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SinghniKaur

Amritdhari Love Marriage

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

I am 19 years old. I am a Amritdhari for now 3 years. Well, I don't really know if this is a problem but I'm going to see what the sangat have to say to this.

So, where shall I start...

I love this boy and he is Amritdhari and he loves me too. The difference between me and him is that he is now 24. Been with him for 3 years now and me and him are quiet serious now.

Meaning me and want to get married. We havent got up to anything rude, for example: sex.

So, basically the boy that I want to get married to is from a different caste than me. We both in person have disowned it and we always tell everyone that we are Sikhs and our last names are SINGH & KAUR.

The issue is that, my parents are very attached to the caste system. I have been having discussions/arguements/fights with them for the past 4 years of my life.

They are like "that we are going to get you married in the same caste as us even if he is Amritdhari!"

I do not know how to tell my parents that I am in love with him and I can not live without him. And I am very, very serious about him.

The boy wants to come to my house and ask my parents for my hand. But, I can not let him in the house without telling my parents that I want to introduce you with a boy I am serious with.

I don't want to leave him, this would be the last thing I would do. & if I have to I would run away, but this is also I would do as a last option.

So, I am stuck!

I don't know what to do!

Please help your sister, Sangat Ji!

Bhul Chuk Marf

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

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bhagat tulsi daas a famous saint and writer of Ramayan was in deep love with his wife - she said to him if you could only love God this much you would obtain him - this changed his life and he became a saint

can people stop posting their love problems on this forum we are not here as love/sex therapists....the simple answer to this is that the girl speaks to her mom about her feelings and sort it out within the family and elders in the community, go see Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh Ji..this is a wrong place to talk, personally i think the both of you are too young to get married and are under the influence of your sexual desires.

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Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.

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Can people on this forum not grow up their are people that need honest help and having a go at them Isnt reallly a good example of you being sikh is it. ? People will be people and do tings who are you all to judge? Be proper sikhs and now help . If someon was drowning would you have a go at them just because they might have jumped in themsel or would you help? Grow up an smell what you shovellin!

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Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.

I'll have to agree with this.

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certain inter-caste marriages happen as people think its best for the individual's concerned and in others it is devastating,,depends what your situation is if both are high caste's it tends to still be okay but if a high caste marries a low caste then it is seen as bad even though both parties are amritdhari - i think you need to talk openly with your mom/dad and get some respectable advice from elders in the sikh community

BUT I AGREE WITH ALL THE POST SO FAR THERE IS TOO MUCH MINGLING OF AMRITDHARII YOUTH PARTICULARLY I HAVE SEEN THIS WITHIN THE AKJ...... BOTH GENDERS NEED TO STAY WITHIN MARYADA

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Guys, I'll be nice this time as its a kid sister, and will try in English.

1.) You are 19, that should be enough to answer most of your issues. You are still not fully mature as far as relationships with guys are concerned. Sorry if thats offensive but thats the plain truth.

2.) You are Amritdhari, and its a bit shameful that you would have such a relationship before marriage, especially against the wishes of your parents.

3.) You love him and he loves you.

(3.a.) Do you even know what love is? How much of the world have you seen in 19 years that you could have a clue?

(3.b.) What guarantee do you have that he truly loves you, especially if his presence in your life is turning you against your own parents?

4.) He is 5 years older to you, you both started this "chakkar" 3 years ago when he was 21 and you were 16. So you were an under-age and he should have been arrested.

5.) Its good that you disown caste, but the rotten society (Punjabi, NOT Sikh) that you two were born into does not. Get over it, the sooner you do, the better. Ultimately you both are going to marry someone of your parents's (not your) "caste".

6.) Since your parents are attached to caste system, not only are they psuedo-Amritdharis (if they are Amritdharis to begin with), they will make sure that you marry someone of their (not your) "caste". Again, sorry if this sounds offensive but in course of time you will realize the truth that the world is not a Bollywood movie.

7.) You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering the option to elope away with him. I am sure that would make your and his parents real proud, right? Those who raised you for 19 years, you are ready to trash their honor and devastate them forever just because of someone you know for 3 years? Actually I need to ask you, how can you be so sure in just 3 years that he is the right person you want to be with forever?

