Dating With Turban And Beard

[AmanSingh1867]

There are quite a few threads on this forum about the troubles of dating with a turban and beard. Most of these discussions deteriorate into guys taking their frustrations out by bashing Punjabi girls for not wanting to be with keshdari males. I came across a post on reddit that tackles this issue from a slightly different angle. I will post the relevant bit:

"Hey guys and gals,

I'm a Sikh guy, wear a turban and have a fully grown beard. I live in Canada and am 20 years old. I have quite a few friends who are also turban-wearing Sikhs, and the one thing I am accustomed to hearing on an almost daily basis is "girls won't go out with me because I am a keshdari". That is all I ever hear, not only from my own friends, but on every Sikh forum online, there are hoards of Sikh guys who complain about not being able to get a girlfriend because they wear a turban and sport a beard.

This is for any guy on reddit who complains about this issue, and for anyone who knows a guy like that in real life, I say, you need to slap some sense into him by showing him this post.

The turban and the beard are not the reason you can't get girls. It is your lowly perception of yourself. You have no self confidence, you freak out every time you talk to a female because you are worried she doesn't like your turban/beard and you are a social klutz. Most keshdari males in the west spend their time hanging out with other keshdari guys, or other Indian men in general. You have very little experience socializing with members of other races, and especially with members of the opposite sex. That is the problem. You got no game. How do you fix it? Become social, talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to, develop your social skills, and watch your life change for the better.

Secondly, most turban + beard guys I know are not physically attractive. No, it is NOT the beard and turban that are responsible for it. Most of you don't work out, and quite a few (maybe even majority) have really let yourselves go, and have developed huge guts. Get your behind into the gym, lose weight if you're fat, build muscle if you're skinny. If I was a girl, I wouldn't want to date most of you either, because you don't take care of yourselves. Sikhi says to treat your body like your temple, how on earth have you allowed your temple to become so desecrated? Stop eating allu de parathai, samosai, gulab jaman, eat good, wholesome, nutritious food, get in the gym, lift, your testosterone will increase, your confidence will increase, and so will your success with the ladies.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, STOP LIMITING YOURSELF TO PUNJABI GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!! For Pete's sake, most guys I know who complain about this are the ones who ONLY go for Punjabi kudis. The world is your oyster my friend, there's wonderful girls out there who will accept you for who you are and are not Indian-descent. In fact, from my own experiences and what I have heard from friends, non-Punjabi girls actually respect the turban and beard more than Punjabi girls do. If you are proud to be keshdari, then they will respect you for it. When I ask most guys why they are wearing a turban, they'll tell me "because my parents made me". When pressed further about why their parents made them, they say "because it is a part of the religion". But they don't know WHY Sikhs wear turbans. That is the problem. FFS man, learn your own history! It is legendary what our ancestors went through to protect our dharam. It is teeming with stories of epic battles, sacrifice and determination. No other religion has ever had to face even half the crap we did to survive and preserve our beliefs. It was keshdari Sikhs who destroyed Mughal rule in Punjab, 21 keshdari Sikhs who held off an army of 10,000 Afghans for over 7 hours until reinforcements arrived.

Confidence comes from being sure of who you are. Understand why you wear a turban, and the thousands of brave men and women who wore it before you, and you won't give a damn about what any woman thinks. If some immature Punjabi girl has no respect for your turban, that's her loss. A lot of them have forgotten that when Punjabi women were getting kidnapped left, right and center by Persian forces, and being taken to Iran to be sold in the sex-trade industries, it was turbaned Sikh men who went after them, fought enemies umpteenth times larger than themselves, won, and brought the women back safe and sound to their families.

Any girl that rejects you solely for your turban isn't worth the time, even if she's Punjabi. Most of them are going to be fat aunties in 20 years time anyways, then they'll be paying guys to give them the time of day. My girlfriend is white, my brother is married to a Chinese lady, who is absolutely wonderful, and has complete respect for Sikhi and the turban. If you respect your turban, others will too. I've got a handful of friends (all keshdari) dating white girls and Asian (Chinese mostly) girls. I've got family in the USA, a few of my cousins are with Latinas. All are socially confident, all work out, none limited themselves to just Punjabi girls.

