I've Come Here For Advice & Help.

[DSD]

...

[Golee Maro]

Ahh

VGKK VGKF

I feel for u bro. Let me start by saying i am far from perfect and so i apologise in advance if i give any reason for u to believe i think otherwise.

I feel for you... i feel for you both. I know its easy for me to say - but past IS past. Its like i heard a saying "we've got one foot in the past, one foot in the future and we are p*ssing on the present." Is she a good, honest, and faithful person now? Coz judging by ure opinion of her above.. she is. Maybe bro, at one point she wasnt. But we all go through tough ages and tough points in our lives. Its wrong of you to judge her on that - the past is past. Its dead.

I would personally say, she needs to be reborn to cleanse herself from that murky past. Reborn how? Cleanse the soul through naam, baani, simran... and Amrit. (Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib Jee). But maybe she wont agree to that in the near future, but u know, if she wants to marry u much as you want to marry her, then ask her to take up naam, bani and simran and explain to her why.

Your not being old fashioned. I think you are being human. You have not had sex yourself and have saved that for marriage all your life... something that is sacred in marriage. And its a shock when you find someone you want to marry (who you expect to have "saved" themself too for you) and they havent. But i think you should not punish yourselves over it. Past is past. Move forward.

Shes been honest with you about having sex twice... if shes lying about the circumstances of how it came about, then thats on her own head. But by the sounds of it, lying or not, she regrets it and admits to the mistakes...

You know deep down whether you can forgive and forget bro... by the sounds of it, you i think you can and i have faith in you. But you need to have faith inyourself, your partner and most importantly of all... Guroo Maharaj...

Sorry for any mistakes above.

Peace out

VGKK VGKF

[SSM]

How you feel now is how anyone in that place would feel. Entirely normal.

Of course it is OK to be jealous and I am guessing you must feel jealous but do NOT let it get to you any more than it already has else you could end up destroying what now is a beautiful relationship.

She has gone further than you did BUT this was not her choice. She didn't want to do with him what she wants to do with you.

For crying out loud, she has agreed to marry YOU ONLY!

She loves you enough to tell you how far it went and she trusts you enough sto let it go now.

Forget that man, he is gone, it is over, now something has begun. That is your relationship with her. Don't let that go downhill due to your jealousy. She loves you and you love her and I think that is all that should matter now. The past is just that:- the past.

Sikhsangat members, I'm sure, are willing to advise you regardless of how 'sikh' you are. Hopefully you will find everyones advice helpful and just remember that the life you have been leading so far should only be improved on and not made worse by turning to anything- not even alcohol. So far you have done great, I am sure you will get better only

Have faith in Waheguru, your parents did and found you someone you clicked with straight away. I'm sure that if you accept that she has chosen you over him then you can live a life as you both want

[DSD]

I would like to thank both of you for taking the time to read through my plight and post thoughtful responses. I do genuinely hope I can get over this altogether. I think after we get married and see each other every day, and I'm able to see how lucky I am, it will disappear totally. One point raised is that she did agree to marry me, and she turned down guys richer than me etc introduced to her by her parents. She assumed I knew what she meant from day 1, and she has changed. Again, she's far from being a strict Sikh, but she knows her morals etc now and is loved by my family for being such a chirpy, nice, down to earth person. That was why it hit me hard, I couldn't imagine her being like that. Again, thanks for the help and pointing out things I couldn't see, and for giving me the religion perspective on it too...

[fanaa]

Interesting thread. All i can say is that dude you need to get mature. Why do i say that? Well you ahead and tell your parents about what she told you . Your parents acted maturely because they feel she is a good gal, what if one day they use this against when they have tiff.

As regards to virginty, Virginity is more a state of mind not body, i can say because i know females who will go to all heights of initmacy not perform the act so that they remain virgins. So are they Virgins.

As regards to us guys having no visible signs of being virgins or not being one , how does that justice, simply because virginty doesnt lie in a tissue.

You have 100 days , try to change your self as your are going to be a husband so become mature to act like one

[Revolutionary]

Brother, if you decide to move on from all this and are prepared to live with her for the rest of your life; Regardless of past.. I bow down to you.