So here is my simple 2 cents worth advice, solution, whatever you may want to call it.

a) Begin by feeling REALLY ashamed of yourself. He can and should join you in that as well.

b) Beg forgiveness from Guru Sahib for being Amritdharis and indulging in such a relationship without your parents' knowledge.

c) If your digestion goes bad because you "miss" him, then be daring enough to atleast ask your mother (if not your father for fear of his gandasa) if your folks would even consider someone out of "caste" as your potential Singh. If they say they would look into it, tell them he wants to meet you. If not, buy him a 3 dollar "Good Bye" card from Hallmark and mail it to him.

d) Cry one last time over this "tragedy" if you have to and forget it, its not worth it to keep lingering on.

e) Do 11 Chaupai Sahibs per day for a month and you will feel like nothing ever happened.

f) Come back and say "Thanks" to me for this valuable advice. I have had a really hard time being nice to you in English (trust me, what you read above was nice as compared to my general tone in Punjabi, ask the others to confirm).

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Every week some Amritdhari has this issue on the gupt section. It getting sad to see unsure.gif

The Piteous State of Today's Sikh Youth

If we notice a Gursikh, who has taken Amrit of...

whats the problem if they love each other ?

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You said you've been arguing with your parents about caste for 4 yrs?

Have you been with this guy for that long? Because no offence, (ah to hell with it, offence meant!) that sounds beyond wrong, a 15 yr old with a 20 year old?

If not, then WELL DONE to you for wanting to stand up to your parents against their views of caste. Bhagat Ravi Das Ji wass from a so called low Hindu class. Your parents think they are higher and better than him(that is how it is, there are no questions about it).How you feel about that? Doesn't it show you how much Satan has deluded the people in this dark age. Tell your parents that listening to the devil(darkness) is not the answer, they should do the gurmukh thing and abolish their views of caste.

God bless you whatever you do.

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Guys, I'll be nice this time as its a kid sister, and will try in English.

1.) You are 19, that should be enough to answer most of your issues. You are still not fully mature as far as relationships with guys are concerned. Sorry if thats offensive but thats the plain truth.

2.) You are Amritdhari, and its a bit shameful that you would have such a relationship before marriage, especially against the wishes of your parents.

3.) You love him and he loves you.

(3.a.) Do you even know what love is? How much of the world have you seen in 19 years that you could have a clue?

(3.b.) What guarantee do you have that he truly loves you, especially if his presence in your life is turning you against your own parents?

4.) He is 5 years older to you, you both started this "chakkar" 3 years ago when he was 21 and you were 16. So you were an under-age and he should have been arrested.

5.) Its good that you disown caste, but the rotten society (Punjabi, NOT Sikh) that you two were born into does not. Get over it, the sooner you do, the better. Ultimately you both are going to marry someone of your parents's (not your) "caste".

6.) Since your parents are attached to caste system, not only are they psuedo-Amritdharis (if they are Amritdharis to begin with), they will make sure that you marry someone of their (not your) "caste". Again, sorry if this sounds offensive but in course of time you will realize the truth that the world is not a Bollywood movie.

7.) You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering the option to elope away with him. I am sure that would make your and his parents real proud, right? Those who raised you for 19 years, you are ready to trash their honor and devastate them forever just because of someone you know for 3 years? Actually I need to ask you, how can you be so sure in just 3 years that he is the right person you want to be with forever?

So here is my simple 2 cents worth advice, solution, whatever you may want to call it.

a) Begin by feeling REALLY ashamed of yourself. He can and should join you in that as well.

b) Beg forgiveness from Guru Sahib for being Amritdharis and indulging in such a relationship without your parents' knowledge.

c) If your digestion goes bad because you "miss" him, then be daring enough to atleast ask your mother (if not your father for fear of his gandasa) if your folks would even consider someone out of "caste" as your potential Singh. If they say they would look into it, tell them he wants to meet you. If not, buy him a 3 dollar "Good Bye" card from Hallmark and mail it to him.

d) Cry one last time over this "tragedy" if you have to and forget it, its not worth it to keep lingering on.

e) Do 11 Chaupai Sahibs per day for a month and you will feel like nothing ever happened.

f) Come back and say "Thanks" to me for this valuable advice. I have had a really hard time being nice to you in English (trust me, what you read above was nice as compared to my general tone in Punjabi, ask the others to confirm).

