How to keep a future nooh under control who thinks she's some kinda princess but is infact poor af ?

[Guest]

So this girl I am getting married by end of this year , I have already said in previous threads that she sometimes betray some kinda condescending attitude .

My mom is very joyous of my marriage , and my parents are debt ridden on buying her gold when infact her lazy parents aren't doing anything at all. We were surprised to know that my fiance asked her parents to not even give her earrings in marriage . What kind of retarded person does such "bad-shagne"(bad omen) things ? I don't get it . There's a saying in punjabi "meri dhee kano bujhi ni jaaegi" (my daughter will not go without earrings in her ears ) . I don't know what kind of woman she is that wanna come her saure with no gold in her ears and what kind of parents that have agreed to do this to her.

Anyways , they're poor af and are illiterate villagers . So we always excused their nonsense primitive behavior . We always focused on the girl because she's gonna come in our house. 

My mom has never done typical mother-in-law rude behavior to her , but my future-wife always has reservations , as if we're waiting to pounce on her with discrimination and second class behavior. Despite showing her golden bangles , and golden haar we're gonna get for her, her parents never agreed to give me even a golden kada and we're ok with it , but on top of that this ***** thinks she's <banned word filter activated> .

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

Also apparently she always keep singing "bebe baapu" and glorifying her parents, now thats ok but you don't have to do it 24 7 on watsapp status. I feel its directed at me , to prepare me a submissive son-in-law for future. My foot ! 

Her father has never called me "beta" once and neither has her mother. My mom always call her "beta".  Rather when her dad asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here. My parents never had the "we're from the boys side" attitude that punjabi ceremonies usually have, rather ironicaly its her parents and her who display such behavior. 

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? I am totally loosing cool with her  and her idiotic parents and my parents share this sentiment too. 

[jkvlondon 6,668]

1 hour ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

So this girl I am getting married by end of this year , I have already said in previous threads that she sometimes betray some kinda condescending attitude .

My mom is very joyous of my marriage , and my parents are debt ridden on buying her gold when infact her lazy parents aren't doing anything at all. We were surprised to know that my fiance asked her parents to not even give her earrings in marriage . What kind of retarded person does such "bad-shagne"(bad omen) things ? I don't get it . There's a saying in punjabi "meri dhee kano bujhi ni jaaegi" (my daughter will not go without earrings in her ears ) . I don't know what kind of woman she is that wanna come her saure with no gold in her ears and what kind of parents that have agreed to do this to her.

Anyways , they're poor af and are illiterate villagers . So we always excused their nonsense primitive behavior . We always focused on the girl because she's gonna come in our house. 

My mom has never done typical mother-in-law rude behavior to her , but my future-wife always has reservations , as if we're waiting to pounce on her with discrimination and second class behavior. Despite showing her golden bangles , and golden haar we're gonna get for her, her parents never agreed to give me even a golden kada and we're ok with it , but on top of that this ***** thinks she's <banned word filter activated> .

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

Also apparently she always keep singing "bebe baapu" and glorifying her parents, now thats ok but you don't have to do it 24 7 on watsapp status. I feel its directed at me , to prepare me a submissive son-in-law for future. My foot ! 

Her father has never called me "beta" once and neither has her mother. Rather when he asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here. My parents never had the "we're from the boys side" attitude that punjabi ceremonies usually have, rather ironicaly its her parents and her who display such behavior. 

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? 

my advice is to grow up and stop being number 1 wannabe gunda hubby ... I would not give her gold at all  since you are mentioning your folks are getting into debt for it . where are you in all this ? where is your contribution? On one hand you want to be a sikh and then you talk of bad shagan  make your mind up. Possibly they are going through buyer's remorse ...talk to them about it .

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

5 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

my advice is to grow up and stop being number 1 wannabe gunda hubby ... I would not give her gold at all  since you are mentioning your folks are getting into debt for it . where are you in all this ? where is your contribution? On one hand you want to be a sikh and then you talk of bad shagan  make your mind up. Possibly they are going through buyer's remorse ...talk to them about it .

Did you even read the full post before posting as a soft feminist ?

We're being treated as if we're not "munde waale" . Anyways we are all for equality and its ok if we're not treated as "munde waale" . However who gave them the right to treat themselves as "munde waale" . . However how do you justify the cold treatment her parents have directed at me and my parents. Also her parents never called me "beta" while my mom never had paap in her mind and she always speaks with love to my fiance and call her beta 

And I am gunda ?? please ! 

Just because the title of this thread is a little too bold, don't accuse me of being a gunda dominant husband. Infact , I desired to be like a son to her parents because her brothers always ill treat her parents . But seeing their stupid behaviors, I feel disinterested in pursuing a warm relation with her parents. 

 

Quote

where are you in all this ?

