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Guest bibi

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Sikh Sangat Ji, Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ke Fateh!

I shall try my best to put into the smallest amount of words what I am looking for and why.

As a person, I had never been in touch with my emotions, nor did I ever consider this an omission in my life. With Guru's Kirpa, I was given the ability to really understand my emotions, and I began to develop, in all directions. This was an unimaginable experience for me, but at the time, of course, I didn't stop to think of how incredible I felt, because it felt so natural and real. This probably lasted for a month or two. And that may sound short, well, it indeed does, but I was in chardikala! Time wasn't on my mind!

Unfortunately everything went downhill, and I experienced the worst period of my life yet. I went from having 15 years of an average life, to a month of amazing realisations, to the worst year possible. I could write pages about all of this but that is pointless right now. It has been over a year now and I've only improved a bit in that I am not as numb and negative about life, but a bit, means a bit.

I am amritdhari and as far as I can remember I haven't enjoyed myself at the Gurdwara, or willingly gone, in months. I haven't done any paath in months, probably over a year, except the rare occasion. I just can't bring myself to do anything, really.

Being stuck in this limbo phase is something unimaginable, just like the time I was enjoying my life. Having experienced such chardikala (of which I am sure was just the beginning) I am gutted that I can't seem to get back there. For over a year now I don't understand how I will ever get back there. Everything has just worsened. Additionally, I am not close to any of my family nor do I have Sikh friends. I have a couple of close-ish friends, although I have realised that as I've been trying to 'get back up' I have basically just been letting myself get influenced by them and their thoughts; things that I would never ask myself or things that I would say "Why waste your time thinking about or doing that when you could be practising Kirtan, doing paath, practising Gurbani Santhiya!

Writing this now I barely feel a thing. Thinking about the good times has definitely improved my mood, but it isn't enough. Pleaseeeeeeee please please, just write any of your thoughts. Your advice, opinions, experience, anything. Please. I am ready to get back up, slowly and steadily.

I don't mean to offend anyone or come across as dramatic but I am quite all over the place so please don't pick at everything I say.

Bhul chuk maaf

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Guest guest same situation

I know how you feel. When life becomes unbearable we do all sorts of things and think of deep thoughts. I know this from experience all you have when you are totally lost and isolated is Maharaj. You get to a point when you give up on everyone and everything sometimes even Rehat. I did. Somedays you really struggle. Think of it as Maharaj reminding us we are human. I spent my life on point with God's grace. Didn't step out of line until the whole world turned upside down and so on. I did the most reckless and unimaginable things. Doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person. I mean me, not calling you 'bad' or manmat at all. I punished myself for the bad things. Then I gradually realised it's a way of dealing when we're in not such a good place. I don't know what made you upset but I can relate to it in a different way. Think of Guru Ji and Sahibzade and all the shaheeds. When I lose the will I just sit and think of inspirational stories. Sometimes even that doesn't help and sometimes it feels like God doesn't listen to Ardas and Paath and I get impatient but atleast when we die we can say we tried. Atleast when we die we know we are good and wouldn't hurt anyone. We can only try our best. I've taught myself this year that it's totally okay to not be perfect. I've gone off your topic a bit but I am also all over the place. Most days I have that same feeling. Find myself staring into air. I'm amritdhari but question life everyday. Like what's the point doing this and that when all we get is hurt and broken. Even though I know that answer to that as Gurbani says 'give us strength to see past bad times' Aukhi ghari na dekhan dey. Even though I know what the Gursikhs preach it sometimes feels that because God isn't the end user of his creation he doesn't realise how difficult things can be. We look at Leaders and Preachers and when they do bad things it makes us question 'why do I keep my hair and pray and be a virgin etc'. It all becomes a bit ritualistic when there is that 'numb' feeling. I, as you, used to be untouchable in a very steady state of mind. It was that child-like state when nothing really stresses us and nothing matters. Bhenji keep going when your're down, you're not the only one. It is very hard to undertstand God and even our bad days are written for us. Even our low spirits have a meaning.

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. TBHain ji 

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh,

I know you have landed with a bump back into nowhereland  but it does not mean you cannot regain lost ground with Guru ji's kirpa , start slowly building up start with doing Japji sahib by listening to katha and doing much vicharna , ardas for help from Guru ji goes without saying .Take it slowly read itihaas and whenever you can do naam jap, even a few mini sessions add up.

 

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12 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh,

I know you have landed with a bump back into nowhereland  but it does not mean you cannot regain lost ground with Guru ji's kirpa , start slowly building up start with doing Japji sahib by listening to katha and doing much vicharna , ardas for help from Guru ji goes without saying .Take it slowly read itihaas and whenever you can do naam jap, even a few mini sessions add up.

Waheguru,

 

Yes, I too recommend jkvlondon ji's advice and especially going slowly at your own pace. There a lots of other approaches to take at the same time such as well.

