To the married sangat - qualities of a Good wife?

[N30S1NGH]

In puratan times, singh was bread winner..singhani was house hold wife taking care of kids and kitchen..vahiguroo ji gave female quality of raising kids..off course both parties should help but ultimately, power is given to female to raise the kids.

In puratan times, marriage was based on mutual respect and understanding that god has made male and female equally but they are made and their physique and duties are different.

In puratan times, both parties help each others to do bhagti. Singhani primarily duty is to raise kids, kitchen and do bhagti. Singh primary duty is to be bread winner in the house and do bhagti.

In modern times, everything is different..singhs are wussies (including me at times) for giving in to outrageous idea of western feminism..!!

- Singhs are staying at home, while their women is doing job...great work..you might as well wear chooriya while you are at it..lol .!!

- Singhani are expecting singhs to help out in kitchen no matter what, otherwise will play the victim role and scream- inequality...!

- Singhani in west are highly influenced by this crazy idea of western feminism.

- Some of singhs in west take patti paremsvar concept to extreme..which is not fair to singhani.

- Western idea of feminism sensor is set quite high on singhani in west..infamous line from asa di // comes out very often on women equality..really..thats great way of taking it out of context..now go cry me flipping river..!!

- Singhs in west think while being married..having bhog with your wife is kurahit..really? why did you get married at the first place? its not just fair to other party.. Prem Sumarag granth one of puratan and progressive granths- how to live life socially clearly mentions- if you cannot make your wife happy- have bhog when she desires...then you might as well be celibate..singhs have to remember - for the most part- female having bhog with their husband..its more feeling of deep love towards their husband..singhs himself should not be attached with bhog as naturally we tend to be more kaami but singh should engage in bhog with their singhani to keep her happy so she does not feel frustated inside.

- In today soceity, gursikhs kids don't get married at age of 30 plus..that is wrong on so many levels, they become victims so many pitfalls- flirts, boyfreind/girl freind etc. It's wise to have your kids married at early age - between 21-25.

- Singhs share their deepest secret with their singhani who is influenced by western feminism is big no...singhs who share their deepest secret regarding bhagti- rising above from all attachments towards universal love with their singhani who is influenced by western feminism crap is big no, will come back and bite you back in the arse.

- Singhs should take their singhani to india and show hardship of women and tell singhani who lucky she is- don't take everything for granted so they don't keep expecting more more so called western equality.

- Singhs should never yell at women, be rigid and firm never yell let alone abusive.

- Singhs should not do bhog with her singhani every day- not only its bad for reproduction (weak semen seed) but its bad for relationship overall..do bhog with your singhani when singhani desires not when you desire..you will notice an healthy relationship.

- Finally very important- sit together in bhagti everyday..when singhani start receiving ras from bhagti..naturally she will rise above from bhog (for female bhog is feeling of love and affection), try to make her understand ras from bhog is one drop in glass - anand but ras from bhagti is an river of anand..ras for liberated ones is ocean of anand.!!!!!!

[Singh559]

Men are just as important, if not more important in raising their kids. Woman and men are inherently different but both men and woman have both feminine and male traits and Gurbani talks about this as well.

No balance is attained by what you're talking about N30Singh ji. If a Singhni says you should wash the dishes and she works just as hard as you, blackmail is wrong but simply talking about it and splitting the chores isn't a bad thing at all. Now a days you can have both husband and wife be doctors and then how can only a bibi be the one to do the cooking and raising the kids? Punjabi puratan mindset has survived today and woman are still suppressed in India just as female infanticide occurs although the Sikh Gurus said not to even associate with someone who does such an act.

Woman have the power to empower themselves and break free from the shackles that a patriarchal society has set for them and in effect bring peace to the planet (Sikhi says this as well). The current Punjabi system isn't a balance and is a backward bahmanvaad nonsense system designed to oppress woman. To say feminism is a western concept is just a facade to cover gender discrimination because it's Sikhi that first gave equal rights to woman, not the western world. In USA it wasn't up until the 20s or so until woman got the right to vote.

Also, there's nothing wrong with a man who cooks and is also the bread winner and Sikhi encourages woman to take up arms and become shastardharee and pursue education and empower themselves in this world.

I talked with a kid who follows dhumma/badals like it's some cult and he claimed that because of puratan maryada Sikh woman can't do kirtan in Harmandir Sahib.

