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Female, Amritdharee, Confused And In Need Of Great Help!

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji K Fateh

I am a young, 19 year old amritdharee female. I am born and raised in a typical punjabi family, however, we all do paath and are well into learning about Sikhi. I am the only daughter in the family, I used to be the girl who was into her, makeup, hair styling(i've never cut my hair) and basically all the usual girly stuff a typical girl is interested in. From a young age I have been attending gurdwara, sikhi classes and doing kirtan on the vaja. In 2013, we had our annual dastar day, where I tied the dastar for the first time and I fell in love with it. When I told my parents that I was considering wearing the dastar full time, they weren't against the idea (both my brothers have worn a keski since birth but aren't amritdharee) but objected by saying it was just a phase I was going through and I would change my mind. I few months later, in January 2014, we had a jatha come for a week and on the last day they were holding an amrit sanchar. During the second last divan, something in what they were saying me touched me so much that, almost 12 hours before the amrit sanchar I decided to take amrit. I am someone who never in my life even considered the idea of taking amrit but I don't know why, but I just felt that I was ready and had to take the leap of faith. I felt sitting in the darbar sahib that night, it was either take it now or never. So next day, I take amrit. I AM THE ONLY AMRITDHAREE IN MY FAMILY AND EXTENDED FAMILY.

Now almost year and a half on, I do my paath (timing is an issue - but something that can be worked on), follow my rehat, wear a dastar etc. The first full year, I was convinced fully, and also told others who asked me, that me taking amrit suddenly was the best decision ever and I would never look back, I feel so blessed to be on this path. HOWEVER, for the past few months my confidence has shattered. I can't stop my mind from falling weak to think that maybe I have made a quick decision- one which perhaps I should have thought about more carefully. I do my paath - I love doing paath, kirtan... I wouldn't be able to live without it... sikhi is my identity and one I'm so proud to be a part of BUT! My appearance.... I love my dastar but for the past few months I really miss the old me... the girl who was free spirited, carefree, girly,.. I MISS MY HAIR.. I MISS LETTING IT DOWN .. I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY HAIR!!! (I've never touched alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and I'm a strict vegetarian and have never entered a club apart from wedding functions with my family). I feel so weak when I say that I go to bed crying most nights these days because I feel so guilty that Mahraj knows what I'm wishing for.... to be free. I see other girls who are like the old me, who like to dance, wear makeup, style their hair etc but still keep intact with their sikhi, do their paath, learn about their dharam etc but aren't amrithdaree... I wish I took time to think about it and maybe today I wouldn't be sitting here crying whilst typing this up.

My family and friends and my community are so proud of me for the step I took a year and a half ago but what do I do now??? I literally feel that I have no one to pour my heart out to that would understand what I am going through.... I talk to Mahraj about this but I feel like I'm trapped... no matter what I do I'll only bring badness... If i continue the way I am, I'll never be a good gursikh, and if i go back to the old me, I'll dishonour and bring shame to my family- HOW WOULD I FACE THE WORLD... I have never done anything wrong up till date and don't intend to. But when I look at my family, my sisters, my cousins, I see the old me in them- The happy me!

I really need someone to advise me, I can no longer sit here with all this bottled inside me... I don't want to be depressed any more... PLEASE someone help me!

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji K Fateh!

Its good to seek out help from online sangat as some members have given advice here for you. In my opinion, do an ardas and take a hukamnama for guidance by GGS. It feels like you want to be free as in having more freedom by letting your hair out and wearing makeup? I am kind of lost. I see that you are putting your eyes on today's modern trends of society where most women wear revealing clothes, makeup, drink, and go out clubbing. I am 18 and 1/2 years old and about to go to uni and as odd as it seems me being pretty good keeping rehit sometimes I have bad thoughts and it really makes me think. Also I have rarely good sangat here to so that puts me down also. But I feel where you're coming from.

