I Like This Girls, But...

[Guest _Gupt Singh_]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Wahe guru Ji Ki Fateh

Sadh Sangat Ji,

There is a girl that I like and I see her whenever we have SSA meeting. She is very very nice, does Paath, keertan, and is very very strong in Sikhi. I think she took Amrit when she was young and Guru Sahib blessed me with this daat about year and hafl ago. We sometimes call each other when we need somthing for the meeting, no personal talk or anything like that though. But the problem is whenver we talk, she refers me as "veerji" te mera sara mood off kar dindi aa.

I don't look at her in a bad way. I respect her simplicity, calmness, and everything. I want to marry her, but I am afraid of telling her that I have feelings for her cuz she calls me veerji. And ever if I tell her, it will change her attitude towards me and whenever we face each other in the meeting or outside, things won't be the same. And I cannot trust anyone who is close to her and talk to her about me and tell me if she likes someone else or if she has any feelings for me. The other problem is that I am 5 years older than her. Is this a big age gap? Sadh Sangat Ji, please let me know what should I do? I am very very upset about this and I keep thinking about her every single moment. Even she sometimes comes in my dreams too. I dont know if this is a small crush that came in my life as punishment or as remedy ('dukh daaru sukh rog bhaya'). What should I do???? I am sooooooooooooo confused...........

[Dhan Teri Sikhi]

I don't think the age gap should matter.

How about telling your parents how you feel and for your parents then to approach her parents and see where things go from there. Are you close to your parents? This may be the best way of approaching the situation instead of telling her direct that you want to get married to her for the reasons you have mentioned.

I know people you used to refer to each other as Bhaji / Bhenji just out of respect before there was any relationship and then those two individuals ended up getting married.

Hope it all works out.

Waheguru

[tarunjeet singh]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

Vaeer ji approach elder Singhs or your parents and ask them to approach the Girls family , DO NOT try and make your own advances, you will probably get a shittar

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

[Tarrandeep_Kaur]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

Vaeer ji approach elder Singhs or your parents and ask them to approach the Girls family , DO NOT try and make your own advances, you will probably get a shittar 

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

123925[/snapback]

vahigurujikakhalsavahigurujikifateh

vahigurujikakhalsavahigurujikifateh

[Heera Singh]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

Vaeer ji approach elder Singhs or your parents and ask them to approach the Girls family , DO NOT try and make your own advances, you will probably get a shittar 

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fathe

123925[/snapback]

i agree... do NOT get famz involved in this..

[SSM]

Yah truesay, but I was thinking, what else do u expect her to call you, I'm saying she sounds sidhee sadhee so isnt going to look at you and think wow I want to marry him, sounds like she def in to an arranged marriage. So family to family will do the trick.

(on a side note I find it very very distrubing when people call eachother bhenjji and veerji-both sides- and then marry, one side saying it is different but both, I find it yuk soz)

but with u its different cos its all one side.soz , u that did NOT needed to be said

[Guest _Gupt Singh_]

Singhs and Kaurs, thank you soooo much for your advice. But here are few more things to consider about approaching her through family or through elderly Singhs and Singhnia:

Lets say for example, I approacher her family though my family and rejects me by some excuse like she's not reay yet, she wants to study more, etc. etc. and in fact she likes someone else and has no feelings for me. Then it will be dispectful situation on both sides and on the top of that she would get mad at me that why I approacher her in that way. The second thing is that I have several friends, both girls and guys who know me and her, but I am not that close to them to ask them to do this job for me... The third thing is, I called her a day ago and she was busy and told me that she will call me back, but today is the 2nd day and she never called back. I think maybe she already has sensed that I like her and she's trying to ingnore me to let me know that she's not interested in me at all. I'm soooo confused and can't stop thinking bout her. She's a wonderful person. I dont know what to do about this... Maybe she already knows and thats why she calls me veerji on purpose... Please let me know what should I do. is there any way I can approach her so that I can find out if she likes me or someone else and it won't change her attitude towards me??? Please let me sangat ji....

[SSM]

everyone is very very different but speaking from experience, I proper emphasised the word veerji with one 'veerji' i knew didnt call me bhenji because he didnt want to for a reason.

so yeah maybe she doing that to u.

but calling someone veerji is normal, but maybe try to take note of how she says veerji, I mean does she go out of her wayto say it, if so that means something.

on other hand, maybe she is busy and there is no reason for her to blank you cos i'm assuming its like a one minute convo for things right?

in that case i dont know if u want to approach her family, is she worth it? well then the risk is worth it and u dont need to worry as much abt what she will think of u if she says no because thats worth less than her yes.

but then i think asking her mates and your mates could be a good idea because it means avoiding a whole big event in case her family says no, but as long as u make clear that ur not asking her out lol but asking to ask her parents, theres a difference hunna.

I would personally go for the family if i was a bloke, but after doing a bit of research on how she is with other guys, ie. does she call everyone veerji or r u the unlucky one

Rab rakha

[simmal tree]

vaaheguroojeekaakhaalsaa

vaaheguroojeekeefatheh!!!

aah, the veerjee / bhainjee issue.

i remember discussing this a long time ago with priya kaur bhainjee online... i haven't talked with bhainjee in a long time; i wonder what she would think of this discussion.

these type of dilemmas probably happened before, in puratan times, but not as often. whoever was into sikhi, was into sikhi. well at least that how it should be / should have been. grihastee jeevan is a part of life, but it is not life altogether. thinking about somebody all the time, waiting for their phone calls, dreaming about them - this is not the love of the soul, this is infatuation, almost to the level of obsession.

i wish i had the longing for the Guru that you have for this girl. in any case, i am not trying to belittle you or your feelings. i have been in a similar situation which caused me to have to get pesh in front of the punj pyare. these type of things cannot be resolved on internet forums. if you think that your rehit, and this bhainjee's rehit are congruent, then you should talk with her directly. she is an adult, you are an adult. she is a gursikh, you are a gursikh. you should ask her respectfully, and if she says no, you should completely forget about it and go on living your life. you should not put any pressure, and you should definately not say anything about your "waiting for her call" or "having dreams about her" because that will freak her out.

life is not a hindi movie. you cannot convince somebody to be your marriage partner because of your emotional attachment to them. if you go in accordance with gurmat, surely guru sahib will find a suitable match for you. before you do anything, you should do ardas to guru jee. the ardas should *not* be that she accepts your proposal. the ardas should be that guru jee protects you, protects everybody (sarbat da bhalla), and gives you the strength to accept hukam.

please forgive me if any of what i have said seems offensive. i have been in a similar situation and i know that it can be deceiving. these situations are not worth losing your rehit / sikhi over. whatever guru sahib has in their plans will come to pass. take everything with a grain of salt, in stride, without worry or anxiety.

please forgive any mistakes

vaaheguroojeekaakhaalsaa

vaaheguroojeekeefatheh !!!

[Balwinder Singh]

well said simmal tree ji!!