[N30S1NGH]

I agree in western countries - sikh women need to follow somewhat western standards...not all sikh women can afford not to work, give up work in their career jobs for part time jobs, house hold wife...its all about balance..i be the last person to blindly follow punjabi tribalism its about blending best of both worlds- eastern and western..!!

But on top of all that remains anand karaj commitments and vows..that should be center and priority in gursikh marriage..if anand karaj vows become centralized for both partners all the above nitty gitty details /duty/chores becomes seamless for both parties without any squabbles or fight/micro management...life becomes heaven on earth..!! :lol2:

[Guest gator_sikh]

She must be good on the plough. Everything else will fall into place.

What does good on the plough mean ? thanks

[Only five]

Qualities of a good wife is that she doesn't just wear Satguru's Kakkars but actually respects them and practices Sikhi. Too many bibian today just have the look, but from the inside they are empty. They are full of western thought of what equality is (im equal i can wear a skirt........where in Gurbani does it say i can't dress half naked) Sikh men are not scared to help in the kitchen or do other house chores when they have time out of their busy days. If the wife is not working and expects the husband to come home and do house chores after work. Then make sure you run the 8 mile from this lazy, free loading, self-absorbed, cunning woman. If you get married to such a woman, then make sure your and/or your dads assets are secured legally and she can't get to them. I know some Singhs fall for the lies the bibi tells them.........i'm working to better myself............im not at that level yet...........these are all excuses. Once you are married then the bibi has you trapped and can behave in whatever way she chooses. Happened to a guy who wasn't into Sikhi, who i knew, but this guy sent the wife packing to her parents home as soon as she started doing whatever her lazy behind wanted. A month later this bibi came back to her husbands parents house and from that day forward knew she can't pull tricks with this guy. The husband deserves a siropa, but deserves a smack across the head for getting tied up with such a bibi in the first place.

If she doesn't have intergity then you are destroying your life and your parents life. Any bibi that pushes or wants physical contact with a Singh before marriage is all bad news. Any bibi that tells you she will take Amrit after marriage is also bad news. She doesn't practice for Guru Sahib, but only to attain worldly enjoyments.

Basically you want a Bibi that practices Sikhi for Guru Sahib. So nitnem, making an honest living, and doing seva is for Guru Sahib. If she gets lazy very fast then it will be like pulling a stubborn bull up a mountain to get her to do something. If she has a clever attitude then that is a sign she will do anything to get out of doing seva, nitnem, and making an honest living.

Even if still you get married to a stubborn bull, then trick her one day to visit her parents house for a week with a long trip to an amazing place. The Stubborn bull will pack most of her clothing. Once you get there. Throw the stubborn bull and the suit cases out. Then enjoy rest of your life knowing you stood up to a stubborn bull and you just gave hope to all the fallen Singhs to stubborn bulls. Who can't leave their stubborn bulls because they are deeply stuck in kaam and moh.

A bibi that practices Sikhi for Guru Sahib doesn't get fustrated because she is lacking physical contact from her husband. She is content with the householder way as Satguru practiced with his wife and in the same way how Sant Baba Jarnail SIngh Ji Khalsa practiced with his wife. She knows what to expect as a Gursikh gets married. We get this one chance to attain mukti, don't waste it on a spouse who keep using worldly desires to fullfill them over and over. A mad wife for a week is nothing compared to travelling millions of miles to get back to the spiritual state you were before the physical contact out of kaam and moh.

[sabnakeerenka]

Qualities of a good wife is that she doesn't just wear Satguru's Kakkars but actually respects them and practices Sikhi. Too many bibian today just have the look, but from the inside they are empty. They are full of western thought of what equality is (im equal i can wear a skirt........where in Gurbani does it say i can't dress half naked) Sikh men are not scared to help in the kitchen or do other house chores when they have time out of their busy days. If the wife is not working and expects the husband to come home and do house chores after work. Then make sure you run the 8 mile from this lazy, free loading, self-absorbed, cunning woman. If you get married to such a woman, then make sure your and/or your dads assets are secured legally and she can't get to them. I know some Singhs fall for the lies the bibi tells them.........i'm working to better myself............im not at that level yet...........these are all excuses. Once you are married then the bibi has you trapped and can behave in whatever way she chooses. Happened to a guy who wasn't into Sikhi, who i knew, but this guy sent the wife packing to her parents home as soon as she started doing whatever her lazy behind wanted. A month later this bibi came back to her husbands parents house and from that day forward knew she can't pull tricks with this guy. The husband deserves a siropa, but deserves a smack across the head for getting tied up with such a bibi in the first place.