Hmm I wonder how old the gurus and their wives were when they got married? I'm pretty sure they were mature enough to know what love is.

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Guru Nanak was married to Mata Sulakhni at about 19 years of age,

Guru Ramdas was married to Bibi Bhani at the age of 20 years.

Guru Arjan Dev Ji was married to Mata Ganga Ji at the age of 27 years.

Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji was married to Bibi Marwahi,Mata Damodari at the age of 18, and 10 respectively.

Guru Tegh Bahadur was married to Mata Gujri at the age of 13

Guru Gobind Singh Ji was married to Mata Jeeto at the age of 11

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It's nice to know we think of ourselves to be as mature as Guru Sahib Jee.

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Guru Nanak was married to Mata Sulakhni at about 19 years of age,

Guru Ramdas was married to Bibi Bhani at the age of 20 years.

Guru Arjan Dev Ji was married to Mata Ganga Ji at the age of 27 years.

Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji was married to Bibi Marwahi,Mata Damodari at the age of 18, and 10 respectively.

Guru Tegh Bahadur was married to Mata Gujri at the age of 13

Guru Gobind Singh Ji was married to Mata Jeeto at the age of 11

True, but i don't think the people asking the question are anywhere near ready if they are stil asking if they should have a love marriage without the consent of parents.

It is also said that Guru Hargobind was married in about 1610 to Mata Nanaki also known as Mata Marwahi or Mata Mahadevi

http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&site=&source=hp&q=bibi+marwahi&pbx=1&oq=bibi+marwahi&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=812l2217l0l12l7l0l0l0l0l306l1132l1.2.2.1l6&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=e2cdbf82a93ada0c&biw=1024&bih=653

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Hmm I wonder how old the gurus and their wives were when they got married? I'm pretty sure they were mature enough to know what love is.

Well the Gurus set a huge example to the world of how to balance a householders life with a spiritual life so if they've set an example on how to live life as a householder we should prob take their example. Many people during those times renounced worldly life to sit as hermits etc, but our Gurus they lived lives that were pure whilst being householders. We all have the potential to become Brahmgyanis(same as god), and following a Gurus example isn;t a bad way to go about it.

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to the post starter..............people like you are simply a disgrace to amritdharis, you cannot even be considered a khalsa. NO WAY FULLSTOP.

THE KHALSA IS OF HIGH MORALS and dating is not amongst those morals........what made you think it was ok to start dating in the first place????????

there was a time where families would trust their daughters with singhs, because they knew that these singhs were guru gobind singhs ji's sons; but the situation now is all too different.........there a very few amritdharis who do not indulge in such actions......MOST OF THE PARCHARIKS IN THE UK, HAD LOVE MARRIAGES or have fffed about.........so they can never tell any of the youth not to do so, because they will be hypocrites. therefore this lack of parchar has led to a messed up situation where the up and coming youth do not see a problem in dating each other...and do so freely without regret or shame.....WHEN IS THIS <edited> GOING TO STOP....???????/

to the immature couple......you can live your mirza sahiban lifestyle but please DO NOT TARNISH MY FAMILY NAME AND REPUATION BY DATING, INSTEAD LEAVE THE PANTH AND LEAVE THE ROOP THAT YOU HAVE.

BESIDES, THE FACT THAT YOU'VE POSTED ON HERE SHOWS HOW RIDICULOUSLY IMMATURE YOU ARE, AND THAT YOU HAVE LITTLE GIAN, QUITE SIMPLY YOUR FULL OF <edited>!

IT COULD EVEN BE THAT THIS POST IS FAKE AND THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DEFAME SIKHS..........WHO KNOWS...?

IF YOU WANTED TO BE A <edited> THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO WITHOUT THE KHALSA IDENTITY.

GO ROT IN HELL.

