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Dealing with an angry wife

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21 hours ago, Guest guest said:

you clearly don't know much about how messed up the indian legal system is.

all she has to do is call the cops and accuse them of extorting a dowry, and they could throw his whole family in jail indefinitely without trial, as well as seize all their assets.

nri's are not immune to this law either.

Then her bluff needs to be called. If she doesn't wish to remain married, then all of the above will obviously come to pass. If she's testing the waters to ascertain how far her in-laws and husband can be pushed before they push back -- and has no intention of walking away from the marriage -- then the husband has room to maneuver and act accordingly. If they behave like apes and cause a pett-siappa the situation is obviously going to spiral out of control. But the biggest mistake was the earrings situation. That was a huge miscalculation. 

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15 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Then her bluff needs to be called. If she doesn't wish to remain married, then all of the above will obviously come to pass. If she's testing the waters to ascertain how far her in-laws and husband can be pushed before they push back -- and has no intention of walking away from the marriage -- then the husband has room to maneuver and act accordingly. If they behave like apes and cause a pett-siappa the situation is obviously going to spiral out of control. But the biggest mistake was the earrings situation. That was a huge miscalculation. 

She has apologized already in front of mom and me. Her parents somehow came to knew abt it and they told her to not cause such quarrels at house. She does realize she has nowhere to go to and that we actually treat her pretty well. She is getting more comforts and facilities here than her paike could have ever provided her ! We have told her repeatedly not to show her anger and she seems to have learnt her lesson , or so it seems 😄

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3 hours ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

She has apologized already in front of mom and me. Her parents somehow came to knew abt it and they told her to not cause such quarrels at house. She does realize she has nowhere to go to and that we actually treat her pretty well. She is getting more comforts and facilities here than her paike could have ever provided her ! We have told her repeatedly not to show her anger and she seems to have learnt her lesson , or so it seems 😄

Good, but an apology shouldn't be taken at face value. Usually, resentment simmers underneath the surface for a while, so cover your six (meaning, be careful) 😁. Break her in via Pavlovian conditioning, lol. Have patience. Don't mistreat her or anything untoward, but always ensure you have the upper hand. It sounds like hard work because it is. A wife should be an equal partner who requires little to none of this type of frankly mentally exhausting manner of treatment, not an overgrown child or an adversary, but what can you do when our culture seems to produce these types of individuals.

Bro, don't take this the wrong way, but just because you're Batman, that doesn't mean you can't aspire to be Superman. There doesn't have to be a versus. They can be Super Friends.

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1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Good, but an apology shouldn't be taken at face value. Usually, resentment simmers underneath the surface for a while, so cover your six (meaning, be careful) 😁. Break her in via Pavlovian conditioning, lol. Have patience. Don't mistreat her or anything untoward, but always ensure you have the upper hand. It sounds like hard work because it is. A wife should be an equal partner who requires little to none of this type of frankly mentally exhausting manner of treatment, not an overgrown child or an adversary, but what can you do when our culture seems to produce these types of individuals.

 

Now coming back to the topic , I had told her that day that your parents have never called me "beta" . Either she   told it to her parents, or as she's saying that she told that to her sister and she in turn told her parents. Today while talking to her dad, he didn't reply to my Sat sri akal , forget abt calling me son, then he said "You say we don't call you son" . So I said well , I think of you just as my parents.

And then he said "ya sons will be sons " trying to imply here that ur a damaad , so u will behave like one. But then perhaps realized his slip of tongue and said quickly "but damaads are just like sons, infact better" . 

I honestly found him a lil rude , and I am always shocked at the way he conducts himself , considering he has achieved very little in life . And we didn't take any dowry or anything like that from them, they did not cooperate to have the wedding location shifted to our city even when my cousin had threatened to file a case on us and stop my marriage. Her dad said to my dad back then "We will only have marriage in punjab. rest is ur choice" . 

Her mom was nice though and called me 'beta' for the first time in life lol . I never understood why punjabi women are such notorious gossipers . pure trash 

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3 hours ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

She has apologized already in front of mom and me. Her parents somehow came to knew abt it and they told her to not cause such quarrels at house. She does realize she has nowhere to go to and that we actually treat her pretty well. She is getting more comforts and facilities here than her paike could have ever provided her ! We have told her repeatedly not to show her anger and she seems to have learnt her lesson , or so it seems 😄

You treat your wife pretty well? You need to sort your way of thinking out, do you ever pray together? Seems like she is a trophy to you.

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20 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

Now coming back to the topic , I had told her that day that your parents have never called me "beta" . Either she   told it to her parents, or as she's saying that she told that to her sister and she in turn told her parents. Today while talking to her dad, he didn't reply to my Sat sri akal , forget abt calling me son, then he said "You say we don't call you son" . So I said well , I think of you just as my parents.

And then he said "ya sons will be sons " trying to imply here that ur a damaad , so u will behave like one. But then perhaps realized his slip of tongue and said quickly "but damaads are just like sons, infact better" . 

