Respect for Elders

[Guest guest]

I think that a firm concept in every world dharam is respect for elders.  It is also the baseline value on which all civil and peaceful societies and cultres are built.

When there is respect for elders, I think, the society goes to hell.  And this is what I am increasingly witnessing in capitalistic societies, and the sikh people in them (not just the youth).

What does respect for elders mean?  It means putting them at the top as the authority, not disrepecting them, but showing them consideration and obedience.

So who are these elders?:

1.   You parents.  After God and Guru, these are the most important authorities for you.  You should not deceive them, disrespect them in anyway, do anything they would no approve of or do anything in public or secret that you know would hurt them or make you feel ashamed.  You should listen to them and work to please them at all times.  When they are elderly, you should always do you best to make them comfortable and take care of them.

2.  Your grandparents and elder relatives.  These people are part of your family.  After your parents, they should be heeded and respected.  Be kind to your grandparents, as they may feel ignored or uncared for.  that isn't right.

3.  Your teachers.  These people are trying to help you learn.  You should treat them with consideration and respect.  Don't talk while they are talking or show them any bad attitude.  Listen to what they are trying to tell you and sincerely try and follow their instructions and requests and guidance.  Do all your work with attention and care including your homework.  These doesn't just apply to school kids, the same applies to people at universities, or in classes like martial arts or other learning situations.  Knowledge should also be respected.

3. All bazurg (elderly people).  These people should be treated with consideration kindness and respect.  If you see one in difficulty, be kind and offer them help.  Even if they are rude to you, don't be rude back.  Smile at elderly people who look sad or troubled and respectfully say hello.  

4.  People with more knowledge or life experience in a any field of life than you.  You shouldn't be arrogant when they people try to tell or teach you something.  Don't be judgemental.  For example you may be highly educated but that doesn't mean you can't learn something from a road sweeper.

5. Your managers/ superiors at work.  These people are trusting you with your work.  If you don't do you work properly it reflects badly on them.  Also, they may be suffering from stress.  Be kind to them. 

6.  people older than you by at least 5 or 10 years, people put in charge of you.

7. Generally any person older than you.

 

[Koi]

Nice

[Guest guest]

sorry i mean when there isn't respect for elders- society goes to hell.

sorry for the typos guys :)

[Ranjeet01]

On 12/5/2020 at 10:10 PM, Guest guest said:

I think that a firm concept in every world dharam is respect for elders.  It is also the baseline value on which all civil and peaceful societies and cultres are built.

When there is respect for elders, I think, the society goes to hell.  And this is what I am increasingly witnessing in capitalistic societies, and the sikh people in them (not just the youth).

What does respect for elders mean?  It means putting them at the top as the authority, not disrepecting them, but showing them consideration and obedience.

So who are these elders?:

1.   You parents.  After God and Guru, these are the most important authorities for you.  You should not deceive them, disrespect them in anyway, do anything they would no approve of or do anything in public or secret that you know would hurt them or make you feel ashamed.  You should listen to them and work to please them at all times.  When they are elderly, you should always do you best to make them comfortable and take care of them.

2.  Your grandparents and elder relatives.  These people are part of your family.  After your parents, they should be heeded and respected.  Be kind to your grandparents, as they may feel ignored or uncared for.  that isn't right.

3.  Your teachers.  These people are trying to help you learn.  You should treat them with consideration and respect.  Don't talk while they are talking or show them any bad attitude.  Listen to what they are trying to tell you and sincerely try and follow their instructions and requests and guidance.  Do all your work with attention and care including your homework.  These doesn't just apply to school kids, the same applies to people at universities, or in classes like martial arts or other learning situations.  Knowledge should also be respected.

3. All bazurg (elderly people).  These people should be treated with consideration kindness and respect.  If you see one in difficulty, be kind and offer them help.  Even if they are rude to you, don't be rude back.  Smile at elderly people who look sad or troubled and respectfully say hello.  

4.  People with more knowledge or life experience in a any field of life than you.  You shouldn't be arrogant when they people try to tell or teach you something.  Don't be judgemental.  For example you may be highly educated but that doesn't mean you can't learn something from a road sweeper.

5. Your managers/ superiors at work.  These people are trusting you with your work.  If you don't do you work properly it reflects badly on them.  Also, they may be suffering from stress.  Be kind to them. 

6.  people older than you by at least 5 or 10 years, people put in charge of you.

7. Generally any person older than you.

 

Sounds very noble and you are right in theory but it is not always the case in practice. 

This is from my personal experience. 

Elders are not perfect and they are not always correct.

Elders also have different experiences from one another and have different opinions from each other. 

