Soo Confused!

[Guest gurmat]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I find myself in a difficult situation, I hope sangat will help me to clear the confusion. I am an unmarried amritdhari, presently in england and am in late twenties. Lately I have noticed Guru ji has got me into seva - be that in langar hall or doing path seva at Gurdwara. I find immense anand anad satisfaction in serving Guruji. When I am not at Gurdwara, i find Guruji makes me do sehaj path of Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Now the problem - people at the Gurdwara Sahib have started saying that i am 'overdoing' it, that I should resort my priorities and come to Gurdwara Sahib when I have 'free' time. I dont know what to say to them. For me anytime I am away from Guruji is free time, I feel so bored and empty when Gurbani rass is not in/around me. I ignored the comments at first, but the bibijis have been nagging me for quite some time now. What do I do? I cant cut down on the time I spend in the lap of my Guruji!

Second issue is the peer pressure to get married. My mom keeps nagging me all the time to look for girls and stuff. How can I do that? I see sister in every girl I see/meet, and the question of having any other feeling for them does not even arise. The only solution to this is to let elders decide for me but since my mom is back in india, and I dont have any immediate family here in uk, I find it rather difficult. A couple of people have hinted me about this at Gurdwara Sahib, but when they see that I am not 'sansari', that I dont have my own house, I work when I start running short of money to sruvive, that I dont find any interest in gossip or money etc, they go quiet. But isnt it unfair? How much money does one need anyway? and for what? earning to put food on the table is something i do, i have a roof on my head, and i have a few shirts and trousers to cover my body + ive got basic 'necessities'. I dont see any point in making any extra effort, because frankly I dont need any more money. If I get married, I will surely start working a bit more so that a family can be supported, but what's the deal with having big houses, big cars, big this and big that? I used to think amritdhari singhs would be different, but my personal experience with them is sadly just the opposite. Like a couple days back, I went to the Gurdwara Sahib for path, and an amritdhari singh said to me 'aaho, 2 hours hor la layi paath te, fer Akal Purakh tere kamm bana denge'. I was like , huh? I pray and hope I get the Creator, not his creations! But that surprised me because he does a lot of path himself, and being much older than me, I thought he would guide me towards the right path. Anyway, I understand Grahist Jivan is important but I was hoping I could find someone who could walk shoulder to shoulder with me on the path to meeting Waheguru Ji. But from my personal experience it seems to me its just not going to happen. What do I say to my mom tho? Its so frustrating!

Thank you for reading.

[Matheen]

As long as you're not asking people for money and doing your duty towards your family, carry on doing sewa and paath. Ignore those trying to stop you. Never ask anyone for money though - make sure you work enough to support yourself.

Marriage is not compulsory, I don't want to get married either, but like you, get a lot of pressure from family etc. It's easier if you have brothers and sisters so your parents don't feel that they're alone.

Do ardas to Maharaj Ji for guidance and see what they say.

[Guest Papi]

I used to think amritdhari singhs would be different, but my personal experience with them is sadly just the opposite

Welcome to the real world, my friend That is something I used to say a few years ago as well.

Sorry I can't be of much help.

[Singh_Sahib_ji]

Singh get married man....i cant wait until i be 21 am gonna get married on my birthday man... isn't kaam kicking in for you....GET MARRIED MAN.even guru gobind singh got married when he was 19

[AmarjitKaur]

Veerji, first of all, I am impressed with your love for your GURU, your first and most beloved lord. I am glad to hear that people like you exist in this world, in the panth.

But having so much sharda for SGGSji, why confusion then?

Doesn't SGGSji got answer to all of our confusions, dilemmas, doubts?

We are souls given chance as a human body to get united with the GOD. And you have figured out that as purpose early in your life. Then why get bothered by what people say.

Most of the people in these days are without any direction. They just don't recognize the purpose of human life and hence believe in the worldly achievements only.

GOD has a game plan for everybody and for you too. So don't you worry. esp. about finding a girl to marry. The day God wants you to marry, and HE brings that girl infront of you, you won't be able to see her as a sister anymore. Something else will attract you towards her. Have a more faith in Guru ji than you have currently about your marriage issue. GUrus told us to see other girls as sisters, daughters and mothers. Yet they married to one as well. That special one must be somehow different to them as well. Don't you think?

Sometimes, I think that if we just don't push things to happen before they are meant to happen, then we won't have to struggle and suffer so much.

Anyways, don't worry about people for saying anything about sewa. DO as much as you wanna. Even find other ways of helping community above and beyond langar sewa. Keep bhagat pooran singh ji as your role model. Have bhai kanniya jee as your role model. Not the people who come to eat langar at Gurughar only.