I honestly found him a lil rude , and I am always shocked at the way he conducts himself , considering he has achieved very little in life . And we didn't take any dowry or anything like that from them, they did not cooperate to have the wedding location shifted to our city even when my cousin had threatened to file a case on us and stop my marriage. Her dad said to my dad back then "We will only have marriage in punjab. rest is ur choice" . 

Her mom was nice though and called me 'beta' for the first time in life lol . I never understood why punjabi women are such notorious gossipers . pure trash 

Why are you fishing for respect? If it doesn't come naturally to them, is it really worth anything if it needs to be demanded? See, that's the kind of mentality that a banda wouldn't give two hoots about in all honesty. Obsessing over such trivialities is a female trait. Is your mother putting these thoughts and perceived micro-aggressions into your head? Stop it. It's not a respectable form of behaviour. It makes you seem weak. Don't get so familiar with your in-laws. Be polite, be honourable and respectful, but don't talk about nonsense like you've mentioned. It's embarrassing, bro. Maintain a respectful distance.

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17 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Why are you fishing for respect? If it doesn't come naturally to them, is it really worth anything if it needs to be demanded? See, that's the kind of mentality that a banda wouldn't give two hoots about in all honesty. Obsessing over such trivialities is a female trait. Is your mother putting these thoughts and perceived micro-aggressions into your head? Stop it. It's not a respectable form of behaviour. It makes you seem weak. Don't get so familiar with your in-laws. Be polite, be honourable and respectful, but don't talk about nonsense like you've mentioned. It's embarrassing, bro. Maintain a respectful distance.

haha , ok bro point noted . 

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53 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

I can see the logic behind it (basically, the state has its sword of Damocles hanging precariously over the head of the male members of the family in order to threaten them into good behaviour and compliance), but legislation that holds so much potential for abuse is amazingly short sighted. I suppose certain types of societies require a radical approach to induce their populations into behaving themselves. Another victory for the feminists, lmao. 

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41 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I can see the logic behind it (basically, the state has its sword of Damocles hanging precariously over the head of the male members of the family in order to threaten them into good behaviour and compliance), but legislation that holds so much potential for abuse is amazingly short sighted. I suppose certain types of societies require a radical approach to induce their populations into behaving themselves. Another victory for the feminists, lmao. 

The compliance of good behaviour  is in the wrong place.

The majority of the abuse for daughter -in-laws will be instigated by her mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws.

A lot of these issues are women-on-women .

A cruel daughter-in-law can cause problems for the male members of her-in laws.

This means that women can get away with anything and it is the men's responsibility. 

Potential scenario would be if a mother-in-law causes problem for her daughter-in-law then the men have to clamp down on her misbehavior because he will be financially liable.

He will have to assert his authority which again would be seen as abuse. 

Is it any wonder men won't do anything and just want a quiet life.

There will be consequences. 

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1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

The compliance of good behaviour  is in the wrong place.

The majority of the abuse for daughter -in-laws will be instigated by her mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws.

A lot of these issues are women-on-women .

A cruel daughter-in-law can cause problems for the male members of her-in laws.

This means that women can get away with anything and it is the men's responsibility. 

Potential scenario would be if a mother-in-law causes problem for her daughter-in-law then the men have to clamp down on her misbehavior because he will be financially liable.

He will have to assert his authority which again would be seen as abuse. 

Is it any wonder men won't do anything and just want a quiet life.

There will be consequences. 

The sexual assault and rape clampdown was dead-on the correct thing to do on the part of Indian lawmakers. This proposed legislation seems like a logistical nightmare. It's unworkable to the point where it seems like a move to virtue signal to the West about India's emerging progressive social conscience, and to appease a growing section of Indian society that's in tune with Western leftist values as it pertains to gender politics. I'm not sure how such a policy will fly with what I assume is Modi's traditionally minded and conservative support base. I guess even in modern Indian politics the pretence of Left and Right wings is a pantomime for the masses, and the only genuine path that ensures prosperity, lol, is one of progressive globalism. The authoritarian, patriotic rhetoric most of Indian society seems to have swallowed since Modi became leader is a slick marketing and psychological trick. Fascinating times ahead for Bharat.

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8 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

The sexual assault and rape clampdown was dead-on the correct thing to do on the part of Indian lawmakers. This proposed legislation seems like a logistical nightmare. It's unworkable to the point where it seems like a move to virtue signal to the West about India's emerging progressive social conscience, and to appease a growing section of Indian society that's in tune with Western leftist values as it pertains to gender politics. I'm not sure how such a policy will fly with what I assume is Modi's traditionally minded and conservative support base. I guess even in modern Indian politics the pretence of Left and Right wings is a pantomime for the masses, and the only genuine path that ensures prosperity, lol, is one of progressive globalism. The authoritarian, patriotic rhetoric most of Indian society seems to have swallowed since Modi became leader is a slick marketing and psychological trick. Fascinating times ahead for Bharat.

This particular legislation (it seems)has been designed to break down extended families into nuclear families. 

I think that is the goal.

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1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

This particular legislation (it seems)has been designed to break down extended families into nuclear families. 

I think that is the goal.

Great shout. 

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