Nor do they all have wisdom. Never assume because someone is older than you that they are necessarily wiser. 

[dallysingh101]

Some olders are pedos too. It's not as black and white as you make out in my opinion. 

Some olders are stuck in very selfish, destructive thought processes too. I mean how many times have we witnessed some devious MIL ruin her child's marriage for instance? How many fathers have drink and temper problems?

How many times have we witnessed 'hukh-chors' with cha-chas, tieya and what-not stealing land from their sibling's children.

Some olders seem to suffer from 'arrested development' too, which makes them think and act very childishly, which can cause serious havoc on the lives of their own children - to which they seem oblivious or indifferent.     

[Guest guest]

On 12/7/2020 at 12:43 PM, dallysingh101 said:

Some olders are pedos too. It's not as black and white as you make out in my opinion. 

Some olders are stuck in very selfish, destructive thought processes too. I mean how many times have we witnessed some devious MIL ruin her child's marriage for instance? How many fathers have drink and temper problems?

How many times have we witnessed 'hukh-chors' with cha-chas, tieya and what-not stealing land from their sibling's children.

Some olders seem to suffer from 'arrested development' too, which makes them think and act very childishly, which can cause serious havoc on the lives of their own children - to which they seem oblivious or indifferent.     

this idea that 'oh the elders don't behave- so why should we' is very perverse.  its just an excuse to misbehave.  the truth is that all parents want their children to be better people then them.  its not hypocrisy.

it's easy to judge elders but you don't know what they have been through.   they may have experience abused, betrayal etc growing up.  if the MIL ruined her childs marriage maybe she has suppressed abuse from her own MIL and she is inadvertently expressing it.  Maybe the drunk and angry fathers have hidden truama in their past.

you are only seeing the bad- why don't you see the good in them?  

just like a compassionate parent can be kind to a bad child, same way a compassionate child can be kind to a bad parent or elder.

i know so many people who had bad parents but turned out very mature and well adjusted, and i know so many people who had great, loving supportive parents who still went off the rails and did all kinds of bad <banned word filter activated>.

[dallysingh101]

On 12/9/2020 at 10:42 PM, Guest guest said:

this idea that 'oh the elders don't behave- so why should we' is very perverse.  its just an excuse to misbehave.  the truth is that all parents want their children to be better people then them.  its not hypocrisy.

it's easy to judge elders but you don't know what they have been through.   they may have experience abused, betrayal etc growing up.  if the MIL ruined her childs marriage maybe she has suppressed abuse from her own MIL and she is inadvertently expressing it.  Maybe the drunk and angry fathers have hidden truama in their past.

you are only seeing the bad- why don't you see the good in them?  

just like a compassionate parent can be kind to a bad child, same way a compassionate child can be kind to a bad parent or elder.

i know so many people who had bad parents but turned out very mature and well adjusted, and i know so many people who had great, loving supportive parents who still went off the rails and did all kinds of bad <banned word filter activated>.

Judging from what you wrote, I think we are on the same page. I was just highlighting the fact that elders often have their own issues, and I personally believe that some children actually need some form of protection (at least psychologically) from the hang ups of their elders. As you state, there may well be logical reasons for the behaviour of the elders, but that doesn't mean the younger ones should always just grin and bear it.

The blanket idealising of elders is fraught with problems because they are susceptible to all the follies of the 'human condition' like the rest of us. Putting adults who have their own serious psychological issues in a position of power and authority over children usually doesn't bode well, although, yes, some children have enough 'protective factors' that enable them to generally survive the situation without perpetuating the dysfunction that they grew up around. But many don't and then continue the cycle. 

[MisterrSingh]

Broadly speaking, yeah, elder respect (and not just surface tolerance but actually value them and treat them as if they matter) is important. But blanket loyalty when they repeatedly prove themselves unworthy of that type of deference is a bad idea. It actually causes more problems than it solves. Sure, one can play the martyr and argue, "I'm keeping the peace, and I'll take everything thrown at me," but when this so-called peace leads to huge problems and worse down the road, that "respect" is actually fear of action. Equally, there's also classier ways of dealing with troublesome elders without chimping out and resorting to stupidity and tamasha.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

Yes i think rather than respect, care of the elderly is more apt. Like parents care for their kids despite their ignorance and wrongdoings, similarily we should value and care for the elderly but not necessarily listen or respect them blindy

 

On 12/9/2020 at 2:42 PM, Guest guest said:

just like a compassionate parent can be kind to a bad child, same way a compassionate child can be kind to a bad parent or elder.

 

[Guest guest]

very interesting comments/feedback thanks guys