Going out when engaged

[*S I |\| G H*]

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh ~!

Sungath Ji... just wanted your views on going out after being engaged.. is this okay or not ?

Let's say both the guy's and girl's parents agree that they can..

:T:

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh ~!

[Nidhi]

Sat Shri Akal Virji

Hmm... I would suggest that it's rather important to get to know phanji a bit more. It shouldn't even stop u if ur Amritdhari... Right?

In some situations parents don't want their kids to get to know each other before marriage... I would just suggest them to meet each other secretly, though to a limit.

[smartsingh24]

Why meet in secret? That only breeds hostility and suspicion.

[Nidhi]

Obviously it's not the best to do. But Virji, I feel that it's important to get to know a little about ur lifepartner before going one step ahead, ie. marriage. I hope u agree with me. Regardless, many parents are still stopping their kids to meet each other privately. The society's thoughts just can't die out by accepting them... u have to be the change to see the change! They can either accept or reject it. If they reject it u can just go out infront of them and create problems at home or u can go out unknowingly (im not telling u to lie, but just trying to ignore to tell it). Sometimes it's just good not to let ur parents know everything you do. Of course, that's up to the individual her/himself... it's a matter of prioritizing!

[Mkhalsa]

"dating" even in such a circumstance is still somewhat shady. Even then, it is not 100% that you will be married, and also, its just not appropriate for gursikhs.

an alternative is to spend time together with your families etc..

I am not saying dont get to know each other, but just dont act as if you are already married.

[Nidhi]

I assume that many ppl get engaged coz they definately will get married. Hope that we all have that much buddhi to judge that ourselves... it takes a lot to go there. Of course, getting to know each other dosn't allow u to act as an already married pair... there should be some distance! Talk with the eyes, not with the hands!

However, I cannot exclude that it can happen. And if it won't work... then Virji let's just say that u didn't read my post. But it's just a matter of finding a balance rite... what ur conscience tells u to do and how far u can go if u can judge that there is something speciel!

Mkhalsa virji... why isn't it appropriate for GurSikh's? Of course we have 2 different oppinions but maybe I could learn something from you... if it's persuasive enough:)

[Balait_da_Sher]

I think there is another alternative, instead of going out alone , why not take some cousins and friends with you. Do something as a group rather than just date type thing.

Engagement doesnt always end up in marriage so you have to make sure things dont happen that will make things difficult if the mariage doesnt take place.

[smartsingh24]

I don't think that there's a think in your previous posts that I could possibly agree with, barring the know people before marriage. What you're suggesting is that it's alright to lie to your parents, that you can go out and about sneaking, and that the old society's ways should be changed. I don't agree with any of that. It's ridiculous to keep secrets like that from your parents, and it shouldn't be done.

[japmans]

perhaps our parents should just know everything about us..... after all, no matter how much we front it, we're not perfect.... perhaps we should tell our parents things that they will, in fact, be disappointed with..... after all, they should know everything..... we should tell our parents every single time we've ever lied to them (even if it was a small one).... we should tell them (if they're not rehitdhari) that they're just wrong, and stupid, and should be better sikhs..... what other things can we tell our parents! :TH: :TH: :TH: :TH:

after all, i guess i'm the king of sarcasm on this board... what i'm trying to say is let's say that me and whatever singhnee decides to get married.... i dunno, maybe i'm the only "messed up" one out there, but if i go with a group of people to meet my future wife, and we wanna have a heart to heart (or is that word not allowed... i mean, gain a serious understanding about this person....perhaps a "mind to mind"?), things are most probbaly going to be said that either me or this hy

pothetical singhnee haven't told many, if any, other people..... that's the trust i'd hope exists between husband and wife (or even "future husband" and "future wife)....

and now the obvious question will arise (forgive me for assuming, but i'm sure this would come from either smartsingh or mkhalsa)

"why not just wait till after marriage to "understand" your spouse"

well, cuz straight up, what if it's too late? let's take the hypothesis that mkhalsa laid out that engagement really means nothing till you're married...what you're essentially saying is that if there's something about your "fiance" (the term used lightly in this scenario) that you're totally disgusted with, and that you feel is a severe obstruction on your path with him/her....isn't it better to say no BEFORE you've made that trip around Guruji 4 fateful times? or perhaps we should jus wait till after the couple's promise made to guruji before we break it?

do you see where i'm heading with this? all in all, i think, especially in the case of arranged marriages, if you're not gonna get to know your wife before getting married, then why even stop calling her bhanji, right? it's all the same if you're jus gonna walk into it blind like that....

[S1ngh]

Yeah sure why not?? at last they gonna be together forever.. Parents aren't gonna make decision for YOU the whole life. Their job/sewa is to teach you good teachings till you hit mature age which normally is after college or around 21yrs old. If parents taught person nice, then basically the kids will know what to do and what NOT TO DO before marriage.

As balait said.. It doesn't have to be all alone moment !! go along with friends, cuzins and so on..