If she doesn't have intergity then you are destroying your life and your parents life. Any bibi that pushes or wants physical contact with a Singh before marriage is all bad news. Any bibi that tells you she will take Amrit after marriage is also bad news. She doesn't practice for Guru Sahib, but only to attain worldly enjoyments.

Basically you want a Bibi that practices Sikhi for Guru Sahib. So nitnem, making an honest living, and doing seva is for Guru Sahib. If she gets lazy very fast then it will be like pulling a stubborn bull up a mountain to get her to do something. If she has a clever attitude then that is a sign she will do anything to get out of doing seva, nitnem, and making an honest living.

Even if still you get married to a stubborn bull, then trick her one day to visit her parents house for a week with a long trip to an amazing place. The Stubborn bull will pack most of her clothing. Once you get there. Throw the stubborn bull and the suit cases out. Then enjoy rest of your life knowing you stood up to a stubborn bull and you just gave hope to all the fallen Singhs to stubborn bulls. Who can't leave their stubborn bulls because they are deeply stuck in kaam and moh.

A bibi that practices Sikhi for Guru Sahib doesn't get fustrated because she is lacking physical contact from her husband. She is content with the householder way as Satguru practiced with his wife and in the same way how Sant Baba Jarnail SIngh Ji Khalsa practiced with his wife. She knows what to expect as a Gursikh gets married. We get this one chance to attain mukti, don't waste it on a spouse who keep using worldly desires to fullfill them over and over. A mad wife for a week is nothing compared to travelling millions of miles to get back to the spiritual state you were before the physical contact out of kaam and moh.

Excellent, I couldn't agree more.

But, it goes both ways. As a woman, I wouldn't want to be stuck with a lazy Singh either!

TO the penji before, I think it's completely fine, and you are very very lucky! But you know what? He is also very lucky! Too many people these days look Gursikh on the outside but like the above Veerji said, are empty on the inside. Atleast you WANT to progress in your Sikhi! I have too many friends who are stuck with partners that are just like everyone else, polluted with Maya, no will to better themselves...only difference is they have a dastaar on their heads! Then there's also too many people who just do their nitnem every day and attend Gurdwara once a week, no desire to take any step further...stuck in a rut....that is also a problem. Sikhi is all about learning, and the best learners are those who have a will, an inner desire, to learn more

To the OP: I think the best thing a Gursikh partner can do is just simply support and encourage the other to progress spiritually, help each other on the road to attaining that all-powerful chardikala mindset, and just be better Sikhs in general.

Bhul Chuk Maaf

[Hazoor]

Wow

[Guest Guest]

qualities of a good husband anyone?

[Guest Bad]

the worst thing my husband can do is wake up :lol2:

[VanHelsingh]

What does good on the plough mean ? thanks

It's okay. Nothing important. :biggrin2:

Qualities of a good husband outside of a religious perspective (if that is at all possible)? In this day and age I would say the most important quality a husband should have is a strong command / comprehension of everything that happens in the household --- never leave anything to chance. Becoming lazy in the metaphorical and literal sense is the worst thing any man can do, because if you do end up with one of those wives (let's be honest not every bride is an angel) then she'll suss you out in a few months and then the tamasha begins. So guys, you've got to up your game and not leave anything to chance.

Also, when your missus arrives don't start treating your existing family members like dirt. You respect your own parents and SHE will also respect them as well. If you give the impression your bride is the be-all-and-end-all (to the detriment of everyone else and a dereliction of your duties) then she's got you wrapped around your finger from the off. It is possible to be loving and warm towards your wife without being a walkover.

Most importantly, try to dispassionately analyse what kind of character your wife is. You know, just because she's your wife doesn't mean she's perfect --- she will most likely possess qualities that aren't desirable. Therefore, not everything that comes out of her mouth is nectar. But if you show her how you'd like things to be, if she has anything about her she will think "Here's an astute man who has figured me out without saying a word. I can't get away with any bakwaas here".

Apart from that treat her like a human being, instill her with the confidence that you're with her in all endeavours which are positive for your relationship and household, and things should be okay.

I won't go into "love" or any of that as I think "love" is such a difficult emotion and quality to accurately describe. Either way don't take your cues from Bollywood or Hollywood; IT IS FANTASY.

Apologies if the above smacks of cynicism or self-protectionism but it really isn't it. Sadly I don't think many Sikh fathers teach their sons how to behave once married; that is if the fathers themselves know how to behave!