I want to start to come into sikhi, but I have this disgusting secret

[Guest Guy]

Almost everyone tells me I’m blessed, I come from a wealthy background, I’m blessed with good looks and I’m at a top uni and a model for a famous clothing brand, but I have a very big secret I have never told anyone, I think I’m bi.

I think I am because I’ve never done anything with someone the same sex but I have fancied and been attracted to them. the only way I fight this urge is to sleep with anyone. I feel shame writing this on a Sikh religious forum but I feel like for you to help me you need to understand all the details, I will sleep with any girl I find attractive. Gori, Hindu, Muslim anyone. If I have this feeling of attraction to another male, then I’ll just go on my phone, message a girl on insta and meet her up. I have loads of girls as friends with... (I know I have no morals). If I come into Sikhi then I’ll need to obviously stop this and It’s the only way I can get over it. I don’t want to get married yet, so I don’t know what else to do.

my parents have just recently become religious and they’ve Amrit chakh. I’ve been reading about the amazing sacrifices that the Sikhs had done and it really amazes me, I would like to one day be like my parents but I doubt it because of 1. My bi stuff and I don’t know how else to stop it and 2. It’s obviously a very big commitment and I’m living a life of sin atm and I’m going to have to practice to get out of it. 

I’m fairly new to sikhi even though I was born in a Sikh family, so could you please use “simple” words as in not too religious words if that makes sense, or if you have to could you just translate them. I understand Punjabi and I can speak it but  obviously “religious/gurmukhi” words I don’t understand, like I had to research what Sangat meant. 

Please help me Sangat ji, I dunno if I’ll completely commit myself to sikhi as it’s still early doors, but maybe you can help me out of my disgusting problem. 

Oh and I’m not a troll, I’m saying this because I have read some threads and people are saying this is a troll this and that. Trust me I have better things to do than spend 10 mins writing about my life because it just makes me feel like sh!t and disgusted with myself. 

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

Right... so the best way to tackle this is definitely by getting into Sikhi. Try to start off by doing mool mantar everyday as many times as you can, devote time to pray. Do Vaheguru Simran. Vaheguru Simran is when you chant the Name of God (Vaheguru) over and over again. Whenever you feel lustful or when you feel like its getting too much and you can't deal with it then take a break and start to do mool mantar again. God is everywhere. God knows how you feel. 

I am able to sympathise, you clearly must be feeling overwhelmed as I can tell from your post. Take it easy, don't punish yourself if you do something you are ashamed of. Try to pray as much as you can and try to learn japji sahib slowly and at your own speed. Then, once you've learnt it then do it every morning without fail. If you feel like you might do something wrong then imagine one of the Guru's watching you because they can see everything. This way you will be able to overcome the feeling.

I hope you start to feel better paaji...

VJKK VJKF

[puzzled]

How does you being a bi prevent you from being close to guru ji? or prevent you from being a sikh? Sikhi is about making guru ji the center of your life, everything you do is to please guru ji, obviously it can be challenging at times. Now, obviously going into physical relationships before marriage is wrong as guru ji has told us not to do that, and im sure you know that too lol. Its never too late when it comes to Sikhi Guru Nanak dev ji forgave some of the biggest sinners that he came across during his travels, guru ji even forgave kauda who belonged to the man eating cannibal bheel tribe of south india( i think the tribe is now extinct) and made him into a gursikh. EVERYONE is a sinner, not just you alone, Guru ji is always ready to forgive you but you need to change your ways first. 

[GurjantGnostic]

On 6/24/2018 at 12:57 PM, Guest Guy said:

Almost everyone tells me I’m blessed, I come from a wealthy background, I’m blessed with good looks and I’m at a top uni and a model for a famous clothing brand, but I have a very big secret I have never told anyone, I think I’m bi.