It takes an extremely strong person and will power to be able to do that (otherwise its a naive mistake - since you dont know what you got yourself into - but you dont seem to be that kind of person)

Personally, I think she's worth it. She's gone through all the effort to get with you.

I agree with the above poster that yes you might have made a mistake by telling your parents, I made that same mistake and recently had an arguement where dad mentioned it again! Its not annoying, its depressing; especially if its something as big as what you told your parents. But past is past.

End of day, when it comes fto the crunch - its ultimately Guru Ji that will help.

"If you take one step towards the Guru, he will tke 1000's of steps towards you" - Guru Granth Sahib ji.

Take that step, and get closer to Guru ji, and then see what bakshish Guru Ji will give you. You never know WHAT Guru Ji has ready on plate for you!

Look After yourself.

[DSD]

...

[DSD]

...

[Pheena]

What right do you have to judge another's mistake by calling her names? Have you never made a mistake? If you don't want to marry her or if she is too low for you on your standard scale then don't marry her. Save her the trouble and your family the trouble. Marry her ONLY if you are going to act with Maturity as many others have said above me. Marry her ONLY if you are going to act like a 25 year old, not the 17 year old High School Lover boy who is jelous about her Girlfriend past. Marriage is not like going out on a date, it take maturity to deal with tough issue and you are already having trouble. It is a sign that you have much work to do on yourself. You have been blessed with 100 days before you tie the knot. Let these days be of the important 100 days of your life.

You said you don't deserve her, you are right you don't. She is far more mature then you. First step that you so easily overlooked was her Honesty with you. Do you think that was an easy thing for her to do? She expressed this to you and you alone as you stated. Isn't that worth anything?

I would say that your Jelousy is not normal, it is habitual...a habit of the Mind and we blindly fall for such habits. What happened happed to her body, a physical shell that she resides in. Don't limit your perception to what can only be seen with the eyes, instead look deeper within her of that which the eyes cannot see. Learn to look beyond the others mistakes, learn to see them with compassion...Why did you not express Compassion towards her if you were going to be judgemental of her past? Why did you resort to Anger? Why did you not express Love towards her so that she might have taken comfort in your presence; She was able to share her perhaps deepest secret and was taunted or belittled? Why did you not give her your wisdom since you believe yourself to pure sexually, instead you put her down? This does not sound like someone who stand on a higher moral grounds of being wiser, instead of someone who is inherently blind to his own mistakes but takes it out on others for their mistake. I feel that you should call her and apologize for the way you behaved towards her when she told you about her past. Your relationship does not need this habitual Jelousy of the mind, this Habitual Anger, instead it needs Understanding, Love, Compassion, Consideration, Patience and Respect.

You have 100 days my beautiful veer ji...100 days. Use them wisely, it is today that you have realized your problem, may tomorrow bring Understanding Love, Compassion in your thoughts?

My sincere apologies if my words were too harsh or judgemental...i say this only to perhaps make you see that we all make mistakes, it is not right for us to get Angry or become Jelous. Instead we must learn to express Love and Compassion towards the other who we care about, for the other does not need our Anger, they need our Love. Did you mother not forgive you when you made a mistake? Did she kick you out of her home?? Does God not give us this birth again and again even though we have made countless mistakes through out our past lifetimes, his Compassion overpowers our sins. If he considered for one minute our whole sins and based on that he gave us life, we'd be reborn again and again in the hellish conditions that exist on this planet. Let us mimic God's way in what way we can in our own personal life.

[DSD]

You have 100 days my beautiful veer ji...100 days. Use them wisely, it is today that you have realized your problem, may tomorrow bring Understanding Love, Compassion in your thoughts?

My sincere apologies if my words were too harsh or judgemental...i say this only to perhaps make you see that we all make mistakes, it is not right for us to get Angry or become Jelous.

Your words were not harsh, your post is 99.9% the truth. I have to stress though, I was told this on the phone, and have only met her in person once since she told me. When she did tell me, she tried to make out that it was natural, bound to happen etc, as if she had no regrets. This is what made me swear on the phone etc. I'm not proud of what I did. I felt even worse when she told me the true story. I have told her countless times that I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it, and I believe I can never make up for saying it. I was aware she was far more mature than me even before she told me this, which is why it threw me. I couldn't imagine her doing something stupider than anything I would do.