Why Our So Many Sikh Men Mama Boys

[sikhstudent99 28]

I have noticed that less sikhs males are being raised as men an more are being raised as mama boys

Alot of sikh guys have bin raised as men

But at the same time there our sikh mama boys who need mommy to wash there cloth cook there meals an clean after them an wont move away from home cause they cant get the financing for a new house

There is a difference between a man who takes care of his loved once an a mama boy who needs his parents to take care of him

Compared to seventy years ago sikh men are bein raised to be very soft

[stingers12 65]

and there is a lot of girls gold diģging,

[sikhni777 841]

There is a difference between a man who takes care of his loved once an a mama boy who needs his parents to take care of him

OUr neighbours who are Hindu - their wife keeps on complaining about her husband being a mama's boy. He does not live with them but is totally unable to deal with his own problems. He runs back to living with his mum who just uses him to get all her odd jobs done.

So I doubt it is a Sikh thing.

It could be the mums to blame. Perhaps they are thinking about their own safety in not letting the boys become independent. It is a culture thing too, originating in India where children just live their parents for co-benefit.

The tough financial times also dictate the living styles of people.

Seventy years ago, children were allowed to develop freely mentally, physically and emotionally. Now we have just drugged them with - info through the education system, TV, mobile phones and internet. Constant critism to model to certain social norms and manners has crippled creativity raising weaker adults with lesser practical skills and confidence. The Idependent spirit is slowly being killed.

[MisterrSingh 5,228]

Balance is essential. As a guy, if you can't take care of yourself (basic survival skills within the context of our first world existence) and generally are unable to keep an eye on the finer details of your life, then you're basically a man-child.

Of course, you'll get devious individuals using this "mama's boy" accusation to spur weak men into neglecting their duties towards their elders, usually by wives who want to turf their husband's parents into an old people's home when they need care, lmao. But God forbid her brother's wife should suggest the same for her own parents! Unsurprisingly, the irony of the situation and the double standards are entirely lost on her.

In summary, be self-sufficient; don't wait for someone to come along and do stuff for you. It's embarrassing and not becoming of a Sikh to be helpless or lazy. Equally, don't allow devious individuals to label you in ways that guilt you into neglecting your responsibilities.

[jkvlondon 5,858]

OUr neighbours who are Hindu - their wife keeps on complaining about her husband being a mama's boy. He does not live with them but is totally unable to deal with his own problems. He runs back to living with his mum who just uses him to get all her odd jobs done.

So I doubt it is a Sikh thing.

It could be the mums to blame. Perhaps they are thinking about their own safety in not letting the boys become independent. It is a culture thing too, originating in India where children just live their parents for co-benefit.

The tough financial times also dictate the living styles of people.

Seventy years ago, children were allowed to develop freely mentally, physically and emotionally. Now we have just drugged them with - info through the education system, TV, mobile phones and internet. Constant critism to model to certain social norms and manners has crippled creativity raising weaker adults with lesser practical skills and confidence. The Idependent spirit is slowly being killed.

why is it always the MUM's fault how about the Mama Boy she's probably married to, and the Saas constantly gearing everything to her way of thinking ? Hindu culture is the culture of mindless, slavelike following of traditions which no longer serve... As long as SIKHS as a whole keep creeping that nonsense back into their family lives they will NEVER be free-thinking sikhs just sikh-wannabes... Sikh mothers bring up their kids as no nonsense, hardworking, truthful, ethical warriors both male and females . Meeting a true sikh mother or daughter is like a breath of fresh air because she is an independent self-autonomous person who is fearless in the face of the gossipers and status quo preachers.

I would be ashamed if my sons EVER told me I need to get married because i need help with my household duties ; in our house everyone pulls their weight and cooks, cleans and works in their age-appropriate manner. I have been known to use the admonishment that you are grown men with facial hair , if you were at the time of Gurus yu would be expected to head the household, fight the wars - act your look.

[sikhni777 841]

So how old are your sons. You seem to be doing a wonderful job.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

I have noticed that less sikhs males are being raised as men an more are being raised as mama boys

Alot of sikh guys have bin raised as men

But at the same time there our sikh mama boys who need mommy to wash there cloth cook there meals an clean after them an wont move away from home cause they cant get the financing for a new house

There is a difference between a man who takes care of his loved once an a mama boy who needs his parents to take care of him

Compared to seventy years ago sikh men are bein raised to be very soft

I don't know much about it; however, from what I've seen in Punjabi culture they seem to respect their mothers, (as well as fathers) more than other groups do. I don't think it's a dependence thing but rather as a sign of love. Most people are probably not soft, but acknowledge the need for elders advice for going on into the future. It's a generic Punjabi trait rather than one of just Sikhs. Hindu Punjabis are probably more align with this system as they have a very different religion from us which believes in the inequality of men and women and routinely prevent female empowerment and progress.

[jkvlondon 5,858]

So how old are your sons. You seem to be doing a wonderful job.

eldest is 19 twins will be 17 in March little sis is 8 this coming month .... They look after her as well ..in fact They ran the house while my husband and I went out of the country for 20th wedding anniversary , that included cooking and taking her to and from school making her packed lunches and spending family time with her ...

some friends were quite taken aback about the type of conversations I have with them ...this includes drugs, girls ,sex, relationships,careers, their mistakes everything ...I've always lived the truth and I expect them to , too so they will come to me with all their dilemmas in the knowledge I will give fair listening and talk about both sides of everything ...leaving them to decide which consequences they are willing to incur . Sure I hold back on judgement sometimes but then they realise what I warned comes to pass and that has built mutual respect. After all they are their own persons , not my kids but Akal Purakh's ...

