30 Day Going Sober Blog

[KhoonKaBadlaKhoon]

No one can make you drink anyways, if you stand your ground and show your friends you are serious, they'll stop asking. Usually they think "this guys not even serious" or "whos he kidding" and keep asking. Ive been on both ends myself. Really emphasize it to them.

Gurmukhi isnt really that hard bro, shouldnt take long if you dedciate yourself to it. Then of course, practice makes perfect.

[dallysingh101]

Nah I don't know Gurmukhi, I was looking to just read english translations at first and then start learning gurmukhi. Is gurmukhi a difficult language to learn? And how long do you think it would take for me to get to grips with it?

There are modern ways to learn it that are a lot faster than the traditional way that I learned. If you've been around spoken Panjabi you could learn the letters and vowel symbols and be reading words and sentences within 6 months I reckon. I had a mixed-raced relative who couldn't speak or understand any Panjabi at all and he learned the whole alphabet and was reading basic words and sentences over two summer holidays.

I get asked this a lot by the way, so I put all my advice in a thread on another forum ages ago (so I didn't have to keep typing out the same stuff!). Here it is, in case you ever need it.

http://www.sikhawareness.com/topic/14814-learning-to-read-write-gurmukhipanjabi-tips-on-getting-started/

[simran345]

Paji make sure you try to go to the Gurdwara today to Basics of Sikhi event and it's Gurpurab too, so make the most of it and enjoy it.

[sikhni777]

Here is a book which will dissolve all your doubts about sikhi. It is also written by a person who was a manmukh, with cut hair (in fact he was born in a hindu family) - he changed and became a Gurmukh.

This book definitely changed my thinking and all doubts I had about sikhi.

http://www.gurukhoj.com/eBooks/Autobiography-Bhai-Rama-Singh-Ji.pdf

A piece from this book, advising against visiting night clubs, pubs and the like places.

As I started going to the night‐clubs, my mind started getting soiled. I started engaging in relationships with girls. I tried very hard to stop myself but was unable to. The bliss I got from reciting Sukhmani Sahib slowly decreased. When my boss would go to the parties, I would take a walk in the garden and recite 'Haaray Rama'. However, I did not get as much spiritual contentment as I did before. I thought to myself, "Why am I not getting any blissful contentment these days? Surely, I have committed some sin." My mind became so soiled that I did not even feel like reciting a single Sukhmani Sahib Paatth. Yet, I used to recite many Paatths in a day. I thought, "I am the same person, the Sukhmani Sahib is the same; then why is my mind wandering in all directions?" One day, while reciting the prayer, my mind paused on a verse: "One, whose eyes do not gaze upon the beauty of others' wives, who serves the Holy and loves the Saintly' Congregation." (SGGS p. 274) I realised that I had made a big mistake by indulging in immoral relationships with women. That was why I was not getting any satisfaction from reciting Bani anymore. I prayed repeatedly to the Lord but my wandering mind would not stay on Gurbani. Those who go to night‐clubs, discos and pubs are bound to get their minds soiled. Those places are like rooms full of soot. Whoever goes into such a place even once, is bound to come out with his or her face and body blackened (Here, Bhai Sahib is pointing to the lasting spiritual and psychological damage done by immoral living and pornography. Those who indulge in "night life" in the name of modernity are unwittingly doing incalculable damage to their spiritual well‐being and family life).

[Guest]

Good for you for going! That's what you have to do! Don't care for what the people are gonna say. I know people that you can meet who used to do weed, cocaine, hash, acid, knives etc and then out of nowhere they have become a gursikh amritdhari. For the first couple of years people doubted these people but 20 years + they are still amritdhari and still in sikhi. My point is that those people didn't care about people and they still have the love for sikhi! You do the same! Don't care about the people!

[dallysingh101]

DAY 15 - 16/01/2016

I had a good nights sleep last night and woke up fresh and positive. I continued my healthy eating this morning and got a few things done around the house which I've been meaning to do for ages but never have because I'm usually hung over on a weekend. I started getting phone calls this afternoon about this meal thing for my mate tomorrow and I'm not sure if i feel like going. This afternoon was bit of a drag, I need to find something to fill my time on weekends because a lot of the time, I feel like drinking or going out when I'm bored.

I did some weight training at home this evening, showered up and went to the Basics of Sikhi event. I was in 2 minds about going all day, I didnt want to go on my own and I didnt want to see certain stuck up people who would judge me for being there. Anyways I thought to myself that Ive come across bigger and badder people than minors like that so I should man up and go! I also remembered reading Simran345s post advising me to go so i got there in the end.I walked into the Gurdwara and went to take my shoes off, one of the first people I see looked at me as if 'whats he doing there'. I shook his hand anyway and moved past to take my shoes off and with a smirk on his face he asked me 'someone forced you to come here'. I just replied no I came out of choice, went upstairs and sat and listened to the programme. The programme itself was good, I enjoyed it although I kind of got distracted into thinking what certain others were saying or thinking about me. It would have been nice to meet the actual team but I just couldn't be around that kind of judgmental sangat so I just came home. I really enjoyed the katha and wish there was more of it on a weekly basis

Singh, your post warmed me up on this dreary, freezing Saturday night..