I am also taking a little loan for my marriage. So please ! request you to don't assume. Apparently you don't find anything wrong with her behaviors ! 

[TigerForce1 432]

1 hour ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

So this girl I am getting married by end of this year , I have already said in previous threads that she sometimes betray some kinda condescending attitude .

My mom is very joyous of my marriage , and my parents are debt ridden on buying her gold when infact her lazy parents aren't doing anything at all. We were surprised to know that my fiance asked her parents to not even give her earrings in marriage . What kind of retarded person does such "bad-shagne"(bad omen) things ? I don't get it . There's a saying in punjabi "meri dhee kano bujhi ni jaaegi" (my daughter will not go without earrings in her ears ) . I don't know what kind of woman she is that wanna come her saure with no gold in her ears and what kind of parents that have agreed to do this to her.

Anyways , they're poor af and are illiterate villagers . So we always excused their nonsense primitive behavior . We always focused on the girl because she's gonna come in our house. 

My mom has never done typical mother-in-law rude behavior to her , but my future-wife always has reservations , as if we're waiting to pounce on her with discrimination and second class behavior. Despite showing her golden bangles , and golden haar we're gonna get for her, her parents never agreed to give me even a golden kada and we're ok with it , but on top of that this ***** thinks she's <banned word filter activated> .

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

Also apparently she always keep singing "bebe baapu" and glorifying her parents, now thats ok but you don't have to do it 24 7 on watsapp status. I feel its directed at me , to prepare me a submissive son-in-law for future. My foot ! 

Her father has never called me "beta" once and neither has her mother. My mom always call her "beta".  Rather when her dad asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here. My parents never had the "we're from the boys side" attitude that punjabi ceremonies usually have, rather ironicaly its her parents and her who display such behavior. 

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? I am totally loosing cool with her  and her idiotic parents and my parents share this sentiment too. 

Complete plonker that’s what you are!  

You’re on a Sikh forum and you are lording up your superiority over the in laws because you think you are the ‘A’ side.  You want a gold kara then go and work for it you lazy piece crap.  The only har you deserve from your in laws is a ‘shittaran da haar!’

You’re mocking the in laws financial situation thinking money is something that only stays in selected homes.  You will find out that money travels from home to home and no one has permanent ownership over it.  

I’m actually disgusted with your behaviour if it is in actual fact true!

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

6 minutes ago, TigerForce1 said:

Complete plonker that’s what you are!  

You’re on a Sikh forum and you are lording up your superiority over the in laws because you think you are the ‘A’ side.  You want a gold kara then go and work for it you lazy piece crap.  The only har you deserve from your in laws is a ‘shittaran da haar!’

You’re mocking the in laws financial situation thinking money is something that only stays in selected homes.  You will find out that money travels from home to home and no one has permanent ownership over it.  

I’m actually disgusted with your behaviour if it is in actual fact true!

Haha and you're a buffoon ! 

Hope you get a daugher in law who pulls you over a false dowry case. then you would know about the reality of modern punjabi women ! 

the guy is not always wrong ! 

[puzzled 4,297]

So they are poor af uneducated Punjabi villagers and you want a soneh da kara from them?   You do realize poor pendus kill their daughters at birth because of this very reason. Every day in India women are murdered up and down the country because of dowry reasons.

I'm not saying girls are innocent but whats with this whole giving gold gifts etc when are people going to grow out of these weird traditions? Why is your family buying her gold! What's the purpose of that? It sounds really silly 

Does anyone even wear gold bangles these days! Apart from pakis I don't see anyone wearing gold bangles!

And what's a bad omen? Iv never heard of that before ... 

[Guest 1kiloladdoo]

Ajeet Singh my friend,Run,Run as far as you can. This rishta is going to end in divorce and bring you and your family headache. We all try to be good Sikhs and progressive human beings but some people and families are beyond help.They have been living in misery so long that is the only emotion they can feel and they are experts at replicating this emotions in others. This happened to my friend.Exactly the gold kada part and my deja vu went off. You should try to marry someone from your social and educational level. I hope you don't have a saviour complex and blindly jump into this thinking she would be grateful to you for dragging her out of that shithole. NO,NO,NO.She is going to make you as miserable as possible as her focus is on her parents.Let her enjoy with her parents and stay there. And you my friend,maybe just be content with using your right hand for the next few years until you find someone that you clique with. Best of luck.

[TigerForce1 432]

2 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

Haha and you're a buffoon ! 

Hope you get a daugher in law who pulls you over a false dowry case. then you would know about the reality of modern punjabi women ! 

the guy is not always wrong ! 

The day that happens I won’t be crying about it on a public Sikh forum.

To be honest mate you need some bijilee on the brain not marriage.  Or you could place your head upside down in a grow bag and maybe after a few years there might be something there.  Marriage is not going to cure you but there huge danger of spawning more like you and that’s only if you’ve read the instructions the right way up but I don’t think there is any danger in that.