It is best to follow your Guru than the world's ways as the world and its affairs are all false and misleading to one's faith. Temptations are dreadful and can really change your mindset so its best to remain steadfast. Your not the only sister I bet who's going with this situation too. Keeping your trust in Guru will help you overcome tough times in life as your dealing with it now. I seriously suggest you to find a Sikh sister or a group of Amritdharis who can really reach to you and help you out personally. Like you said your the only amritdhari in your family and extended family so there is no one who can really understand what issues you are truly dealing with. So it is best possible to seek out help from local Sikh sangat perhaps Sikh Amritdharis?

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji K Fateh

I am a young, 19 year old amritdharee female. I am born and raised in a typical punjabi family, however, we all do paath and are well into learning about Sikhi. I am the only daughter in the family, I used to be the girl who was into her, makeup, hair styling(i've never cut my hair) and basically all the usual girly stuff a typical girl is interested in. From a young age I have been attending gurdwara, sikhi classes and doing kirtan on the vaja. In 2013, we had our annual dastar day, where I tied the dastar for the first time and I fell in love with it. When I told my parents that I was considering wearing the dastar full time, they weren't against the idea (both my brothers have worn a keski since birth but aren't amritdharee) but objected by saying it was just a phase I was going through and I would change my mind. I few months later, in January 2014, we had a jatha come for a week and on the last day they were holding an amrit sanchar. During the second last divan, something in what they were saying me touched me so much that, almost 12 hours before the amrit sanchar I decided to take amrit. I am someone who never in my life even considered the idea of taking amrit but I don't know why, but I just felt that I was ready and had to take the leap of faith. I felt sitting in the darbar sahib that night, it was either take it now or never. So next day, I take amrit. I AM THE ONLY AMRITDHAREE IN MY FAMILY AND EXTENDED FAMILY.

Now almost year and a half on, I do my paath (timing is an issue - but something that can be worked on), follow my rehat, wear a dastar etc. The first full year, I was convinced fully, and also told others who asked me, that me taking amrit suddenly was the best decision ever and I would never look back, I feel so blessed to be on this path. HOWEVER, for the past few months my confidence has shattered. I can't stop my mind from falling weak to think that maybe I have made a quick decision- one which perhaps I should have thought about more carefully. I do my paath - I love doing paath, kirtan... I wouldn't be able to live without it... sikhi is my identity and one I'm so proud to be a part of BUT! My appearance.... I love my dastar but for the past few months I really miss the old me... the girl who was free spirited, carefree, girly,.. I MISS MY HAIR.. I MISS LETTING IT DOWN .. I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY HAIR!!! (I've never touched alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and I'm a strict vegetarian and have never entered a club apart from wedding functions with my family). I feel so weak when I say that I go to bed crying most nights these days because I feel so guilty that Mahraj knows what I'm wishing for.... to be free. I see other girls who are like the old me, who like to dance, wear makeup, style their hair etc but still keep intact with their sikhi, do their paath, learn about their dharam etc but aren't amrithdaree... I wish I took time to think about it and maybe today I wouldn't be sitting here crying whilst typing this up.

My family and friends and my community are so proud of me for the step I took a year and a half ago but what do I do now??? I literally feel that I have no one to pour my heart out to that would understand what I am going through.... I talk to Mahraj about this but I feel like I'm trapped... no matter what I do I'll only bring badness... If i continue the way I am, I'll never be a good gursikh, and if i go back to the old me, I'll dishonour and bring shame to my family- HOW WOULD I FACE THE WORLD... I have never done anything wrong up till date and don't intend to. But when I look at my family, my sisters, my cousins, I see the old me in them- The happy me!

I really need someone to advise me, I can no longer sit here with all this bottled inside me... I don't want to be depressed any more... PLEASE someone help me!

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji K Fateh!

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa

Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Kid you need to balance your worldly life with spiritual.

Older generation females weren't given formal education or expected to earn.

Now high as well as low class are given this opportunity.

Most of the girls your age are either worried about getting higher education or a perfect spouse.

I think you need to choose your path & collaborate with your parents.

Either put your time n energy in studies or get married.

