Bhatri Sikh

[Guest Guest]

Thanks for all of your suggestions but im afraid to say that I have no way out, I cant take those options because I know the consequences my parents probably force me into the engagement and marriage anyway. I cant tell a teacher either because my parents will again probably end up taking me abroad to get me married. This boy that they found is from India, my paretns hardly seen him themselves only my pupee (buwa) has and she said to my mum and dad that the family is great and it's best if they do my alliance in that house.

As for my sisters, I dont think they'll be able to help me. they were in the same situation as me when they were my age and now the circumstances of their in laws is really bad. Their mother in laws treat them real bad like they a piece of dirt. My 19 year old sisters mother in law doesnt even let her go college or univerisity, before my sister got married my sister asked her mother in law if its okay for her to go college when shes married and at the time her mother in law sed it was all fine but now she restricts her.

My sisters were forced by their mother in laws to have kids especially the 19 year old one. Just because she had a baby girls first she treated her very bad. Her mother in law made her have kids firstly when she just turned 17 then second one 18 (just a year ago), now my sisters pregnant again and her mother in law told her that it better be a boy. I dont want to go through this yet. Its 99.8% posstive that I'll have to go through the same.

My parents are aware of what happend to my sisters but yet they deny it. they cant see the fact that I'll be ruined too, they think a boy for from india is the best optin and I'll stay happy.

How can I stay happy???

huni i cnt say much buh my folkz werent guna let me go 2 college buh i stuck 2 ma ground n sed i woz guna go n afta bare arguments... luk at me im at college studin!

gyal dey myt nt listen buh u gota try! i got a m8 n his 17 hes engaged as well n e aint reli happi bouh it either buh hez goin thru wid it for his folks... i dnt suggest u do da same as ur onli young.

either listen 2 ur folkz OR stand up 4 urself n stick 2 wot u believe in n leave home and dnt luk back...

i kno it soundz drastic buh datz wot itz cum 2 gal...

dey cnt get u married by force here buh in india dey can! so u beta decide n quick.

[Guest Bhatri Sikh]

thanks for your siggestions but I've seen majority of you say that runnning away from home is the best option, but I cant do that because matters will get worse. My parents love their reputation and if I run away society will start spreading rumours and that will make my parents go mad even mpre. I love my parents alot. I've always listened to them but I dont want to hurt them I just want a way to make them realise that education is important too.

I'm really stuck in a real bad dillemma, I want to sort this without running away. I just want to proove to them I can make them proud if I'm educated ( as they think education is nothing).

My sisters arent supportive either they just tell me that im being stupid and ill be the first bhatri to be educated and going to university which i think is not true.

[Guest Bhatri Sikh]

my personal opinion... straight up... time to stop talking and start DOING... ur parents are too narrowminded and ingorant to care about YOU.. they only care for themselves and THEIR reputation... u can either LET them ruin ur life, or u can take control of ur own life...

i's all in ur hands now...

g'luck...

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!

How do I take control ? Thats what I want to find out. I only want them to realise that I'm still a kid and getting educated is no crime ! If they ant me to get married they can do so later on in life but NOT NOW !

[Guest Bhatri Sikh]

waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh

well i wudnt say much

"sarab rogh ka aukadh naam||"

do a chaupai sahib da paath...or if u wish any other baani...there's no prob wit tat

n do ardaas.............trust me.....leave it guru sahib.......HE knows wats right n wats wrong........

Karan Kaaran Prabh Ek Hai, Doosar Nahee Koay||

Ghath Ghath Ki Antar Ki Jaanat||

Bhaley Buray Ki Peer Pachanat||

do ardas from ur heart.........trust me guru sahib WILL listen

another benti is tat.....we are all here as sangat.........im sure we all can this little thing....juz do an ardaas for our sister who needs help here

bhullan chukan di maafi

waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh

I do, Ipray to guru ji every single day to get me out of this mess, and they know how much I really want to study become something in life rather than dossing around in a house where i have to cook clean

[Jaspaul Singh]

ji

answer me one question ..

basically you know whats to be done.. u gotta still keep doing ardas, and keep trying to convince your parents..

but regardless of all that, if nothing still happens..

would you or would you not go ahead and marry a guy next year ?

Would you rather go through this or would you actually run away (which would be your ONLY way out at THAT time)? Please answer this.