I think I am because I’ve never done anything with someone the same sex but I have fancied and been attracted to them. the only way I fight this urge is to sleep with anyone. I feel shame writing this on a Sikh religious forum but I feel like for you to help me you need to understand all the details, I will sleep with any girl I find attractive. Gori, Hindu, Muslim anyone. If I have this feeling of attraction to another male, then I’ll just go on my phone, message a girl on insta and meet her up. I have loads of girls as friends with... (I know I have no morals). If I come into Sikhi then I’ll need to obviously stop this and It’s the only way I can get over it. I don’t want to get married yet, so I don’t know what else to do.

my parents have just recently become religious and they’ve Amrit chakh. I’ve been reading about the amazing sacrifices that the Sikhs had done and it really amazes me, I would like to one day be like my parents but I doubt it because of 1. My bi stuff and I don’t know how else to stop it and 2. It’s obviously a very big commitment and I’m living a life of sin atm and I’m going to have to practice to get out of it. 

I’m fairly new to sikhi even though I was born in a Sikh family, so could you please use “simple” words as in not too religious words if that makes sense, or if you have to could you just translate them. I understand Punjabi and I can speak it but  obviously “religious/gurmukhi” words I don’t understand, like I had to research what Sangat meant. 

Please help me Sangat ji, I dunno if I’ll completely commit myself to sikhi as it’s still early doors, but maybe you can help me out of my disgusting problem. 

Oh and I’m not a troll, I’m saying this because I have read some threads and people are saying this is a troll this and that. Trust me I have better things to do than spend 10 mins writing about my life because it just makes me feel like sh!t and disgusted with myself. 

I would recommend you start a "cover to cover" reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, which is known as doing SahejPath. 

You will immediately be drawn to the message of Naam Jaap, which is the peaceful, joyful, grateful, release, of repeating Vaheguru continually. Removing your head you place it at the feet of the Guru. 

As you Naam Jaap, and sit and act in Simran, this meditation, things like anger, lust,  pride, greed, and worldly attachments will come up and out of you, and you will continually feel freer, lighter, and ever more amazed of the Perfection that shines without and within all things. 

As your sense of your little self, your seperate seeming self, decreases, and your sense of Akal Purakh, The Ultimate One increases, you will recognize that the little i, that you seem to be, is only and has only ever been the "I", the Timeless One. 

You'll come to see all this world, that you used to think was real and seperate, as only being experienced in your consciousness, and the light that fills it is not sun light, but Jot,  the Divine Light of the One. That this whole world is a dream, the Almighty's Wonderful Drama of Lights, Khel. 

You will see all other beings as your brothers and sisters, as your family, as God. You will know that sexual desire, Kaam, is part of how Maya, the deceitful world, entangles us in Moh, attachment. This entanglement of Damas, egotism or separation from Akal Purakh traps us in this cycle of suffering, doubt, ignorance, pain, death and rebirth. 

Every human is your brother or sister, and as we know, we don't have sex with our brother or sister. This is true of every member of the family, but one, your divine wife, with whom you join with through Anand Karaj, the marriage of you both to Akal Purakh, to do Seva, service, and obtain Mukte, liberation, and Sanyog, unification, with Akal Purakh. 

There you are. Awakened by the Fear and Love of Akal Purakh in Sachkand. 

I hope you all will forgive my ignorance. In the simplest words possible, I hope some of my simple, foolish, understanding will be enjoyed. The rest of the Sangat is far better qualified to respond to your sentiments. 

Feelings of bisexuality are no better or worse than the sex you're having now with women who aren't your wife. The whole thing is a mess, let go of the whole mess. Join with your Amritdhari Wife and Serve the Timeless One.

[Guest Katen]

The problem I have with your post is your definition of blessed, "good looks, wealthy, top uni and model".   Except for the top uni part, everything else is pretty shallow. Wealth creation is good but I'm assuming it's your family's.

To a more spiritually evolved person,  blessed would equate to more stable core values such as compassion, equibalance, contentment and  striving towards evolving more.  To a Gursikh it is obviously merging with Waheguru.