IF PEOPLE THINK THAT I'M BEING EXTREME THEN SO BE IT, I DONT CARE...

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MOST OF THE PARCHARIKS IN THE UK, HAD LOVE MARRIAGES or have fffed about.........so they can never tell any of the youth not to do so, because they will be hypocrites. therefore this lack of parchar has led to a messed up situation where the up and coming youth do not see a problem in dating each other...and do so freely without regret or shame.....WHEN IS THIS <edited> GOING TO STOP....???????/

Completely agree. How sad is it that there are examples from multiple jathebandis now, where even people who have done seva in Amrit Sanchars ( pehradar, even panj pyara) have had, are having, or attempted to have love marriage!!!

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^ The best thing to do here would be to confront the individuals, clearly you know who they are. I'm not sure how much a post on a forum will accomplish, probably nothing.

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to the post starter..............people like you are simply a disgrace to amritdharis, you cannot even be considered a khalsa. NO WAY FULLSTOP.

THE KHALSA IS OF HIGH MORALS and dating is not amongst those morals........what made you think it was ok to start dating in the first place????????

there was a time where families would trust their daughters with singhs, because they knew that these singhs were guru gobind singhs ji's sons; but the situation now is all too different.........there a very few amritdharis who do not indulge in such actions......MOST OF THE PARCHARIKS IN THE UK, HAD LOVE MARRIAGES or have fffed about.........so they can never tell any of the youth not to do so, because they will be hypocrites. therefore this lack of parchar has led to a messed up situation where the up and coming youth do not see a problem in dating each other...and do so freely without regret or shame.....WHEN IS THIS <edited> GOING TO STOP....???????/

to the immature couple......you can live your mirza sahiban lifestyle but please DO NOT TARNISH MY FAMILY NAME AND REPUATION BY DATING, INSTEAD LEAVE THE PANTH AND LEAVE THE ROOP THAT YOU HAVE.

BESIDES, THE FACT THAT YOU'VE POSTED ON HERE SHOWS HOW RIDICULOUSLY IMMATURE YOU ARE, AND THAT YOU HAVE LITTLE GIAN, QUITE SIMPLY YOUR FULL OF <edited>!

IT COULD EVEN BE THAT THIS POST IS FAKE AND THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DEFAME SIKHS..........WHO KNOWS...?

IF YOU WANTED TO BE A <edited> THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO WITHOUT THE KHALSA IDENTITY.

GO ROT IN HELL.

IF PEOPLE THINK THAT I'M BEING EXTREME THEN SO BE IT, I DONT CARE...

1000000% agree with that ^^^ apart from the 'rot in hell' part, i just hope that one day these 2 people realise the truth and see what guru gobind singh jee expects from his gursikhs... unless it IS somebody trying to defame us.. vaaheguroo

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What is this some kind of witch hunt or something if you got a prob with these sikhs say it on ther face or this is just nindia and dont sit there calling it the Truth nindia is nindia!

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if you are amrit-dhari then you follow dharam, and if you follow dharam then you shouldn't go against your parents and also shouldn't argue, because you are following adharam.

IF you really are amrit-shak, then are you following dharam? Also is making boyfriend partner dharam? If you follow dharam, you also follow the maryada of your family!!! Many, many sikh girls your age have had boyfriends and probably at least one ex. I don't know how I can help you...

This pre-marital ex-partners stuff is a mess, seriously, where are we supposed to find decent people who are actually serious about marriage, instead of this over-relaxed baqwaas?

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Wjkkwjkf Wow i am so shocked this girl is asking dor your advice and you guys are just being far too rude and some of you dont know where you get your facts from. I am not an amritdhari but i am practicing to be one and i can relate to the situation you are going through about the caste system i take it your parents are not amritdhari

Well In MY OPINION i do not think you should be scared to confront your parents simple terms if you dont ask you dont get... Just pray tell waheguru your problems he will show you the way trust me... Dont let people opinions bring you down chin up stay strong and please dont run away my sister ran away and my family has never been the same wont go into much detail but bottom line is confront your parents your a singhni trust your guru be strong stick together things will be ok... Hope it all goes well bhul huk maff people!

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