I am back and engaged ..

[MisterrSingh]

1 hour ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

I don't get it what are you trying to say exactly ? You're saying it is impossible to keep gayness a perpetual secret in indian society . Why do you think so ? Rather the opposite should be true. Without any proper dialogue in society about homosexuality , it is infact easier to keep one's homosexuality under the rug . 

I have no plan on coming out to her . If I did , she won't stay put. I don't think any women would. Sorry but heterosexuals have created this climate. And now that I am engaged, ther'es no looking back 

She's going to find out one day, Ajeet Singh. You can hope it never happens, but how can she not? Maybe I'm giving her too much credit? Are you one of those effeminate, limp-wristed gays or are you manly type? Do you have gay friends and acquaintances who you keep in touch with via the phone? What if she sifts through your phone and finds compromising things? Are you going to lead a secret double life, whereby you perform the duties of a householder during the week, but let your hair down (not literally; that would make you a trans) on the weekends and meet with your gay crew as an outlet for your true desires? It seems like so much of a psychological burden.

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

Just now, MisterrSingh said:

She's going to find out one day, Ajeet Singh. You can hope it never happens, but how can she not? Maybe I'm giving her too much credit? Are you one of those effeminate, limp-wristed gays or are you manly type? Do you have gay friends and acquaintances who you keep in touch with via the phone? What if she sifts through your phone and finds compromising things? Are you going to lead a secret double life, whereby you perform the duties of a householder during the week, but let your hair down (not literally; that would make you a trans) on the weekends and meet with your gay crew as an outlet for your true desires? It seems like so much of a psychological burden.

i know its a psychological burden . thats what the homeopath told me too "for how long will you do this fakeness?" 

but i don't have any other option .  

I know one other guy who's married to a woman (without telling her that hes gay) and now has a son and "seems" ok ! 

We honestly don't have options otherwise . I am not effeminate or seemingly gay.  I have no gay friends who contact me . My phone has no objectionable thing . She's on FB with me but I have kept her in the "restricted" category means she can only see my public posts which are TBH not much and nothing objectionable in them. BTW her own fake profile has no pic of her lol . 

The trickiest and toughest part with her would be "s_x". Not only would it be tough and unpleasant but it will be like an obligation I think which i might have to do from time to time . Like once a week in first few years and then decreasing frequency to maybe like once in a few months. But I have meds and other options to make that work. I am thinking of "trying" at a few brothels before i marry lol . 

Anyways , I don't see much options at all.

What I am far more scared off is the Karmic consequences of keeping her in dark for lifetime. Even though she might be merry and all , but in which hell would god put me for cheating her for lifetime like this . I fear divine retribution , but at the same time now i can't go back. Its a tough place to be in . 

[GurjantGnostic]

14 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

i know its a psychological burden . thats what the homeopath told me too "for how long will you do this fakeness?" 

but i don't have any other option .  

I know one other guy who's married to a woman (without telling her that hes gay) and now has a son and "seems" ok ! 

We honestly don't have options otherwise . I am not effeminate or seemingly gay.  I have no gay friends who contact me . My phone has no objectionable thing . She's on FB with me but I have kept her in the "restricted" category means she can only see my public posts which are TBH not much and nothing objectionable in them. BTW her own fake profile has no pic of her lol . 

The trickiest and toughest part with her would be "s_x". Not only would it be tough and unpleasant but it will be like an obligation I think which i might have to do from time to time . Like once a week in first few years and then decreasing frequency to maybe like once in a few months. But I have meds and other options to make that work. I am thinking of "trying" at a few brothels before i marry lol . 

Anyways , I don't see much options at all.

What I am far more scared off is the Karmic consequences of keeping her in dark for lifetime. Even though she might be merry and all , but in which hell would god put me for cheating her for lifetime like this . I fear divine retribution , but at the same time now i can't go back. Its a tough place to be in . 

Don't bother with brothels Veer Ji. 

In my silly opinion, one of the coolest things about your situation is that despite all the restrictions and bigotry you face, you have a chance at still living in accordance with Gurbani. 

Whether straight or not, kaam is one of the panj chor. We are all in the business of eliminating it in its totality. Anand Karaj is about eliminating the panj chor together, getting Mukhti together. Just because you might not have sexual desire for a person doesn't mean you can't find a person to be beautiful in many ways.  You can love a woman, celebrate a woman, respect a woman,  connect with a woman, appreciate a woman's beauty and none of that requires kaam for the woman, in fact without kaam you can even better do the aforementioned. 

The flip side of all the restrictions homophobes put on gays is being totally shameless about it anyway. If you access the truth, regardless of consequence you are a warrior on the path, fighting for the respect of all gay Sikhs and all gays period. Due to the society, I'm not saying you have to advertise it to everyone, but with your wife, 100 for sure, and if she wants out she wants out. Furthermore I think it would come out anyway. Be the one that chooses the time and place and do it beforehand so you don't mislead anyone. Straight people in general may have put you in a hard situation but this girl specifically has not. If she wants out, understand and bless her decision. Then find a lesbian or a different girl you can do this with honestly .heh. 

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

1 minute ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Due to the society, I'm not saying you have to advertise it to everyone, but with your wife, 100 for sure, and if she wants out she wants out. 

I don't have that option either  

as murky and immoral as it sounds , I can't tell her . I am perhaps not being totally fair to her but the world wasn't fair to me either  

its such a tough life 

[GurjantGnostic]

1 minute ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

I don't have that option either  

as murky and immoral as it sounds , I can't tell her . I am perhaps not being totally fair to her but the world wasn't fair to me either  

its such a tough life 

The unfair part is true, but she isn't responsible for that. 

The truth will set you free. You don't know how she'll react, and if its poorly find another girl. 

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

2 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

The unfair part is true, but she isn't responsible for that. 

The truth will set you free. You don't know how she'll react, and if its poorly find another girl. 

I am not seeking revenge of how heterosexual mainstream treated me  by hiding it from her 

but telling her is not an option 

[GurjantGnostic]

3 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

I am not seeking revenge of how heterosexual mainstream treated me  by hiding it from her 

but telling her is not an option 

It's been my privilege to give you my two cents. I'll leave it be. Remember sometimes we are presented with doing a righteous thing, regardless of consequence. These times are very special. 

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

3 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Remember sometimes we are presented with doing a righteous thing, regardless of consequence. These times are very special.

whats the deeper meaning of this ?

[GurjantGnostic]

7 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

whats the deeper meaning of this ?

If we do the right thing when there is nothing to lose, that's easy. 

When death itself or hardship might be a result of our actions, and we still do the right thing, that is courageousness or fearlessness. 

We know the Gurus had no concern for death only Dharam. 

This moment is a gift to you. It's more important how you conduct yourself, than the outcome or anyone's opinions or pressures. 

[MisterrSingh]

45 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

What I am far more scared off is the Karmic consequences of keeping her in dark for lifetime. Even though she might be merry and all , but in which hell would god put me for cheating her for lifetime like this . I fear divine retribution , but at the same time now i can't go back. Its a tough place to be in . 

Yes, this would concern me, too.