That's my rant. I'm tired of keshdari guys complaining about how girls don't give you the time of day, it makes us all look like insecure, needy, weak boys who do not deserve any woman in the first place. Cutting your hair isn't going to make you a success with the ladies if you are out of shape and socially demented. On the other hand, I have known the most athletic, outgoing keshdari brothers get rejected time and time again by girls just because they had the turban. And each time, the girl was Punjabi. Face it dude, there are girls out there who are not attracted to the look, and there's nothing you can do about it. But there are a lot more girls out there than you think who don't give a damn about how big your facial hair is or what you have on your head, and a lot, if not the majority of these girls, are not Punjabi. STOP LIMITING YOURSELF!

I leave you with one last question: If Dwayne The Rock Johnson converted to Sikhi today, grew out his beard and stuck on a turban, would he have any less success with the ladies?

I rest my case."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/Sikh/comments/1ggy25/dating_with_turban_and_beard/

Most respondents agreed with what he said, the support was almost unanimous.

My thoughts? I think he hit the nail on the head. I disagree with the bit about Punjabi girls all turning into fat aunties, I think that was uncalled for, but other than that, he makes very valid points (imo).

Keshdaris stick with other keshdaris and/or Indian men, so have little experience interacting with people of other races, and because of Punjabi culture, are discouraged from talking to women.

I've been to quite a few Gurdwaras in my time, the one thing I noticed over and over again was a lack of aesthetics amongst the more religious members of our community, doesn't matter if they were young or old. Now, this isn't always, the case, I workout, most of my friends (keshdari) workout, a lot of guys posting in the comments section of that post said they do as well, and I'm sure a lot of guys on here do too. But what I have noticed is that, while we are supposed to be saint-soldiers, most of us focus too much on the "saint" aspect and not enough on the "soldier" portion.

I also agree with what he said about Punjabi (NOT SIKH) girls, the average Punjabi girl these days doesn't really care much for Sikhi, so dating out of the race is probably a good idea.

Thoughts? Yay or nay?

[DalbirSingh]

I leave you with one last question: If Dwayne The Rock Johnson converted to Sikhi today, grew out his beard and stuck on a turban, would he have any less success with the ladies?

I rest my case."

I reckon he would have less success but he still will get jiggy with it even though he is married.

[skaur8888]

Another post criticising Punjabi women. Maybe the problem is if you're looking for someone to date/girlfriend then you'll approach Punjabi girls who have no interest in Sikhi. The Punjabi girls who respect Sikhi are less likely to be interested in dating, sounds like some people on this forum want the best of all worlds. Its no surprise that white girls are the ones you will end up with as they're willing to be long-term girlfriends. If you wish to have white girlfriends that's your choice but please don't say its because Punjabi girls are not interested in Sikh men. I go to the gurdwara and there are plenty of decent Punjabi Sikh girls/women who respect Sikhi . I suspect a lot of this is due to Punjabi men wanting to enjoy the single life with their white girlfriends and justfying it by blaming Punjabi women.

[HSD2]

Oh god its that bloke who loves the EDL again, telling us how he loves white women and how they are the saviours of Sikh men. There is nothing wrong with most Punjabi girls.

I hate to break it to Singhs, but you dont farm all day and fight all night like your ancestors did so dont go expecting girls to act like you think your ancestors were like.

[Only five]

There seems to be a new trend popping up on this forum where Sikhs are being encouraged to date girls of non Punjabi background. The above poster has put it very nicely. Punjabi men want to be included in the backward culture of the western world of sleeping around before getting married. Not all Punjabi women are angels but there are many more issues among non-Punjabi women than Punjabi women. A Punjabi women that has adopted the non-Punjabi women culture of sleeping around is very well identified in the community. However non-Punjabi women brush majority of their sleeping around under the rug because they do within groups that Punjabis are not part of and hide many issues they have in their immediate environment. Punjabi women have been put to the test in 1984 and they stuck with their religion. So much hardship has been felt. Many things had to be sacrificed by Punjabi parents so their sons and daughters do not have to be rapped, slaughtered and burned alive. I think giving what the Punjabi community had to start off with, they did a very good job of trying to keep it together.

