I Keep Screwing Up

[Guest]

(I have also posted this in the GUPT/Anonymous section)

I keep finding myself going back to my old ways no matter how hard I try and find myself back in that situation again today. I'm going to be totally honest because I want people to understand how bad I actually get and hopefully get some advice/help

All my extended family and friends drink a lot and use cocaine a lot. Anytime time they meet up in a pub or just socially they will end up getting a gram in and sniffing coke. For the past few months, I have been battling with myself to stay away from this crowd and started attending the Gurdwara more. I hadnt been able to distance myself fully from them but it was definitley an improvement from where I was and how I used to be. I got myself into quiete a bit of debt due to drinking and sniffing all the time which i finally started to recover from this last payday

This week I have gone back to square one. I went out on tuesday to meet a couple cousins and ended up doing the same things again and then last night, again, we were doing cocaine and I have full on maxed out my account because of this. Before when I used to do this i would be angry with myself and go into a depressive state but for some reason, I don't feel like that today. I just feel as if i need to find a solution to this which I personally think is surrounding myself around good Sangat.

I am from Nottingham and am reaching out to anyone around the east midlands area who could just be a friend and get me away from this crowd? Please don't judge me for my actions as I am trying to do better, I just need better company. i thought i would meet more people at the gurdwara but attendance is so low there are hardly any people my age that go (I'm 26)

The funny thing is my mum made so much of an effort when i was younger to get me into a good crowd by taking me to gurdwara every week and attending gurmat camps etc. Its just sad to look back and think how I could of turned out

Also, I want to do rehraas sahib paath later but I feel as if i shouldn't because i still have coke and alcohol in my system. Although I don't feel drunk or high, is this right to do? Could anyone advise?

Any help or advise is much appreciated. Any abuse anyone wants to throw at me is also welcome, it might make me sort myself out! lol

[simran345]

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/78169-i-keep-screwing-up/#entry647487

[MisterrSingh]

Get you away from this "crowd"? Aren't they your family?

The only person who can help you is you. Nobody can say "no" for you. Best to start practising in front of a mirror.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

(I have also posted this in the GUPT/Anonymous section)[/font][/color]

I am from Nottingham and am reaching out to anyone around the east midlands area who could just be a friend and get me away from this crowd? Please don't judge me for my actions as I am trying to do better, I just need better company. i thought i would meet more people at the gurdwara but by taking me to gurdwara every week and attending gurmat camps etc. Its just sad to look back and think how I could of turned out

Also, I want to do rehraas sahib paath later but I feel as if i shouldn't because i still have coke and alcohol in my system. Although I don't feel drunk or high, is this right to do? Could anyone advise?

Any help or advise is much appreciated. Any abuse anyone wants to throw at me is also welcome, it might make me sort myself out! lol

As long as u are in a rational sensible state of mind you can do rehraas sahib. Just dont use a gutka sahib or any pothi as u are not 'sucha'. U can use ur phone if u dont know it memorized.

[dallysingh101]

If you can't find a better social circle, just drop out of this one for a while.

I know it must be extra tough because it's family and that.

Go 'solo soldier' for a while, it'll strengthen you up. I had a slightly similar situation with one of my close cousins and drink, but more than that was the sleazy, two-faced people that accompanied it all (his mates). It was like drinking and it wasn't even mid-day yet. Eventually we had a big row.

His mates don't come around no more and he holds his drinking down around me now.

Ultimately, it's on you brother. If you consider yourself a grown arse man - you got to know when to draw the line. Be conscious of being influenced.

And if your cuz's is the type that are always trying to entice you with all the 'go on mate, it's only one', it's probably better to just eff them off?

I've seen what charlie does to people long term. Be careful, or you'll end up schizio.

[MisterrSingh]

I've seen what charlie does to people long term. Be careful, or you'll end up schizio.

I get peer pressure (God knows the things I was tempted with growing up), but no-one is sticking coke up his nasaa unless he wants it, surely?

The fella's revealed a lot about his family situation too, unwittingly I imagine (I won't speculate), but I'd be wary of such so-called cousins. In my experience such people internally want to cause the downfall of a blood relation in order to be the "Last Man Standing" if you will, I.E. bragging rights, the ability to lorde it over the misfortune of close family relations, to make themselves look better in comparison.