SO keep going. Journey hasn't ended yet. And stay in high spirits. Feel the connection with the god not the people even though they are creation of that one GOD as well. So just see them another souls, who may have not yet figured out the purpose of their life yet.

[Sukhdeep Singhh]

Bhai Sahib you should continue with the Seva you are performing and do not let these worries trouble you. Guru Sahib will take care of you. If you need direction then take Hukumnama with complete faith and Guru Ji will provide all the answers.

In regards the Grishti Jeevan it is possible to live love and serve Guru Ji even as an householder. Just make sure you marry someone who has the same beliefs that way you can both go to the Gurdwara and serve Guru Ji. I remember when I was living in England there was a Singh at the Smethick Gurdwara he would be at the Gurdwara all day. I think he would go there before work, during lunch break, and after work and do seva ( langar, clean bathrooms) he never chatted with anyone he would do seva all day with so much faith. On many days he would also bring his children along and they would clean bathrooms and langar hall. This Gursikh who lived a Grishti Jeevan and did so much nishkam seva with so much pyaar was a real inspiration to me. These are the true sants . We need more examples like this in the Gurdwaras. Do not let people fill your mind with doubts or worries accepts Guru Jis will and things were work out naturally.

I dont think that Baba meant anything bad when he made the comment. Its often the case people pefrom seva, paat, for the purpose of material gains. he is probably use to seeing this so he made that comment.

[Nehmat]

Naanak Vigsai Vehparvah.

This is path is for the carefree. Don't bother about what others think, say, or do. Let them be. And you too: Just be...

[neemaana]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh; OP Veer Ji

First of all you are leading life others (who truly appreciate the value of Maharaj's Sewa) can only imagine of. I will suggest to continue with your sewa and simran.

And Satguru Ji as our true parents, friend will find a suitable match for you when they will think the time is right.

Tu mera Pita to hain mera mata

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

gurmat ji,

Ask yourself, why did you come to England ?

When you get that answer, be honest with your self and plan your future actions.

Kindly read this Shabad

http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2402

Nevertheless one shouldn't forgo Grehast Jeevan but pray for

ਜਨ ਕੋ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਸੰਗੇ ਅਸਨੇਹੁ ॥

जन को प्रभु संगे असनेहु ॥

Jan ko parabẖ sange asnehu.

God's humble servant is in love with Him.

ਸਾਜਨੋ ਤੂ ਮੀਤੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਿ ਤੇਰੈ ਸਭੁ ਕੇਹੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

साजनो तू मीतु मेरा ग्रिहि तेरै सभु केहु ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥

Sājno ṯū mīṯ merā garihi ṯerai sabẖ kehu. ||1|| rahā▫o.

You are my Friend, my very best Friend; everything is in Your Home. ||1||Pause||

ਮਾਨੁ ਮਾਂਗਉ ਤਾਨੁ ਮਾਂਗਉ ਧਨੁ ਲਖਮੀ ਸੁਤ ਦੇਹ ॥੧॥

मानु मांगउ तानु मांगउ धनु लखमी सुत देह ॥१॥

Mān māʼnga▫o ṯān māʼnga▫o ḏẖan lakẖmī suṯ ḏeh. ||1||

I beg for honor, I beg for strength; please bless me with wealth, wife and children. ||1|| (SGGS jeeo-1307)

Please see the sequence, priority and relevance of request

1. honor

2. strength

3. wealth

4. wife

5. children

However it is entirely upto to Almighty i.e who to bless, what to bless, when to bless.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Wicked Warrior]

We don't need 'wealth' but money is a necessity. Remember, even Guru Ji deals with money. Don't treat money as evil but as a tool. Yes you need somewhere to live. You may or may not need a mode of transport. You need sustenance to survive. So you need a house/flat/apartment/etc. You need either feet/bike/car/etc. You need food.

People get bogged down in buying the biggest/nicest house.

People desire a fast/expensive car.

People hunger after rich, luxurious food.

They are guided by their minds.

You are viewing things from your own POV but once you get married and have children, your perspective and priorities will change. You will have to look after your wife and children as they will be your responsibility.

For a long while, even I didn't care about marriage (and to a degree I still don't). My mind wasn't on girls (was elsewhere though - cars, money, work etc). But then realised I felt I had a 'duty' to my self, to my ancestors to continue the lineage. I have a duty to bring children into this world, and most importantly, I have a duty to teach them about Sikhi. So now I have to find a girl, get married, get her pregnant and then figure out how to teach Sikhi whilst the child is still in the womb.

Not everyone has this desire or need, but don't feel you have to get married if you don't want to. If you can spend your life in the Guru's service, it is better than being slave to your mind. It is better to listen to the Guru than to listen to anybody else, including those who come to the Gurdwara to gossip.