[Guest Guest Visitor]

My sisters arent supportive either they just tell me that im being stupid and ill be the first bhatri to be educated and going to university which i think is not true.

Sat-Sri-Akal

Sorry to hear of your dilemma but you would not be the First Bhatri to go to University, there are Bhatri Doctors and Lawyer women who've been there and got the T-shirt. Your not breaking any mould in studying as a Bhatri girl. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, ACTIONS Speak LOUDER than words. From the advice given over the last 8 pages I believe you have your answer. You are now begining to repeat things you have said earlier. It time to start making decisions.

Sorry to be seeming to be "harsh" but you need to start moving forward IF U WANT to - Only U know that

Guru JI be With U

[Big_Tera]

BHATRI, SIKH.

IM A BHATRA, WHY DONT YOU TRY AND CONVINCE THEM THAT YOU WONT MESS ABOUT IN COLLEGE.

WHAT ABOUT DOING A PART TIME COURSE WHERE YOU HAVE TO BE AT COLLEGE FOR ONLY A WHILE?

I KNOW EVERYONE GOES ON ABOUT COLLEGE ECT. BELIEVE ME ITS ALL WHAT ITS CRACKED UP TO BE. UNI IS BETTER THOUGH.

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. THERES OTHER WAYS TO DO IT. YOUR PARENTS PROBABLY TRUST YOU. ITS JUST THEY DONT TRUST BOYS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO STUDY??

[harwinder84]

I do, Ipray to guru ji every single day to get me out of this mess, and they know how much I really want to study become something in life rather than dossing around in a house where i have to cook clean

then keep it up bhainjee.....guru sahib knows wat is right.....juz leave this to guru sahib...i know it is hard...but this will strengthen ur faith eventually

bhull chukk maaf

[Sat1176]

Bhan-ji.

Please don't listern to the advice or arguments about running away. It's definately not an easy option like some are trying to make out. A life on the streets is nothing rosey. This risks and dangers associated with taking such a move could be disastrous. What parents go through when a girl takes such an action is unbareable to watch. Trust me, I know. And no I don't approve of what your parents are doing either.

I seriously suggest you get some help from someone. Have you spoken to the sevadars of sikh helpline? It's totally confidential and you don't have to give your name or anything. Just talk to them and see if they can help you or at least offer you some sensible advice.

Running away from home like some are trying to convince you off shows a serious lack of maturity. :wub:

It is very easy for us to sit here behind our computers and tell you what to do, but you alone are the one who will have to take any action, and the consequences of what you do you will have to face. So think twice before doing anything silly.

[Heera Singh]

Nobody telling her to run on to the streets... read the posts thoroughly and you'll realize that.... and nobody said i's easy either... that was an option that we gave for a 'last scenerio' type'a thing.. when i said leave home, i also said find sum1 you can live with... so i no way did i promote 'livin on tha streets', and nobody else that posted did either.. and how it shows 'serious lack of maturity' i don't know... i's not like she gonn run of wit some guy.. in this situation, i would say it shows MORE maturity, because it shows that she won't stand for havin her future takin away from her, and bein forced into somethin she is totally against... tha's being oppressed... tha's nah how things should be done...it also shows that she will stand up fa herself... and that she nah gonn let nobody ruin her life... it shows that she cares bout her education and her own life in general.. IF she were to leave home it would be because she has no other choice... i.e. parents will not BUDGE on their decision and will forcefully try to get her engaged and then married...

everybody has suggested that she talk to her parents, and she said that her parents are very stubborn and won't listen... she also said that there really isn't anybody that could talk to her parents to try to convince them otherwise... what other options are there? unless she puts her foot down and directly says NO.. and that she will NOT go through wit this, there aren't many other options...

i's also very easy for us to sit behind the computers and say not to do anything 'silly' ... but sometimes, them drastic things are the things that need to be done.. every situation is different, and must be approached differently.. wha we simply stating is that she must take control of the situation by tellin her parents how she feels, and that she will NOT go through wit this.. by NOT doing that, then she is not makin her situation any different...

sat1176, please tell us wha you would suggest in a situation where her parents would refuse to listen to her and force her into engagement/marriage? there nah many options... either call the police... in which case she would probably have to be put into a foster home because it wouldn't be safe for her to be home... or she can move in with a friend.... i nah sure wha else can be done!!

g'luck to the lil girl...

Chardi Kalaa!!

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!