Key to balanced life "keep your self busy"

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa

Waheguru ji ki Fateh

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Guest SinghAbb

I found this on the internet a long time ago and this completely clarifies what sikhi says about dancing:

This articles lists Gurbani relating to dancing and singing which are activities where many preconceived prejudices and views exist in the Sikh and Punjabi community. Singing and dancing are traditions of Punjab which have been in existence for many thousands of years. These traditions are not encouraged and supported by Sikhi and Gurbani. Many provide Gurbani quotes that make reference to dancing and claim that dancing is accetable provided that it is used as a positive, communal and constructive function for unity and celebration of society. They also claim that dancing has negative outcomes when used to escalate ones ego or pride; or for self-excitation; or for sensual gratification, these same activities are condemned by the Guru. However, such analysis of Gurbani is superficial at best and avoids the deeper connotations of the Guru's Word, which is limitless in its depth.

The Guru tells us:


ਹਉ ਵਾਰੀ ਜੀਉ ਵਾਰੀ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਸੁਹਾਵਣਿਆ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਾਵੈ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਾਚੈ ਹਰਿ ਸੇਤੀ ਚਿਤੁ ਲਾਵਣਿਆ ਰਹਾਉ

हउ वारी जीउ वारी हरि हरि नामि सुहावणिआ गुरमुखि गावै गुरमुखि नाचै हरि सेती चितु लावणिआ ॥१॥ रहाउ

Ha­o vārī jī­o vārī har har nām suhāvaṇi­ā. Gurmukẖ gāvai gurmukẖ nācẖai har sėṯī cẖiṯ lāvaṇi­ā. 1 rahā­o.
I am a sacrifice, my soul is a sacrifice, to those who look beautiful in the Name of the Lord, Har, Har.

The Gurmukhs sing , the Gurmukhs dance, and focus their consciousness on the Lord. ((1)(Pause))

(SGGS p124)

The first question that must arise when the above verse is mentioned is whether there is a single historical text that supports the Gurus or the Sikhs ever dancing? No references can be found of the Gurus or their Sikhs ever engaging or being encouraged to dance. But further study of more Gurbani will clear up what the "dancing" being referred to is. Ask yourself, can you see Guru Nanak Dev Sahib or Guru Gobind Singh Ji, or the Punj Pyare dancing? If not, then why would the student (Sikh) engage in activities that the teacher (Guru) would not? The teacher sets the example for the student, and the perfect student is the very image of the teacher.


ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਿਰਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਲਾਗੈ ਭਾਉ ਪੂਰੇ ਤਾਲ ਵਿਚਹੁ ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਇ
Gurmukẖ niraṯ har lāgai bẖā­o. Pūrė ṯāl vicẖahu āp gavā­ė.
The Gurmukh's dance is to embrace love for the Lord;
to the beat of the drum, he sheds his ego from within.

(SGGS p364)

Do Bhangra/Giddha/Hip Hop/R&B/Bollywood songs and the accompanying dance allow one to embrace the Lord? Is the dance being mentioned that of the worldly or spiritual? Have there been references made in Sikh history, or any other history for that matter, that proclaim that the ego has been shed through dancing? Or is the dance being referenced in this verse of another nature?


ਵਾਜਾ ਮਤਿ ਪਖਾਵਜੁ ਭਾਉ ਹੋਇ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਸਦਾ ਮਨਿ ਚਾਉ

ਏਹਾ ਭਗਤਿ ਏਹੋ ਤਪ ਤਾਉ ਇਤੁ ਰੰਗਿ ਨਾਚਹੁ ਰਖਿ ਰਖਿ ਪਾਉ
ਪੂਰੇ ਤਾਲ ਜਾਣੈ ਸਾਲਾਹ ਹੋਰੁ ਨਚਣਾ ਖੁਸੀਆ ਮਨ ਮਾਹ ਰਹਾਉ

vājā maṯ pakẖāvaj bẖā­o. Ho­ė anand saḏā man cẖā­o.

