sikhs), can answer.

Isn't Dowry the parents selling the son?

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

18 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios. But what I think is Pakhand is when someone asks for a dowryless marriage, but then asks for a specific caste. If anyone is like such a snake they are a bigger problem than people who are asking for a dowry with a caste requirement, cause they just don't want to pay. When it comes to Rishtas sadly even hardcore Amritdharis would probably when asked who's Guru Sahib, they'd be all like who's that. 

People go to the point on being completely swapped in such scenarios, but hopefully it doesn't spread to other areas.

[jkvlondon 5,287]

28 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios. But what I think is Pakhand is when someone asks for a dowryless marriage, but then asks for a specific caste. If anyone is like such a snake they are a bigger problem than people who are asking for a dowry with a caste requirement, cause they just don't want to pay. When it comes to Rishtas sadly even hardcore Amritdharis would probably when asked who's Guru Sahib, they'd be all like who's that. 

People go to the point on being completely swapped in such scenarios, but hopefully it doesn't spread to other areas.

my philosophy is no asking, no giving , no taking  ...if you are really looking for the perfect mother/father for your grandchildren there are more important things to look out for like honesty, hardworking, caring nature etc.

[sikhni777 838]

31 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios.

Unfortunately many of the parents of UK born youngsters and the youngsters themselves view marriage as an experiment to be undertaken. The risks involved with marrying someone from India are lesser as they can control them more easily. This applies to both males and females. UK residents feel like their needs are more superior to those of their Indian spouses. 

The weight a spouse would carry in the marriage is linked to their immediate nationality, the importance of their job and their current wealth. Personality has a part to play in this battle of the sexes too. One drives the marriage while the other follows. the short changed person feels cheated then and resorts to divorce - trying to shift the tables all over again. 

The result is suffering children, broke families, multiple spouses and a disintegrated society. Parents are sometimes consulted in this war and sometimes they just have to accept the tough situation that their children put them into. 

Some time ago there were stories of some people trying to use this get rich quick scheme of marrying an Indian girl and then just dumping her - keeping all the gold jewellery and since the girls parents paid for the wedding expenses, they don't have much to loose. A wedding for them costs only a plane ticket and girls parents will be gloating over them once they arrive back in India. They will give anything to such greedy people who are not slow to voice their demand either. Marriage after marriage - like an addiction. Who is to blame? Who can blame them when the girls here are helpless and poor families back in India cannot do much. Is there anyone powerful enough to stop this cycle?

[simran345 2,501]

To 

7 hours ago, HBSingh said:

 

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

For a Kaur, you use Singh as your post name, why don't you use Kaur or something else or are you a male writing on behalf of someone else? 

Where are you living now? Can you approach the vachole, or whoever arranged the marriage? Was it arranged or love marriage ? 

What makes you love him when he's treated you like that? 

What do his parents say or are doing about this? Who is everyone that are saying you are saved by Waheguru ?  Do they know of his negative behaviour from before or any reason for them to say this? 

[dallysingh101 1,832]

4 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

It depends on how pretty the girl is. If she is stunning, she'll still have blokes clamouring for her after divorce - men are often simple creatures like that. lol

[Guest Jacfsing2]

28 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

It depends on how pretty the girl is. If she is stunning, she'll still have blokes clamouring for her after divorce - men are often simple creatures like that. lol

I thought most weddings in Punjabi culture were based on marrying 2 families. Otherwise caste wouldn't be an issue at all when it comes to marriage.

[Guest Sukhi1]

Hi there, 

If you have recently got married, and since you are from abroad there has to be a certain number of years till he can actually divorce you because, they do not want sham marriages occurring. Therefore he cannot divorce you for at least 1-5 years depends on your marriage and how it has been taken up in court and whether or not they may think it was a sham marriage. I think you should get a job save up and have a place to live and have time away from your husband and to think about what your situation is and whether on not leaving him is going to happen. 

[Cloud 11]

Alright.

To clarify.

Quote

I am not in UK but in USA and i do not want to leave my husband. We have restraining orders between us for no contact. He and his family threw me out. The sikh community gave me shelter and now i am fighting my cases and I still dont know why i love him even after such abuse from him and his family. Maybe it was my fault too but my husband changed after  we got married and he grew more distant from me.

What should I do?

Source: http://answers.sikhnet.com/question/10870/my-husband-is-amritdhaari-sikh-and-he-is-divorcing-me-after-domestic-violence-and-abuse-i-still-believed-that-my-husband-loved-me-i-cant-let-go-of-the/

[HBSingh 0]

14 hours ago, simran345 said:

To 

For a Kaur, you use Singh as your post name, why don't you use Kaur or something else or are you a male writing on behalf of someone else? 

Where are you living now? Can you approach the vachole, or whoever arranged the marriage? Was it arranged or love marriage ? 

What makes you love him when he's treated you like that? 

What do his parents say or are doing about this? Who is everyone that are saying you are saved by Waheguru ?  Do they know of his negative behaviour from before or any reason for them to say this? 

I am a kaur, i am from India, my husband is from usa, i was confined at home for 6 months, he has filed for divorce, the sikh community, means one of my husband's family friends saved me, i am still confused, it was an arranged marriage online contacted by his family, we were engaged for 3 yrs during which my parents passed away, got married here in states, i have no family to go back now,been though jail ,dont know anybody here, everyone says he is culprit, he does not love me, and i still want to make this marriage work, i am in a mess right now, homeless, no money, didnt have social security i had a career back in india, i still dont know what to do, my husband does what his family says, we lived with his parents, his 2 sisters, the one married, her kids and her husband also. sikh community elders are supporting me, but i am left questioning so many things, my father in law who is a doctorate in Sri Guru Granth Sahib tortured me, slapped,their whole family is amritdhaari, but only my husband and his parents wear all 5,i am not amritdhaari, i am a sikhni,and his sisters are allowed to wear everything, i had restrictions what to wear after marriage, had to follow certain rules and was tortured by his sisters and himself ad there were different standards for them and for me.things like this dont happen in India, my mother in law was never satisfied with what we gave them in marriage, even though they said we dont want, harsh reality is they took everything we gifted,and wanted more, i want to know why would anyone marry someone to make them work like a slave, contorl them,and then throw them out of house when they talk gursikhi, when my husband talkked all bani with me, did nitnem with me, we had anad karaj, then why this behaviour?? why am i not able to get over him when i know i was ill treated and suffered cruelty, my perception of world has changed, i dont know what to believe, to believ people who preach and profess gursilkhi and gurmat but its just words, no lectures, then people like me who are trying to live by sikhi tennets but not so much into all this rehat marayada and stuff why do people who are amritdhaari do this karma?? why did my husband do this to me?/ why?? what he did before and after marriage change so much, why...why cant i let go of him, our divorce is finalised,it jsut takes 2 months here in usa, and i still dont want divorce to happen,is wahegur ji had this anand karaj done, then how can it be broken,? is marriage just a word, with no meaning??as per his dad we were into manmat, but they are into gurmat, then is divorce gurmat?/ lines have been blurred, i have a social stigma attached being a divorced woman, in 6 months,that too when i left my life, my career, my siblings everything behind in india to marry my fiance and to be treated like this. why me, what shud i do..