Amritdhari Love Marriage

[SinghniKaur 1]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

I am 19 years old. I am a Amritdhari for now 3 years. Well, I don't really know if this is a problem but I'm going to see what the sangat have to say to this.

So, where shall I start...

I love this boy and he is Amritdhari and he loves me too. The difference between me and him is that he is now 24. Been with him for 3 years now and me and him are quiet serious now.

Meaning me and want to get married. We havent got up to anything rude, for example: sex.

So, basically the boy that I want to get married to is from a different caste than me. We both in person have disowned it and we always tell everyone that we are Sikhs and our last names are SINGH & KAUR.

The issue is that, my parents are very attached to the caste system. I have been having discussions/arguements/fights with them for the past 4 years of my life.

They are like "that we are going to get you married in the same caste as us even if he is Amritdhari!"

I do not know how to tell my parents that I am in love with him and I can not live without him. And I am very, very serious about him.

The boy wants to come to my house and ask my parents for my hand. But, I can not let him in the house without telling my parents that I want to introduce you with a boy I am serious with.

I don't want to leave him, this would be the last thing I would do. & if I have to I would run away, but this is also I would do as a last option.

So, I am stuck!

I don't know what to do!

Please help your sister, Sangat Ji!

Bhul Chuk Marf

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

[s50 106]

Every week some Amritdhari has this issue on the gupt section. It getting sad to see

The Piteous State of Today's Sikh Youth

If we notice a Gursikh, who has taken Amrit of Guru Sahib and becomes so attracted to the member of opposite sex that he (or she) can only think of her and can't live without her, then surely such person was never in love with Guru Sahib. Every now and then we hear of a Gursikh brother or sister, shamelessly declaring that he or she will die unless he or she marries such and such person. How did a Gursikh end up at such stage? Wasn't he an Amritdhari to begin with? How did he violate such a strict order of Guru Sahib of considering other-women as mothers, sisters and daughters?

Our youth now-a-days has reached such state that it has no hesitation or shame before openly communicating with the members of opposite sex. Today they start chatting with someone, tomorrow they start sharing their problems with each other, the day after tomorrow they develop feelings for each other and soon they are going out. Even at Kirtan Samagams where countless Gurmukhs are engaged in praising the true Lord, some of the misled youth are overcome with Aashiqaana feelings (Amorous feelings). The high, impregnable character of Khalsa youth has taken such a beating. Today if you look around, you can count on your fingertips such individuals who have not been stained by entering into relationships before marriage.

The Internet has really shrunk the world. Today, if something occurs in the Sikh community in one country, it quickly spreads across the globe. If a young male or female commits an act of transgression, then the reputation of such individual is stained for life. Once one's character gets stained, it's hard to build it back.

Gursikhs must rise above the Maya of this world and maintain strong Khalsa character. The time of marriage and the partner for life has already been chosen by Vaheguru. So relax and stop hunting for your life partner on your own. A Sikh youth who keeps strong character, keeps Sikhi Rehit is always in demand as far as marriage is concerned. A youth who starts hunting for a life partner on his own, soon gets his character stained and before he or she realizes, it's too late.

No one is saying that we should become a segregated society like the Muslims and keep Purdah and don't talk with each other at all. What's required is to know our limits. Far too many Kaam-related mistakes are being committed by our youth because of their proximity to members of opposite sex.

May Guru Sahib do Kirpa and enable his Sikhs to keep a strong moral character on which Guru Sahib can be proud of.

[VanHelsingh 1,976]

Great post s50. Really good, sir.

[PAL 07 210]

bhagat tulsi daas a famous saint and writer of Ramayan was in deep love with his wife - she said to him if you could only love God this much you would obtain him - this changed his life and he became a saint

can people stop posting their love problems on this forum we are not here as love/sex therapists....the simple answer to this is that the girl speaks to her mom about her feelings and sort it out within the family and elders in the community, go see Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh Ji..this is a wrong place to talk, personally i think the both of you are too young to get married and are under the influence of your sexual desires.

[OhTwadi 73]

*sigh*

As I've said in the past, if you knew that your parents are pro caste, why did you get into this panga and more importantly stay in this panga for 3 years?! Kids these days man...

[KiranKaur24 2]

Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.