Ėhā bẖagaṯ ėho ṯap ṯā­o. Iṯ rang nācẖahu rakẖ rakẖ pā­o.
1
Pūrė ṯāl jāṇai sālāh. Hor nacẖṇā kẖusī­ā man māh. 1 rahā­o.

Make your intellect your instrument, and love your tambourine; thus bliss and lasting pleasure shall be produced in your mind.

This is devotional worship, and this is the practice of penance. So dance in this love, and keep the beat with your feet.
1
Know that the perfect beat is the Praise of the Lord; other dances produce only temporary pleasure in the mind. 1Pause

(SGGS p350)

Again, the above questions must be asked. If dancing from this verse is taken literally to mean the worldly act of dancing, who has played the instrument of intellect, the tambourine of love? Analogies, metaphors and similies are aplenty in Gurbani, that associate worldly activies to the reader to allow for a spiritual awakening through explanation in simple terms. Are such things to be taken literally? If so, then one must also be able to fulfill the conditions set in Gurbani. The above verse for instance, states that dancing would impart bliss and lasting pleasure. Have the worldly dancers achieved this?


ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਿਰਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਲਾਗੈ ਭਾਉ ਪੂਰੇ ਤਾਲ ਵਿਚਹੁ ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਇ .....
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਜੁਗਤਿ ਸਚੁ ਸੋਇ ਪਾਖੰਡਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਨਿਰਤਿ ਦੁਖੁ ਹੋਇ
Gurmukẖ niraṯ har lāgai bẖā­o. Pūrė ṯāl vicẖahu āp gavā­ė....
Gurmukẖ bẖagaṯ jugaṯ sacẖ so­ė. Pakẖand bẖagaṯ niraṯ ḏukẖ ho­ė.
3
The Gurmukh's dance is to embrace love for the Lord; to the beat of the drum, he sheds his ego from within.....
For the Gurmukh, loving devotional worship is the way to the True Lord. But the dances and the worship of the hypocrites bring only pain.
3
(SGGS p364)

This verse is in the similar vein of the above verse, where the "dance" mentioned is actually to develop unrelenting love for the Almighty. Devotional worship, in which one develops love, longing and a deep desire to meet the Almighty is the dance being alluded to in the verses. One must again query whether Bhangra or Giddha or Salsa dancing impart such high spiritual states.





ਤੇਰਾ ਜਨੁ ਨਿਰਤਿ ਕਰੇ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵੈ ਰਬਾਬੁ ਪਖਾਵਜ ਤਾਲ ਘੁੰਘਰੂ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦੁ ਵਜਾਵੈ ਰਹਾਉ
Ŧėrā jan niraṯ karė gun gāvai. Rabāb pakẖāvaj ṯāl gẖungẖrū anhaḏ sabaḏ vajāvai. 1 rahā­o.
Your humble servant dances and sings Your Glorious Praises.

He plays upon the guitar, tambourine and cymbals, and the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds.
1Pause

(SGGS p381)

Is the Anhad Shabad - the unstruck sound current struck during worldly dancing? Have the dancers of the worldly heard it? Guru Sahib provides the inherent proof of this being an analogy within the very verse.


ਖੰਡ ਬ੍ਰਹਮੰਡ ਤ੍ਰੈ ਗੁਣ ਨਾਚੇ ਜਿਨ ਲਾਗੀ ਹਰਿ ਲਿਵ ਤੁਮਾਰੀ ਜੀਅ ਜੰਤ ਸਭੇ ਹੀ ਨਾਚੇ ਨਾਚਹਿ ਖਾਣੀ ਚਾਰੀ
Kẖand barahmand ṯarai guṇ nācẖė jin lāgī har liv ṯumārī. Jī­a janṯ sabẖė hī nācẖė nācẖeh kẖāṇī cẖārī. 5
The planets and solar systems dance in the three qualities, as do those who bear love for You, Lord.
The beings and creatures all dance, and the four sources of creation dance.
5
(SGGS p506)

Is the "dance" being referred to here a worldly dance, or that of the entire play of the world being acted out on the universe-stage? "Dancing" here is referring to the constant happenings of the universe. The very being, the existence of the world, is "dancing" to the Almighty's Will. There is no justification being provided to engage in worldly dancing.


