Married A Girl From India

[HarmandeepSingh]

Vaheguru,

OK people, I'm no guru on these matters but have been through enough in life (love marriage, deception, affairs, kids, bitter divorce, court battles for children and finances!) to share my experience and thoughts which may have some logic behind them, so here goes!

As a man, I am now savat-surat, although have not taken amrit yet, intend to in the very near future, once I am ready to take on the full responsibility of doing so. I have had a turban most of my life and had a trimmed beard up until 2 years ago, but have since not touched any hair on my body, as I have now come to understand what it really means (or should I say how little it means to trim/cut it, read on).

So does this make me a good sikh guy? Absolutely no way, in fact I would say the majority of the baptised sikhs, gianis, singhs etc... I have met in life, have ultimately turned out to be crooks. Although we all strive to be good, try and do our daily prayers etc.... many fellow singhs soon show their true colours and attachment to money, greed, lies etc... OK, maybe they might not drink, smoke, be vegetarian etc... but they still have big attachment to maya and tell lies. Very few (including myself) have finally conquered the five vices truely.

Now for the women. In complete contrast to the men, the majority of fully baptised sikh women I have met (which there are very few in society, compared to the men, so I can count them on the fingers of my hands), have been more true to the teaching of our gurus than the men. I'm talking about the mothers/sisters/daughters who wear full bana including turban etc... and make no attempt at removing facial hair, eyebrows, putting on make up etc... because in my opinion for a woman to stop removing facial hairs and decorating their faces with make up, is a major sacrifice in todays society. That in itself shows how true the woman is to the gurus teachings and ultimately god.

I'm not saying all amrit chakiya, savat-soorat, singhs are crooks and I'm not saying all amrit chakiya, savat-soorat, full bana wearing women are perfect but there is definitely a high probability of this being true.

Many sisters/brothers keep their hair, wear the 5Ks and try and follow Rehat first (all external) and then start working on the true teachings of gurbani which is all about working on the internal (Naam japna to conquer and control the 5 chor: kam, krodh, lobh, moh & hankar).

However; it is only when I started working on the true teachings of gurbani first (internal), that I realised how little the external rehats mean and I automatically ended up keeping my savat-soorat because all ego goes about trying to look good in front of a mirror or for todays modern society, when God gave us this natural form.

To cut the story short, I believe, if you can find a true 'kaur', who has given up trying to look good for the world by following the latest bollywood/hollywood trends and is trying to look good for the true guru and the way god made her and is making every attempt to look modest/decent in the natural way God made her, then you have a very high chance of things working out.

Unfortunately, we men are the real problem because we let our eyes deceive us.

I myself fell for the good looks, fair skin, nice hairstyles, shaved legs/arms etc... I was once attracted to the bollywood/hollywood looks, tight, revealing clothes etc... So how can I blame the women, when things go wrong for me as a result of chasing after these things.

It took for me to have my wife cheat on me, after having 3 kids and then going through a bitter divorce to discover I had been chasing the wrong women all my life.

12 years after getting married, I went back and read the 4 laavan and found the true meaning about what they are saying. They talk about the 'soul' bride.

And in this 'grist' jeevan (real world) we are supposed to live in (instead of becoming hermits) as our gurus demonstrated/taught us, the laavan talk about two souls becoming one, because they are both on the right path.

Finally to the veerji who started this post and to all the other brothers/sisters who have replied since. If you are following the true guru's teachings then whatever the future holds for you is perfect.

Look for a partner who is also following the true guru and to summarise, for a woman to not pluck her eyebrows, facial hair or wear any make up and wear a turban, is a big sacrifice in 2011, whether it be a pind, khoo, city, India or the Western world. Her foundations will be solid. She could be like this from birth, or may be a divorcee who may have gone through some struggles herself to find the true meaning of life.

One more question for all the brothers out there who are panicking about getting married or their current spouses walking out on them.

How perfect have you been through your life as a guy, to be suspicious about the woman?

We should lead by example and treat others the way we want to be treated.

Truth is most guys will have had pre marital affairs or will have cheated during their marriage, but are worried about the women doing the same.

Rabb Raakha

Harman Singh

[kalvinder5]

gurfateh singh, your situation is quite similar to mine situation, but my misse's has adjusted, singh it just takes time, everything in this country is new, may be shes also gone into depression being so far away from her family, it took my wife about a year almost to settle in. if your still having doubts and want more information about how i coped then heres my email address feel free to drop me an email kalvinder.singh@hotmail.com

[karmicbonds]

Marriages are made in heaven. You only get married to someone with whom you have a karma and the karma could be good or bad. As a results; marriage can be heaven like, sheer hell or both (normally happens with twin flames). I suggest that you try to workout with your wife, if you have kids. But if you haveno kids from this marriage, I suggest that if there is no love between the two of you, drop the marriage. If you can email me your date, time and place of birth as well as her's I can let you know if the two of you are compatible or not.

[gurmukhsodhi]

Marriages are made in heaven. You only get married to someone with whom you have a karma and the karma could be good or bad. As a results; marriage can be heaven like, sheer hell or both (normally happens with twin flames). I suggest that you try to workout with your wife, if you have kids. But if you haveno kids from this marriage, I suggest that if there is no love between the two of you, drop the marriage. If you can email me your date, time and place of birth as well as her's I can let you know if the two of you are compatible or not.

Ki tusi athe jotishi di dukan kholan lageho?