Amritdhari Wedding

[singhbj singh]

singhbj singh, sorry bhaji. Im a singhni, but this is all new to me. thanks again all for the suggestions. Obviously I wouldn't want to do anything wrong on our day.

Simran345 & KhoonKaBadIaKhoon I guess a first dance isn't wrong if it's done in an appropriate manner. Haha, and i'm not engaged either yet. I was just wondering the options and ways to celebrate an amritdhari wedding with family and friends but thank you all again for your suggestions wjkk wjkf

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Bhein ji don't worry, let your parents handle the arrangement.

Norm is, brides family pays for the wedding breakfast & luncheon whether in Gurdwara or Banquet hall.

Reception party is thrown by grooms family if they want, no compulsion.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[waheguru27]

Hahaha simran345! Thanks penji ? i'll concentrate on my studies before i go there ?

[JagsawSingh]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Bhein ji don't worry, let your parents handle the arrangement.

Norm is, brides family pays for the wedding breakfast & luncheon whether in Gurdwara or Banquet hall.

Reception party is thrown by grooms family if they want, no compulsion.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Thats Canada stylee. Not UK, Punjab or Italy or Australia etc. In fact not anywhere except Canada (and perhaps Amrika).

Everywhere else (apart from Canada) the 'reception party' is paid for by the bride's family and everywhere else (apart from Canada) that actual wedding reception party is held in the afternoon rather than late at night. In fact, the afternoon reception vs the late evening reception is the thing that differentiates Sikh Punjabi culture from Hindu Punjabi culture. Everywhere, as I say, except Canada.

[jkvlondon]

Thats Canada stylee. Not UK, Punjab or Italy or Australia etc. In fact not anywhere except Canada (and perhaps Amrika).

Everywhere else (apart from Canada) the 'reception party' is paid for by the bride's family and everywhere else (apart from Canada) that actual wedding reception party is held in the afternoon rather than late at night. In fact, the afternoon reception vs the late evening reception is the thing that differentiates Sikh Punjabi culture from Hindu Punjabi culture. Everywhere, as I say, except Canada.

but you can use rehit of hukamnamey to help you with that as it says the bridegroom should not place burden on Girl's family and the bridal party should be decided to be jointly to be easy on her parents ...in my grand's day literally you would have a village descend on you to feed and look after for at least a couple of days. keep it simple and tasteful , most of the extra stuff is unnecessary , we don't have bridesmaids really , or bouquets , i did make a flower garland from scratch for Maharaj ji for my kid bro's wedding (bought for my one as was not so with it, plus was working up until the Friday married, Saturday ). Of course both sides have a set each of rumaley to present .

I would say have a nice langar which you all help with as a family youngsters through to oldies , for mine we made ladoos at the Gurdwara to give away and did sewa for the full langar as a family , including my hubby to be , because we had loads of different nationalities attending we did guides to explain what was going to happen and what kinds of clothes would be required . I would just explain that people sit cross legged on the floor so be comfortable . If you can get people from your family/friends to sit near them and help them on the day it will be great.

[singhbj singh]

Long story short you can have any number of wedding events if your parents can afford or are willing to spend.

I don't see anything wrong in spending by girls side coz Punjabi+low-class+low-caste never share inheritance with female siblings.

So wedding is the best time to show you care for your daughter & sister.

[JagsawSingh]

Long story short you can have any number of wedding events if your parents can afford or are willing to spend.

I don't see anything wrong in spending by girls side coz Punjabi+low-class+low-caste never share inheritance with female siblings.

So wedding is the best time to show you care for your daughter & sister.

Ooooh. Lets see if we can't help you to see :

• Its the major cause of debt in rural Punjab
• That debt is then the major cause of suicide in Punjab
• Punjab has an epidemic problem of suicide (caused by debt which itself was mostly caused by borrowing for lavish wedding)
• Its not a new problem. The British introduced the Punjab Land Act specifically to exclude Hindu moneylenders from aquiring Punjab land through foreclosure as in other parts of India farmers were borrowing and getting themselves into unmanageable debt in order to pay for their daughters marriage.