Now tell me what hardship did the white population have to face in the last 30 years. Did they have tires around their necks while gasoline is being poured on to them. Did they have their daughters, mothers, wife rapped in the streets while their little sons and daughters watch hopelessly. So what do they do. They make their daughters into sex symbols. They have made their daughters into sex symbols so much that the school systems accept it. They dress up their daughters in skirts and tight tops and parade them around at sports games and call it cheerleading.

It is the ungrateful people like the OP and like minded people that give Punjabis a bad name.

[Guest]

In my opinion you are disrespecting guru ji by having a dhari and dastaar and going to date women..

[DalbirSingh]

In my opinion you are disrespecting guru ji by having a dhari and dastaar and going to date women..

Well it's one way of doing dawah and spreading the message

[Guest]

Well it's one way of doing dawah and spreading the message

Isnt the Muslims doing the same exact thing by dating Sikh girls and spreading their message?So we should follow the same tactics as them?

If you want to spread the message of Sikhi there are other ways than dating which disrespects guru ji...Why not holding community events every week or something???

To the op:You are doing wrong by looking like a Sikh and not acting like a sikh by dating.

ਹੁਕਮ ਦੇਖਿ ਕਾਰ ਨਹੀਂ ਰਾਖੈ । ਗੋਲਕ ਗੋਪ ਮਿਥਿਆ ਮੁਖ ਭਾਖੈ Those who recognise my commands, but does not follow them and takes money from the Gurus golak for their own false needs,

ਕਾਰ ਭੇਟ ਸੁਖ ਮੰਨਤ ਚੁਰਾਵੈ । ਐਸਾ ਸਿਖ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਹਿ ਭਾਵੈ । ੯ । The offerings have been presented in hopes of happiness. Those who take the the offerings are not Sikhs. (Those who steal from the Gurus golaks are not Sikhs).

You realize the gurus hukam but you still do not obey...You still have to date which against the gurus wishes...

The only reason why you want to date is for sexual reasons...It's only for kaam even if you dont know it...We are never to take another women and have sexual relations with them..

ਬਿਨ ਬਿਵਾਹੀ ਨ ਸੇਜ ਰਮ ਤਿਸ ਸਦ ਧਰਮ ਸਹਾਇ | Without marriage, he does not take a women to bed. To her he shall always be faithful.

We are not supposed to date.....Those are my fathers words and it clearly says if you don't obey him you are not a a Sikh...Please listen to them and stop dating and follow the gurus path.

[DalbirSingh]

Isnt the Muslims doing the same exact thing by dating Sikh girls and spreading their message?So we should follow the same tactics as them?

If you want to spread the message of Sikhi there are other ways than dating which disrespects guru ji...Why not holding community events every week or something???

To the op:You are doing wrong by looking like a Sikh and not acting like a sikh by dating.

ਹੁਕਮ ਦੇਖਿ ਕਾਰ ਨਹੀਂ ਰਾਖੈ । ਗੋਲਕ ਗੋਪ ਮਿਥਿਆ ਮੁਖ ਭਾਖੈ Those who recognise my commands, but does not follow them and takes money from the Gurus golak for their own false needs,

ਕਾਰ ਭੇਟ ਸੁਖ ਮੰਨਤ ਚੁਰਾਵੈ । ਐਸਾ ਸਿਖ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਹਿ ਭਾਵੈ । ੯ । The offerings have been presented in hopes of happiness. Those who take the the offerings are not Sikhs. (Those who steal from the Gurus golaks are not Sikhs).

You realize the gurus hukam but you still do not obey...You still have to date which against the gurus wishes...

The only reason why you want to date is for sexual reasons...It's only for kaam even if you dont know it...We are never to take another women and have sexual relations with them..

ਬਿਨ ਬਿਵਾਹੀ ਨ ਸੇਜ ਰਮ ਤਿਸ ਸਦ ਧਰਮ ਸਹਾਇ | Without marriage, he does not take a women to bed. To her he shall always be faithful.

We are not supposed to date.....Those are my fathers words and it clearly says if you don't obey him you are not a a Sikh...Please listen to them and stop dating and follow the gurus path.

Well I was being abit sarcastic about dating for preaching, there is a time and place for everything. But dating doesn't equal sex, people date with the intention to get to know someone who they want to marry.

[savinderpalsingh]

we do not date women like that , its against our rehat. treat all women as our sister/mother and daughter .
if you cannot its simply your fault. stay true to guru dont modify things as per your needs .