Good luck!

[RajKaregaKhalsa1 415]

On 9/29/2018 at 7:08 PM, puzzled said:

Does anyone even wear gold bangles these days!

I have no idea about marriage and all of this but this reminds me about a Sakhi.

If you want to wear gold be like Sri Guru Tegh Bahadur ji Maharaj. When he was young (I think around 8 - sorry if I got it wrong) his eldest brother Baba Gurdita ji was getting married. Guru ji's mother made Guru just were all these clothes of Gold and highly expensive items. During the procession Guru ji saw a kid naked on the street and went up to him and asked him "has your mother given you any clothes to wear" and this boy replied "My mother would love to clothe me. We are so poor we can't even afford roti (food for a day)"

Guru ji at once even when that young in his Daya for the meek and poor took off all his gold Kare and clothes and told this child go get yourself some food and shelter for your family. Just look at how great they were 

Look at this Guru so young is living up to his words Kunchan maati maane. To see gold like dust.

And when Guru went to his mother she asked him where are all of your clothes.

Guru with full nimrata and compassion replied "O mother I could not bare to see that boy helpless and naked - unable to cover his private parts and keep some dignity"

Look at this Sakhi tell it to your wife and say look, if you are willing to wear this Gold then you should be willing to take it off at once without even a doubt and do seva of the poor by giving them money to feed and survive. Hopefully this Sakhi can help you with your problem 

Sorry I have problem made many mistakes telling this Sakhi and am shaking right now because I think have made a mistake. I am not old enough to understand your marriage situation correctly and please do correct me if I am wrong.

ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖਾਲਸਾ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਿਹ

[RajKaregaKhalsa1 415]

5 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? I am totally loosing cool with her  and her idiotic parents and my parents share this sentiment too.

Veer ji,

There is no need to call her parents idiotic or to get angry that'll just make things worse - sorry that sentence probs made you angry lol sorry.

Also ask Guru Sahib via an Ardas an Hukamnama. I am not saying anything ride but ask Guru ji if this Rishta is meant to be. Don't go away from this post and just quit the relationship. Maybe have a conversation with her maybe that's all she needs.

Guruis Antarjami the inner Knower, searcher of our hearts and he knows what is best for us. On this forum we can give help but Guru can give you the best advice

[jkvlondon 6,668]

5 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

Did you even read the full post before posting as a soft feminist ?

We're being treated as if we're not "munde waale" . Anyways we are all for equality and its ok if we're not treated as "munde waale" . However who gave them the right to treat themselves as "munde waale" . . However how do you justify the cold treatment her parents have directed at me and my parents. Also her parents never called me "beta" while my mom never had paap in her mind and she always speaks with love to my fiance and call her beta 

And I am gunda ?? please ! 

Just because the title of this thread is a little too bold, don't accuse me of being a gunda dominant husband. Infact , I desired to be like a son to her parents because her brothers always ill treat her parents . But seeing their stupid behaviors, I feel disinterested in pursuing a warm relation with her parents. 

 

I am also taking a little loan for my marriage. So please ! request you to don't assume. Apparently you don't find anything wrong with her behaviors ! 

my mum and dad only called my husband beta after we had engagement in front of Guru ji , so it's no biggie and frankly think if you have been acting in a way that makes them feel less than calm, friendly and relaxed ? Just because they are poor it doesn't mean you are some kind of special person thus the disrespect they are due to be your parents too, the English have a phrase 'There but for the Grace of God, go I' which is very apt here , it just takes a small thing to reduce kings into beggars just go talk to Aurangzeb's waaris .and vice versa .

Frankly if you cannot keep sikh attitude of treating all parents in this relationship equally respected then I can understand why the in-laws have fears for the future. You want to be the big boss and yet gripe like a child about everything , it's simple marry the girl simply in front of Guru ji if you are truly sincere . If not , don't mess her and her folks about . Marriage is not a business transaction , sikhs don't sell or buy their children . Yes she sounds like an unwilling bride, but sorry to say so do you ; are so sure you are not projecting you own attitude onto to her ?

So what if you are munde waale , I have three sons and I would never behave as if that makes me something special . The girl and Boy have their own karams and their own joint life , which they need to be grown up enough to take responsibility for . The only worry I have is that they have sikhi as their cornerstone in their lives every thing else  comes with work from their own elbow.

You have a weird fantasy life where your wife is supposed to exist in a bubble of your making , isolated from her parents, siblings and friends , not complain, just be infintely compliant to your every whim . The way you describe it , is like the gunde hubby from a serial who browbeats his long suffering wife at every turn. You don't want a wife you want a maid/beard and you feel your behaviour is justified - it really is not . If you want love and respect , try sending it out to them first.

