What About The Women In Sikhism?

[InderjitS]

Dear Friends, I am a westerner sikh trying very hard to follow this religion so I can achieve union with God. I first learned about this religion at school in Religious studies. I was very impressed and since then I wanted to become a sikh and lead a spiritual life. I have noticed while men can leave home and join a place where they can receive spiritual instructions by a Sant or a Master, women have no such place or places to go to. My question is, are there any women who feel like joining/starting a community like a christian 'convent' where women can concentrate on their spiritual development and progress in isolation like the sikh men can do? I have a christian background and I saw many women joining the convents when they were called by God to dedicate their lives to his service. It did not appeal to me at all at the time. I thought how awful!! Now that I have become a sikh for the past five years I find that is exactly what I need to do, to join a community where women can dedicate their lives towards God and make progress spiritually.

I think a life in convent prepares a person to develop a special kind of relationship with God. The nuns there know why they have entered it. It gives them a clear idea of what they want to do by entering the convent. Whereas, by becoming a sikh, I did not realize how difficult it would be to dedicate my life to God because we are always surrounded with people with so many different backgrounds and never understand what your aim in life is. I really need to be alone and among those that are like minded and seeking God in this life realizing that I may never be born again as a human next time. The chances are we may never come back again as humans for a long time. I am quite disheartened about this situation.

I definitely need a place where I can concentrate on God without distractions. I know some people might think it is odd for someone to think this way, but if you live with people who are walking the same path it helps to stay on the path. On the other hand, no matter how determined you are in what you are doing, there are people who will make fun of you and try to dissuade you from following your path with distractions and rude comments. And for someone like me who is a total beginner, it takes a lot of courage and confidence to come back on the path again after I have faced those that challenge me again and again, day in and day out. Even though sikhsim preaches to lead a householder's life we still find men wearing white clothes living in groups with their Master for spiritual instructions. Most Mahapurushas are single and live in sort of manastries, away from their families, why? Why have they not made any or the same provisions for women to do the same? Women also need to grow spiritually and have a special relationship with God to attain liberation.

Those Mahapursh' if indeed that's what they are, are extremely rare and were 'sent' to Earth for one purpose - to help people achieve salvation. They gave up everything in the pursuit of Naam including the Grihsti Jeevan.

There are more examples of Jeevan Mukht Singh's who live(d) a householders life than not, as this is what Guru Sahib ordained and themselves followed.

If you have an extreme thirst for Vaheguru you will automatically find like minded Sangat and there will no need to live in a dera. This can and should be achieved within married life.

[InderjitS]

Found another excellent post from Bhai Kulbir Singh that should help clear up matters:

Guru Sahib has given the Aagiya to his Gursikhs to adopt Gristh Jeevan. All our Guru Sahibaan with the exception of Siri Guru Harkishan Sahib jee were Grihsthi i.e. they were householders. They were married and had children. Siri Guru Harkishan Sahib was not married because He left this world at the tender age of 8.

Major Brahmgyani Gurmukhs of Guru Sahib's times were married e.g., Baba Buddha jee, Bhai Mardana jee, Bhai Bhagtu jee, Bhai Mani Singh jee etc. In the modern era, many Mahapurakhs were Gristhee e.g. Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh jee, Baba Attar Singh Reru Sahib wale, Sant Gurbachan Singh Bhindranwale etc. This proves that their Gristhee Jeevan was not an obstacle to their high spiritual life.

If we look at prophets of the Semitic tradition, we see that most prophets e.g. Moosa (Moses), Ibrahim (Abraham), Noah, Muhammad etc were married. The only exception seems to be Isa Masih (Jesus).

The old Rishi Munis of the Vedic civilization were all married and householders. First of all, the three deities of the Vedic or Hindu religion Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh had consorts. None of the prominent deities or Devtas and Rishis were without wives. The 7 foremost Rishis namely Kashyap (married to Aditi and father of the Devtas), Atri (married to Anusuya and father of famous Yogi Dattatreya), Vishishtha, Jamdagini (father of Parshuraam), Gautama (husband of Ahaliya), Bhardawaj, and Vishvamitra (one of his consorts was the famous beauty Menaka) were all married with children. The only major Rishi or Deity in Vedic tradition, who did not get married seems to be Dattatreya. Rama and Siri Krishna were all married and with children.

