Leave everything and stay at Darbar Sahib?

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

Why are you going to break an innocent person's heart? If he loves you with a sacha dil (with all his heart) then why break that? You shouldn't even be loving someone else when you are married.

7 hours ago, Singh123456777 said:

This x 10000

Sale penchod samjhde aa viaah ta bollywood drama aa, koi akkal ni ehe kuriya kol

Bollywood dramas ruin everyone's thinking and they begin to see their whole life as a drama. DRAMA'S ARE NOT REAL, PEOPLE ARE BEING PAID FOR CRYING FOR HALF THEIR LIVES FOR SOME STUPID REASON AND CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES/HUSBANDS. People should close Star Plus down. It teaches everyone falsehood. If you want to practise falsehood, watch Star Plus. Sada jamana nu kee hoya? Dhamag karab kita hoya.

7 hours ago, MrDoaba said:

So true. Once you commit an act of disloyalty, it's always easier the next time. And you lose all credibility.

I know marriage is sacred in Sikhi but I think the dude would be better off. Never keep rishte with begairat people. Haraami saali.

Yep, chances are if she divorces a person who actually loves her then she will get divorced by the other guy too. Karma hurts. What goes around comes around. She is hurting someone for no reason just out of selfishness.

 

ਹਿਆਉ ਨ ਕੈਹੀ ਠਾਹਿ ਮਾਣਕ ਸਭ ਅਮੋਲਵੇ ॥੧੨੯॥

Do not break anyone's heart; these are all priceless jewels. ||129||

Fareed ji cannot have been any clearer.

That is so wrong, going to a Darbar Sahib is not going to make things better and Guru Ji will not help you if you are in the wrong. To the OP what you are thinking about doing is completely wrong and Vaheguru won't help you to do it. As simran345 said: Why are you lying about going to a Darbar Sahib if you have the guts to do something wrong and break someone else's heart then why don't you have the guts to say that you are going to a Darbar Sahib? Are you ashamed of your Guru?

Bhull Chuk Maaf

VJKK VJKF

[S1ngh]

Woah.. take it easy folks. Someone came to ask for an advice and support and we are starting to jump on the gun and blaming here and there. This is kalyug world and we need to help/peer support as much as we can whoever needs the moral/emotional support. 

I personally have seen so many breakups and divorces of my close friends that i often questions why all the time. We need to have a proper counseling and peer support.

yes, you see it wrong of what she is doing but tell her in mature grown up way rather than calling the bad names that only low class person or trailer trash uses.

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

9 minutes ago, S1ngh said:

Woah.. take it easy folks. Someone came to ask for an advice and support and we are starting to jump on the gun and blaming here and there. This is kalyug world and we need to help/peer support as much as we can whoever needs the moral/emotional support. 

I personally have seen so many breakups and divorces of my close friends that i often questions why all the time. We need to have a proper counseling and peer support.

yes, you see it wrong of what she is doing but tell her in mature grown up way rather than calling the bad names that only low class person or trailer trash uses.

Sorry veerji...     

VJKK VJKF

[sikhni777]

1 hour ago, Guest Kaur 2 said:

You shouldn't even be loving someone else when you are married.

Believe me this happens more than what you can imagine it might be happening. 

I loved a guy who was a drunk. He was a funny one - younger than me actually. So just because he was fun to be around with I could not marry him - he went around with other girls too. 

I remember him coming to sweep the Guradwara floor and it was just my dad, me and my sis and he came sweeping down at my feet and talking to me.. very romantic indeed. My dad was far away so could not hear. We tried our best not to giggle. I finally did tell him to stop that as I am engaged and he respected that. 

Yes but I did not marry him nor date him - because I wanted a Gursikh. 

This could be the reason for the OP marrying this guy. You cannot just love a sidha sadha husband - being thrown into an arranged marriage when you have just a fight over the phone and patched things up  by force. 

That was my story and yes I needed my space to get away and think about things. If I had gone to the Guradwara and spent some time alone I felt this would help. I took several breaks to think things over. I went to my mums, went to the Guradwara, had long walks and finally my heart was where my mind was. I stopped telling myself that my marriage has been a mistake - and was not going to be fun. I worked towards making it work and all those breaks helped me to think straight. I missed his home when I was away and then I realised it had become a part of me which I cant throw away. So being away does help.

It does not mean that if you loved another person you are going to divorce. Once you are married to a person - the relationship takes a different meaning in your life. To realise that persons importance in your life you need to get away for a while away from that person and a guradwara is the best place to go to in order to get positive vibes. 

 

[sikhni777]

1 hour ago, Guest Kaur 2 said:

You shouldn't even be loving someone else when you are married.