[Guest Sikh o it]

Can people on this forum not grow up their are people that need honest help and having a go at them Isnt reallly a good example of you being sikh is it. ? People will be people and do tings who are you all to judge? Be proper sikhs and now help . If someon was drowning would you have a go at them just because they might have jumped in themsel or would you help? Grow up an smell what you shovellin!

[Singh559 2,634]

Makes me so angry and sad.

If your parents tell you from a young age then whether you agree with their views or not, ragardless, you should follow what they say. Truth of the matter is that its all good saying youv'e forgotten caste but dont ever use religion as an excuse to go against ur parents wishes. You're not helping your sikhi by marrying your bf just because hes from another caste, and your not hurtning your sikhi if you marry according to your parents wishes even if boys same caste. I here all too often that. 'oh my parents are wrong, theyr going against sikhi and thats why im sticking to marrying so and so' The truth is that if your parents stood another singh/singhni from a different caste infront of you, you would still have an objection...all you want is to marry your bg/gf...its wrong and such relationships should not have been started in the first place. ...you say youve been arguing with your parents for 4 years, yet youve only been with this guy for 3? So you directly, conciously disrespected their request to you.

This topic is gettin ridiculous and way too common with gursikh youth today. Sikhi does not condone going against the wishes of your parents on a matter that does not affect your sikhi.

I'll have to agree with this.

[PAL 07 210]

certain inter-caste marriages happen as people think its best for the individual's concerned and in others it is devastating,,depends what your situation is if both are high caste's it tends to still be okay but if a high caste marries a low caste then it is seen as bad even though both parties are amritdhari - i think you need to talk openly with your mom/dad and get some respectable advice from elders in the sikh community

BUT I AGREE WITH ALL THE POST SO FAR THERE IS TOO MUCH MINGLING OF AMRITDHARII YOUTH PARTICULARLY I HAVE SEEN THIS WITHIN THE AKJ...... BOTH GENDERS NEED TO STAY WITHIN MARYADA

[Guest gupt]

s50 you should cite the source from where you copy and pasted that post from.

maybe i will do it for you http://www.gurmatbibek.com/contents.php?id=501

[Guest tere chaped maaraan]

Guys, I'll be nice this time as its a kid sister, and will try in English.

1.) You are 19, that should be enough to answer most of your issues. You are still not fully mature as far as relationships with guys are concerned. Sorry if thats offensive but thats the plain truth.

2.) You are Amritdhari, and its a bit shameful that you would have such a relationship before marriage, especially against the wishes of your parents.

3.) You love him and he loves you.

(3.a.) Do you even know what love is? How much of the world have you seen in 19 years that you could have a clue?

(3.b.) What guarantee do you have that he truly loves you, especially if his presence in your life is turning you against your own parents?

4.) He is 5 years older to you, you both started this "chakkar" 3 years ago when he was 21 and you were 16. So you were an under-age and he should have been arrested.

5.) Its good that you disown caste, but the rotten society (Punjabi, NOT Sikh) that you two were born into does not. Get over it, the sooner you do, the better. Ultimately you both are going to marry someone of your parents's (not your) "caste".

6.) Since your parents are attached to caste system, not only are they psuedo-Amritdharis (if they are Amritdharis to begin with), they will make sure that you marry someone of their (not your) "caste". Again, sorry if this sounds offensive but in course of time you will realize the truth that the world is not a Bollywood movie.

7.) You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering the option to elope away with him. I am sure that would make your and his parents real proud, right? Those who raised you for 19 years, you are ready to trash their honor and devastate them forever just because of someone you know for 3 years? Actually I need to ask you, how can you be so sure in just 3 years that he is the right person you want to be with forever?

So here is my simple 2 cents worth advice, solution, whatever you may want to call it.

a) Begin by feeling REALLY ashamed of yourself. He can and should join you in that as well.

b) Beg forgiveness from Guru Sahib for being Amritdharis and indulging in such a relationship without your parents' knowledge.

c) If your digestion goes bad because you "miss" him, then be daring enough to atleast ask your mother (if not your father for fear of his gandasa) if your folks would even consider someone out of "caste" as your potential Singh. If they say they would look into it, tell them he wants to meet you. If not, buy him a 3 dollar "Good Bye" card from Hallmark and mail it to him.

d) Cry one last time over this "tragedy" if you have to and forget it, its not worth it to keep lingering on.

e) Do 11 Chaupai Sahibs per day for a month and you will feel like nothing ever happened.

f) Come back and say "Thanks" to me for this valuable advice. I have had a really hard time being nice to you in English (trust me, what you read above was nice as compared to my general tone in Punjabi, ask the others to confirm).