The 1st problem (if it can be addressed as such) isn't being Bi. It's your out of control lust, wherein you think nothing of sleeping with someone else to satisfy a primal urge.

The Guru will always forgive you, but you need to prove worthy of that forgiveness.

Do Waheguru Jaap and JapJi Sahib in the morning and evenings everyday for 2 months and message me then.

 

[Not2Cool2Argue]

On 6/24/2018 at 3:57 PM, Guest Guy said:

my parents have just recently become religious and they’ve Amrit chakh. I’ve been reading about the amazing sacrifices that the Sikhs had done and it really amazes me, I would like to one day be like my parents but I doubt it

Work on removing the doubt. By making yourself worthy and believing in yourself. You can conquer your base desires. In the meantime, keep reading and learning about sikhi and do ardaas (prayer done from the heart with eyes closed and standing up and using ur own words. So its like talking to God or asking him.to help you. You can also do ardaas to Guru ji when u visit the gurudwara and matha tek/bow down)

 

On 6/24/2018 at 3:57 PM, Guest Guy said:

If I have this feeling of attraction to another male, then I’ll just go on my phone, message a girl on insta and meet her up.

You have created a cycle.of bad habits. You have a cue and then the automatic habit. Here read this about habits:

https://lifeforbusypeople.com/2016/12/13/why-habits-form-how-to-build-them-transcript/

So whenever u get the thought, of attraction,.try not to.act.on.it. just accept that thought. Acknowlege it. Dont try to suppress.the thought. Or turn that thought as a cue to do build a good habit. Like everytime you feel attraction. Go.to a charity and donate 5 dollars (may i suggest khalsa aid,.basics of sikhi, nanak naam..u should really check out these charities) or when the cue happens, go on ur phone and play kirtan (may i suggest Qreetan, dharamproductions, nirmal singh naamdhari, im karamjot....all youtube channels)

You are lucky you are bi. It will make marriage easier for you than if you were just gay. 

So then like every other person. You just have to work on controlling kaam(lust/sexual desire) until you are married. Kaam/lust is bad. No matter if its for a guy or a girl. 

So since you are not getting married soon. You have to not act on desire. 

Lots of ppl have a hard time doing that. Just check out the gupt section of this forum. NoFap on reddit. 

Also if u have an addiction to sex. Try to use the 12 steps of alcohol annonymous to overcome ur addiction. Google the steps.

You dont have to take amrit yet. But you should work on making yourself be better, starting now. Work on discipline and stabilizing ur emotions/desires. Dont.let them control you. 

[Guest Guy]

On 6/26/2018 at 7:38 PM, puzzled said:

How does you being a bi prevent you from being close to guru ji? or prevent you from being a sikh? Sikhi is about making guru ji the center of your life, everything you do is to please guru ji, obviously it can be challenging at times. Now, obviously going into physical relationships before marriage is wrong as guru ji has told us not to do that, and im sure you know that too lol. Its never too late when it comes to Sikhi Guru Nanak dev ji forgave some of the biggest sinners that he came across during his travels, guru ji even forgave kauda who belonged to the man eating cannibal bheel tribe of south india( i think the tribe is now extinct) and made him into a gursikh. EVERYONE is a sinner, not just you alone, Guru ji is always ready to forgive you but you need to change your ways first. 

 

23 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

I would recommend you start a "cover to cover" reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, which is known as doing SahejPath. 

You will immediately be drawn to the message of Naam Jaap, which is the peaceful, joyful, grateful, release, of repeating Vaheguru continually. Removing your head you place it at the feet of the Guru. 

As you Naam Jaap, and sit and act in Simran, this meditation, things like anger, lust,  pride, greed, and worldly attachments will come up and out of you, and you will continually feel freer, lighter, and ever more amazed of the Perfection that shines without and within all things. 

