Racism

[Guest namrita]

I am a white girl. I am very open, accepting, and curious about the Sikh religion. I have many Sikh friends who I ask questions of. I live in Surrey BC, and are surrounded by them. A little less than a year ago I started dating a very "Canadianized" Sikh man...I'm just going to refer to him as M for now. He flirted with me for many months actually before I finally said ok I'll go out with you...he had kind of won me over. We started dating and I fell in love WAYYYY too fast, but he kept me thinking he was feeling similar things. After a month and a half or so...I will admit to losing my head one night and I got pregnant. The situation surrounding this is all SO very much more complicated but to try and keep this short I will just be as brief as possible. When I told M I thought I was pregnant (I wasn't yet 100% sure)...his first reaction was almost one of awe...like "I'm going to have a baby!" kind of surprise to his voice. Then he started thinking...and walking around and ultimately said, amongst other things, that his parents would be upset/angry..."no offense but it's because you are white". Later on, he told me he did not want to have a child with me (and admittedly this was an oopsie and unplanned by either of us) and that he wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else...who I later learned is Sikh too.

I feel so very very ostracized. Never in the history of my immediate family have I heard of anyone being treated in such a racist way or treating anyone else as such. I feel upset that people that I hear on a daily basis saying Canadians should accept them and embrace their culture, their religion, learn about it etc., would raise children who feel it is acceptable to trash the white girl based on HER skin colour and background...the white girl who IS open and accepting and wants to learn more. It saddens me very deeply. And to so cruel-ly dump her while she was hormonal and pregnant...even worse.

Ultimately...I lost that baby. She or he is gone from this earth. But I felt the child move and I now carry a part of that man in me every where I go. And today would have been my due date...so I am doubly sad because I would have been more than willing to work on a relationship, being a good person in his life, etc., and he threw that away for a question of culture as far as I'm concerned. He has yet to prove to me otherwise in any shape way or form...

[Mehtab Singh]

I am really sorry to know all this sister. I can't even imagine the painful shock of having lost an unborn baby. I hope no one ever has to go through this ordeal and hope Vaheguru jee can bless you with the strength to overcome it. Have you told him about this loss? Please make sure you talk to someone at this time, even if its your other Sikh friends. The sick truth behind all this is that he was with you only to sleep with you, since he never wanted to marry you or have kids with you. I would say you don't deserve him, or rather he didn't deserve to be with you, he wasn't worth it. I am not saying it to make you feel better, but the fact that you didn't bother about being with someone of another culture, and he did, is enough to show who has a bigger heart and is more accepting.

I am sure the one thing you don't want to hear/read right now is that "not all Sikhs are like him", but I also feel you know that already. Another thing is that any kind of pre-marital or extra-marital physical relationship with someone who is not one's wedded spouse is among the 4 cardinal sins and acts of transgression in Sikhism. So Mr. M was a bad example of a Sikh to begin with.

I really hope Vaheguru jee blesses you with strength in this difficult time. Not sure why you posted here or how we could help. But if there is anything you feel we could help out with, please do let us know.

[Sherdil]

I feel so very very ostracized. Never in the history of my immediate family have I heard of anyone being treated in such a racist way or treating anyone else as such. I feel upset that people that I hear on a daily basis saying Canadians should accept them and embrace their culture, their religion, learn about it etc., would raise children who feel it is acceptable to trash the white girl based on HER skin colour and background...the white girl who IS open and accepting and wants to learn more. It saddens me very deeply. And to so cruel-ly dump her while she was hormonal and pregnant...even worse.

Wow, so you are painting all of us with the same brush because of the actions of one guy?

You are implying that we all raise our sons to get white girls pregnant, and then leave them. Frankly, this is pretty racist.

You said you have a lot of Sikh friends and are surrounded by Sikhs in Surrey, yet you are allowing this one guy to shape your perception of our entire community?

You came here to vent?

Whether the man was Sikh, Chinese, or something else, engaging in unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. You should have had the presence of mind to protect yourself.

What kind of white girl is named Namrita?

[N30S1NGH]

Namrita,

I am really sorry for your loss and experience you had to go through with this guy who happen to be sikh. There are bad apples everywhere in the religion, its nothing to do with religion just it comes down to cultural tribal upbringing. In this case, your boyfreind or his family was obviously more influenced by punjabi tribal cultural as opposed to great philosophy of our sikh religion laid by our Guru's.

One of things you will find which is pretty common in all followers of all religion is that - they will bring their cultural baggage in a religion and super impose the baggage on religion in a way that outsider cannot tell the difference if certain thing is cultural or religious until they read the philosophy.

Sikhism itself condemn any kind of racism. One of reason, Sikhism was revealed because to combat racism/caste discrimination based on race/religion/group in Indic soceity where people are divided into four different caste and they get discriminated based on those caste and overall in world. Sikhism bought cultural reform in Indic society where everyone is treated equally. Hence, you will find many saints writing from different backgrounds - muslim/hindu in our holy living guru in form of book..you will also see our shared kitchen in our temple where anyone from any background, from any direction can come- we all sit together, celebrate human race equally and we all eat together on the floor...not just in shared kitchen this applies to our daily prayer where we ask for good for whole human race- nanak naam chardi-kalah tere bhanaie sarbat da bhall ...we also practise equality for all - men and women all alike in our baptism ceremony where all drink nectar from same iron bowl, where all are given same sermon and duties to celebrate and serve humanity...!!!!!

Again, i am very sorry for your loss, what your boyfriend did was terrible. We believe in karma so he will reap what he sow either in this life or next.

[N30S1NGH]

I am sure there are practicing sikhs here on this forum who are from surrey. May be you need some one from sikh community to talk to help you with healing process..if so, i m sure you can contact them or if they are reading this they can contact you and provide with more information or clear any misconception you may have. Please tell me if i could be any help as well. All though i live in Toronto, i will try my best with healing process or provide further resources.

[Singh559]

It's quite obvious not all of these posters are real.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's a boy whose cousin's name is namrita that is posting.

If it's real, sherdil summed it up well.

[Mehtab Singh]

LOL...yaar oh apni Lori bhenji kithe gyi? roj e nava suaal hunda si ohde kol...ah bibi udo e aayi jad oh auna band ho gyi...lagda vaari vaari sarkaar apne jaint bhejdia...vellad janta...

[N30S1NGH]

Lori bhenji neh sadaie sa forum vich register kitta dou ka din hoi neh..hun sada dimaag kahoo..!! Vahiguroo bachoa uto...menu lagda extra badam, pistaie, kajo kahanie pengaie..nahi ta mera poora dimaag kha jana uhnaie..lol..haija da shanti aa dekho kiddo atom lado sith dee aa..loll...mega lol :excited: :excited:

[Mehtab Singh]

koi gal nai...jaade tang keeta te ithe bhej dei...ithe jehda aake fass gya, ja fer jehda itho bhajj gya, oh hor kisay dujje forum vall takkda vi nai :cool2: :D

[simran345]

Main v ithe fasgyi lol. Hor koi forum labea ni chaj da, te na samj aundi ki likde rende horaa te ini.

Nale das saal laadinde jwaab dehn nu koi dusre forums te.