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Dont know anymore


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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Lucky

 You got a chance at Sikhi only because countless died for it. Remember them, pray for strength like they had

This hits me hard. A random-seeming chain of causation reaching back hundreds of years, soaked in blood of shaheeds.

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On 1/14/2022 at 12:01 AM, lostguy said:

Sangat ji i had a good run over the last month but once again i think im just not cut out for this. Maybe there is something within me which is causing me to fail constantly or im just not worthy of this path.

Took 2 hukamnamas over the last 3 days and both were quite upsetting to read. I feel like i have been trying and progressing but then again maybe im just not cut out for this. I will list the hukamname below if you want to see but yh. I managed to wake up amritvela for a whole month and do my 5 bania, i tried to do simran often, read extra banis, listen to kirtan, take notes on katha, but maybe recovery is too far gone. I felt like i was doing well so receiving this hukamnama is heartbreaking. Sorry.


First hukamnama: Sorath Mahalla 9, Ang 631

Second hukamnama: Aasaa Bhagat Kabir Ji, Ang 479

I have always been poor at amrit vela, and my nitnem got disrupted when I started working and doing Masters. Few years ago, I was driving to work and listening to bhangra while doing a tiring commute. I thought to myself, bhangra music is just tiring me, why don't I listen to nitnem because I don't get time to do it anymore because of work!? So that is when I started listening to nitnem on commutes for different jobs like driving or travelling on train or bus, and usually reading paat on weekends. 

So nowadays I often listen to nitnem on playlist saved on my phone, how much nitnem I listen to depends on when I woke up and how busy my workshift is. I have been working remote since lockdown so this is much easier for me. If I can, I sometimes read japji Sahib and maybe Jaap Sahib, or maybe more, depends on the day or how tired I am. Occasionally listen to Asa Di Vaar. But without fail listen to at least some of my nitnem playlist.  Usually evenings I listen to Sodar Rehras and Aarti and keertan from Hajoor Sahib from Youtube, although I have playlists setup if I don't have much time.  One day I hope to be able to wake up and go listen to amrit vela nitnem in gurdwara sahib, although in the pend have been able to listen to this on village speaker.


Stay in Chardi kala, nitnem is regularly possible with techonology, and if you miss amrit vela make sure to still do your nitnem later. And still, if you wake up late, you must still do Japji Sahib and Jaap Sahib. If you aren't going to read paat then use technology to listen without fail.

Chardi Kala!!

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  • 3 months later...
On 4/22/2022 at 3:30 PM, Singh375 said:

Lostguy ji. Been thinking about you recently. You sure must have had down moments since we last spoke, I had some too 😭.

I just wanted to say hi 🙏🏼 and again that I love you ❤️. Plus here’s a cute emoji 🙉

My love for you is so strong @lostguyji, always ❤️

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