As your sense of your little self, your seperate seeming self, decreases, and your sense of Akal Purakh, The Ultimate One increases, you will recognize that the little i, that you seem to be, is only and has only ever been the "I", the Timeless One. 

You'll come to see all this world, that you used to think was real and seperate, as only being experienced in your consciousness, and the light that fills it is not sun light, but Jot,  the Divine Light of the One. That this whole world is a dream, the Almighty's Wonderful Drama of Lights, Khel. 

You will see all other beings as your brothers and sisters, as your family, as God. You will know that sexual desire, Kaam, is part of how Maya, the deceitful world, entangles us in Moh, attachment. This entanglement of Damas, egotism or separation from Akal Purakh traps us in this cycle of suffering, doubt, ignorance, pain, death and rebirth. 

Every human is your brother or sister, and as we know, we don't have sex with our brother or sister. This is true of every member of the family, but one, your divine wife, with whom you join with through Anand Karaj, the marriage of you both to Akal Purakh, to do Seva, service, and obtain Mukte, liberation, and Sanyog, unification, with Akal Purakh. 

There you are. Awakened by the Fear and Love of Akal Purakh in Sachkand. 

I hope you all will forgive my ignorance. In the simplest words possible, I hope some of my simple, foolish, understanding will be enjoyed. The rest of the Sangat is far better qualified to respond to your sentiments. 

Feelings of bisexuality are no better or worse than the sex you're having now with women who aren't your wife. The whole thing is a mess, let go of the whole mess. Join with your Amritdhari Wife and Serve the Timeless One.

 

5 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Work on removing the doubt. By making yourself worthy and believing in yourself. You can conquer your base desires. In the meantime, keep reading and learning about sikhi and do ardaas (prayer done from the heart with eyes closed and standing up and using ur own words. So its like talking to God or asking him.to help you. You can also do ardaas to Guru ji when u visit the gurudwara and matha tek/bow down)

 

You have created a cycle.of bad habits. You have a cue and then the automatic habit. Here read this about habits:

https://lifeforbusypeople.com/2016/12/13/why-habits-form-how-to-build-them-transcript/

So whenever u get the thought, of attraction,.try not to.act.on.it. just accept that thought. Acknowlege it. Dont try to suppress.the thought. Or turn that thought as a cue to do build a good habit. Like everytime you feel attraction. Go.to a charity and donate 5 dollars (may i suggest khalsa aid,.basics of sikhi, nanak naam..u should really check out these charities) or when the cue happens, go on ur phone and play kirtan (may i suggest Qreetan, dharamproductions, nirmal singh naamdhari, im karamjot....all youtube channels)

You are lucky you are bi. It will make marriage easier for you than if you were just gay. 

So then like every other person. You just have to work on controlling kaam(lust/sexual desire) until you are married. Kaam/lust is bad. No matter if its for a guy or a girl. 

So since you are not getting married soon. You have to not act on desire. 

Lots of ppl have a hard time doing that. Just check out the gupt section of this forum. NoFap on reddit. 

Also if u have an addiction to sex. Try to use the 12 steps of alcohol annonymous to overcome ur addiction. Google the steps.

You dont have to take amrit yet. But you should work on making yourself be better, starting now. Work on discipline and stabilizing ur emotions/desires. Dont.let them control you. 

Wow... that’s so deep. Thank you so much for taking time out and replying to my post. I will work on doing service in the gurdwara to try and help me overcome my urges. Thank you so much again  

[ipledgeblue]

the more you do sikhi, the more likely you will have to become grihasti.

 

your lifestyle is incompatible with grihast. Grihast lifestyle is supposed to help you control the vikaars that you are chasing right now.

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

Guest Guy,  If you're gay, you're gay. Simple as that. Nobody here or anywhere else can change that. Stop thinking about and talking about it and just get on with building your own personal relationship with Guru ji. Your private life is none of our business. We accept you for who your are but all we ask is that you just get on with your own life and stop waving your gayness at our faces.