ਪੂਰੇ ਤਾਲ ਨਿਹਾਲੇ ਸਾਸ ਵਾ ਕੇ ਗਲੇ ਜਮ ਕਾ ਹੈ ਫਾਸ
Pūrė ṯāl nihālė sās. vā kė galė jam kā hai fās. 3
She dances to the beat, exciting the breath of those who watch her.
But the noose of the Messenger of Death is around her neck.
3

(SGGS p1165)

This verse actually tells of how people are deluded in the worldly stage, with dancing being given as a means for a woman to entice onlookers, and will one day perish to the ultimate reality of Death. Guru Sahib is actually telling the reader to awaken from their slumber of the 5 vices and to realize that Death is ever close.


ਨਾਨਕ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਭੇਟਿਐ ਪੂਰੀ ਹੋਵੈ ਜੁਗਤਿ ਹਸੰਦਿਆ ਖੇਲੰਦਿਆ ਪੈਨੰਦਿਆ ਖਾਵੰਦਿਆ ਵਿਚੇ ਹੋਵੈ ਮੁਕਤਿ
Nānak saṯgur bẖeti▫ai pūrī hovai jugaṯ. Hasanḏi▫ā kẖelanḏi▫ā painanḏi▫ā kẖāvanḏi▫ā vicẖe hovai mukaṯ. 2
O Nanak, meeting the True Guru, one comes to know the Perfect Way.
While laughing, playing, dressing and eating, he is liberated.
2

(SGGS p522)

Indeed, Guru Sahib's path never encouraged the recluse lifestyle. The gristi (householder) lifestyle was encouraged and accepted. The activities described in the above verse are a testament to that, where Guru Sahis is preaching to the reader that the Gursikh will be able to attain liberation while engaged being a part of it, not only as a tyagi (he/she who has abandoned the world). A Sikh must embody the concept of tyagi of tyag - one who has no attachments in the world and yet is able to participate in it. As a lotus that sits on the world ocean, the Sikh is rooted in the world, and yet above it (mentally and spiritually one with the Almighty).

Therefore, Gurbani has not given Sikhs a green light to dance their lives away. Even if a very liberal view of dancing was to be accepted, one must always remember that any activity that a Sikh undertakes is to be in constant meditation of the Almighty and to reach ever closer to that One-Supreme. All other activities are useless per Gurbani.

Also, that story about a Singh dancing to Sukhmani Sahib is not true. Guru sahib says: ਨਚਿਐਟਪਿਐਭਗਤਿਨਹੋਇ॥

The translation is clear: ਨੱਚਣ ਟੱਪਣ ਨਾਲ ਭਗਤੀ ਨਹੀਂ ਹੁੰਦੀ।

By dancing and jumping, devotional worship is not performed.

Since Bani is so clear about dancing while doing bhagti being wrong, it does not matter who else might have done it. It is not right for a Sikh. That story if false.

Lastly, it is not true that you don't have to wear dastar. Every Sikh has to wear a dastar. if you look at the written proof for dastar, you will not find anything that mentions that this rehat is for boys only. Dastar is for every Sikh, without exceptions.

Remember, just because someone is nice or a good person, they are not automatically good sangat. Good sangat is sangat of other AmritDharees (that are trying to actually follow Sikhi) or people sincerely trying to become amritdharee. This does not mean that non-amritdharees are evil, lower, or worse than us. They just aren't the sangat that guru sahib tells us to do. So we have to be nice to everyone, while realising that we are lower than everyone, along with trying to spend time with Gursikhs and limiting time spent unnecessarily with others.