In olden days (not ancient times), spiritual aspirants of many traditions gave up their householders life to achieve their spiritual goals. It seems that the tradition of not getting married got very popular with Gautama Sidhhartha (later on Buddha) renouncing his wife Yashodhra and son Rahul and going out in search of solution to sorrow and way to find salvation. When he became the Buddha, he started the tradition of unmarried monks and later on monks of Hindu tradition too took up celibate life e.g. Shankracharya, Ramanuj, Madhvacharya and others of this tradition.

At the time of our Guru Sahibaan, the tradition of celibate monks was very popular but Guru Sahib did not adopt this way and discouraged His Sikhs from going this route. We hear all these horror stories of Catholic priests committing despicable acts of sexual abuse against their children and women. The reason behind this seems to be the fact that they try to swim against the current by not getting married. They don't have Naam and Gurbani that can help them control Kaam and they try to fight Kaam with their will power and it doesn't work. In olden days, the abodes that housed female nuns, and the infamous devadasi tradition resulted in massive sexual abuse of these poor women. They would have been much better off spiritually, had they been married.

In Gurmat, while Grishthee Jeevan is encouraged but it is not mandatory. In Gurmat such persons who have totally controlled Bikaars are allowed go the route of not getting married. Otherwise, it is wise to get married. In Gurmat, Gristhee jeevan is not considered an impediment to spiritual advancment. Actually, if one gets a good Gursikh partner, Gristhee jeevan can actually increase ones pace towards the spiritual goals. The house of a Gursikh householder becomes a Dharamshaala (Gurdwara Sahib) where two times in day, Sangat is done. Let's look at what Guru Sahib and Bhai Gurdaas jee has to say about Gristhee Jeevan:

ਮ: 5 ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਭੇਟਿਐ ਪੂਰੀ ਹੋਵੈ ਜੁਗਤਿ ॥
ਹਸੰਦਿਆ ਖੇਲੰਦਿਆ ਪੈਨੰਦਿਆ ਖਾਵੰਦਿਆ ਵਿਚੇ ਹੋਵੈ ਮੁਕਤਿ ॥2॥

Siri Guru jee says that when the Jeev meets the Satguru, he obtains from him the way of salvation. While laughing, playing, wearing clothes and eating food (reasonably good food), he obtains liberation or salvation. This Salok actually refers to the Gristhee life of a Gursikh and how he obtains liberation while living a householder's life. Why would one lead a life of an ascetic when one can be liberated as a Gristhee?


ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਕੀਰਤਨੁ ਕੇਵਲ ਬਖ੍ਹਾਨੁ ॥
ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤ ਮਹਿ ਸੋਈ ਨਿਰਬਾਨੁ ॥

Such householder who is always engaged in Kirtan and uttering Gurbani (and Naam), attains the Nirbaan (supreme spiritual goal) while being a householder.

ਜੈਸੇ ਸਰਿ ਸਰਿਤਾ ਸਕਲ ਮੈ ਸਮੁੰਦ੍ਰ ਬਡੋ
ਮੇਰ ਮੈ ਸੁਮੇਰ ਬਡੋ ਜਗਤੁ ਬਖਾਨ ਹੈ ॥
ਤਰਵਰ ਬਿਖੈ ਜੈਸੇ ਚੰਦਨ ਬਿਰਖੁ ਬਡੋ
ਧਾਤ ਮੈ ਕਨਕ ਅਤਿ ਉਤਮ ਕੈ ਮਾਨ ਹੈ ॥॥
ਪੰਛੀਅਨ ਮੈ ਹੰਸ ਮ੍ਰਿਗ ਰਾਜਨ ਮੈ ਸਾਰਦੂਲ
ਰਾਗਨ ਮੈ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਪਾਰਸ ਪਖਾਨ ਹੈ ॥
ਗਿਆਂਨਨ ਮੈ ਗਿਆਨੁ ਅਰੁ ਧਿਆਨਨ ਮੈ ਧਿਆਨ ਗੁਰ
ਸਕਲ ਧਰਮ ਮੈ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤੁ ਪ੍ਰਧਾਨ ਹੈ ॥376॥


1. Ocean is best out of all rivers and lakes (and other forms of water accumulation) and Meru is best out of all mountains.