I recommend writing a daily journal in a diary. Here, you want to try and document when the real negative bouts occur and what was you doing, who was talking, what you were thinking, was it someone that said something, ... what little event you feel gave the knock in emotions.  All these journal logs will hopefully help uncover the roots of your weaknesses and negative emotions.

Not sure where you are located, but I would recommend some no-medicinal therapy like CBT(Cognitive Behavoural Therapy) with a psychologist.

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2 hours ago, Guest guest same situation said:

I know how you feel. When life becomes unbearable we do all sorts of things and think of deep thoughts. I know this from experience all you have when you are totally lost and isolated is Maharaj. You get to a point when you give up on everyone and everything sometimes even Rehat. I did. Somedays you really struggle. Think of it as Maharaj reminding us we are human. I spent my life on point with God's grace. Didn't step out of line until the whole world turned upside down and so on. I did the most reckless and unimaginable things. Doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person. I mean me, not calling you 'bad' or manmat at all. I punished myself for the bad things. Then I gradually realised it's a way of dealing when we're in not such a good place. I don't know what made you upset but I can relate to it in a different way. Think of Guru Ji and Sahibzade and all the shaheeds. When I lose the will I just sit and think of inspirational stories. Sometimes even that doesn't help and sometimes it feels like God doesn't listen to Ardas and Paath and I get impatient but atleast when we die we can say we tried. Atleast when we die we know we are good and wouldn't hurt anyone. We can only try our best. I've taught myself this year that it's totally okay to not be perfect. I've gone off your topic a bit but I am also all over the place. Most days I have that same feeling. Find myself staring into air. I'm amritdhari but question life everyday. Like what's the point doing this and that when all we get is hurt and broken. Even though I know that answer to that as Gurbani says 'give us strength to see past bad times' Aukhi ghari na dekhan dey. Even though I know what the Gursikhs preach it sometimes feels that because God isn't the end user of his creation he doesn't realise how difficult things can be. We look at Leaders and Preachers and when they do bad things it makes us question 'why do I keep my hair and pray and be a virgin etc'. It all becomes a bit ritualistic when there is that 'numb' feeling. I, as you, used to be untouchable in a very steady state of mind. It was that child-like state when nothing really stresses us and nothing matters. Bhenji keep going when your're down, you're not the only one. It is very hard to undertstand God and even our bad days are written for us. Even our low spirits have a meaning.

To both

 

I've been exactly where you both are, both of your words really resonated with me.

I went through a phase where I woke at amrit vela, did paath and began to have the most stunning Visions and dreams, of Guru Nanak almost every night for a week or so, and experienced incredible bliss. Then they stopped for years and I went through some depressing times. 

You both need to accept that it's Kalyug and there's work to be done. The drop which can also be reflected in occurances in your life, is often an indicator that your calling is for a higher purpose, to Serve and Live Gurbani, detach from the illusion and Teach others how to detach. 

This is the REAL Service and spirituality- as shown by the Ten Kings.  Learn from their examples- Truth in Action.

 

They lived for Truth, gave everything for it, for the greater good. 

You'll feel the Nasha and happiness again, but you need to climb up for real this time, this is where the serious path begins, and how you climb depends on how much u want to do this (bhagti). 

Help other bhagats bring the world out of Kalyug and into Satyug, it only takes one star to light up the sky. Be positive, He is All that u see and All you don't, Hes there I promise, recognise Him in every action, every person, Nirboah, Nirvair. Be happy and grateful for what you have, materially and spiritually and Climb back up to the light, make your way back home.

 

Live free of the chains of bulls*ht

 

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3 hours ago, Guest bibi said:

Sikh Sangat Ji, Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ke Fateh!

I shall try my best to put into the smallest amount of words what I am looking for and why.

Pleaseeeeeeee please please, just write any of your thoughts. Your advice, opinions, experience, anything. Please.

I am ready to get back up, slowly and steadily.

I don't mean to offend anyone or come across as dramatic but I am quite all over the place so please don't pick at everything I say.

Bhul chuk maaf

Guest Bibi Jee,

I like your positive thought of being ready to get up and start walking. In fact this is the first step for success as goal.

You see, sometimes, it is His garce which we just receive it, because He wants to give it, cause He is so graceful, but we do not value it correctly, and we loose it.

But then too, still there is a chance to get that Grace once again. With the only difference, that now we have to pay a price for it.

And that price is, to please Him; and as we all know, He is only pleased with Bhakti, there are no ways to bribe Him, it is only Bhakti needed.

Bhakti with sincereity, intensity, selflesness, then only we get the fruit of His Grace.

You see, He is akhoot Daya da Sagar. He can not withold Himself, without showering His daya. 

Just as the river flows, so does He ever showers His bountiful grace.

Though it maybe difficult to cope with our situation, asking ourselves why to this our present condition?

