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Amritdhari Love Marriage


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#1 SinghniKaur

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 09:55 AM

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

I am 19 years old. I am a Amritdhari for now 3 years. Well, I don't really know if this is a problem but I'm going to see what the sangat have to say to this.
So, where shall I start...

I love this boy and he is Amritdhari and he loves me too. The difference between me and him is that he is now 24. Been with him for 3 years now and me and him are quiet serious now.
Meaning me and want to get married. We havent got up to anything rude, for example: sex.
So, basically the boy that I want to get married to is from a different caste than me. We both in person have disowned it and we always tell everyone that we are Sikhs and our last names are SINGH & KAUR.

The issue is that, my parents are very attached to the caste system. I have been having discussions/arguements/fights with them for the past 4 years of my life.
They are like "that we are going to get you married in the same caste as us even if he is Amritdhari!"
I do not know how to tell my parents that I am in love with him and I can not live without him. And I am very, very serious about him.
The boy wants to come to my house and ask my parents for my hand. But, I can not let him in the house without telling my parents that I want to introduce you with a boy I am serious with.
I don't want to leave him, this would be the last thing I would do. & if I have to I would run away, but this is also I would do as a last option.

So, I am stuck!
I don't know what to do!

Please help your sister, Sangat Ji!

Bhul Chuk Marf

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!


#2 s50

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:21 AM

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Every week some Amritdhari has this issue on the gupt section. It getting sad to see Posted Image

The Piteous State of Today's Sikh Youth

If we notice a Gursikh, who has taken Amrit of Guru Sahib and becomes so attracted to the member of opposite sex that he (or she) can only think of her and can't live without her, then surely such person was never in love with Guru Sahib. Every now and then we hear of a Gursikh brother or sister, shamelessly declaring that he or she will die unless he or she marries such and such person. How did a Gursikh end up at such stage? Wasn't he an Amritdhari to begin with? How did he violate such a strict order of Guru Sahib of considering other-women as mothers, sisters and daughters?

Our youth now-a-days has reached such state that it has no hesitation or shame before openly communicating with the members of opposite sex. Today they start chatting with someone, tomorrow they start sharing their problems with each other, the day after tomorrow they develop feelings for each other and soon they are going out. Even at Kirtan Samagams where countless Gurmukhs are engaged in praising the true Lord, some of the misled youth are overcome with Aashiqaana feelings (Amorous feelings). The high, impregnable character of Khalsa youth has taken such a beating. Today if you look around, you can count on your fingertips such individuals who have not been stained by entering into relationships before marriage.

The Internet has really shrunk the world. Today, if something occurs in the Sikh community in one country, it quickly spreads across the globe. If a young male or female commits an act of transgression, then the reputation of such individual is stained for life. Once one's character gets stained, it's hard to build it back.

Gursikhs must rise above the Maya of this world and maintain strong Khalsa character. The time of marriage and the partner for life has already been chosen by Vaheguru. So relax and stop hunting for your life partner on your own. A Sikh youth who keeps strong character, keeps Sikhi Rehit is always in demand as far as marriage is concerned. A youth who starts hunting for a life partner on his own, soon gets his character stained and before he or she realizes, it's too late.

No one is saying that we should become a segregated society like the Muslims and keep Purdah and don't talk with each other at all. What's required is to know our limits. Far too many Kaam-related mistakes are being committed by our youth because of their proximity to members of opposite sex.

May Guru Sahib do Kirpa and enable his Sikhs to keep a strong moral character on which Guru Sahib can be proud of.


#3 VanHelsingh

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:26 AM

Great post s50. Really good, sir.
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#4 PAL 07

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:44 AM

bhagat tulsi daas a famous saint and writer of Ramayan was in deep love with his wife - she said to him if you could only love God this much you would obtain him - this changed his life and he became a saint

can people stop posting their love problems on this forum we are not here as love/sex therapists....the simple answer to this is that the girl speaks to her mom about her feelings and sort it out within the family and elders in the community, go see Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh Ji..this is a wrong place to talk, personally i think the both of you are too young to get married and are under the influence of your sexual desires.

#5 OhTwadi

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:50 AM

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*sigh*

As I've said in the past, if you knew that your parents are pro caste, why did you get into this panga and more importantly stay in this panga for 3 years?! Kids these days man...



#6 KiranKaur24

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:46 AM

Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.

#7 _Sikh o it_

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:47 AM

Can people on this forum not grow up their are people that need honest help and having a go at them Isnt reallly a good example of you being sikh is it. ? People will be people and do tings who are you all to judge? Be proper sikhs and now help . If someon was drowning would you have a go at them just because they might have jumped in themsel or would you help? Grow up an smell what you shovellin!

#8 Singh559

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:55 AM

Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.


I'll have to agree with this.
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#9 PAL 07

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 12:12 PM

certain inter-caste marriages happen as people think its best for the individual's concerned and in others it is devastating,,depends what your situation is if both are high caste's it tends to still be okay but if a high caste marries a low caste then it is seen as bad even though both parties are amritdhari - i think you need to talk openly with your mom/dad and get some respectable advice from elders in the sikh community

BUT I AGREE WITH ALL THE POST SO FAR THERE IS TOO MUCH MINGLING OF AMRITDHARII YOUTH PARTICULARLY I HAVE SEEN THIS WITHIN THE AKJ...... BOTH GENDERS NEED TO STAY WITHIN MARYADA

#10 _gupt_

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 12:27 PM

s50 you should cite the source from where you copy and pasted that post from.

maybe i will do it for you http://www.gurmatbib...ents.php?id=501




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