 

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

14 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Believe me this happens more than what you can imagine it might be happening. 

I loved a guy who was a drunk. He was a funny one - younger than me actually. So just because he was fun to be around with I could not marry him - he went around with other girls too. 

I remember him coming to sweep the Guradwara floor and it was just my dad, me and my sis and he came sweeping down at my feet and talking to me.. very romantic indeed. My dad was far away so could not hear. We tried our best not to giggle. I finally did tell him to stop that as I am engaged and he respected that. 

Yes but I did not marry him nor date him - because I wanted a Gursikh. 

This could be the reason for the OP marrying this guy. You cannot just love a sidha sadha husband - being thrown into an arranged marriage when you have just a fight over the phone and patched things up  by force. 

That was my story and yes I needed my space to get away and think about things. If I had gone to the Guradwara and spent some time alone I felt this would help. I took several breaks to think things over. I went to my mums, went to the Guradwara, had long walks and finally my heart was where my mind was. I stopped telling myself that my marriage has been a mistake - and was not going to be fun. I worked towards making it work and all those breaks helped me to think straight. I missed his home when I was away and then I realised it had become a part of me which I cant throw away. So being away does help.

It does not mean that if you loved another person you are going to divorce. Once you are married to a person - the relationship takes a different meaning in your life. To realise that persons importance in your life you need to get away for a while away from that person and a guradwara is the best place to go to in order to get positive vibes. 

 

That may be the case but the fact is that she is willing to leave her husband and she doesn't love him. If she says anything then it could hurt him because he tried hard to provide for his family. She is not being true in the relationship. I am not angry with her but I just want her to recognise that what she did was wrong.

Bhull Chuk Maaf

VJKK VJKF

[sikhni777]

What you think of marriage before you are married and the reality you have to face after are two different things. 

Before you are married your emotions are in a high state and you are thinking in terms of pleasure and laughter and loads of fun. You think you will connect perfectly with the other person.

After you are married reality sinks in - the honey moon is over and you realise that it is day to day living just like it was trying to get along with your mum, dad, siblings now the mum dad and siblings and uncles and aunties double and you get people whom you dont know and you get to become part of a different family. 

You have a lot of mental adjustments to make. They dont just happen. You cannot just lock yourself in a cell and manage your partner to run everything. There will be complaints, comments, praises (rarely if any). You feel get caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. If you take your mums side you get told off. If you take your wifes side- you get told off. If you take your husbands side you get told off. 

You are left in a turmoil wondering where is all that fun that I was dreaming of. You saw married people smile and you thought they were happy genuinely. You never knew you would have to become an actor as well - trying to keep a whole family of people happy. If they are sad the blame lands on you. LOOK what you did!!!! Drama drama drama. Just wait til the kids arrive........

yes so learn to take breaks and learn that nothing comes for free. If you want a successful marriage you are going to have swallow down that big ball of pride and make it work. Everyone has a brain - it is high time now you learnt how to use it well. Put your heart aside and decide who is the right partner for you. _ the one who sweeps your feet and those of many others or the one who is moody but who is high in morals. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, sikhni777 said:

oved a guy who was a drunk. He was a funny one - younger than me actually. So just because he was fun to be around with I could not marry him - he went around with other girls too. 

I remember him coming to sweep the Guradwara floor and it was just my dad, me and my sis and he came sweeping down at my feet and talking to me.. very romantic indeed. My dad was far away so could not hear. We tried our best not to giggle. I finally did tell him to stop that as I am engaged and he respected that. 

do you still love that person?

[sikhni777]

2 minutes ago, Singh123456777 said:

do youisstill love that person?

Not sure Its love just excitement coz It was the first time any guy was coming that close. He was good looking, teddy bear like good built, smily face, easy going and caring. 

His eyes were always on me- at work, guradwara, functions wheretever. So In my mind It was like marriage would not been easier wiyth someone who cared about me first and not his mum all the time like my hubby. My hubby would come home and not eve n greet me and go and sit next to his mum. 

I get treated like the maid and they are the couple. Then I console myself and say many a time - chill out Its just his mjum not another woman.

I feel sorry for that person actually. He Is In another country... but those are the best romantic memories I ever had. 

[sikhni777]

Excitement gets projected as love. The person you are with before marriage seems to have a good future for you as you have not yet tasted the negative.  So people think its love.   Its just an attraction to getting peace and good feeling.  It might not happen when you do get married to the person you think you love. Love is like a drug. It blinds you to a persond flaws such that you can actually get married to them before reality sinks in. 

It takes time to develop love. It just doesn't happen.  Even to love God we have to work ha to learn bani and understand the underlying truth.