But the fact is, even in this condition, His daya, His kirpa is present. For once we were inmature, we realized not the value of His kirpa, so He wants us to get stronger and mature conscioussly; for now we are aware of what we once had, and we want it sincerely, with the difference of, that now we have to work for it.

Unlike other worldly things, people, relations, who may not be faithful with us after setting a deal; but, that is not the case with Wahiguru.

He is faithful to His nature, He never fails anybody. So it does not matter, if we think it is going to be hard and we may feel discouraged or insecure, but nobody says, the path of bhakti is a path of roses.

In the end, we are no better than beggars at His door, and as such, we can at most keep on knocking(doing bhakti), until He, Kul Malik, deems fit, and opens for us, His doors.

Bibi Jee, never loose hope in Him, for He knows and sees each and every sincere efforts of ours, that also, through His grace alone.

Sat Sree Akal.

 

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You r stuck in this same mode of thinking. A part  of depression is when the same thoughts keep repeating in ur head. Another part is becoming apathetic not feeling anything, having no will to do anything, and just sitting around.  So u have to break this cycle. YOU have to act n move. Start exercising, and go into nature. If u must sit around n stare, do in in greenery, nature. It will rejuvenate. And most importantly go into sangat, go to a samagam, rainsbai, or camp. This is the only instant cure, sangat is such a transformative, it has the power of peer pressure plus gurbani, plus atmosphere, ur mind will totally respond. Sangat doesnt mean wewkly gurudwara diwaan, it means going where u actually feel peace n connection.  For everything else it takes time.Watch inspiring things, they will help. Try doing something, even a small goal, like going outside the hiuse, to look upat the stars, to say waheguru once. Do something, go out with friends, cook a meal with ur mom, get urself moving. Here r some inspirational:

Learn to practice failure: 

 

This changed my life:

So dont despair. See those days of chardikala as a gift not ur right. If god let u enjoy those days, be thankful, dont be resentful that he stopped, be grateful he gave u a glimpse. Most ppl dont even get that much even after going to gurudwara their whole life. It was a taste, so u would know god exists n wat awaits if u do simran. So if a rich friend lets u drive around their ferrari for a few days, dont be sad or mad when they want it back. Thats ungrateful. You should thank them for letting u use it when u have no right to it. Same with god n anand. Its his gift, we cant demand it or resent him for withholding it. Its his grace, kirpa he gives to who he wants. Now that you have realized how 99% of humanity lives a tasteless, boring, soul crushingly purposeless life, run to guru jis sanctuary and beg for a guru oriented life. Do ardaas, beg him, to bless u again, to keep u in his charan, say O Guruji, u gave me such a daat, i thank u for it, please make me worthy of it again, without ur kirpa i cant even be a proper sikh, please help me, get me out. If nothing else, at least do heartfelt beantiyan begging god to help u. Ardaas is our strongest and only tool that can work with God. Cuz wat else do we have that we can give or offer or bribe the creator of the universe with?

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Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

Diamonds are found deep within in the earth's mantle - a lot of effect is required to reach them. Same thing with sikhi.

Im still digging.......

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Everyone must remember playing one of those computer games where you get only three lives and a silly mistake like not jumping to avoid the obstacles will land you at the start. 

The path of Sikhi is similar too.So why does this happen to us when trying to pursue the path of the divine too?

1. We have not followed it before.  Just like a player who practices the computer game more often will be a better expert. 

2. We have not bothered to become aware of what obstacles we will encounter ahead.  SGGS warns us of these obstacles.  The reason of all failures is more or less our mind itself. We need to arm ourselves with spiritual wisdom gyan.

3. If we can learn from our mistakes and take extra precautions when we are about to make them the next time,  we will not be wondering why we have to start all over again. 

4. Conscious effort is required to avoid falling in the same trap over and over again.  Yes so even if it takes an hour to sit and draft a routine and reflect over your day, its totally worth it. 

5. We forget that testing follows his grace.  When you feel Guru jis kirpa .... then know there is a test approaching soon. No need to panic, because all we need to remember is we cannot pass it through our own efforts.  We have to keep asking the almighty for help. (This is why we fail...  I did it..  I tried to do it) We never did ardas, we thought we were alone.  

6. Remember to look inwards all the time and avoid judging others.  When we judge others we can't see our own mistakes.  Be on the alert about your own thoughts and correct them. Looking at others mistakes is a waste of time.  Mostly you cannot correct them, and you will justify to yourself. .. they did it so can  I.

If you don't keep on getting the strength to get back on path.... then you will never progress. Get satsangat, extra path, fav shabad lists, learn shabads off head and anything else as your boosters for your next game.  That is the only way you will get stronger to get further each and every time you start the game again.

Remember you have to gain mukti while you are still alive. That is how death gets defeated.  If we get encountered by death in our present state, who knows when the next chance for naam jap is going to come along!!!!

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