Good on you brother.

[simran345]

DAY 15 - 16/01/2016

I had a good nights sleep last night and woke up fresh and positive. I continued my healthy eating this morning and got a few things done around the house which I've been meaning to do for ages but never have because I'm usually hung over on a weekend. I started getting phone calls this afternoon about this meal thing for my mate tomorrow and I'm not sure if i feel like going. This afternoon was bit of a drag, I need to find something to fill my time on weekends because a lot of the time, I feel like drinking or going out when I'm bored.

I did some weight training at home this evening, showered up and went to the Basics of Sikhi event. I was in 2 minds about going all day, I didnt want to go on my own and I didnt want to see certain stuck up people who would judge me for being there. Anyways I thought to myself that Ive come across bigger and badder people than minors like that so I should man up and go! I also remembered reading Simran345s post advising me to go so i got there in the end.I walked into the Gurdwara and went to take my shoes off, one of the first people I see looked at me as if 'whats he doing there'. I shook his hand anyway and moved past to take my shoes off and with a smirk on his face he asked me 'someone forced you to come here'. I just replied no I came out of choice, went upstairs and sat and listened to the programme. The programme itself was good, I enjoyed it although I kind of got distracted into thinking what certain others were saying or thinking about me. It would have been nice to meet the actual team but I just couldn't be around that kind of judgmental sangat so I just came home. I really enjoyed the katha and wish there was more of it on a weekly basis

Well done Paji for taking that step. If you want to do something, then do it if it's for your benefit. You will get people trying to judge you or stop your progress, but that's part of your journey towards the change. And that will actually be the test to see how you cope with it and that you if you are really sincere and devoted towards changing.

Never mind the smirks and judgemental views of the guys. You had every right to be there as them, as you are going for your Guruji who is the one that will help you and for yourself. Nobody has a right to stop you. If you imagine those people that judge you, were not there. Would you have been more confident in going? The answer will probably be yes. So instead of avoiding them, just imagine they are not there and only Guruji can judge you. People will be irritating on purpose as they are insecure themselves, but should be supporting you.

Guruji is Ang-sang, they are with you, so nobody can get in the way, when you devote yourself to them.

Don't worry about not getting to meet the team, maybe next time. They wouldn't have judged you. The judgemental Sangat you talk about should actually be looking at themselves and not others. Nobody is perfect, you never know how many weaknesses they may have hidden.

Well done again, hope you enjoyed it Paji.

[Guest]

I congratulate you for sticking to your guns brother! The temptation was there but you pushed it aside and defeated it this time!

I recommend not to hang out with those guys anymore cause they will put much more pressure next time if there is a next time. Bad sangat will want to make more bad sangat and they will try harder. Making new friends is easy! Go to the gym or do a hobby and you can make friends there.

[dallysingh101]

OP,

Be prepared for a backlash too. People are funny. Some of them might be forced to contemplate their lifestyles because of what you are doing and this 'dissonance' often leads to anger and resentment.

Instead of change, people may exert extra pressure on you to resume your old lifestyle now that they've seen you making efforts to quit. Really though it's about them not wanting to feel bad about themselves.

You've been warned! lol

[simran345]

Again, well done Paji. Wow you resisted the temptation within all those people too. Now just keep up the flow that you practised yesterday and keep the mind stable. When your mind becomes tempted, that's when you need to be asking Waheguru for help. Simply by calling for them, Waheguru and remind yourself why are you doing this. Keep reminding yourself you will feel worse and regret it if you give in.

I agree with Singh123456777 Paji, you need to keep away from that sort of company and peer group pressure, where the temptation is there until you are strong enough to deal with it properly. Friends come and go in ones life, they aren't going to be there in your worst times for you, only the rare ones will be, so maybe it's time for change in that area too.

As Dally Paji says they are not happy with your change as its not them. It's because they are weak in saying no themselves and they think it's a cool manly thing to be drinking and drugs. Which it is not, it only brings negative effects, nothing else. There's other ways to have a good time, but one just has to have the patience to adjust to the change, which i think you can do.

Like you said, you felt good coming back sober and not waking up to a hangover for work. You shouldn't be doing that, as it will affect your work and also your day when at the end after work.

Yes, Dally Paji is right, You've been warned, by yesterday.

But hey, putting aside the temptations, boredom bits etc, doesn't it feel good to say NO? You didn't give in to your mind and take that as your motivation, that Waheguru graced you to do that.

As well as doing the practical things, don't forget to listen to Gurbani and shabads.