To look at Bani for this concept, please search up for results in Guru Granth Sahib with one keyword at a time out of ਸਾਕਤ ਸਾਕਤਿ ਸਾਕਤੁ. Look up each word and see what guru sahib says is a saakat. You will find that the definitions include not japping naam, not loving waheguru, not being Amritdharee (being without Guru). Also look up ਸੰਗਤ to see who we should try to spend time with. Someone could be an athiest, and really nice and honest and everything else that you can think about what it takes to be a good human being. We are lower than those people. But according to Guru Jee's hukam we will still spend most of our time with Gursikhs (by the way, if anyone does simran and follows guru's hukam they will also gain these qualities of honesty, kindness too.).

I hope this makes sense.

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Guest SinghAbb

That is a good point.

However, wherever in bani it encourages dancing or talks about dancing as a good thing, it is always talking about the inner self, never the body.

I think that the bani that we are talking about is talking about dancing while doing bhagti. It says that dancing and doing bhagti together is wrong. So I personally don't think that that sakhi can be true, because that Singh would have been doing exactly what the pangti is saying. I wish I knew viakarn better. Then I could know for sure what bani is saying.

I also believe that any type of dancing is wrong. http://www.sikhanswers.com/modern-youth-issues/sikh-attitude-to-dancing/

Guru Sahib said: ਨਚਣੁਕੁਦਣੁਮਨਕਾਚਾਉ॥

That is another reason that I think that dancing isn't okay. All Gursikhs that I have spent time with have been against dancing. Pretty much all of them. There have been many very happy events in our history, but Sikhs never danced at these times, and neither did Guru Sahib tell Sikhs to dance then. So I highly doubt that any dancing is allowed. Instead there's lots of events where this happened: ਸਜਣਮਿਲੇਸਜਣਾਜਿਨਸਤਗੁਰਨਾਲਿਪਿਆਰੁ॥ ਮਿਲਿਪ੍ਰੀਤਮਤਿਨੀਧਿਆਇਆਸਚੈਪ੍ਰੇਮਿਪਿਆਰੁ॥

Read the rest of the Shabad, it's so nice http://searchgurbani.com/guru_granth_sahib/shabad/2216/line/2

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What you are going thru is normal. After taking Amrit, most ppl are happy and their motivation and enthusiasm are boundless, and they keep good rehit. But after a time, all the motivation and enthusiasm and energy goes away and most ppl get into a slump. Where r mind tries to take us back, to make us fail. This is a hard stage. We have to keep going up and do more Seva simran and gurbani but if this is hard , u have to stand firm where u r and don't let ur self go down slippery slope. Also it is easy to follow sikh when it's easy and u want to but it's hard to follow it when you don't want to. Be strong.

I have a similar story: my dad always wanted to take Amrit but his family was against it. He finally got to take it when he got married. He also came to America then. At first everything was good and he kept his rehit but then he became discontented. All his friends went to Gurudwara and did paath but they weren't amritdhari so they went to parties and drank. My dad started thinking it's not fair they get to do all the good stuff and the fun stuff too. Why did I take Amrit I'm stuck. Then he went alone and cried and complained to guruji it's not fair why do the get every thing and I'm stuck.I have a boring life and it's all ur fault.I came to America and still I cant enjoy anything.what do,u have to give me? Nothing but restrictions. While he was crying, he said this. Then he says he felt the greatest thing ever, the best feeling. It was like he was on top of the world. He says he never questioned or strayed after that. And now all his family and extended family are amritdharis.

Just stick in there. U will get past it. As for feeling free go do other things, hang out and do rollar skating, ice skating, parks, carnivals Etc. places where putting ur hair down and putting makeup isn't needed to have fun unlike at parties.

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Not2cool2argue lovely story of ur father.

Yup other activities one can do without the distractions. Are u ok confused 10? Hope ur feeling better.

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What you are going thru is normal. After taking Amrit, most ppl are happy and their motivation and enthusiasm are boundless, and they keep good rehit. But after a time, all the motivation and enthusiasm and energy goes away and most ppl get into a slump. Where r mind tries to take us back, to make us fail. This is a hard stage. We have to keep going up and do more Seva simran and gurbani but if this is hard , u have to stand firm where u r and don't let ur self go down slippery slope. Also it is easy to follow sikh when it's easy and u want to but it's hard to follow it when you don't want to. Be strong.