Can you now "see" ?

[simran345]

Thats Canada stylee. Not UK, Punjab or Italy or Australia etc. In fact not anywhere except Canada (and perhaps Amrika).

Everywhere else (apart from Canada) the 'reception party' is paid for by the bride's family and everywhere else (apart from Canada) that actual wedding reception party is held in the afternoon rather than late at night. In fact, the afternoon reception vs the late evening reception is the thing that differentiates Sikh Punjabi culture from Hindu Punjabi culture. Everywhere, as I say, except Canada.

It's been tradition that girls side hosts the reception, but nowadays some people are splitting the cost. But I don't agree with the girls side hosting it as its hell of a lot of expense. This is total inequality and I don't know where it started from.

Long story short you can have any number of wedding events if your parents can afford or are willing to spend.

I don't see anything wrong in spending by girls side coz Punjabi+low-class+low-caste never share inheritance with female siblings.

So wedding is the best time to show you care for your daughter & sister.

More like waste the money, when it could just been given to the girl for her future.

[MisterrSingh]

Regarding the dance issue, my thoughts are that an Amritdhari couple who possess a particular mindset won't be pontificating over a first dance or anything of that nature. That's not me being a killjoy or promoting religious austerity.

[jkvlondon]

Long story short you can have any number of wedding events if your parents can afford or are willing to spend.

I don't see anything wrong in spending by girls side coz Punjabi+low-class+low-caste never share inheritance with female siblings.

So wedding is the best time to show you care for your daughter & sister.

excuse me ? lets see trad punjabi attitude:

wedding costs girl's family

transfer of wealth in form of daaj : girl's family

birth of children, saggan and then gifts for the boy's family : girl's family

Visits by boy's side gifts expected for parents: girl family

marriage of female grandchildren: wedding outfit and jewellery: maternal family

so then pressure is wholly on girl's family that is why PUNJABI'S have a TRADITION of killing their female children - it is not a new phenomena Guru Ji spoke against it in all his dehs .

Guru Gobind SIngh ji's hukam is :

No daaj or gifts should be asked or given in marriage of a sikh - if it is requested even implied you're are not his SIKH

The girl's parents should be free of burden of society expectations - sikh Tradition is saggan of sava rupee alone on chunni chadiye and the boy's family accepts the Kaur in the clothes she stands in on the wedding day

The Boy's parents show their love by providing for her every need from the get go -

This whole gifting huge amounts of clothes and jewllery to multiple members of boy's family and girl's family is in reality a burden on both families and is pointless as it cancels each other out , My feeling is that the exchange or Dastars between the heads of the family and maybe Siri Sahib to both children from either side is more in keeping with Guru ji's teachings, if one has to give , give Gurbani to either side

[singhbj singh]

Ooooh. Lets see if we can't help you to see :

• Its the major cause of debt in rural Punjab
• That debt is then the major cause of suicide in Punjab
• Punjab has an epidemic problem of suicide (caused by debt which itself was mostly caused by borrowing for lavish wedding)
• Its not a new problem. The British introduced the Punjab Land Act specifically to exclude Hindu moneylenders from aquiring Punjab land through foreclosure as in other parts of India farmers were borrowing and getting themselves into unmanageable debt in order to pay for their daughters marriage.

Can you now "see" ?

Forget about others how much money did your in-laws spend on your wedding ?

And how much did your parents spend on your sisters wedding ?

Reality is "Bhukhe nange nu koi kuri nahin denda ta nahin lenda"

Save the BS & hypocrisy for your kids.

Nobody is forcing anyone to marry there daughter to a British/American/Canadian or a IAS/Doctor/Engineer.

Why not find a groom from similar poor background ?