[Jonny101 4,391]

We dont look to western sense of being a man. In our culture loving your parents and being close to them throughout life is a good quality in a man. even today in India we are given examples of ideal sons like Sarvan Kumar who was a devoted son till his last moments. In our culture, no matter how big you get, even if you become a great King or Saint you will always be a child for your mother. Even in Islamic culture loving your mother is considered a virtuous quality of a faithful Muslim. Prophet Muhammad said Jannat can be found in the feet of one's mother.

We dont subscribe to western notions of being a "man". For them a so called man is a detached emotionless terminator robot guy who feels no sense of love or belonging to his family. Thats why you will notice western kids feel embarrassed to be seen with their parents. You think we should look up to such a culture? Never!

[jkvlondon 5,858]

We dont look to western sense of being a man. In our culture loving your parents and being close to them throughout life is a good quality in a man. even today in India we are given examples of ideal sons like Sarvan Kumar who was a devoted son till his last moments. In our culture, no matter how big you get, even if you become a great King or Saint you will always be a child for your mother. Even in Islamic culture loving your mother is considered a virtuous quality of a faithful Muslim. Prophet Muhammad said Jannat can be found in the feet of one's mother.

We dont subscribe to western notions of being a "man". For them a so called man is a detached emotionless terminator robot guy who feels no sense of love or belonging to his family. Thats why you will notice western kids feel embarrassed to be seen with their parents. You think we should look up to such a culture? Never!

incorrect if sikh sons were like those examples you mention they would put their mother's wishes above their dharam which we have examples that is NOT true , remember the sakhi of the Singh youth who was about to be executed and he refused to obey his mother's wishes for him to denounce his sikhi to save his life , in the end she outright lies and he denounces her as his mother and as a Sikh ... THIS IS THE SIKH WE SHOULD STRIVE TO BE

[InderjitS 1,244]

I'm more concerned about men who are NOT men in front of their wives and households where the Bibian make decisions on behalf of the man, he instead cowers into the shadows and has no balls to stand up for his convictions. Many a time in my life I have seen this cause untold splits in families.

[MisterrSingh 5,228]

I'm more concerned about men who are NOT men in front of their wives and households where the Bibian make decisions on behalf of the man, he instead cowers into the shadows and has no balls to stand up for his convictions. Many a time in my life I have seen this cause untold splits in families.

Unfortunately, people who are against a Sikh man standing up to his lady wife also seem to believe that a man being firm entails him smacking her around or repressing her existence, emotionally or otherwise. It's like they can't fathom the idea that a man can be strong and forthright without being a boorish tyrant who throws his weight around in ways that don't result in physical violence. You'll find that kind of pre-emptive "scare tactics" used particularly in the West on males in the Sikh diaspora is why many males are afraid of speaking up against their women.

In a way, it's the responsibility of the father to give his son the necessary tools to navigate married life. If the father himself is subdued by his missus, the son has no chance, unless he's particularly bright and realises that he won't be doing things that way. I use to think this was a strictly overseas phenomena (Sikh male unable to put his missus right), but I'm hearing there's considerably similar things going on back home as well. That's quite surprising, to me at least.

[Jonny101 4,391]

incorrect if sikh sons were like those examples you mention they would put their mother's wishes above their dharam which we have examples that is NOT true , remember the sakhi of the Singh youth who was about to be executed and he refused to obey his mother's wishes for him to denounce his sikhi to save his life , in the end she outright lies and he denounces her as his mother and as a Sikh ... THIS IS THE SIKH WE SHOULD STRIVE TO BE

Sarvan Kumar was not an adharmi fellow. He was here during treta yug when men still mostly followed Dharm. He served his parents devotedly. Even today his examples are cited of how a son should be.

Being a good son does not mean you cannot be Dharmi. All of our Gurus and Bhagat Sahibaan were ideal sons. Look at Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee when he fed the hungery saadhus. Baba Kalu jee was angry and even hit Guru Sahub. But Guru Sahib never got angry at his father for hitting him. Compare this with today's western youth who would probably flip into a wild temper tantrum and start breaking the furniture in the house in retaliation.

If parents ask you to do something against Gurmat then of course you will disagree because Guru Sahib comes first. But disagreement should happen respectfully as shown by Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee with Baba Kalu jee.

A Singh I know who does Bhagti told me that a Sikh who yells at his parents in krodh will lose almost all his kamai(spiritual gains) because Guru Sahib disapproves a person who misbehaves with his parents.

[Ranjeet01 2,353]

I sometimes wonder what is meant by being a momma's boy.

In some ways every Sikh male is a momma's boy. The mother-son relationship is a unique special relationship. The mother is placed upon a pedestal, because they give birth.

However, a mother was a female way before they even became a mother. That means that they will have all the virtues and flaws of female-hood.

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

[MisterrSingh 5,228]

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

Awesome questions, and I'm pleased someone on here is thinking along these lines.

Speaking purely from my perspective, having been raised by a single mother (my old man passed away when I was a child; he wasn't old at all, hehe), my mother's Gursikhi helped her in many, many respects. She's actually more of a Singh than any Singh I've ever met in my life. Her psyche consists of what one would consider inherently positive masculine qualities (not prone to gossip; a mind that grasps the bigger picture instead of fixating on small, inconseqential trivialities; encouraging self-sufficiency and mental strength without losing one's compassion, etc), so in that respect I've been very fortunate.

In short, it is absolutely possible for a woman to raise a "man". She just needs to have the various tools at her disposal to achieve that feat. For my mum, those tools came through her Sikhi. That's one of the primary reasons i advocate the universal aspects of Sikhi (as opposed to the Punjabiyat way of viewing existence) because I've seen Sikhi at work in my life for decades, and it's the real deal. Not just lip service, dekhava, or dressing up and lauding it over others, but genuine living and breathing it, come rain or shine.