Trust Within A Marriage

[london001]

I’ve been introduced to a girl from India but it turns out that she was lying about her educational achievements. She told us that she had a BA but in reality she failed her 2nd year and dropped out. I am being realistic, many people lie, and one lie doesn’t define a person but I am now having second thoughts. Can there is a marriage without trust? Previously she told me to trust her because she prays and goes to the Gurdwara and doesn’t lie but this obviously wasn’t truthful. Could such a relationship work? I am no saint, I have lied in the past as well. I am scared of being alone and I think that I would be better of with someone than no one. Also, I can understand why she initially lied, although I cannot understand why she continued to lie once people became suspicious about her qualifications.

As you can see i am double minded about whether to proceed or not. Suggestions welcome.

[Wales85]

Thats not a little lie... its a huge lie. I would back off man... maybe give it some time for other things to surface. I have seen friends get with girls and always ignore the trouble signs... never ends well. When it comes to marriage, you have to be picky... getting stuck with crummy girl is worst thing in the world. Fact is, girls can be pretty amazing liers... and if she lied about this you can bet she is lying about something else.

Put it like this, if your buddy came to you for advice what would be your opinion to him?

hope that helped ya

-W

[Only five]

Call her on it. Tell her you know she lied and if it happens again the engagment is over. It'll show her your not a push over and she'll realize that she has to change to being honest. Put honesty before all the status stuff, like education and occupation. Make sure you get the point across to her that you value honesty above all and if honesty doesn't exist then there is no point on going further on the same road.

[S1ngh]

If your sources are right then i would recommend to call it off (but thats me).

Some general tips for ppl who wants to find marriage partner in India but never lived there before:

1) Brace for the fact that more than 95% of Sikhs in Punjab are corrupt (from my viewpoint). They only see money. Young ppl only see life outside of India. No matter how religious they are but they do live in bollywood dream world.

2) Have someone from city to look for possible rishta as rural area relatives won't understand the young generation needs (they will look into how much this or that worth etc).

3) Beware that some of your relatives in India will only seek kuriyan or munday from their distant relatives (Some of them are more interested in helping their relatives to go off-shore rather than helping you.)

4) Relax on your demands. Keep sikhi your first priority following by education and family. Test them in a practical manner if needed. Degree should not exactly be your priority but make sure if your partner is capable of picking up pace in other country. See their skill, will power, life purpose etc.

Run a bit of discreet check (ask ppl in his/her area about their family and stuff). Spend time talking with him/her before diving into engagement relationship.

[Mehtab Singh]

If your sources are right then i would recommend to call it off (but thats me).

Some general tips for ppl who wants to find marriage partner in India but never lived there before:

1) Brace for the fact that more than 95% of Sikhs in Punjab are corrupt (from my viewpoint). They only see money. Young ppl only see life outside of India. No matter how religious they are but they do live in bollywood dream world.

2) Have someone from city to look for possible rishta as rural area relatives won't understand the young generation needs (they will look into how much this or that worth etc).

3) Beware that some of your relatives in India will only seek kuriyan or munday from their distant relatives (Some of them are more interested in helping their relatives to go off-shore rather than helping you.)

4) Relax on your demands. Keep sikhi your first priority following by education and family. Test them in a practical manner if needed. Degree should not exactly be your priority but make sure if your partner is capable of picking up pace in other country. See their skill, will power, life purpose etc.

Run a bit of discreet check (ask ppl in his/her area about their family and stuff). Spend time talking with him/her before diving into engagement relationship.

5) Provide all the info collected from 1,2,3,4 to S1ngh to gain his final approval.

[SikhSoulja]

I’ve been introduced to a girl from India but it turns out that she was lying about her educational achievements. She told us that she had a BA but in reality she failed her 2nd year and dropped out. I am being realistic, many people lie, and one lie doesn’t define a person but I am now having second thoughts. Can there is a marriage without trust? Previously she told me to trust her because she prays and goes to the Gurdwara and doesn’t lie but this obviously wasn’t truthful. Could such a relationship work? I am no saint, I have lied in the past as well. I am scared of being alone and I think that I would be better of with someone than no one. Also, I can understand why she initially lied, although I cannot understand why she continued to lie once people became suspicious about her qualifications.

As you can see i am double minded about whether to proceed or not. Suggestions welcome.

Fateh ji,

I sort of understand why she did lie, your a UK munda, so they have try and pump up the kuri to reach your level. As a realist, you have to ask yourself whether you can see your life with this kuri, Guru ji will guide you through this because once you have taken the steps around Guru ji, you have decided to become one. On an education front, having a BA in India is basically the equivalent to GCSE's here, its not even recognised, you need to ask her career goals i.e. what she wants to do? On another note, while she's there, get her to learn English as the Visa application is getting more difficult due to false marriages being on the rise.

[chatanga]

when it comes to marriage overseas, the people will lie if they need to. fact. i wouldnt consider marriage from india, there are plenty of girls in uk for marriage. why you feel india is only option?

[lotaya]

when it comes to marriage overseas, the people will lie if they need to. fact. i wouldnt consider marriage from, there are plenty of girls in uk for marriage. why you feel india is only option?

WGJKWGJKF

You should not paint anyone with the same brush. I got married in India my wife's family are Gursikh her parents flat in delhi was ran sacked by yobs (84) who took over the flat and land. Their flat was singled out but they left in the evening (with the belongings they could carry for punjab) that night the whole flat was turned upside down - They lost everything.

Point I am making there is still Sikhi in Punjab so do not write everyone off. I went to India cause the girls I was shown was not simply what i was looking for.

I do think that the lie about the education thing is a biggy and i would be asking myself some pretty serious questions.

[chatanga]

You should not paint anyone with the same brush.

i didnt, i just asked why the person felt india was the only option.

[Singh559]

If your sources are right then i would recommend to call it off (but thats me).

Some general tips for ppl who wants to find marriage partner in India but never lived there before:

1) Brace for the fact that more than 95% of Sikhs in Punjab are corrupt (from my viewpoint). They only see money. Young ppl only see life outside of India. No matter how religious they are but they do live in bollywood dream world.

2) Have someone from city to look for possible rishta as rural area relatives won't understand the young generation needs (they will look into how much this or that worth etc).

3) Beware that some of your relatives in India will only seek kuriyan or munday from their distant relatives (Some of them are more interested in helping their relatives to go off-shore rather than helping you.)

4) Relax on your demands. Keep sikhi your first priority following by education and family. Test them in a practical manner if needed. Degree should not exactly be your priority but make sure if your partner is capable of picking up pace in other country. See their skill, will power, life purpose etc.

Run a bit of discreet check (ask ppl in his/her area about their family and stuff). Spend time talking with him/her before diving into engagement relationship.

5) Provide all the info collected from 1,2,3,4 to S1ngh to gain his final approval.

I'm nowhere near the point of marriage, but what Singh veer ji said is pretty much spot on.

Ultimately it's up to you to judge the lady's character.