I have a similar story: my dad always wanted to take Amrit but his family was against it. He finally got to take it when he got married. He also came to America then. At first everything was good and he kept his rehit but then he became discontented. All his friends went to Gurudwara and did paath but they weren't amritdhari so they went to parties and drank. My dad started thinking it's not fair they get to do all the good stuff and the fun stuff too. Why did I take Amrit I'm stuck. Then he went alone and cried and complained to guruji it's not fair why do the get every thing and I'm stuck.I have a boring life and it's all ur fault.I came to America and still I cant enjoy anything.what do,u have to give me? Nothing but restrictions. While he was crying, he said this. Then he says he felt the greatest thing ever, the best feeling. It was like he was on top of the world. He says he never questioned or strayed after that. And now all his family and extended family are amritdharis.

Just stick in there. U will get past it. As for feeling free go do other things, hang out and do rollar skating, ice skating, parks, carnivals Etc. places where putting ur hair down and putting makeup isn't needed to have fun unlike at parties.

Not2cool2argue lovely story of ur father.

Yup other activities one can do without the distractions. Are u ok confused 10? Hope ur feeling better.

wjkk wjkf everyone!

I can't be more happier whilst saying this that i'm so glad that i turned to the internet and more importantly this forum page for help.... I feel so much more better and guided after reading everyones views and advice, and from the bottom of my heart I honestly thank everyone who posted here for not judging me but treating me like their sister or daughter and guiding and advising me in the right way (this is something I've found very hard to find in the "real" world) so thank you....

Thank you for allowing me to see that what I am/was feeling and wanting was just a "weak" phase I am going through and yes! i have to keep strong- Mahraj is testing me.... when I am sitting an exam at uni and begin to find the paper hard, I don't run away from it, I find a way to tackle it and succeed, so why should this be any different? I knew from day one that going on this path, more than anything is going to be the most difficult challenge ever, but somewhere down the line, i think i forgot who am was... someone who was never afraid of challenges and someone who succeeded at every challenge... when you fall down, you have to get back up and try again and I thank you all for showing me my real self again... it really means a lot to me knowing that mahraj does have people out here to help people like me without judging us :) HARD OR EASY..... THE PATH THAT INVOLVES MAHRAJ AND ONLY HIM IS THE ONLY PATH I WANT TO BE ON ! :)

Thank you once again to everyone here for allowing me realise that and apologies to anyone I may have offended

wjkk wjkf :) x

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Good to hear ur feeling better penji. Stay in chardi kala. Nobody can judge anybody only God can do that, as we all come into this world with our own karm. People can advise to help you stay on right path. Hanji, there are some good sangat on here that give wise advice. Good to see ur smiling now. Never give up, Guruji is always there for you.

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puthar ji life is a journey. We are not given a manual of what todo. things happen on their own time. Your still very young and will have urges and wants, you want to live, taste, hear and try new things and spread your wings. If you decide to lessen your appearance , to wear makeup wear your hair out etc its your karma. I have never taken amrit however grew up the same as you went through uni wearing a desi dastar and beard left uni and after marriage suffered depresion i cut my beard and hair. Ive hit 40 and feel mature enough to keep it and practive sikhi better. I want it and have a thirst for it. Sometimes its karma When things dont go smoothly. Do what yiur heart says however do ardaas before hand for guru ji will guide you.

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Guest up in the mountains

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

we are all in this together. there will be ups and downs.

sometimes things dont feel right

its hard

but dont be hard on yourself

its normal

its the time we are in now

just remember one thing

HOLD ON

your not a bad person

your a soul

souls are not bad

we have done things that can be considered bad

but your soul is beautiful

maharaj will not get mad at you

smile at who you are

connect to gurbani with your heart

find what fills that place in your heart

keep your heart full

so you dont go in your mind

theres nothing wrong

everything is okay

we are from god and we are heading that way

we all are heading back that way

and then the journey no longer exists

and then we just wake up

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

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