2. Chandan is best out of all trees and Gold is considered to be most valuable out of metals.

3. Hans is the best amongst birds; amongst the Cat family Babbar-Sher (lion) is the best; Siri-Raag is best amongst Raags; Paaras is best amongs stones.

4. Out of all knowledges and meditaitons, Satguru's knowledge and mediation is best, same way, out of all Dharma, Gristhee Dharma is best.

In the above Kabit, Bhai Gurdaas jee has very forcefully preached that Gristhee Jeevan is the best out of other forms of Jeevan in the world including renouncing the world and becoming a Saniyaasi or an ascetic.


The Kabit below gives wonderful and very meaningful example of a married woman to explain that the Gristhee Jeevan of a Gursikh does not stain his (or her) spiritual life in any way. Please read it carefully:

ਜੈਸੇ ਪਤਿਬ੍ਰਤਾਕਉ ਪਵਿਤ੍ਰ ਘਰਿ ਵਾਤ ਨਾਤ
ਅਸਨ ਬਸਨ ਧਨ ਧਾਮ ਲੋਗਚਾਰ ਹੈ ॥
ਤਾਤ ਮਾਤ ਭ੍ਰਾਤ ਸੁਤ ਸੁਜਨ ਕੁਟੰਬ ਸਖਾ॥
ਸੇਵਾ ਗੁਰਜਨ ਸੁਖ ਅਭਰਨ ਸਿੰਗਾਰ ਹੈ ॥
ਕਿਰਤ ਬਿਰਤ ਪਰਸੂਤ ਮਲ ਮੂਤ੍ਰਧਾਰੀ॥
ਸਕਲ ਪਵਿਤ੍ਰ ਜੋਈ ਬਿਬਿਧਿ ਅਚਾਰ ਹੈ ॥
ਤੈਸੇ ਗੁਰਸਿਖਨ ਕਉ ਲੇਪੁ ਨ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤ ਮੈ
ਆਨ ਦੇਵ ਸੇਵ ਧ੍ਰਿਗੁ ਜਨਮੁ ਸੰਸਾਰ ਹੈ ॥483॥

1. As for a married woman, all her household works and enjoying worldly comforts e.g. bathing, using utensils and wealth of the house, and making use of other things of the house are acceptable.

2. She serves her relatives like mother-in-law, father-in-law, brothers-in-law and also enjoy comforts like wearing jewellery etc. (Same way Gursikhs fulfill their spiritual duties and also enjoy acceptable comforts of Gurmat).

3. While giving birth to a child she goes through rough time and afterwards too is involved in cleaning the excretions of the baby but despite doing all this work (considered to be dirty work) she is considered to be clean and sacred (Pavitter).

4. Same way, Gursikhs who live the life of householder, don't incur the dirt of Maya and cursed is the life of others who live worshipping other deities (other than Vaheguru).

In olden days, the spiritual aspirants used to renounce the world but then they used to come to the Gristhees to get food and shelter. Bhai Sahib has written a beautiful Kabit to condemn the practice of not adopting Gristhee life:



ਜੈਸੇ ਪ੍ਰਾਤ ਸਮੈ ਖਗੇ ਜਾਤ ਉਡਿ ਬਿਰਖ ਸੈ
ਬਹੁਰਿ ਆਇ ਬੈਠਤ ਬਿਰਖ ਹੀ ਮੈ ਆਇਕੈ ॥
ਚੀਟੀ ਚੀਟਾ ਬਿਲ ਸੈ ਨਿਕਸਿ ਧਰ ਗਵਨ ਕੈ
ਬਹੁਰਿਓ ਪੈਸਤ ਜੈਸੇ ਬਿਲ ਹੀ ਮੈ ਜਾਇਕੈ ॥
ਲਰਕੈ ਲਰਿਕਾ ਰੂਠਿ ਜਾਤ ਤਾਤ ਮਾਤ ਸਨ
ਭੂਖ ਲਾਗੈ ਤਿਆਗੈ ਹਠ ਆਵੈ ਪਛੁਤਾਇ ਕੈ ॥
ਤੈਸੇ ਗ੍ਰਿਹ ਤਿਆਗਿ ਭਾਗਿ ਜਾਤ ਉਦਾਸ ਬਾਸ
ਆਸਰੋ ਤਕਤ ਪੁਨਿ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤ ਕੋ ਧਾਇਕੈ ॥548

1. As, during morning time birds fly away from the trees (they live on) to find food, but at evening time they have to come back on the same trees to rest.