[SarabjeetS 6]

Every week some Amritdhari has this issue on the gupt section. It getting sad to see

The Piteous State of Today's Sikh Youth

If we notice a Gursikh, who has taken Amrit of...

whats the problem if they love each other ?

[Guest people]

You said you've been arguing with your parents about caste for 4 yrs?

Have you been with this guy for that long? Because no offence, (ah to hell with it, offence meant!) that sounds beyond wrong, a 15 yr old with a 20 year old?

If not, then WELL DONE to you for wanting to stand up to your parents against their views of caste. Bhagat Ravi Das Ji wass from a so called low Hindu class. Your parents think they are higher and better than him(that is how it is, there are no questions about it).How you feel about that? Doesn't it show you how much Satan has deluded the people in this dark age. Tell your parents that listening to the devil(darkness) is not the answer, they should do the gurmukh thing and abolish their views of caste.

God bless you whatever you do.

[Guest savan]

Guys, I'll be nice this time as its a kid sister, and will try in English.

1.) You are 19, that should be enough to answer most of your issues. You are still not fully mature as far as relationships with guys are concerned. Sorry if thats offensive but thats the plain truth.

2.) You are Amritdhari, and its a bit shameful that you would have such a relationship before marriage, especially against the wishes of your parents.

3.) You love him and he loves you.

(3.a.) Do you even know what love is? How much of the world have you seen in 19 years that you could have a clue?

(3.b.) What guarantee do you have that he truly loves you, especially if his presence in your life is turning you against your own parents?

4.) He is 5 years older to you, you both started this "chakkar" 3 years ago when he was 21 and you were 16. So you were an under-age and he should have been arrested.

5.) Its good that you disown caste, but the rotten society (Punjabi, NOT Sikh) that you two were born into does not. Get over it, the sooner you do, the better. Ultimately you both are going to marry someone of your parents's (not your) "caste".

6.) Since your parents are attached to caste system, not only are they psuedo-Amritdharis (if they are Amritdharis to begin with), they will make sure that you marry someone of their (not your) "caste". Again, sorry if this sounds offensive but in course of time you will realize the truth that the world is not a Bollywood movie.

7.) You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering the option to elope away with him. I am sure that would make your and his parents real proud, right? Those who raised you for 19 years, you are ready to trash their honor and devastate them forever just because of someone you know for 3 years? Actually I need to ask you, how can you be so sure in just 3 years that he is the right person you want to be with forever?

So here is my simple 2 cents worth advice, solution, whatever you may want to call it.

a) Begin by feeling REALLY ashamed of yourself. He can and should join you in that as well.

b) Beg forgiveness from Guru Sahib for being Amritdharis and indulging in such a relationship without your parents' knowledge.

c) If your digestion goes bad because you "miss" him, then be daring enough to atleast ask your mother (if not your father for fear of his gandasa) if your folks would even consider someone out of "caste" as your potential Singh. If they say they would look into it, tell them he wants to meet you. If not, buy him a 3 dollar "Good Bye" card from Hallmark and mail it to him.

d) Cry one last time over this "tragedy" if you have to and forget it, its not worth it to keep lingering on.

e) Do 11 Chaupai Sahibs per day for a month and you will feel like nothing ever happened.

f) Come back and say "Thanks" to me for this valuable advice. I have had a really hard time being nice to you in English (trust me, what you read above was nice as compared to my general tone in Punjabi, ask the others to confirm).

Hmm I wonder how old the gurus and their wives were when they got married? I'm pretty sure they were mature enough to know what love is.

[PAL 07 210]

Guru Nanak was married to Mata Sulakhni at about 19 years of age,

Guru Ramdas was married to Bibi Bhani at the age of 20 years.

Guru Arjan Dev Ji was married to Mata Ganga Ji at the age of 27 years.

Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji was married to Bibi Marwahi,Mata Damodari at the age of 18, and 10 respectively.

Guru Tegh Bahadur was married to Mata Gujri at the age of 13

Guru Gobind Singh Ji was married to Mata Jeeto at the age of 11