You're being a mug, OP. With every snort of coke your cousins are besides themselves with joy at you messing up your life. Sort it out. Have a word with yourself and do it sharpish.

[dallysingh101]

Good advise brother. Thinking back over the last few months where I have been closest to sikhi is mainly around when i am 'going solo'. This is the only way i stay focused. I stop answering everyones calls and meeting up with everyone and the only time i go out is to attend the Gurdwara. It can be a bit lonely at times though, having noone to talk to at all, not even within your own family

I hear that, I've been there. But ultimately, I think it's about habits. By the sounds of it, I come up a bit like you, and what happens is that you pick up many bad habits, but with Waheguru's grace I haven't fallen due to them, even though I've seen some close people pay dearly (even dying from their crap).

In the end, I swapped training for going to pubs/bars. Intellectual/educational development over excessive, negative socialisation. It might be boring or lonely but it is less self-destructive than what you are doing now. And I don't waste shite loads of money on this crap like before (you know gear and buying rounds burns a big hole in your jeyb!)

So ultimately you have to take the option that is best for you psychologically, physically and spiritually. Just choose some good alternate habits/routines over the current ones and stick to it. If you aren't going Gurdwara go gym, or build one in your yard with the money you save.

And if your fam looks down on you for it, eff them! I'm telling you, destructive people often have this tendency of trying to take people down with them. Like a kudhoo bundha who keeps trying to make you break your diet by tempting you with tasty snacks all the time so you'll become a kudhoo too.

Be alpha male man! Not a follower. I know this sense of belonging is really important but maybe set some new, more healthy trends in your family, so that the younger ones than you can follow that route instead.

[MisterrSingh]

Also a good point which i have asked myself on a number of occasions. If they really cared, why would they focus their efforts on encouraging me to do what they do? I have even said to them do not let me sniff, no matter what and they still encourage it. If they really cared they wouldn't let me. Especially with me being the youngest. i think the reason why I fall for it though is because I have noone else, my cousins are the closest to 'friends' that i have and i guess they give me a sense of security. If i didn't have them, i would have noone at all

Trust me, it's another dark side to the Punjabi mentality that characterises some of our people; the glee - internally - at leading a gullible and easily-led close relative astray and then sitting back and watching him or her self destruct. You're being played.

As for loneliness, most people can't stomach it at all. Extreme doses are, of course, not healthy. We are social creatures after all. Yet, try to find the beauty in solitude. That doesn't mean become a shut-in, but live life on your terms and do NOT jump up and follow someone like an attention-starved puppy when someone calls for you.

You're 26, bro, you're in "man" territory now, yet your acts are indicative of someone rebelling and being led astray in their teens. The money aspect of it should also be a worry. You might be wealthy, but blowing coke up your nose is a complete waste of money. Settling down to do your Rehraas Sahib fresh from a drinks and drugs bender from the previous day is a little disingenuous.

[genie]

Just keep trying to improve youself see it as a war and not a battle and as a Sikh you are a warrior train yourself to win the war.

As for gurdwara dont bother going there for any help most committee's are corrupt full of pendu's who do not understand the needs of the people of their congregation (hence low attendance figures on regular days) and some of them allow genocidal mixed-faith marriages.

Keep away from bad sangat, the only sangat you need is you, yourself and your Guru. Start buying or borrowing Sikh related books and read and learn and understand Sikhi this will keep your mind occupied away from all the non-sikh lifestyle rubbish out there.

[dallysingh101]

Trust me, it's another dark side to the Punjabi mentality that characterises some of our people; the glee - internally - at leading a gullible and easily-led close relative astray and then sitting back and watching him or her self destruct. You're being played.

It's tough though dude.

Especially when you're the youngest and naturally have a tendency to look up to your olders. That family loyalty ish can mess you up. It took me a LONG WHILE to wake up to the reality of close, older members of my family acting insidiously towards me like you've highlighted.

It's hard to see that our supposed nearest and dearest are screwing us over when you are in the box. Then, it also sometimes appears as if outsiders are trying to screw your family unity up when they try and warn you about it. It's hard to get your head around the reality of people (who are supposed to be watching your back and looking out for you) actually screwing you over in a very dark way.

Deep stuff.