2. As, the ants and other insects, leave their abodes (burrow) in search of food but then have to come back to their burrows at night time.

3. As, boys and girls, get upset and fight with their parent and leave their parent's house but when they get hungry later on, they come back to their parents house.

4. Same way, many people renounce their households and wander around but then they too have to look towards Gristhees (householders) for support (of food, shelter etc.).

The above Kabit proves tha Saniyasi jeevan is inferior to Gristhee jeevan because Saniyaasi jeevan is not self-sufficient but has to be supported by Gristhees. A Gursikh who is a working householder, leads a self-sufficient life.

In the end, it is safe to assume that a Gursikh can reach the highest pinnacles of spirituality while being a householder. While it is not mandatory to be a Gristhee, it is definitely preferred in Gurmat to lead a Gristhee life. Some very famous Gurmukhs like Sant Attar Singh jee Mastuanewale probably had a mandate from Dargah to do Parchaar of Sikhi and be involved in this doing day and night. It is acceptable for such great souls to not get married but most Gursikhs should not risk not getting married according to Gurmat and risking wasting their life if they are unable to swim against the current. Gurmat Gristhee Jeevan is a blessing from Guru Sahib whereby a house becomes a Dharamshaala where Sangat takes place everyday. Such house is like Sachkhand where the whole family gets up at Amritvela and chants the true Naam and then gathers in the evening to do Siri Rehraas Sahib.

Daas,
Kulbir Singh

[singhbj singh]

Here is a woman Saint

http://www.uniquehomejalandhar.com/unique-home.php

Don't know whether they have a Volunteer program.

According to me Unique Home should welcome Women Volunteers.

It could be for a day, week or month but in an organised manner.

Many females across the globe can benefit from this experience.

[simran345]

Good post paji Singhbj, indeed a present day Saint, Bibi Prakash Kaur Ji is, as Bhagat Puran Singh Ji was for Pingalwara.

Details of volunteering are in the following links:

http://www.uniquehomeforgirls.org/get-involved/

https://m.facebook.com/uniquehome/

[singhbj singh]

Bhein ji females born n brought up abroad lack compassion. They are not groomed to be loving-caring wives, daughter/sister in-laws & mothers. So it would be good for single Bibis to learn from Unique Home volunteer experience.

There is a big need for Sikh Finishing School for Bibis.

[simran345]

Bhein ji females born n brought up abroad lack compassion. They are not groomed to be loving-caring wives, daughter/sister in-laws & mothers. So it would be good for single Bibis to learn from Unique Home volunteer experience.

There is a big need for Sikh Finishing School for Bibis.

Im sorry but I think females born and brought up abroad do have compassion, and there are many that do charity work. This same comment could be applied to females of India too.

I think it all depends on upbringing and the environment one is in, ones karm and Wahegurus grace.

But the girls that have been abandoned at Unique homes are from India, and men would have also played a part to it, because they are girls or whatever reasons their parents had to give them up for. I think it's not about grooming but educating that girls are not lower than boys, but equal and have morals and values as the Gurus would have wanted them to be. Compassion applies to both men and women.

ਸਲੋਕੁ ਮਃ ੧ ॥

सलोकु मः १ ॥

Salok mėhlā 1.

Slok 1st Guru.

ਦਇਆ ਕਪਾਹ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਸੂਤੁ ਜਤੁ ਗੰਢੀ ਸਤੁ ਵਟੁ ॥

दइआ कपाह संतोखु सूतु जतु गंढी सतु वटु ॥

Ḏa▫i▫ā kapāh sanṯokẖ sūṯ jaṯ gandẖī saṯ vat.

Make compassion the cotton contentment the thread, continence the knot and truth the twist.

ਏਹੁ ਜਨੇਊ ਜੀਅ ਕਾ ਹਈ ਤ ਪਾਡੇ ਘਤੁ ॥

एहु जनेऊ जीअ का हई त पाडे घतु ॥

Ėhu jane▫ū jī▫a kā ha▫ī ṯa pāde gẖaṯ.

This is the sacred thread of the soul and if thou hast it, O Brahman then, put it on me.