 

[Guest Stop]

5 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

So this girl I am getting married by end of this year , I have already said in previous threads that she sometimes betray some kinda condescending attitude .

My mom is very joyous of my marriage , and my parents are debt ridden on buying her gold when infact her lazy parents aren't doing anything at all. We were surprised to know that my fiance asked her parents to not even give her earrings in marriage . What kind of retarded person does such "bad-shagne"(bad omen) things ? I don't get it . There's a saying in punjabi "meri dhee kano bujhi ni jaaegi" (my daughter will not go without earrings in her ears ) . I don't know what kind of woman she is that wanna come her saure with no gold in her ears and what kind of parents that have agreed to do this to her.

Anyways , they're poor af and are illiterate villagers . So we always excused their nonsense primitive behavior . We always focused on the girl because she's gonna come in our house. 

My mom has never done typical mother-in-law rude behavior to her , but my future-wife always has reservations , as if we're waiting to pounce on her with discrimination and second class behavior. Despite showing her golden bangles , and golden haar we're gonna get for her, her parents never agreed to give me even a golden kada and we're ok with it , but on top of that this ***** thinks she's <banned word filter activated> .

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

Also apparently she always keep singing "bebe baapu" and glorifying her parents, now thats ok but you don't have to do it 24 7 on watsapp status. I feel its directed at me , to prepare me a submissive son-in-law for future. My foot ! 

Her father has never called me "beta" once and neither has her mother. My mom always call her "beta".  Rather when her dad asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here. My parents never had the "we're from the boys side" attitude that punjabi ceremonies usually have, rather ironicaly its her parents and her who display such behavior. 

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? I am totally loosing cool with her  and her idiotic parents and my parents share this sentiment too. 

You don't even like the girl so why on earth are you marrying her? You need a serious reality check. 

Also, as a female, if any man ever wanted to 'keep me under control' in marriage, there is no way on God's green earth I would marry him. 

Your post completely confounds me.. As a brit punjabi who has distanced herself from the rubbish aspects of brown culture, I need to inform you that your it is utterly ridiculous.

Stop being such a Brown Sexist materialist. 

 

 

[Guest Sikh]

1 hour ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

Veer ji,

There is no need to call her parents idiotic or to get angry that'll just make things worse - sorry that sentence probs made you angry lol sorry.

Also ask Guru Sahib via an Ardas an Hukamnama. I am not saying anything ride but ask Guru ji if this Rishta is meant to be. Don't go away from this post and just quit the relationship. Maybe have a conversation with her maybe that's all she needs.

Guruis Antarjami the inner Knower, searcher of our hearts and he knows what is best for us. On this forum we can give help but Guru can give you the best advice

You are adorable

Not sure how old you are but keep being a good soul

[puzzled 4,297]

1 hour ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

I have no idea about marriage and all of this but this reminds me about a Sakhi.

If you want to wear gold be like Sri Guru Tech Bahadur ji Maharaj. When he was young (I think around 8 - sorry if I got it wrong) his eldest brother Baba Gurdita ji was getting married. Guru ji's mother made Guru just were all these clothes of Gold and highly expensive items. During the procession Guru ji saw a kid naked on the street and went up to him and asked him "has your mother given you any clothes to wear" and this boy replied "My mother would love to clothe me. We are so poor we can't even afford roti (food for a day)"

Guru ji at once even when that young in his Daya for the meek and poor took off all his gold Kare and clothes and told this child go get yourself some food and shelter for your family. Just look at how great they were 

Look at this Guru so young is living up to his words Kunchan maati maane. To see gold like dust.

And when Guru went to his mother she asked him where are all of your clothes.

Guru with full nimrata and compassion replied "O mother I could not bare to see that boy helpless and naked - unable to cover his private parts and keep some dignity"

Look at this Sakhi tell it to your wife and say look, if you are willing to wear this Gold then you should be willing to take it off at once without even a doubt and do seva of the poor by giving them money to feed and survive. Hopefully this Sakhi can help you with your problem 

Sorry I have problem made many mistakes telling this Sakhi and am shaking right now because I think have made a mistake. I am not old enough to understand your marriage situation correctly and please do correct me if I am wrong.

ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖਾਲਸਾ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਿਹ

Thanks, I hadn't come across that sakhi before.

Your wise for a 15 year old, your parents done a good job,  you better not change when you get old lol

[MrDoaba 977]

6 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

"beta".  Rather when her dad asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here.

Show her this song (or put as your whatsapp status or bhatever the naujawani does these days), and say ਤੈਨੂੰ ਤਾਂ ਰੰਗ ਭਾਗ ਲੱਗੇ ਆਹ ਕੁੜੀਏ! She should get the message.

 

 

 

Absolutely epic classic Punjabi song btw.