ਨਾ ਏਹੁ ਤੁਟੈ ਨ ਮਲੁ ਲਗੈ ਨਾ ਏਹੁ ਜਲੈ ਨ ਜਾਇ ॥

ना एहु तुटै न मलु लगै ना एहु जलै न जाइ ॥

Nā ehu ṯutai nā mal lagai nā ehu jalai na jā▫e.

If breaks not, nor it is soiled with filth nor it is burnt, nor lost.

ਧੰਨੁ ਸੁ ਮਾਣਸ ਨਾਨਕਾ ਜੋ ਗਲਿ ਚਲੇ ਪਾਇ ॥

धंनु सु माणस नानका जो गलि चले पाइ ॥

Ḏẖan so māṇas nānkā jo gal cẖale pā▫e.

Blessed are the mortals, O Nanak, who go wearing such a thread on their neck.

ਚਉਕੜਿ ਮੁਲਿ ਅਣਾਇਆ ਬਹਿ ਚਉਕੈ ਪਾਇਆ ॥

चउकड़ि मुलि अणाइआ बहि चउकै पाइआ ॥

Cẖa▫ukaṛ mul aṇā▫i▫ā bahi cẖa▫ukai pā▫i▫ā.

Thou buyest and bringest a thread for four shells and seated in an enclosure, putest it on.

ਸਿਖਾ ਕੰਨਿ ਚੜਾਈਆ ਗੁਰੁ ਬ੍ਰਾਹਮਣੁ ਥਿਆ ॥

सिखा कंनि चड़ाईआ गुरु ब्राहमणु थिआ ॥

Sikẖā kann cẖaṛā▫ī▫ā gur barāhmaṇ thi▫ā.

The Brahman becomes religious preceptor and whispers instructions into the ears.

ਓਹੁ ਮੁਆ ਓਹੁ ਝੜਿ ਪਇਆ ਵੇਤਗਾ ਗਇਆ ॥੧॥

ओहु मुआ ओहु झड़ि पइआ वेतगा गइआ ॥१॥

Oh mu▫ā oh jẖaṛ pa▫i▫ā veṯgā ga▫i▫ā. ||1||

(But) that man dies and the sacrificial thread falls and the soul departs without the thread.

SGGS Ang 471

?? Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji

[singhbj singh]

Bhein ji then why isn't there any woman like Parupkari Bibi Prakash Kaur abroad ?

Nor any Parupkari babas !

[simran345]

Bhein ji then why isn't there any woman like Parupkari Bibi Prakash Kaur abroad ?

Nor any Parupkari babas !

Paji, Same reason as why are there fake pakhandi babas in India and abroad?

U.K. has social services and government organisations etc to deal with issues like Unique Home.

But you said the girls here need to learn something, what about the girls in India?

It applies to both India and abroad. As you can see the penji in the video is doing sewa, without anything in return and she's from UK.

We also have Ravinder Singh of Khalsa Aid, few langar seva societies, such as Midlands Langar Sewa Society that help homeless people here and in India, and they encourage people to do the seva themselves, Kulwant Singh of Roko Cancer.

There are many parupkari Gupt people here, one just needs to see who they are.

ਵਿਦਿਆ ਵੀਚਾਰੀ ਤਾਂ ਪਰਉਪਕਾਰੀ ॥

विदिआ वीचारी तां परउपकारी ॥

viḏi▫ā vīcẖārī ṯāʼn par▫upkārī.

If thou art to deliberate over thy knowledge, only then wilt thou become the benefactor of all.

SGGS Ang 356

?? Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji

[singhbj singh]

Bhein ji girls in India see their mothers taking care of Grandparents whereas abroad most mothers are working or stay in nuclear family setup.

Environment is such that everyone has to fend for themselves so it is futile to seek compassion.

Therefore exposure to Unique Home is good for them.

[jkvlondon]

Bhein ji girls in India see their mothers taking care of Grandparents whereas abroad most mothers are working or stay in nuclear family setup.

Environment is such that everyone has to fend for themselves so it is futile to seek compassion.

Therefore exposure to Unique Home is good for them.

that is a very narrow view of sikh girls and women , do you not think if a mother works but yet take s her daughter to do sewa , talk about itihaasic and current bibian who are epitomes of sikhi that they will not be inspired to do more ? it is not all black and white indian good, videsh bad , there are a lot more SInghnian sabat surat in videsh than in India and they don't have a problem in articulating SIkhi to people who don't know about it .